Quotes: SmackDown!, November 18, 1999
Taped 11/16/99 from Cincinnati, OH (sold out)
D-X beats up Brisco and Patterson backstage. Vince and family discover the stooges. Too Cool d. Christian and Edge. Vince and company confront D-X. Kurt Angle d. Gangrel (w/ Luna). Steph opens presents backstage. Test is attacked in the parking lot and driven off by D-X in a car trunk. WWF European championship: the British Bulldog (C) d. the Godfather (w/ hos); Mean Street Posse interferes. Vince and company confront D-X again, this time on the whereabouts of Test. Viscera hits on Tori backstage and gets beaten up by Kane. WWF Championship: the Big Show (C) d. Hardcore Holly (w/ Crash & scale); Big Boss Man runs in. Test is found and returned to the arena, injured. Kane (w/ Tori) d. Viscera. Triple H gives Test a catcher's mask for a wedding present.
J.R. refers to Lawler as an "ass" backstage to the detectives. Replay of the Austin incident at Survivor Series. WWF Women's Championship, hardcore rules: Ivory (C) d. Luna and Jacqueline. Clips of Mankind and Al Snow enjoying Las Vegas. Footage of the Jericho/Chyna incidents on RAW is WAR. Chris Jericho d. Mark Henry. The Dudley Boyz talk to detectives; Lillian Garcia interviews the Rock. WWF Tag Team Championship: the New Age Outlaws (C) d. the Hardy Boys (w/ Terri). Footage of Arnold Schwarzenegger's SmackDown! visit. Vince and company escape his burning office. The Rock d. the Big Boss Man (w/ Prince Albert); the Big Show, Hardcore Holly, and Crash Holly run in. Triple H and Vince have an in-ring confrontation; D-X pushes Test, Shane, and Stephanie down the stairs backstage.
"You tell him! You tell McMahon he's making this too personal, you got it?"
-- Triple H to a bloodied Patterson
"A very volatile and extremely serious situation has developed as we kick off WWF SmackDown from Cincinnati on UPN! Michael Cole, Jerry "the King" Lawler at ringside and King, we just looked on in shock as D-X was beating up McMahon's associates, Patterson and Brisco!"
-- Michael Cole
"You get me that son of a bitch! I want Triple H to come right back here! I want him RIGHT BACK HERE!"
-- a furious Vince McMahon backstage, as the EMTs tend to the stooges
"Boy oh boy, King... you cannot like what we've seen so far here on SmackDown tonight! Vince McMahon demanding Triple H in his office right now!"
"What do you mean, you can't like it? I love it! This is gonna be great!"
-- Michael Cole and a bloodthirsty Lawler at ringside
SCOTTY TOO HOTTY: "Yoooo, y'see, it's like this! We's right, we's wrong..."
MICHAEL COLE: "What?"
SCOTTY TOO HOTTY: "We's white, we's strong, we's is TOOO COOOOL..."
(Christian and Edge are shown snickering in the background)
LAWLER: "I'll translate; I speak ebonics. What they say is, y'gotta understand, 'cause you're not cool!"
GRAND MASTER SEXAY: "Yo yo yo yo yo yo yo! I am the Grand Master Sexay!"
(Edge watches in disbelief)
GRAND MASTER SEXAY: "And if you don't know me, you ain't my homey!"
(Scotty Too Hotty howls in agreement)
GRAND MASTER SEXAY: "You phat with that, G? We are the originators, the innovators, the masterb-- oh. The percolators of cool!"
LAWLER: "You know what a homey is, Michael?"
GRAND MASTER SEXAY: "And we're about to get crook up on you mo-fos!"
LAWLER: "Ha!"
EDGE (to Christian, who grins in response): "Mo-fos?"
LAWLER: "I know you know what a mo-fo-- YOU'RE a mo-fo, Michael!"
"Scott Taylor and Brian Christopher having a serious identity crisis here."
"What do you mean, identity crisis?"
