Quotes: RAW is WAR
February 7, 2000
Live from Dallas, Texas - sold out
Recap of SmackDown. X-Pac/Tori come to the ring and retreat to ringside when the Radicals enter the ring. Cactus Jack, Triple H/Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley come out. Radicals heel turn. DX/Radicals celebrate backstage. WWF Tag Team Championship: New Age Outlaws (C) vs. Edge/Christian. Kurt Angle promo; Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry; Mae Young comes out. Mae is tended to backstage. Hardcore Holly/Crash Holly walk backstage. The Acolytes vs. the Hollies (hardcore rules); Viscera interferes. WWF Intercontinental Championship: Chris Jericho (C) vs. Viscera; Hollies, A.P.A. run out. Radicals interview. XFL promo. WWF Women's Championship: Jacqueline (C) vs. Luna (w/ Gangrel). Taz vignette. The Rock promo. The Godfather/D'Lo Brown (w/ hos) vs. the Dudley Boyz; the Dudleys attack B.B.; Edge/Christian/Hardys run out. Cactus Jack promo. Triple H/X-Pac/Radicals (w/ Tori, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley, and Eddie Guerrero) vs. Cactus Jack/Rock/Rikishi Phatu/Too Cool; Stephanie on color; New Age Outlaws run out; Paul Bearer returns w/ Kane.
"There's Tori, that jezebel… that jezebel that broke Kane's heart! That jezebel that broke Kane's spirit, and reportedly, Kane has been institutionalized once again; that's just not right!"
-- J.R. as X-Pac and Tori head down to ringside
"A heathen never looked THAT good, J.R."
-- Lawler, eyeing Tori on her knees in the ring
"X-Pac and Tori leaving the ring… probably the smartest thing X-Pac has done in several weeks!"
-- J.R. as the Radicals enter the ring
"We were good… as a matter of fact, we were damn good! But on that night, we just weren't good enough."
"Wow. Well, at least he's honest."
-- Dean Malenko on the SmackDown experience of the Radicals, and a comment from Lawler
"Are these guys saying goodbye, J.R.?"
"Sounds like it."
"Good. Get out!"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Asshole! Asshole! Asshole!"
-- greeting chant for Triple H
"What I propose, Cactus Jack, is that one more time, you and me…" (crowd pop) "…at No Way Out, one more time! But this is it! Your last shot at me, your last shot at the WWF title. And Cactus, you can have any type of match you want, just-there will be no two-by-four wrapped in razor-sharp barbed wire!" (crowd heat) "There will be no sharp metallic objects; there will be no thumbtacks! There will not be any of your sadistic toys! We will have a match, plain and simple."
"Let me get this straight. You want me in a match, but it cannot involve two-by-fours wrapped in barbed wire. You want me in a match, but it cannot involve thumbtacks. You want me in a match, but it cannot involve sharp metallic objects!"
"Congratulations, your brain does still work."
"Well, let me ask you this. You throw all those toys out of the picture, and I can have any other match I damn well desire?"
"Yes."
"Doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun, Triple H, but I'll tell ya what-no barbed wire, no thumbtacks, no metallic objects, you leave me with only one choice… Hell in the Cell!"
"OH MY GOD!"
-- Triple H and Cactus Jack, with a comment from J.R. at the end
"If I beat you in Hell in the Cell, you are finished! You retire! Your career is over, and that means YOU, Mick Foley! Which includes Dude Love Which includes Mankind! Which includes Cactus Jack; you are finished! You are done! It is OVER!"
-- Triple H
"You want my career; I'm going to add one more stipulation. If I when-WHEN I win-" (crowd pop) "-at Hell in a Cell, you put your title on the line!"
-- Cactus Jack
"I take what I want when I want it, and right now, I want a piece of your ass!"
-- Triple H to Cactus Jack
"Now, the four of you have got two choices. You can either get your asses out of this ring and save yourselves a beating, or you can show your appreciation to the man who gave you the opportunity… to the man that gave you your contracts."
-- Triple H as the Radicals attack Cactus Jack
"That's not right; damn them! Damn ALL of them!"
-- J.R.
"This is probably the greatest thing I've ever seen, J.R.!"
-- Lawler
"I thought he was so smart; how come he didn't see THAT coming?"
-- X-Pac on Cactus Jack
"Uh-oh, J.R., look at this! Look who's coming out!"
"Those damn Dudleys."
"Those who?"
"They got no business out here, King."
"Who are they?"
