Quotes: RAW September 13, 1999
"This is a game that you don't want to be in!"
-- Triple H to Linda McMahon
"The Rock says this, Michael Cole jabroni! How do you feel about the match?"
"Well--"
"It doesn't MATTER how you feel!"
-- the Rock and Michael Cole (that line never gets old)
"...ugly suit..."
-- Lawler under his breath on the British Bulldog
"I'm not going to listen to Shane; I'm going to go out there and kick Test's ass. Test, tonight you're going to find out what it's like to be in the ring with a real man. And if you won't do it for me, maybe you'll do it for that tramp fiancee of yours."
-- Joey Abs during an interview
"Uh-oh, the Godfather's down."
"It's a dogpile!"
-- Lawler and JR as the hos (a spirited bunch this week) knock the Godfather over in their exuberance over his victory
"Jericho's caught in his Y2 Jail like a little rat!"
-- JR as Shamrock invades the steel cage
"Here comes the whole locker room! It's everybody!"
-- Lawler as nearly every wrestler in the place storms the ring to try and restore order during the #1 contender match
"What kind of family business does she have to be here to take care of?"
"I assume she's talking about WWF family business..."
"Well duh!"
-- Lawler and JR on Linda McMahon
"Friends? Uh-uh; absolutely not. The Rock is gonna layeth the smacketh down on ALL their candy asses! (turns to Mankind) And make no mistake about it; the Rock will take that goofy mask you got on, turn that sumbitch sideways, and stick it straight up your candy ass!" (Mankind winces)
-- the Rock on his upcoming #1 contender match
"We're going to be all over you like those leopard pants on the girl in the front row's butt!"
-- the Undertaker to the Rock and Mankind
"Here comes Shane McMahon! He took down Joey Abs!"
-- JR as Shane SPEARS Joey Abs (go Shane!)
"You of all people ought to know Gotch Gracy; you probably know where he played football, JR!"
-- Lawler on Jericho's "shootfighting specialist"
"I gave my word that I would not interfere in WWF business, but this is not business, this is personal!"
-- Vince McMahon to Triple H
"King, can you tell me why that steel cage is hanging ominously above this ring?"
"I just now SAW IT!"
-- JR and Lawler
"I'm supposed to be impressed, Terry? You think it impresses me when Jeff Jarrett beats up two old hags?"
-- Chyna to Terry Taylor (referring to the Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young)
"I forgot to mention one thing... in between the two cages are going to be a few of Pepper's family members running around! And I'm going to make sure that they haven't eaten for a couple of weeks before they get there, because I want them to take a piece of your ass. In fact, why don't we meet a couple of them right now?"
"More chihuahuas? I hate those little mutts-- wait a minute! Those are rottweilers!"
-- Al Snow to Bossman on their Unforgiven hardcore title match, and a comment from Lawler (of all the times for the Road Dogg to be out... wouldn't he be perfect in a match like this?)
"Making his way to the ring from the Red Light District..."
-- Tony Chimmel on the Godfather
"We need another referee!"
"Well, get up in there, JR!"
-- JR and Lawler during the #1 contender match
"And Austin is kicking, Helmsley's, ASS!"
-- JR during the title match
"Triple H, last Thursday on Smackdown you dug your own grave, and tonight you're going to have to sleep in it."
-- Linda McMahon
"Hunter! Come on out, I'm not mad! I've forgotten all about that burying thing! I just want an autograph for my nephew; Hunter!"
-- Mankind searching for Triple H
"If you wear a dress and relieve yourself in a squatting position, I'm kicking your ass tonight!"
-- Jeff Jarrett
"That's four referees down; looks like a car crash!"
"No respect for the zebras tonight."
-- JR and Lawler during the #1 contender match
"Boy, bring your black ass down to our ring!"
-- D-Von Dudley to Faarooq
"Wait a minute, JR; Austin may take on the cops here!"
-- Lawler
"Welcome to RAW is Jericho!"
-- Chris Jericho (sporting a black armband; I imagine in memory of his good friend Brian Hildebrand)
"Crash Holly!"
(Crash delivers a rapid array of punches to the midsection of the Big Show, with no effect)
"Look at that little-- um, superheavyweight!"
"Good God, what a chokeslam!"
"He's dead."
-- JR and Lawler on Holly's interference in the #1 contender match
"That's a payback! Paybacks are hell!"
-- JR as Austin gets a low blow on Triple H
"Well, Mankind, how do you feel?"
"It doesn't MATTER how I feel, Michael Cole! Everyone's talking about feelings; you want to talk about feelings; I have a feeling there's going to be many, many painful feelings... (starts to sing) feelings... wooo oooo ooohhh... (talks again) Painful feelings! And when it's all said and done, and me and Rock are standing tall as the teammates we are, it'll be up to the Rock to lay the smackdown on my candy ass!"
-- Michael Cole and Mankind on the upcoming #1 contender match
"I just got done personally signing a warrant for your arrest!"
-- Triple H to Steve Austin
"Booooooo..."