"I'm sorry; Grand Master Sexay and Scotty Too Hotty."
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
"You just can't relate to anybody that's cool, Michael."
-- Lawler
"Also tonight, WWF title on the line; the Big Show defending against... Hardcore Holly!"
"Right, another superheavyweight! What a match THAT'S going to be!"
"And the Rock has demanded a rematch with the Big Boss Man!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler reviewing the night's card
"Hey, why is Grand Master Sexay wearing that do rag, King?"
"What do you mean? Get with it, Michael! This is 1999, man!"
"He's got as much hair as you do."
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
"Thank God for Spandex"
-- sign in the crowd
"Sore losers!"
-- Lawler as Christian and Edge attack Too Cool post-match
"Grand Master Sexay, flying through the air with the greatest of ease!"
-- a delighted Lawler as the winning move from Too Cool is replayed
(Vince McMahon, flanked by Test, Sgt. Slaughter, and Shane, walks up to the door to D-X's dressing room)
VINCE (eying the D-X placard on the door): "I don't think..." (plucks it off and chucks it down the hall) "...They'll be needing that anytime soon."
(Sgt. Slaughter opens the door, and they walk in. D-X is lounging about and looks less than concerned.)
VINCE (faking delight): "Well!"
(Triple H makes some comment about the unexpected arrival)
VINCE: "I don't think I need to knock. No, I don't think so! And by the way..." (leans down to look at Triple H, who is sitting in a folding chair) "...Allow me to remind you of something. No longer are you the World Wrestling Federation champion! You're no longer a champion; you're a chump!" (kicks the chair) "Stand up!"
(D-X stands up as one threateningly. Triple H gets in Vince's face; Shane shoves him back, and D-X flanks their leader)
VINCE: "Let me tell you something. What you just did-- you guys are real brave, aren't you? You're REAL BRAVE beating up Patterson and Brisco! Wow! Real brave! Well, that crap is gonna stop; there's not gonna be any more of it; not tonight, not any night! Got it?"
TRIPLE H: "I told you, don't make this personal, and I will say it again-- do NOT make this personal."
VINCE (growling): "It already is."
"World Wide Filth/WWF is Immoral"
-- sign in the crowd (the dude's back for more)
"Hey, look at this guy over here! This is that same idiot that was on RAW Monday night; he's carrying around these signs-- there he is, right there! Look!"
-- Lawler spying the Sign Man
"Y'know, we appreciate the freedom of expression here in the World Wrestling Federation... y'know, bring your signs, cheer, boo, exhibit your feelings..."
"No, I don't like ALL signs! You can't just have ANY kind of sign!"
"Well, I mean, exhibit your feelings, work hard on those signs, bring them out here to the events. But once you cross that barricade and you get into the action, well then you're subject to arrest and that's what happened to that gentlemen on RAW Monday night."
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
KURT ANGLE (on the mic at ringside): "How could you people sit here and degrade me?"
(heat from the crowd)
KURT ANGLE: "You mean to tell me that you would prefer to cheer for a man who looks like a vampire?"
(crowd pops)
LAWLER: "This guy's legit, Angle; Kurt Angle is legit, he's like a war hero!"
KURT ANGLE (indicating Luna): "And I don't even KNOW what that is!"
MICHAEL COLE: "Talking about Luna..."
LAWLER (squinting at Luna): "Man, what IS that?"
KURT ANGLE: "You guys are cheering for him, not me-- Kurt Angle, the Olympic gold medalist!"
(major crowd heat)
KURT ANGLE: "An American hero! I'm an American hero!"
LAWLER: "Can you argue with that, Michael?"
"This is Cincinnati, the home of Pete Rose, Marge Schott... great, true Americans!"
"What?"
"I mean... how can they boo Kurt Angle?"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Boy, and there's Luna; he's right about her... how many peeping Toms has SHE cured?"