"Those damn Dudleys."
"You'd better hope they don't come over here, J.R., and hear you say that."
-- Lawler and J.R. as the Dudley Boyz come out to observe the Tag Title match
"They ARE coming over here, J.R.! Hello, gentlemen! You know this guy right here, J.R.?"
-- a delighting Lawler as the Dudley Boyz head over to their table
p>
"I dare ya to say it now! I dare ya to say it NOW!"
-- Buh Buh Ray to J.R., as Buh Buh hangs over J.R. like an oversized vulture
"Why don't you watch this match; maybe you'll learn something!"
-- J.R. to Buh Buh Ray
"Don't hit him in the mouth, Buh Buh! He won't be able to say a word with a fat lip!"
-- Lawler to Buh Buh Ray, on J.R.
"You'd better watch your step! I swear to God, J.R., you'd better watch your step! You have no clue what you're dealing with!"
-- Buh Buh Ray
"Don't you have somewhere to be?"
"In your face! THAT's where I need to be!"
-- J.R. and Buh Buh Ray
"Ain't nothing wrong with being a sick man in the World Wrestling Federation!"
-- D-Von
"Christian just rammed his shoulder into the ringpost!"
"Well, THAT was good."
-- J.R. and Lawler
"Call him the damn Dudleys now!"
"Oh, YOU'RE a lot of help, aren't you?"
-- Lawler and J.R. as Buh Buh Ray gets in J.R.'s face again
"Each night I come out here and offer my services to be your sports hero. But tonight, I'm not gonna do that. Instead, I would like to talk about my opponent ,Mark Henry. You see, Mark may think that we're a lot alike, because we were both Olympians. But that's where the similarity ends. As I won Olympic gold, came to the WWF, and embarked on an incredible undefeated streak that shocked the whole entire world, Mark Henry's greatest accomplishment was impregnating an 82-year-old woman. Congratulations, Mark. And although that may have required a lot of intensity-I don't even like to think about it-it definitely lacked integrity and intelligence, if you know what I mean. And while impregnating elderly women and living in sin may be acceptable to Dallas Texas, it is NOT acceptable to your Olympic champion! It is not!"
-- Kurt Angle
"He's got Mae Young pregnant! I knew there was gonna be trouble there when they first started going out, and I saw a pair of edible Depends on Mark's bedroom floor!"
-- Lawler on Mark Henry
"Mark, you know I don't like it on my back; I like it on top!"
-- Mae Young backstage, coming back to consciousness after a Kurt Angle slam
"Everybody here wants to see my puppies!"
-- Mae Young (I guess she hit her head) stripping; note the look of horror on the faces of the EMTs
CRASH HOLLY (looking proud and excited): "You know, cousin… the Acolytes aren't the ONLY ones who can offer protection around here!"
HARDCORE HOLLY: "What is WRONG with you? I think I've whacked you in the head one too many times."
"Bradshaw's getting a cold beverage, and Faarooq's drinking right out of the tap!"
-- J.R. as the Acolytes pause in their hardcore match with the Hollies to visit the concession stand
"There's Vis, Viscera! Viscera slipping on that beer!"
-- J.R. as Viscera tries to interfere, but falls down instead
"Y2J: Champion Foreeeeeeeeeeeever!"
-- sign in the crowd
"Tonight, I have to wrestle big Viscera!" (crowd heat) "But I gotta be honest with all the Jerichoholics tonight… I'm a little bit intimidated, as anybody would be if you had to face the love child of Mr. T and Fat Albert!" -- Chris Jericho
"I've gotta warn you, Viscera the Hut, I pity the fool who messes with Y2J!"
-- Jericho
"I haven't heard anything new on the fact if Cactus Jack has four partners tonight-"
"You're not GOING to hear anything, J.R.!"
"-to take on the Game, and four of the Game's friends-"
"Well, it's gonna be four-on-one! That'll be fun to watch; I can't wait to hear you call THAT one, J.R.!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"We got a MESS here, J.R.!"
-- Lawler
"From 'the other side of darkness,' Luna!"
-- Lilian Garcia
"The other side of darkness… where the hell is that?"
-- J.R.
"What a lucky guy!"
"That's a lady-grappler sandwich there; the referee trying to restrain--"
"J.R.!"
"What?"
"Sandwich?"
"It's a figure of speech!"
-- Lawler and J.R. as the referee gets smashed between Luna and Jackie
"I think people would rather see WWF puppies than Westminster puppies!"
