Quotes: SmackDown! October 7, 1999
Brief tribute to Gorilla Monsoon. Backstage interviews with the Rock, Mankind, the British Bulldog. In-ring interview with Jeff Jarrett. Candid shots of Val Venis; taped interview of Stone Cold. Triple H kills a "rattlesnake" as a warning to Austin.
Matches: Kane/X-Pac vs. Viscera/Mideon. The Road Dogg vs. Hardcore Holly. Terri Invitational Tournament round 3; Texas Tornado rules, Edge/Christian vs. the Hardy Boyz. Mud wrestling match; Miss Kitty vs. Ivory. The British Bulldog vs. Mankind. The Big Bossman vs. the Big Show. The Rock vs. Val Venis (main event).
"Well folks, we're getting ready to get slimy!"
-- Michael Cole, referring to the mud wrestling match
"...Who's Kitty's opponent?"
"I don't know, but you've ALWAYS been slimy!
-- Michael Cole continuing on the mud wrestling match, and a comment from Lawler
"Bulldog, again; the face of Mankind off those stairs..."
"Oh, you're not going to do any more damage to Mankind's face."
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as Bulldog pounds on Mankind
"Oooh... that's gonna leave a mark."
-- J.R. as Stone Cold uses a photo of Triple H for target practice
"Y'know, Austin, I might not be the great redneck hunter that you are, but I am a pretty good trapper myself, and I'm not afraid of snakes. Not even a rattlesnake."
-- Triple H
"Also tonight, Jeff Jarrett Enterprises presents the first-ever WWF mud wrestling match!"
-- Michael Cole
"When was the last time you had sex with your sister?"
"...Day before yesterday."
-- a sexual therapist and Mark Henry in counseling
"What's going on with YOU?"
"I'm all right-- Rock! Rock! Just one time... you go out there, and you win one for the Micker!"
"Who in the hell's the Micker? ...idiot."
-- The Rock and Mankind; Mankind is sprawled out on the floor after an attack courtesy of Val Venis and the British Bulldog
"WE GOT KITTIES!!"
-- Lawler after Miss Kitty loses her top, and consequently the match, in the mud wrestling ring
"Terri's got to be impressed by both teams!"
"I'M impressed by Terri."
-- Michael Cole and Lawler during the Terri Invitational
"This is really getting nasty... but don't forget, that's the way Val likes it!"
-- Lawler as the Rock beats up Val Venis
"X-Pac trying to prove himself; trying to prove that he can indeed make it in the land of the giants."
"Well, I don't know if he really has anything to prove; he's proven it to me many times over! He's proven to me he's the weak link!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as X-Pac and Kane enter for their match
"I think Foley's only got two teeth left, hasn't he?"
-- Lawler on Mankind
"I'm going to tell you this right now. My prediction is-- unless that psychic hotline lied to me-- Hardcore Holly and his partner Crash are going to be the next tag team champions!"
-- Lawler
"One week from this Sunday, October 17, No Mercy. If you think this rattlesnake looks bad, wait until you see that one! Because, just like this rattlesnake, at No Mercy... Steve Austin, you too will be going back to Texas in a body bag."
-- Triple H, indicating a bloodied bag containing the body of a "snake"
"Jeff Jarrett, the Intercontinental champion, dressed in waders..."
-- Michael Cole as Double J shows up, prepared to enter the mud wrestling ring
"What have I been telling you? If he were just a little smarter, he'd realize how stupid he was."
-- Lawler on Mankind
"The Rock says this: British Bulldog, you run your mouth about how you're a big dawg, about how you've got a big bark. Well, the Rock says, your bark, quite frankly, sounds like this! (yips in a good imitation of Pepper)"
-- the Rock
"You know, when I think of games I think of Tiddlywinks and bullshit like that!"
-- Stone Cold talking about "the game," Triple H
"The Hollies supposedly weigh a combined eight hundred pounds."
"Right!"
"Supposedly."
"They're... they're thick. They're solid!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler on Hardcore and Crash Holly
"You've seen mud wrestling matches before; you've been to those clubs where they have those mud wrestling matches, haven't you?"
"King, no I haven't! I'm a married man!"
