Quotes: SmackDown! September 9, 1999
"I can't believe it! Bulldog just gave Al Snow-- Leif-- whoever, the Hardcore title!"
-- Michael Cole
"Hey, where the hell's Kane at?"
-- X-Pac upon his arrival backstage
"Thanks for the ride, Rock! I had a little trouble breathing in there, though."
"The Rock lets you ride in the trunk of his limousine and you're complaining?"
-- Mankind and the Rock as they arrive at the arena
"Kane is carrying an acetylene torch to the ring!"
"I'm definitely staying over here."
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
"Hold on, sweetheart! You're a woman, I'm a man, and I don't wrestle women!"
-- Hardcore Holly (sounding a lot like Jeff Jarrett) to Chyna
"I was always taught that a woman's place was in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant!"
-- Jeff Jarrett sounding a lot like Hardcore Holly
"Hey, you think Linda McMahon can wrestle?"
-- Lawler as the Mean Street Posse comes to ringside to confront the McMahons, the stooges, and Test
"These two women are old enough to be Jarrett's grandmothers! What the hell is he doing?"
-- Michael Cole when Double J attacks the Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young
"I didn't see it; what happened?"
"Chyna hit him with a sledgehammer; you saw it plain as day!"
-- Lawler and Cole
"I think Bradshaw just hit Buh Buh Ray so hard he's going to clear up that speech impediment!"
-- Lawler
"If I'm Triple H, I'm hiring the National Guard!"
-- Michael Cole on Kane's challenge
"If there's any man in the back-- let me rephrase that. If there's any dog-lovers in the back who have the balls enough to come down here and try to take my Hardcore belt, come on down! In front of these millions and millions of people, I'll neuter you, and send you home with your tail tucked between your legs!"
-- the Big Bossman
"Of course, if you WERE a man, with those two hundred pound sacks of silicone hanging off your chest, I think you might meet those requirements!"
-- Hardcore Holly to Chyna on being a superheavyweight
"Kane, I can talk to X-Pac! We used to be friends; I can talk to X-Pac for you!"
-- Chyna distracting Kane during his match with Triple H to allow the champ to recapture momentum
"Back in your day, women knew their role; they knew their place... You wouldn't have been caught dead in the ring wrestling a man, would you?"
"Well, I didn't, but it's only because the so-called men knew that I would kick their ass, just like Chyna's going to kick your ass!"
-- Jeff Jarrett and the Fabulous Moolah
"Run, run, get away!"
"He'd better run; Shamrock is in hot pursuit!"
-- Lawler and Cole as Jericho hotfoots it out of the arena
"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you to leave the ring NOW. This war with Test is over!"
-- Shane McMahon throwing out the Mean Street Posse
"There's a buzz going around this arena that Stone Cold will show up on Smackdown."
"That's *JR* with a buzz on, that's all!"
-- Cole and Lawler
"Yeah! He's busting up the team!"
-- Lawler delighting in X-Pac's decision to end his association with Kane
"What else is going to happen tonight here on Smackdown?!"
-- Michael Cole, twenty seconds into the first match
"Triple H, tonight I will burn the flesh from your body!"
-- Kane (one of the longest statements he's ever made, and certainly the most he's ever said without his electronic gadget)
"What happened to the rest of Patterson's pants?"
-- Lawler when Patterson comes out in shorts
"Who needs X-Pac? He'll have Kane in touch with his feminine side next."
-- Lawler
"King, look! Look, in the ring!"
"Shamrock, turn around, you butterknife!"
-- Cole and Lawler when Jericho makes his sudden in-ring appearance
"I'm a man's man, and you are a woman! W-O-M-A-N, woman!"
"Well, he can spell."
-- Jeff Jarrett and Michael Cole
"What's going on with you, man? You need to get your mind right!"
"Mind? He's insane!"
-- X-Pac to Kane, and a comment from Lawler
MANKIND: "Rock, Rock-- what do you think of the new shirt?"
ROCK: "What does the Rock think of your new shirt? Well, the Rock likes your new shirt! It looks great on you. Better yet, do YOU like your new shirt?"
MANKIND: "I like--"
ROCK: "It doesn't MATTER if you like your shirt!" (walks off)
MANKIND: "That's the last time I fall for that one, Rock! You're not getting me again! I've got to steal that one sometime..."
"Both those girls are young at heart... slightly older in other places."
-- Lawler on the Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young
"What's that all about? Well, THAT'S going to win him a match."
-- Cole on Matt Hardy, who decides to take his shirt off in the middle of a fight
"Things have disintegrated again between the cousins..."
"I love these guys!"