-- Lawler
(Backstage, Stephanie is opening a package as Test plays the Wrestlemania 2000 game-- he is playing himself, and he's beating up Triple H)
STEPHANIE: "Pay attention, this is our first wedding present! Well, except for Luna's."
TEST (throwing Triple H out of the ring): "Yeah, that was REAL sweet."
STEPHANIE (laughing): "Well, hopefully this one will be better."
TEST (clobbering Triple H): "Oh yeah!"
STEPHANIE: "Andrew..."
(Test doesn't look away from the screen. Stephanie rolls her eyes and opens the box.)
TEST: "What?"
STEPHANIE: "Oh wow, look! It's a bowl!"
TEST (looking back at the screen): "A bowl."
STEPHANIE: "I'll hit you in the head with this if you don't pay attention!"
"Well, there's D-X... what the hell are they up to now?"
-- Michael Cole as cameras capture D-X in conference backstage
"Thanksgiving night, after settling into your turkey coma, you'll need a little pick-me-up! Football is just a warmup; this is the main event! Catch a special Thanksgiving edition of WWF SmackDown... it'll be a Thanksgiving you'll never forget!"
-- audio for a commercial harping the fact that SmackDown will not be preempted for the holidays; features a hilarious shot of someone taking a chainsaw to a cooked turkey
"More wedding gifts, King!"
"That could be the only good thing about getting married!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as Stephanie continues opening presents
"Your gift's waiting in the limo, so hop to it!"
-- a note inside a present Stephanie received
"It's probably from Big Daddy Vince! It's probably a brand-new car, a brand-new limousine, or something like that!"
-- Lawler as Test goes outside to retrieve the present
"D-X has ambushed Test in the parking lot!"
"Yeah, you knew something like this was going to happen!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as Test is attacked outside
"I can't believe what we just saw, but I'll tell you what-- this is the only thing that could take my mind off what we just saw!"
-- Lawler as the Godfather makes his entrance
"I Wanna Wrestle the Puppies"
-- sign in the crowd
"I just fell in love, right there! And I'm glad that love is blind, so you can feel your way around!"
-- Lawler, referring to the hos
"Don't come over that rail, pal! Not only will you get arrested, you'll get smashed into smithereens by the Bulldog!"
-- Lawler as a drunk fan at ringside exchanges words with the Bulldog
"Hey! You know, last time I tried to do the right thing and I offered you these hos-- I turned my back and you jumped me! Okay, well listen up! There's gonna be a spanking tonight! It's when you go back to your hotel room; you're gonna be spanking your monkey!"
-- the Godfather to the British Bulldog
"Look at this! We've got money changing hands!"
-- Lawler as the Mean Street Posse heads to ringside to purchase the services of the hos
"Hey! There's that idiot again!"
-- Michael Cole; the crowd pops huge as the Godfather snatches away the "WWF is Immoral" sign and security attacks
"Hey ref! How about, um... turning around?"
-- Lawler
"What did you DO with him?!"
-- a furious Stephanie leaping onto Triple H and hitting him as Vince and company confront D-X backstage
"You better keep her off of me, or I'll beat her ass too!"
-- Triple H as Vince and Shane pull Stephanie away
"Mmm mmm mmm... hey Tori, what's up? You lookin' good! No, you lookin' REAL good. Hey, I heard what that little punk X-Pac did to you-- baby, Viscera would never hurt a single hair on that pretty body of yours. Hey, you see X-Pac over there? See, he's a LITTLE guy. But me?" (hangs his tongue out at her) "I'm a BIG guy. Y'know what I'm saying?"
-- Viscera, half a second before Kane comes out of nowhere to start beating the crap out of him
"Can't he even talk to her? Jeez, what's wrong with Kane?"
-- Lawler
"I don't understand why anybody would EVER want to infuriate this guy!"
-- Lawler as the Big Show beats up Hardcore and Crash Holly
"The champion plants Hardcore Holly--"
"Look at this!"
