Quotes: RAW is WAR September 27, 1999
"What is that, a condom?"
-- J.R. as the clown hands the Rock an "I Y Q" sticker
"You can only imagine that when I rolled into Greesboro, North Carolina, I was a little surprised and a lot pissed off to find out that Triple H was ordered to defend the World Wrestling Federation title, against, not me, as Vince McMahon promised, but against the Rock!"
-- Stone Cold Steve Austin
"He's crashed the party!"
-- Lawler as Triple H runs into the ring with a sledgehammer and ends up tangled up in the balloons
"C'mon, Moolah! Yeah, I'm rooting for you, baby!"
-- Lawler as Moolah strips Ivory
"Look at that! There's a Kodak moment for you!"
-- Lawler as Triple H opens his jacket to reveal the WWF title around his waist
"This is definitely going to make up for last night. DDTing the Rock; what the heck was I thinking? Was I sick? But when he sees your face, the Rock is going to go banana."
-- Mankind (with mylar balloons in one hand and presents under an arm), walking backstage beside a person covered by a large black sheet
"Stone Cold, what would make watching this match any better for you?"
"Well, if someone got hurt that'd be just fine with me."
"No, I was thinking more like a cool one."
"What do you think I have in my hand here?"
-- Lawler and Austin as the WWF title match begins
"Look at my track record! Road Dogg-- career-ending injury. Scamrock-- incapacitated indefinitely. And tonight, the World Wrestling Federation's newest most dangerous man is going to end the career of the World Wrestling Federation's biggest waste of sperm, in you, Big Show!"
-- Chris Jericho
"I reinstated you so I could get my title shot! So you damn right, Einstein; I want an explanation!"
-- Austin to Vince McMahon
"Happy birthday to you..."
"Oh my God... what a voice! The last time I heard something sound like that it was a cat getting neutered!"
-- the clown singing and a comment from Lawler
"Greensboro, North Cakalaki, I take it that you know who we are!"
"North Cakalaki?"
"The tag team champions is who they are!"
-- the Road Dogg, Lawler, and J.R.
"I will not sleep, I will not rest until I beat your ass right in the middle of this ring!"
"I've got a feeling there'll be a lot of sleepless nights ahead for Triple H."
-- Triple H referring to SCSA, plus a comment from J.R.
"Tuxedo shopping... oh, yeah, there you go!"
-- Lawler commenting on Test and Steph preparing for their wedding; Lawler's comment was directed at a tux sporting a checkerboard vest
"Count, you idiot!"
-- Lawler to the injured ref in the title match
"Debra doesn't looked to be dressed for combat here tonight!"
"Oh baby, that's all right! She can be in the heat of battle anytime with those puppies!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Debra heads to the ring
"Mae, Moolah... may I say, you ladies look fabulous this evening!"
"Ack!"
-- Terry Taylor kissing up to Moolah and Young backstage, and Lawler screaming in terror at ringside when he sees this
"The Rock has just one thing to say to you... poontang your ass on out of here!"
-- the Rock to his old girlfriend
"Maybe it's Mankind's birthday!"
"Mick's got a heart of gold."
"I heard when he was born, his old man went down to the zoo and threw rocks at the stork!"
-- Lawler and J.R. as Mankind hits the ring with birthday presents and balloons
"What did Droz eat for lunch, for God's sakes? That's a rancid odor!"
"How can he do that? Puke right on cue, ick!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"Do you remember how, all year long, the only thing Rock wanted to do in your class was make pancakes?"
-- the Rock to Mrs. Griffith, his sixth grade home economics teacher
"I don't know if seventy is her real age... I saw them getting checked by the doctors in the back, and Moolah's birth certificate was in hieroglyphics!"
-- Lawler
"I want Vince McMahon to bring his carcass out here, because the son of a bitch has got some explaining to do!"
-- Steve Austin
MANKIND: "This is big, Rock! This is important! As a matter of fact, this is your life!"
LAWLER: "What?"
(fireworks go off above the ring, and the Rock jumps back)
LAWLER: "This is the Rock's life? Look at the look on Rock's face!"
J.R.: "Well, we've got confetti and we've got balloons dropping from the sky..."
LAWLER: "What in the HELL is this?"
J.R.: "It's a party, King!"
"I thought I was watching a remake of "The Mummy" right here!"
-- Lawler as clips of the Fabulous Moolah smacking Ivory last night at Unforgiven are shown
"I wanted to ask you a favor. Since I'm one of the dozens and dozens of Mankind's fans, I was wondering if I could borrow your gimmick!"
"You can't be Mankind; that would cut into my royalties."
-- Stevie Richards and Mankind backstage
"The Rock's got a title match tonight; what do you want?"
"Wellll..."
"Oh boy."
-- the Rock, Mankind, and an exasperated Lawler
"I heard her birthday suit needs a little ironing!"
-- Lawler on Fabulous Moolah
"Bad night to be a Holly, I'm afraid!"
-- Lawler as X-Pac and Kane rip the Hollies apart after Hardcore and Crash attack the NAO
THE ROCK: "Before you come in here and start putting little stickers on the Rock's shirt and putting little streamers all over the Rock, the Rock just wants to know-- what is your name?"