-- Cole and Lawler on the Hardcore Hollies
"He's putting gasoline on Triple H!"
"He's NOT going to do it!"
-- Lawler and Michael Cole as Kane gets liberal with the gasoline
"Love conquers all!"
"Oh, give me a break!"
-- Cole and Lawler as Test and Stephanie McMahon head to the ring
"I call him the world's most dangerous butterknife!"
-- Lawler on Shamrock
"Michael Cole; where's Michael Cole? He deserted me like a rat leaving a sinking ship!"
-- Lawler when the UT/Rock fight gets a little too close for comfort
"It's Kane!"
"I told you I could smell gasoline, Michael!"
-- Cole and Lawler on Kane's sudden appearance in the ring to attack the new Brood
"That's Chris Jericho... and I WONDER who's carrying his bags."
"Well you just know everything, don't you, Michael Cole?"
-- Cole and Lawler
"I've got to be honest with you; I've been thinking about this match all day... and when I think about putting two tons of earth over the Undertaker and the Big Show, I get kind of a warm, fuzzy feeling myself and I like it, I like it, I really like it! Ha ha ha!! Buried alive, buried alive!!"
-- Mankind losing it slightly
"Who's the top dog now?"
"Ha, the top dog! Get it, Michael?"
-- the Big Bossman and Lawler
"Kane wants to douse me in gas? Well I'm going to douse him in his own blood! He can bring whatever he wants. I'm going to bring this (picks up sledgehammer), and I'm going to bring this (picks up championship belt), and he can come and get both!"
-- Triple H
"Do you have a warm, fuzzy feeling in your stomach right now? Goosebumps running up and down your spine? Well, goosebump your ass out of here."
-- the Rock to Lillian Garcia
"You're fired, you idiot! Hit the bricks, junior!"
-- Jericho to Howard Finkel
"He NEEDS to be in the grave now!"
-- Lawler after the Big Show picks Mankind up and throws him from the stage into the grave
"Al Snow was even out here barking Monday night! But you know what they say, you are what you eat!"
-- Lawler
"What the hell is Stevie Richards doing out there?"
"I don't know; he's a goof!"
-- Cole and Lawler on Richards' appearance at ringside with Christian and Edge
"Hey, leave him back there! He's got gasoline!"
-- Lawler when X-Pac wants Kane to come to the ring
"These guys are like the Hatfields and McCoys of the World Wrestling Federation..."
-- Michael Cole on the Hardcore Hollies
"Tonight, you have an opportunity to be the WWF champion. You've been there before, and damn it, man, I know you can do it again! (crowd cheers) The thing is, you're going to do it without me. Last Thursday, I told you, damn it, I TOLD you not to come out and get involved in my business! And that if you did, that it was over. As much as I hate to say it, the way things have been going, it's no good for you. That's it, man; it's over."
-- X-Pac officially ending his partnership with Kane
"You'd think he would have dressed up; at least gotten himself a suit to be buried in!"
"Well, he's got a tie on."
"Yeah, you're right-- a $400 dollar suit on Mankind would look like socks on a rooster."
-- Lawler and Cole on Mankind's attire
"This cage is not here to protect me! This cage is here to protect YOU from me!"
-- Jericho to Shamrock
"...and the millions (pause) of Rock's fans are through chanting his name! Rock-y! Rock-y!"
"Rock-y, Rock-y..."
-- the Rock and Mankind
"He wasn't going to DO it, was he? Leave a camera out there!"
-- Lawler looking to catch the Triple H/Chyna bonfire in the parking lot
CROWD: "Asshole! Asshole!"
SHANE: "I deserve that."
CROWD: "Asshole! Asshole!"
SHANE: "Stephanie, I thought with all the decisions I was making, I was doing the right thing. But I was absolutely, one hundred percent wrong."
CROWD: "Ass... hole..." (fades to nothing)
"One, you can come out here and face me like a man! Or two, I can come back there, tear that place up, find your little punk ass, drag you into this ring, and beat you like the stepchild that you are!"
"He's in the zone..."
"Yeah, the Twilight Zone."
-- Shamrock, Cole, and Lawler
"I'd like to ask Miss Kitty out for a bowl of milk!"
-- Lawler
"Debra, Kitty, do you realize that this woman right here was the WWF Ladies' champion for damn near a hundred years?"
-- Jeff Jarrett on the Fabulous Moolah
"He's got one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel!"
-- Lawler on the Rock
"Austin, is-- is he commandeering that semi? Wait-- no, no!"
"Aaaaccck!!"
-- Cole and Lawler as Stone Cold crashes into the ambulance carrying Triple H
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