"And Crash, from behind, still can't break up the three count!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler, as Crash is about as effective as a mosquito
"Hey, the Boss Man! The number one contender for the WWF title is assaulting the champion with a nightstick!"
-- Michael Cole (watch and you'll see the Boss Man nearly fall flat on his ass after tripping over the Big Show's legs)
"Hey, Rock! Know your role and shut your mouth!"
-- Rock's character in the Wrestlemania 2000 video game calling him out (seen on a commercial for the game)
MICHAEL COLE: "What Viscera did, King, extremely inappropriate; I mean, he made a pass--"
LAWLER: "Why was it inappropriate?"
MICHAEL COLE: "He stuck his tongue out at her! Is that any way to treat a lady?"
LAWLER: "Oh, big deal. He gave her a couple of compliments and then he... was sort of bragging! I mean, let's take a look at Viscera! He's a BIG GUY; he's physically well-endowed!"
MICHAEL COLE: "How do YOU know?"
LAWLER: "He just said it!"
(Kane's music begins)
LAWLER: "Uh-oh... I also know that this guy that's fixing to come out here right now is NOT physically well-endowed! What about THAT, Michael Cole?" (the pyros explode) "ACK!"
MICHAEL COLE: "You heard that from X-Pac!"
LAWLER: "Right..."
MICHAEL COLE: "And I don't consider X-Pac a reliable source."
"It knocked the referee down!"
-- Lawler as the ref eats the mat after Kane lights up the ring corners
"Now wait a minute; here comes..." (begins to sing) "Stand by yo man!"
-- Lawler as Tori comes to ringside, anxious to check on a battered Kane
"You wanna be a ho? Huh? You wanna be a ho?"
-- Viscera, going after Tori
"All Viscera was doing was showing Tori a gold tooth!"
"Kane, and the age-old adage: you don't mess with another man's woman."
"You don't?"
-- Lawler and Michael Cole as a livid Kane goes after Viscera
"He flipped Viscera like a cheese omelet; did you see that?"
-- Lawler on Kane
(A snickering Triple H knocks on Vince's door)
VINCE McMAHON (opening the door): "What the hell do you--"
SHANE McMAHON (from inside the room): "HEY!"
(Shane comes flying at Triple H, but Vince throws out an arm to stop him)
TRIPLE H: "Relax, relax!"
VINCE (to Shane): "Hey, wait a minute."
TRIPLE H: "Hold on, hold on."
VINCE: "What the hell you doing?"
TRIPLE H: "This has gone way too far, all right? I'm here to bury the hatchet, now. I'm here to apologize for what Billy did to Test, and just to show you that we're serious about this..." (motions at Test and Stephanie, further back in the room) "I've got a little wedding gift for the two of you. Here you go."
(Triple H hands Vince a catcher's mask for Test. Vince looks at it, snatches it, and throws it across the room [almost hitting Shane] before slamming the door in a laughing Triple H's face.)
"Look, officer, I've answered all of your questions, and yes, I understand that this is a very important investigation, but I'm suggesting to you that if you have more questions, you contact my attorney... Jerry Lawler? Let me TELL you about Jerry Lawler, officer. Jerry Lawler is a first-class, restaurant-quality ass. ASS, with two Ss. Well, thank you for your time; goodbye."
(cameras switch to ringside, where Lawler stares at the OvalTron with huge eyes)
"WHAT did he say?!"
-- J.R. backstage (on the phone with the Detroit detectives), and Lawler's reaction
"Well... oh, I may be an ass, but I'll tell you what-- J.R. is a SUSPECT! His face has perpetrator written all over it! I'm not saying he was driving the car, but I'm telling you something-- he knows more than he's saying!"
-- a pissed Lawler
"Look at this car come from nowhere and run right over Stone Cold Steve Austin! I'm telling you, I see a black hat in there!"
-- Lawler watching the Survivor Series replay, trying to implicate J.R.