-- Lawler on the Valentine's Day delayed broadcast of RAW, thanks to the dog show
"What is THAT goof thinking about! He used the Impaler on the WWF women's champion!"
-- J.R. as Gangrel attacks Jacqueline
"Kevin Kelly, the Rock says this-you ask the Rock about WrestleMania; you ask the Rock about No Way Out; you ask the Rock about Cactus Jack. Well, let the Rock ask YOU a question."
"Okay."
"Have you ever had any… pie?"
(big crowd pop)
"Yeah, Rock, as a matter of fact, I had a piece of apple pie earlier this afternoon, and it was very delicious!"
"Well, it looks like you've had more than one piece of apple pie, obviously, Kevin, but the Rock's not talking about apple pie. The Rock is talking about… poontang pie."
(crowd pop)
"Well, Rock, I don't mean to brag, but, y'know, c'mon, you're talking about ME here…"
"Don't lie to the Rock."
-- the Rock and Kevin Kelly
"Big Show, at No Way Out, the Rock says, he was MEANT to take his big right hand, slap the fat off your ass, and give it back to ya!"
-- the Rock
"On to tonight. Cactus Jack, you got yourself in a situation where it's five on one. Well, the Rock says this. Tonight, your situation is not five on one, it's five on… two!"
-- the Rock, agreeing to help out Cactus
"DX, the Rock says, he's kicked your candy asses for years! And on to the Radicals; on to Benoit, on to Malenko, on to Guerrero, on to Saturn, on to Pluto, on to Nepture, on to Uranus, oh it doesn't MATTER what your names are!"
"Uranus!?"
-- the Rock and Lawler
"Look at that ho train, J.R.!"
"I'm looking… I'm looking, King…"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Oh, Lord! Where'd all those white panties come from?"
"Whoa!"
"Who's idea was that?"
"I don't know, but that cameraman gets a bonus!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as the ho train climbs into the ring
"Whoever said money can't buy happiness forgot about the hos!"
-- Lawler
"The Du-the Du-the damn Dudleys are coming to the ring!"
"Now YOU'RE stuttering!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"I didn't get on YOU when your movie sucked!"
-- J.R. to Lawler, referring to "Man On the Moon"
"Look at the attention the Godfather's getting! Kick my leg, J.R.; kick me in the leg!"
-- Lawler after seeing the hos swarm over an injured Godfather
"I was fully prepared to go one on five! I didn't ask for the Rock's help. He volunteered it, but I'm not stupid enough to turn it down. So the question is, will it be enough? And my answer is, it's going to have to be, because I WILL get through tonight. I WILL get through Hell In a Cell, and I will go on to WrestleMania, because it's meant to be. BANG BANG!"
-- Cactus Jack
"They're everywhere; they're fighting all over Union Area!"
-- J.R. as the ten-man main event goes all over the ring, ringside, and the stage
"I would've thought Grand Master Sexay would have KNOWN better than this!"
-- Lawler as Grand Master takes on X-Pac in the ring
"What the hell is that?"
-- Stephanie McMahon as Scotty Too Hotty does the worm on Saturn to a BIG crowd pop
"That big ass right in Benoit's face!"
-- J.R.
"He's a madman! He's an idiot!"
-- Lawler as Cactus Jack is tagged in
"Spinebuster on Malenko! Spinebuster on Benoit! Rock bottom on X-Pac!"
-- J.R. going hoarse as the Rock cuts through the competition; the crowd is so loud you can barely hear him
"Cactus Jack is biting at the face, at the ears of Chris Benoit!"
"He's jealous of anybody that's got two ears!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"Uh-oh, wait a minute…"
"What?"
"What the hell is this?"
"Stephanie, get over here!"
"We've lost power… we've lost power here; we're live…"
"What the hell?"
"The hell is this?"
"J.R., what did you do?"
"I didn't do anything, Stephanie…"
-- Lawler, Stephanie, and J.R. as all of the lights in the arena suddenly go out, except for the ones illuminating the mini-TitanTrons and the stage/ramp area
"Paul Bearer's back… and OH MY GOD…"
"Oh my God, Tori, come here!"
"Paul Bearer's back, and so is KANE!"
"Get down; get down!"
-- J.R., a panicked Stephanie, and Lawler as a slim Bearer comes out, an evil-esque Kane trailing behind
"Kane just walked right through the mouth of hell! Through hellfire and brimstone…"
"X_Pac, look OUT…"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Kane eyes the Radicals and DX
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