"Happily married?"
"Yes, very happily married."
"Yeah, but your wife's not! Ha!"
-- Lawler and Michael Cole
"What I'm going to do, is I'm going to fight the Rock's battles. Y'see, he's going to take on Val Venis, and I'm going to challenge the Bulldog, and I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna take the microphone... and... uh... hit him with it!"
-- Mankind
"Wait a minute... Mankind thinks the Rock's fighting his battles so Mankind wants to fight the Rock's battles, so he's challenged the Bulldog?"
"Mankind's an idiot!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
"This is like two old dinosaurs going into the La Brea tar pits!"
-- Lawler as Jarrett pushes Moolah and Young into the mud ring
"This week, one of the greatest men I've ever known, Robert James Marella, passed away at age 62. He was celebrated and beloved worldwide as legendary superstar Gorilla Monsoon. To his friends, he was known simply as Gino. Gino had a gorilla-sized passion for life, this business, and more importantly, the people in it. Behind the scenes, he was a cornerstone in the World Wrestling Federation. Our thoughts and prayers go out to his wife Maureen and his entire family. With great sadness and heavy hearts, we say goodbye to Gino: a very special man, who lived a very special life."
-- Vince McMahon, in a voiceover tribute at the opening of the show
"I'm going to stand over your little limp body... and I'm going to say goodbye to you, Austin, one last time!"
-- Triple H, just before using a sledgehammer to smash a "snake" in a bag
"I wonder how much more punishment Mankind can take here."
"Well, he's a homer."
-- uh... Michael Cole and Lawler on Mankind
"I'm Michael Cole at ringside, and I'm partnerless! The King had to go backstage and check on Miss Kitty after that mud wrestling match..."
-- Michael Cole covering for the fact that this match was actually taped for HeAT and Lawler wasn't around
"Finally, I have found a place for the women of the WWF!"
-- Jeff Jarrett standing in the mud wrestling ring; the crowd pops in agreement
"Val's a great athlete. If you don't believe me, just ask some of the ladies that he's starred in films with."
-- Lawler
"What do you think would've happened if Kane hadn't have been there for X-Pac?"
"Well, he would've been squashed."
"THANK you very much."
-- Lawler and Michael Cole as Mabel-- urrm, Viscera-- attacks X-Pac
"If the Rock is the most electrifying man, I guess Val must be the most erectifying!"
-- Lawler
"That's some roadkill right there!"
-- Hardcore Holly to Badd Ass Billy Gunn, indicating the beaten-up Road Dogg
"I don't care if the Rock lives or dies. I don't care about Stephanie McMahon. Hell, I don't even care about that idiot Mankind! If I can cripple him tonight in this match to get my title match, I'll do so!"
"Look out!"
-- the British Bulldog and Terry Taylor, as Mankind comes running in for an attack
"Whoa... get out of the way, Jeff!"
-- Lawler as Kitty disrobes into skimpy wrestling gear
"He's not a road dog; he's a hot dog! Put some mustard on him!"
-- Lawler on the Road Dogg
"Oh my gosh, look at this... oh my gosh..."
"He's sick! Trying to make a point to Stone Cold... but is doing what he just did making a point?"
-- Lawler and Michael Cole, as Triple H comes out with a bloody burlap bag containing the body of a "snake" he killed
"Folks, we'd like to take this opportunity to update you on the condition of Droz. As many of you know, Droz was seriously injured earlier this week in a match; he dislocated two vertabrae in his neck and underwent surgery to stabilize it and realign his spine. Now, doctors say they're working extremely hard to help Droz; however, a prognosis for recovery won't be known for days. Our thoughts here at the World Wrestling Federation and our prayers go out to Droz, his fiancee, and his entire family."
-- Michael Cole giving an update on Droz, and indirectly a reason as to why the Bossman/Big Show match is being shown
"Where's Terri? Oh, here we go."
"You got your wish!"
"You know what my NEXT two wishes are?"