"Now Ivory, even though she's the champion, she doesn't have to be pinned to lose! The first person that scores the pinfall or gets the submission is going to be the new WWF champion!"
"Luna choking Ivory-- WOMEN'S champion."
-- Lawler and Michael Cole
"Hey, I can't go in there!"
-- the ref protesting the fact that the hardcore match for the women's title has spilled into the women's dressing room; Luna shoves him in anyway
"Hey, get the camera! I don't think Miss Kitty's dressed!"
-- Lawler
"What's Luna got? A box of popcorn!"
"Hey, y'know, that salt can burn your eyes."
"Straws flying all over the place..."
"Oh, they're dangerous, too."
"Look at the crowd back there!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as the title match spills into the concourse
"Hey, that's a PUBLIC RESTROOM!"
"Don't be smoking in there, girls!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
"Wait a minute-- that's the men's room! That's the MEN'S room!"
"Oh my GOD!"
"Oh man-- Ivory almost tossed into a urinal!"
"Don't worry, those guys are just hanging out in there! Don't forget to wash your hands, fellas. Oh man, Ivory's gonna be peed off about this, isn't she?"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler, both cracking up, as Ivory gets thrown to the ground right beside two guys using the urinals
"Hey, those are perfectly good pretzels!"
-- Lawler protesting more concession stand carnage, as Ivory pins Jacqueline and Luna crawls to refuge under a counter
"Yeah! Women's champ! Number one!"
-- Ivory celebrating her victory among the crowd (notice a guy in white behind her, checking out her butt)
"Well, we're here, Al! Viva Las Vegas, as part of UPN's Vegas Invasion weekend! That's why they pulled out all the stops and flew us first class."
"Wait a minute-- first class? I was in 28 C! I was back by the crapper!"
"I know, I saw you there!"
-- Mankind and Al Snow arriving in Vegas
KID IN CASINO: "Al Snow! Mankind! How're you guys doing?"
MANKIND: "Well, we're hanging in--"
KID IN CASINO: "It doesn't MATTER how you're doing! Ha!"
(a chase ensues)
MANKIND and AL SNOW: "Hey, get him! Track him down! Son of a--"
(Mankind catches him and pins him to the carpet)
MANKIND: "Who's your favorite wrestler, punk?"
KID IN CASINO: "Mankind! Mankind!!"
"Look at that... the hand of a lifetime! I've been dreaming about a hand like this, baby!"
"You dream about your hand all the time!"
-- Mankind and Al Snow, playing cards
"Hap-py birthday.... to yoooouuu... waaahhHHH!"
-- Mankind onstage, playing to a fairly dead crowd
"Hey, there's plenty more where THAT came from!"
-- Mankind trying to pay off the ladies at Cheetah's with quarters
"There's not many things that I hate, but one of those is a woman-beater! Chyna and I have an illustrious past! Breaking her thumb means I'm kicking your ass!"
-- Mark Henry to Jericho
"How's Your Thumb Chyna?"
-- sign in the crowd
"Mike Henry, I can't believe you would be so stupid as to stand up for that loser Chyna's honor! All she had to do was admit to me that I was the better performer at Survivor Series; that I should be the Intercontinental champion! But she didn't, and now, well... let's just say, she won't be doing any hitch-hiking anytime soon. But Chyna, look on the bright side! At least now, when you go to the manicurist, you can get that no-thumb discount! But most importantly of all, now YOU know who the better man REALLY is!"
-- Jericho
"Who the better MAN is? What'd he mean by that?"
"You know what he meant..."
-- Lawler and Michael Cole
"Metal Is Jericho"
-- sign in the crowd
(Backstage, D-Von Dudley is on a pay phone, with Buh Buh Ray standing nearby)
D-VON: "Who the hell is this?"
(Buh Buh Ray taps D-Von anxiously. D-Von places his hand on Buh Buh's face and shoves him back)
D-VON: "What? Where was I? It's obvious that you don't know who you're talking to, boy! Don't you know the third commandment?"