CLOWN: "I'm--"
ROCK: "It doesn't MATTER what your name is!"
MANKIND: "Hey, hold it right there! It certainly does matter what her name is, and I'll tell you why! I tried real hard and I went to a lot of expense and time and effort to make this night real special for you! And one by one, you're going to insult my guests and make this night a bad night for me? Sometimes I think you're a very ungrateful little man, Rock!"
"Son of a bitch..."
"Your ass is mine!"
-- lip-reading comments; Road Dogg referring to Jericho, and seconds later the Big Show referring to Prince Al
"Prince Albert is here..."
"I want to get a good look at this goof up close and personal!"
"Which one?"
"The Big Slow!"
-- J.R. and Prince Albert as Prince Al comes to ringside for color commentary
"That's right, Rock! Mankind has pulled out all the stops, and he has brought to you your sixth grade home economics teacher, Mrs. Betty Griffith!"
"You can tell the Rock's happy to see her."
"As your home economics teacher, Mrs. Griffith may very well have been the first one who truly smelled what the Rock was cooking!"
-- Mankind and a comment from Lawler on a scowling Rock
"Here come the WWF tag team champions, back on RAW for the first time in a long, long time!"
-- J.R. as the New Age Outlaws enter
"You defend the title tonight in Greensboro against THE ROCK!"
-- Vince to a furious (of course) Triple H
"Prince Albert just drop-kicked the Big Show from the top rope!"
-- J.R.
"I had no way of knowing your home economics teacher was going to be a bitch! I had no way of knowing that your football coach would be such a jerk, and I certainly didn't know that your old girlfriend would be a complete skank!"
-- Mankind to the Rock
"He's got something BAD wrong with his neck."
-- Lawler, referring to the D'Lo Brown strut
"Hey, Steve! We got a hell of a party going on tonight!"
-- Mankind running into Austin backstage
"Triple H going for a little ride!"
"Triple H and that ample-sized nose right in the top turnbuckle!"
-- Lawler and J.R. as the Rock beats on Triple H
"Accept our challenge, and there won't be a skank in the house tonight to get hurt."
"Challenge?"
"Skank?"
-- Jeff Jarrett to Debra and Chyna, plus comments from Lawler and J.R.
"Third of all, I bailed your ass out last... (thinks) Thursday, on SmackDown!"
-- the British Bulldog suffering a minor mental lapse
"The Road Dogg has come for Jericho! Jericho is running for high ground!"
"Oh, you didn't know? Your ass better call somebody!"
-- J.R. as the Road Dogg chases Jericho off, and the crowd when RD's music starts and he is left without a mic
"Let me make sure I understand what you're saying, because for a long time you've been full of complete crap! What you're saying is, I will get my title shot at No Mercy; that IS what you're saying?"
"Absolutely."
"Then all I got to say to you is, that damn well better be what happens or I will, like never before, stomp a mudhole in your ass and walk it dry!"
-- Austin and Vince
"Sounds like a firework display in here!"
-- Lawler as the crowd pops the fallen balloons
"You still like to cook? Still like to bake bread? And you know your rolls, right?"
-- the Rock to Mrs. Griffith; Mankind is cracking up in the background
"This is not Rock's life; this is a nightmare."
-- Lawler
"Congratulations, Triple H, on once again becoming the World Wrestling Federation champion!"
-- Vince McMahon to Triple H, as Triple H has a waiting-to-be-screwed expression on his face
"The fact of the matter is, I LIED to your ass! You ain't getting NOTHING!"
-- Triple H sounding a lot like Vince, addressing the British Bulldog
STEVIE RICHARDS: "Mick, look at what I'm wearing! I want to be Dude Love!"
(Mick Foley, dressed as Mankind, spits out a mouthful of water he was drinking)
MICK FOLEY (laughing): "Why?"
RICHARDS: "Why? Because he's a chick magnet!"
FOLEY: "I'll tell you what; you want to be the Dude? Go ahead. And have fun!"
(Stevie Richards runs off gleefully) "Not too much fun, though! Stock up on the oysters and vitamin C!"
"Naturally the Rock is appreciative to all of his fans, but to you... the Rock's birthday's May second, you stupid son of a bitch!"
-- the Rock to Mankind
"It's Kane and X-Pac! They're together, and they're coming for the Outlaws! The New Age Outlaws threw out the challenge to any team in the locker room..."
"I don't think they expected this team."
"I don't think ANY of us expected this team!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Kane and X-Pac arrive to accept the NAO challenge
"Do you smell what the Sock is cooking?"
-- Mankind using a high-pitched voice for Mr. Rocko; the look on the Rock's face at this point is priceless
"Hey! I didn't tell you to speak!"
-- the British Bulldog to Triple H, even though Triple H clearly didn't speak (he was smirking, though)
"Nice teeth!"
-- Lawler on the Rock's old girlfriend
"Oh my God! Jericho was in another time zone!"