-- Lawler and Michael Cole as Terri enters for the next round of the T.I.T. (ahem, Terri Invitational Tournament)
"There is a jabroni running around the WWF, the Rock's home, with a sock with the Rock's face on it stuffed in his crotch! Val Venis, you think that you impress the Rock? You stuff the sock, Rocko or whatever you call it, in your pants? That is like blowing your nose on the Constitution! WIPING YOUR ASS with the American flag! The Rock says this--you think you impress the Great One? Why? Because you've made a couple of coom-see, coom-saw adult movies?! Well, the Rock says this-- tonight the Rock is going to play movie director. He's going to let you see firsthand the unedited, uncut version, of the Rock laying the smackdown on your CANDY ASS!"
-- the Rock
"Look at that goofy jacket he's wearing; "The Rock and Sock Connection..."
"What's so goofy about it?"
"What do you mean, what's so goofy about it? Do you think the Rock really wants to have anything whatsoever to do with this moronic Mankind?"
"Well, probably not but is there anything wrong with--"
"Oh, hey, thanks! We'll hold this for you, Mankind; what a great jacket!"
-- Lawler and Michael Cole as Mankind comes out for his match
"What do these people see in these guys?"
-- Lawler, as the crowd pops for the New Age Outlaws
"He's going to try and handcuff the Big Show... wait a minute; those handcuffs aren't big enough to fit around those monster wrists!"
-- Michael Cole as the Big Bossman attempts to handcuff the Big Show
"Since the women of the WWF are so obsessed with their cleveage, the only way to win the match is not by 1-2-3, but it's by ripping your opponent's top off!"
-- Jeff Jarrett to the biggest crowd pop he's EVER gotten
"I don't care what it is, I just worry about where its been."
-- Lawler as Mankind pulls out Mr. Socko
"He feels like, for months, he's let the Big Red Machine, Kane, down--"
"He has!"
"--and now X-Pac has an opportunity once and for all to prove that he can, as you say, hang in the land of the giants!"
"Look at this; already X-Pac is trying to order Kane around... when you've got a weapon like Kane, use him, X-Pac! Stand behind him! HIDE behind him!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
"They love every inch of Val!"
-- Lawler, referring to Val Venis
"One more win, King; they get $100,000 and the managerial services of Terri."
"What do you mean, managerial services? They get Terri! That includes managerial AND personal services, I think!"
"How do you know that?"
"That's why you and I should have been in this tournament, you idiot."
-- Michael Cole and Lawler on Edge and Christian
"Well King, first off, A, if it was an accident why didn't he apologize for it, and number two, he's blaming the McMahon family for getting booed in his own country."
-- Michael Cole
"Hello, Rocko!"
-- Val Venis unrolling Rocko from his fly backstage
"Clear out LaGuardia airport; Bossman's going for a ride!"
-- Michael Cole as the Big Show delivers a chokeslam
"I need you to tell me, when was your first sexual encounter?"
"Well, I was scared..."
"Why?"
"Well, it was dark... and I was all alone!"
-- a sexual therapist and Mark Henry in counseling
"I think Mick's trying to drag him all the way to his house!"
-- Lawler as Mankind beats on the British Bulldog through the arena crowd
"You bastard!"
"Hey! Don't get that mud on me!"
-- Ivory and Jarrett, right after Jarrett shoves an unsuspecting Ivory into the mud to wrestle Miss Kitty (Ivory then throws a glop of mud at him)
"Well, the Rock says this! How about the Big Valbowski gets a chance to meet Mr. Table-o!"
-- a pissed Rock, slamming Val's head into the announcer's table
"OH MY--"
"That's it..."
"Head-on collision with the stairs!"
"He might be dead."
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as British Bulldog sends Mankind into and over the steps
"Hey, Val-- what do you think about meeting Mr. Table-o?"
-- Lawler to an extremely dazed Val Venis, as the Rock dumps Val in a chair beside Lawler just before knocking him over
"So Austin is off hunting with good ol' J.R. stuck to his ass, huh?"
-- Triple H talking to himself backstage
"There's only one other person that I want to get as good a look at the mud wrestling match as I'm going to have. That person brings honor and digity... no, it's not the puppies..."
-- Jeff Jarrett answering the crowd
"I know there's a lot of snakes in the WWF, but most of them are of the two-legged variety!"
-- Lawler after seeing a roomful of poisonous snakes backstage
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