(Annoyed, D-Von shoves the phone at Buh Buh Ray, who takes it)
BUH BUH RAY (yelling into the phone): "H-Hello? This is Buh Buh! Who? What? Where?... I don't even know how to d-d-d-d-"
(D-Von smacks him on the back of the head)
BUH BUH RAY: "Drive!"
(Buh Buh hangs up the phone. He checks the coin return for forgotten change before he and D-Von head out.)
LILLIAN GARCIA: "Well Rock, it's obvious that you must have revenge on your mind as you go against the Big Boss Man tonight."
(The Rock silences her with a finger in her face)
CROWD: "Rock-y! Rock-y! Rock-y!"
THE ROCK: "Finally, the Rock, HAS COME BACK to Cincinnati!"
(monster pop from the crowd)
THE ROCK: "Big Boss Man, the Rock says this-- last week, Monday night RAW, did you beat the Rock? You're damn right you did. Did you beat the Rock by yourself? You're damn right you didn't, because you couldn't! It took, not one, but TWO to beat the Rock! And now, Boss Man, you are the number one contender for the WWF title." (claps sarcastically)
CROWD (clapping in unison): "Rock-y! Rock-y! Rock-y!"
THE ROCK: "Boss Man... Boss Man, the Rock says that he knows, in time, he will be the WWF champion, and the Rock's people know that in due time, the Rock will be, without a shadow of a doubt, the BEST damn WWF champion there ever was!"
(crowd pop)
THE ROCK: "So the Rock says, Boss Man, you can have your number one contender spot, because the Rock has a title in which he is very proud of. The Rock has a title in which you, or no one else, could ever have! And that is the title of being the people's champion."
(crowd pop)
THE ROCK: "So Boss Man, having said that, tonight, on SmackDown, the Rock's show, as sure as the Rock has the recognized symbol of greatness, the Brahma bull, tattooed on his arm, and as sure as the Rock is gonna layeth the smacketh down on your candy ass..."
CROWD (after a pop): "Rock-y! Rock-y! Rock-y!"
THE ROCK: "IF YA SMEEEEEELALALALALAOW! What the ROCK... is cookin'!"
"They took Test earlier tonight on a little unwanted ride, they attacked the entire McMahon family, and people are STILL holding up signs that say "We love D-X!"
-- Lawler
"Yeah I bet Billy Gunn's real proud of himself, breaking Test's nose last week on SmackDown..."
"A little bloody nose never hurt anybody; come on..."
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
"Y'think Road Dogg's gonna talk about shiznit?"
-- Lawler as the Outlaws get ready to spiel
"Cincinnati, welcome to the dogghouse! Where you know, those New Age Outlaws always like to kick that shiznit doggystyle... with the Hardy Boys' mama!"
"WHAT?!"
-- Road Dogg egging on the Hardy Boys (and Jeff's reaction proving that he succeeded)
"Rock Needs a Push"
-- sign in the crowd
"I tell ya, ever since Terri took over this team of Matt and Jeff Hardy, they've been climbing the ladder to the top!"
"She likes it on top!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
LAWLER: "Vince said, on RAW, that he thinks that Mr. Ass was driving the car that ran down Steve Austin..."
MICHAEL COLE: "He was the only D-X member unaccounted for at the time of the accident!"
LAWLER: "His plane was delayed!"
MICHAEL COLE: "Of the attack; no accident, attack."
LAWLER: "We checked the records. He was on a flight that got delayed. If you're not careful, I may stooge them off about you too, Michael!"
MICHAEL COLE: "What did *I* do?"
LAWLER: "Wouldn't you like to know..."
MICHAEL COLE: "Hardy flies through the air; double knockdown on both Mr. Ass and Road Dogg!"
LAWLER: "I know what you did last Sunday."
MICHAEL COLE: "Yeah, I was doing interviews backstage at Survivor Series. Just like Jim Ross was sitting out here with you doing play-by-play. He couldn't have been involved in it."
