Quotes: SmackDown!
February 10, 2000
Taped 2/8/00 from Austin, Texas
Recap of events from RAW is WAR. WWF European Championship: Val Venis (C) vs. Kurt Angle. D-X and Radicals make plans backstage. Grand Master Sexay vs. Perry Saturn. XFL promo. Edge/Christian vs. the Dudley Boyz; Buh Buh Ray fakes an injury and puts B.B. through a table; Edge and Christian return to her defense but are also laid out. Scotty Too Hotty vs. Dean Malenko; Eddie Guerrero, Grand Master Sexay come out. Tazz vignette. New Age Outlaws vs. Cactus Jack/Rock. Gangrel/Luna vs. Prince Albert/Jacqueline (C). Rikishi Phatu vs. Chris Benoit; Saturn, Malenko, Too Cool come in. Rikishi/Too Cool dance. Al Snow/Steve Blackman vignette. The Hardy Boyz vs. Head Cheese; Dudley Boyz interfere. No DQ: Chris Jericho (C, with one arm tied behind his back) vs. the Hollies; A.P.A. interfere. Triple H/X-Pac (w/ Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley and Tori) vs. Kane (w/ Paul Bearer);
“My seat sucks”
-- sign in the crowd
“I just want to say to everyone that, even though I suplexed an eighty-two-year-old pregnant woman, I am still a role model for children, not to mention elderly people as well. At the time, I actually thought it was Mark Henry.”
“That’s a logical mistake.”
-- Kurt Angle and Lawler
“Tonight, I have decided to treat all of you, and become the next European champion. Now, I realize we’re down here in Texas, and not a lot of people here know where Europe is…”
-- Kurt Angle catching big crowd heat
“Where else but in the WWF are you gonna find an eighty-two-year-old exhibitionist?!”
-- Lawler on Mae Young
“Angle sucks! Angle sucks! Angle sucks!”
“Listen to these people! Angle does NOT suck!”
“This crowd at the University of Texas all over Kurt Angle.
“They don’t know anything about American heroes down here; ever since the Alamo fell. Do you remember the Alamo?”
“Yeah, I remember it.”
“Mae Young was a nurse, I think—"
“Will you stop?”
-- the crowd, Lawler ,and Michael Cole
“Grand Master Sexay… you got your work cut out for ya, pal!”
-- Lawler
“This has gotta drive Saturn nuts, if he’s not already!”
-- Lawler as Grand Master Sexay kicks out of a pinfall attempt
“Look at this! Wait a minute!”
“What do you mean, wait a minute?”
“Grand Master’s getting ready to get down!”
-- Lawler and Michael Cole as Grand Master loses his ‘do rag and shirt to many girlie shrieks
“Oh, Saturn got the shoulder up!”
“Yeah, at about the count of nine!”
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
“These two sickos have no conscience!”
-- Michael Cole on the Dudley Boyz
“Oh, these guys are ready to get it on! All four of them want each other!”
-- Lawler, referring to Edge, Christian, and the Hardy Boyz (whatever you say, man, whatever you say)
LAWLER (to Michael Cole): “Why don’t you go ahead and start calling them the damn Dudleys, too?”
MICHAEL COLE: “Well, they are the damn Dudleys! I’ll agree with J.R. on that point!”
LAWLER: “Let me write that down…”
MICHAEL COLE (ignoring him): “Christian whipped into the ropes…”
LAWLER (murmuring to himself as he begins taking notes): “Michael Cole…”
MICHAEL COLE (still trying to ignore him): “Look out now! Christian; sunset flip on D-Von! Could have him here!”
LAWLER: “…damn Dudleys.”
“What business does Buh Buh Ray Dudley have with a steel chair?”
“Well, I guarantee he ain’t gonna sit in it.”
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as Buh Buh takes off with his new weapon
“Look at him! Look at him!”
-- Buh Buh Ray directing the crowd’s attention to a battered Christian
“That’d knock his brains out, if he had any!”
-- Lawler as Christian hits a DDT on Buh Buh
“Does it hurt? Huh? Does it hurt?”
“…No, it doesn’t hurt.”