-- J.R. as the Big Show lifts Jericho and drops him about eight feet to land flat on his face
'What's on your mind, Droz?"
"I figured the booking agents forgot about Prince Albert and I, so I had to come out here and get my face on TV!"
"Okay... smile, right there; you're on!"
-- J.R., Droz, and Lawler during the Euro title match
"The Rock says this. You should know your role, and shut your mouth; take a little walk down Know Your Role Boulevard, hang that right on Jabroni Drive, and check your Aunt Jemima, no-pancake-having ass directly into the Smackdown Hotel!"
-- the Rock to Mrs. Griffith
"Oh man, you think these guys meet the superheavyweight requirements?"
"I don't know... there's only one way to find out. Let's go get that damn scale!"
-- Crash and Hardcore Holly backstage, pondering the NAO's challenge
"I.Y.Q.? Oh, "I like you..." Oh my God... IYQ! Please, please lay the smackdown on the clown! I'm begging you, Rock!"
-- Lawler
"I think he puked on him!"
"Oh, no..."
"You know Droz is famous for that."
-- Lawler and J.R. as Droz goes over and throws up on D'Lo Brown
"If you wouldn't mind, Coach, the Rock would like to do something special with that whistle. The Rock would like to take that whistle you got, that very whistle you just put to your lips, shine it up real nice, turn that sumbitch sideways, and stick it straight up your candy ass!"
-- the Rock to his old high school football coach
"Good handshake; you don't see that very often."
-- J.R. as X-Pac and Road Dogg smack hands before locking up
"You are going to be the last notch on my belt of success!"
-- Triple H to Stone Cold Steve Austin
"Look at this... the shortarm scissors isn't working too well!"
-- Lawler as the Big Show easily breaks a submission hold Jericho had on his arm by simply standing and dragging Jericho up with him
"You and I made a deal last night, and correct me if I'm wrong, Triple H, Mr. Gameboy!"
-- the British Bulldog to Triple H
"That's got to be a disqualification, and the referee is calling for the bell!"
"I don't think Blackman really gives a damn."
-- J.R. and Lawler as Blackman gets DQed for using a kendo stick on D'Lo
"We used to kiss a little bit... lotta tongue; you used to love the Rock's tongue, didn't you?"
"Ha! I knew it!"
"Remember how you used to nibble on the Rock's ear, on the Rock's neck, and whisper to the Rock, "Hey Rock, go for it! Go for second base!" And as the Rock put his hand ever so gently on your knee, slid his hand up inch by inch, what did you do? You CUT THE ROCK OFF ON SECOND BASE!"
-- the Rock (plus a comment from Lawler) to his old girlfriend
"J.R., you know it's our turn to step up to the plate, and we can deliver! They don't belong out here; I've beat Kane, and I've beat X-Pac!"
"J.R. may have had something to do with this; I don't know."
-- Hardcore Holly ranting and Lawler deflecting everything onto J.R.
"What is it going to take for these people to realize that Triple H is the game?"
-- Lawler on the crowd's unenthusiastic reception for Triple H
"Oh no, oh no!"
"King, are you sick?"
"Am I ever!"
"Well, one down and one to go for Ivory."
-- Lawler and J.R. as Mae Young loses her dress
"You ghetto-ass tag teams back there think that we don't rate to wear the WWF belts? Well, you better think again, bitch! Right here and right now, any two grapplers who want to walk down that ramp, the New Age Outlaws are ready to prove themselves!"
-- the Road Dogg issuing an open challenge
"Hey, you talking to me you son of a BITCH?!"
-- Austin just before rushing into the ring and delivering a stunner to Triple H
"Each and every one of you can rest assured that every single time I hold this in the air, you can kiss my ass!"
-- Triple H to the crowd, holding the WWF title aloft
"Couple of old fossils sitting at ringside!"
-- Lawler on footage showing Moolah and Mae Young from Unforgiven
"Look at his microphone!"
-- Lawler drawing attention to Y2J's mic, which reads "RAW is Jericho" instead of "RAW is WAR"
"Rock, what I'm about to do is show the millions--"
(Rock holds out his hand to stop Mankind) "Don't you EVER do that again."
"Gimmick infringement!"
-- Mankind, the Rock, and Lawler
"We're here to teach Miss Ivory a lesson. She should respect her elders."
"She's a tramp!"
-- Moolah and Mae Young during their interview
"You seem really confident that I can't beat you, Jeff, right? So maybe you need to put your money where your mouth is... if I pin you in the right tonight, Jeff, I get my rematch at No Mercy for the Intercontinental title."
-- Chyna to Jeff Jarrett
"Triple H just tasted those steel steps. Not even J.R.'s barbecue sauce is going to make that taste good, King."
-- J.R.
"You stand now before the Rock, looking at the Rock, gawking at the Rock, wanting to go one on one with the Great One? And now, in front of all the Rock's fans, you want to serve the Rock a great big piece of that poontang pie?"
-- the Rock; the crowd pops huge and Lawler nearly kills himself laughing
[ Dogg Timeline || Dogg Articles || Dogg Gallery || Dogg Bio || Dogg Links ]