LAWLER: "Oh-- couldn't have been INVOLVED?"
MICHAEL COLE: "Not at all! He was out here with you!"
LAWLER: "He's unstable, Michael!"
"Look at this double-team, King... suplex; senton bomb! He caught him in the sternum; it's over! This one's over! The Hardys can make the cover here! And they're going to fly again; oh, we've seen this before..."
"They've got it won!"
"We've seen this before by Matt and Jeff! Get your cameras ready-- oh, my! Double team on the Road Dogg!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as the Hardys work over the New Age Outlaws
"The Outlaws STEAL it from the Hardys; the Hardys had the tag team titles won!"
-- Michael Cole as the crowd gives the Outlaws a solid pop
"Hey, Dad... do you smell something burning?"
-- Shane McMahon
"After that match, Rock, we saw a side of the Rock I hope we never experience again."
"Well, I don't know why you'd say that! Just because he went completely wild... I mean, he was wild-eyed; he was pounding Prince Albert and Big Boss Man into the ground, plus he busted their heads wide open, blood was everywhere... why would you never want to see THAT again, Michael?"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as the Rock comes to the ring
"Every time Triple H sees Vince, he's gonna do something bad to him, I can assure you; and probably if Triple H ever sees Arnold Schwarzenegger again, he'll kick Arnold's ass as well! -- Lawler
(Triple H hits the ring, mic in hand)
TRIPLE H: "Y'know, this whole thing started out as business!"
CROWD: "Asshole! Asshole! Asshole!"
TRIPLE H (ignoring the chant): "It was plain and simple; business, that's it! I busted my ass to get what I wanted! I became the World Wrestling Federation champion through guts, determination, hard work, blood, sweat, and tears; all mine!"
LAWLER: "That's a fact."
TRIPLE H: "To become..."
CROWD: "Asshole! Asshole! Asshole!"
TRIPLE H: "I was the World Wrestling Federation champion!"
(crowd heat)
LAWLER: "He was. Key word: was."
TRIPLE H: "But that burned a hole in Vince McMahon! It ate him alive! Because, after all, I wasn't one of Vince's boys! I did it on my own, without his help, and that burned his ass bad! So it came down to Survivor Series, where Vince McMahon screwed ME!"
LAWLER: "That's a fact again."
TRIPLE H: "Vince McMahon stole from ME!"
CROWD (I'm not completely sure this is what they said, but this is what it sounds like and if it's accurate, is Cincinnati retarded?): "Austin! Austin! Austin!"
TRIPLE H: "Vince McMahon committed a crime against me, personally! PERSONALLY. Which left me with no choice but to have D-X get personal with Vince McMahon. So then what you have is what happened tonight. We got personal with Vince McMahon's whole damn family, which leaves only one thing left to do."
LAWLER: "Uh-oh."
TRIPLE H: "And that is, for Vince McMahon to take the walk down to the ring, to get face-to-face with me, to stand man-to-man, eye-to-eye with me, and let me get personal with you! So Vince, get your ass out here now!"
LAWLER: "Oh boy, here we go."
MICHAEL COLE: "The chairman of the World Wrestling Federation has been called out!"
TRIPLE H: "Oh, and wait a minute. Vince, this is between you and me; this is personal, so leave the police in the back and handle it like a man, personally."
MICHAEL COLE: "Triple H has called out Vince McMahon."
LAWLER: "Without the police; I don't think that's going to happen."
MICHAEL COLE: "To settle this thing once and for all--"
("No Chance In Hell" cranks up)
LAWLER: "Uh-oh; wait a minute!"
MICHAEL COLE: "He's going to get his wish here!"
LAWLER: "I suggest you bring the cops! All of them!"
(Vince enters alone, looking upset)
LAWLER: "Uh-oh. No cops."