-- D-Von and Buh Buh Ray, as Buh Buh stops feigning his injury and instead takes the opportunity to seize B.B.
“THESE DAMN DUDLEYS!”
-- Michael Cole as Buh Buh Ray puts B.B. through a table
“Never turn your back on the Dudleys!”
-- Lawler as D-Von absolutely PASTES Edge and Christian with chairshots
“All right, I’ll agree with you. These damn Dudleys ARE sick!”
-- Lawler
“Well, one can’t grieve forever! Let’s get down, Michael!”
-- Lawler as Scotty Too Hotty heads ringside
“Eddie sucks! Eddie sucks! Eddie sucks!”
-- chant from the crowd
“Cactus Jack, in seventeen days, King, in a match for his career against Triple H, Hell In a Cell at No Way Out!”
“In seventeen days, Cactus Jack GOES to hell!”
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
“Bang bang!”
-- Road Dogg mocking Cactus Jack
“Couple of cheap shots never hurt anybody!”
-- Lawler as the Outlaws double-team the Rock
“What’s Billy Gunn doing with the championship?”
“Well, it’s his, isn’t it?”
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as Mr. Ass clobbers the Rock with the belt
“Cactus Jack ripping the bandage off the head of the Road Dogg and biting it!”
“What is he, CRAZY?!”
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
“Powerbomb by Prince Albert on Gangrel… and what’s Prince Albert gonna do?”
“I don’t know… he’ll pierce ya—or do SOMETHING to ya—in a heartbeat!”
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
“No, you’re not looking through the Hubble telescope at the moon from about three miles out—that’s Rikishi’s rear end!”
-- Lawler as Rikishi Phatu heads to the ring
“What did Cactus Jack ever do for anybody? Cactus Jack probably couldn’t get you a job at Taco Bell, much less the World Wrestling Federation!”
-- Lawler
“How strong IS this guy? I mean, he lifted four hundred pounds of ass! Unbelievable!”
-- Lawler as Benoit gets a suplex on Rikishi
“It’s subliminal thinking! It’s working, man! If you THINK you have a personality, maybe… someday, you’ll actually get one!”
-- Al Snow to Blackman, as he plays the song “Personality” on his boom box
“Oh… Head Cheese!”
“See? They’re recognizing you!”
-- Sho Funaki and Al Snow to Blackman
“The lethal cheddar, Steve Blackman.”
-- Michael Cole
“Head Cheese! Head Cheese! Head Cheese!”
-- chant from the crowd
“We’ve flipped over the Hardys!”
-- sign in the crowd
“Some people have been saying that the Hardy Boyz are the team of the millennium; I don’t even know if they’re gonna make it out of HERE tonight.”
-- Lawler
“WCW is a joke!”
-- parading sign in the crowd
“What’d he do? They’re gone!”
-- Lawler as Jeff Hardy does a senton bomb over the top rope onto Al Snow
“I’ll say it for ya—give the assist to those damn Dudleys!”
-- Lawler
“Welcome to… Austin… is… Jericho! And I know that all of you Jerichoholics are wondering why I’m coming to the ring like this! Well, being a legendary champion and a bad mamma jamma, it makes no difference whether I have one hand tied behind my back, or if I decide to tie both arms, both legs behind my back, set up the two Holly pins, roll down this rampway, and score a 7-10 idiot split, becoming the Ayatollah of Rock-and-Bowlah!”
-- Chris Jericho
“I’d like to see Chyna hit Jay Leno right in that big chin of his.”
-- Lawler
“This is not a good time to be X-Pac.”
-- Lawler as X-Pac escapes into the crowd to try and get away from Kane
“You know what’s cool about this? D-X gets all the good-looking chicks, and Kane gets Paul Bearer!”
-- Lawler
“Paul Bearer has Tori!”
-- Michael Cole as Paul Bearer drags her over to Kane
“Forgive and forget, Kane! Ya gotta turn the other cheek!”
“Oh, and Kane let her go.”
“He is human after all!”
-- Lawler and Michael Cole as the crowd gives Kane big heat
“MY GOD!! THE TOMBSTONE TO TORI!! MY GOD!”
-- Michael Cole as Kane attacks Tori anyway… and the crowd goes wild!
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