-- the crowd during the #1 contender match when a WWF employee confiscates the beach ball that was being tossed around
"McMahon and Helmsley! McMahon and Helmsley!"
"You've GOT to be kidding me!"
-- JR and Lawler when Vince looks ready to fight Triple H
"I've never seen anyone make enemies as fast as Triple H has! I think they're all just jealous."
-- Lawler
"I figured since you enjoyed putting Pepper in a cage, and keeping him there and mistreating him until you finally COOKED him, I figured why not put your fat, donut-eating ass in a cage too?"
"Hey, wait a minute... cops don't eat donuts..."
-- Al Snow and Lawler as Snow challenges Big Bossman
"The Godfather's back!"
-- Lawler
"Why don't you go interview Val; ask him some penetrating questions?"
"That's great, King."
"I know. I like Val; he's a stand-up guy. Got a lot of spunk!"
-- Lawler and JR (apparently King is filling in for Val on sex jokes this week)
"Oh yeah! It's Austin! Stone Cold, Stone Cold!"
"Ack!"
"For God's sake! Stone Cold is back!"
"He's supposed to be in jail!"
-- JR and Lawler as Austin runs in and breaks up Vince and Triple H
THE ROCK: "Tonight, they will all be chanting his name!"
CROWD: "Rock-y! Rock-y!"
MANKIND: "...Rock-y..."
(Michael Cole gives Mankind a dirty look)
"Did you hear what Chyna just said? They're going to hammer home a message to Stone Cold?"
"I got it. Sledgehammer."
"Oh."
-- Lawler and JR
"How many cops does it take to arrest Stone Cold Steve Austin?"
"A whole lot more than there is here, if he wanted it to be that way."
"Count them, JR!... there's over a dozen in there!"
-- Lawler and JR
"You don't think Chaz would do anything like that to Marianna, do you?"
"I don't know if I think it, but I think the Godfather thinks it!"
-- JR and Lawler on Marianna's black eye
"I wish Austin would lay down and kick the windows out like you see on Cops."
-- Lawler as Stone Cold is put in the back of a police car
"Who will walk out of this ring, or will any of the five be able to walk out of here alive tonight?"
-- JR on the #1 contender match
"I am not asking you now, I am TELLING you. Tell them NOW."
-- Triple H wanting Linda to say Austin has forfeited his title shot
"Tonight, I'm issuing an open challenge to any woman out there who has the genitalia to step into the ring with the greatest Intercontinental champion of all time!"
-- Jeff Jarrett
"Faarooq is whipping on D-Von Dudley like a government mule!"
-- JR
"I'm going to make you PAY for what you did to Pepper!"
-- Al Snow (flanked by a pair of rottweilers) to the Big Bossman
"I destroyed your reputation in front of all your friends and family, and in front of all your so-called fans!"
"Shamrock has fans?"
-- Jericho and Lawler
"I think that there is a man who's going to arrive here tonight, a man who may not be one hundred percent. But a man who has the contractual right to demand a rematch with Triple H. Should he demand that right tonight when he arrives, then Triple H, I'm letting you know that you will be in this ring defending your title against none other than Stone Cold Steve Austin!"
-- Linda McMahon
"What kind of man is Jeff Jarrett to put a figure-four leglock on a woman?"
-- JR as Jarrett puts Lillian Garcia in a submission hold for announcing Luna as the winner of his match (all right Jarrett!)
"Last Thursday on Smackdown, you stuck your nose in the Big Bossman's business! NOBODY, but NOBODY, does that to me! (to crowd) Shut up!"
-- the Big Bossman to the British Bulldog
LAWLER: "Triple H wanted to defend the title here tonight, but justice must be served!"
JR: "Oh, come on!"
LAWLER: "This is our judicial process; this is what makes America great!"
JR: "Helmsley's had since last Thursday on Smackdown to file those charges. And just conveniently enough, it's right before his title match here with Austin. That's a real coincidence, isn't it, King?"
LAWLER: "He's a busy man; he's the WWF champion."
"It's Vince McMahon! Vince is back!"
"What's he doing here?!"
"That's Vince's wife in the ring, dammit!"
-- JR and Lawler
"There's senior referee Earl Hebner; he's in charge of the officials here... he says, "To hell with it! I'm not getting in there!"
-- JR on Hebner's refusal to enter the ring during the #1 contender match
"Austin fought the law, and the law won!"
-- Lawler on Austin's arrest
"Listen up, you son of a bitch! Who the hell do you think you are? Yeah, you're the WWF champion, all right. Maybe you need a little reminder as to who gave you that break!"
-- Vince McMahon to Triple H
"C'mon, Gracy! Hey, watch this one."
-- Jericho offering commentary on his own match as he demonstrates submission holds on Gotch Gracy
BIG BOSSMAN: "Before this thing's over between me and you, I'm going to send you home in a doggie-bag!"
LAWLER: "Like he did Pep--"
MUSIC: "What does everybody want?!"
LAWLER: "--per... uh-oh; speaking of Pepper!"
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