MICHAEL COLE: "Here comes Vince, alone. Vince apparently thinks he can handle this himself, King. Think about what Vince McMahon has been through this evening. The attack on his associates, the situation with his soon-to-be son-in-law, his son and his daughter trapped in that fire in his office... I mean, it has been an emotional evening for this man, and now he's got--"
LAWLER: "Hey, don't go too far. You don't know that D-X set any fire."
MICHAEL COLE: "I didn't say that, but I said it has been an emotional evening for this man."
LAWLER: "Right, right."
MICHAEL COLE: "Everything that he's been through, and now he's got to come out and face Triple H face-to-face."
LAWLER: "Don't make it worse than it is! Don't make it worse than it is! It's bad, all right."
MICHAEL COLE: "You can feel the tension in this ring."
(Vince begins to remove his jacket)
LAWLER: "Uh-oh. Wait a minute; what--"
TRIPLE H: "Now hold on, tough guy, hold on! I knew you were going to come in here all full of piss and vinegar, but if you touch me, I will sue your ass!"
(Vince stares at him in disbelief)
MICHAEL COLE: "Whoa!"
LAWLER: "What? He'll sue Vince McMahon?"
TRIPLE H: "I will sue you for every red cent you got in those bulging pockets of yours, pal, because I know what would happen! I would beat your weathered, old, bad-hair-having ass half to death in this ring, and tomorrow I would be fired. Right? Oh yeah. You'd fire my ass, sure as the day is long."
LAWLER: "What is Vince doing?"
MICHAEL COLE (observing the slightly deranged expression on Vince's face): "He's rolling his sleeves up."
TRIPLE H: "That's not gonna happen, Vince. What I propose is, we do it another way. You go back home, you go to the office. You get your high-dollar lawyers you have that work so diligently for you at the office, screwing everybody under the sun. You get those lawyers to draw up some papers that state, at a specified date, you and I will meet face-to-face in this very ring."
CROWD: "Asshole! Asshole! Asshole!"
TRIPLE H: "We WILL get personal, as personal-- and I do mean personal-- as we possibly can get! So Vince, you draw up those papers, and you get them to me."
CROWN (Cincinnati IS retarded): "Austin! Austin! Austin!"
TRIPLE H: "Now, what that contract should also state is, Vince, that no matter how bad I beat your ass, no matter how bad I stomp you, you can do nothing to me afterwards! I cannot be fired, I cannot be monetarily attacked; no one from your family can do anything about it, no one from your legal department can do anything about it; there is not a DAMN THING that can happen to me after I do the inevitable, which is beat you THAT CLOSE to the edge of your life."
(Vince returns Triple H's glare unflinchingly)
TRIPLE H: "And Vince, it seems to me that the perfect date for such an event would be... December... we've got a pay-per-view coming up; what's the name? Oooo... Armageddon?"
(Vince rolls his eyes, looking away)
TRIPLE H: "I think that's the name, Armageddon. That's very fitting. That's your next big, overhyped event, right? Well, Armageddon will be me and you, one more time-- it will be done. What do you say, old man? Do we have a deal?"
(unexpectedly, a female scream rips through the arena)
TRIPLE H: "What the hell was that? Did you hear a scream?"
(On the OvalTron, Test, Stephanie, and Shane can be seen crumpled at the bottom of a flight of stairs backstage. Vince turns to look, and his eyes go huge.)
TRIPLE H: "Oh my God, is that your family?"
MICHAEL COLE: "Oh, what the hell?"
TEST (crawling towards Stephanie on the screen): "Steph, are you all right? Jesus, you're cut!"
TRIPLE H: "Vince, that's your family!"
(Vince, in a panic, leaps out of the ring and races up the ramp)
TRIPLE H: "They've-- they've fallen down the stairs and they can't get up!"
MICHAEL COLE: "Oh my God, what the hell has happened here!"
TRIPLE H (leaning over the ring ropes, looking after Vince): "Vince! Vince! Be careful, Vince!" (grins) "Watch your step..."
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