Quotes: SmackDown!, December 2, 1999
Taped 11/30/99 from Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, CA
Recap of Stephanie/Test wedding fiasco. Stephanie hits the ring and forces Shane and Vince to promise they will let her handle the marriage situation on her own. Viscera vs. Kane (begins with a backstage brawl and works its way to the ring); X-Pac taunts. Al Snow/Mankind backstage. Edge/Christian vs. the Dudley Boyz; Acolytes run-in. WWF European Championship: the British Bulldog (C) vs. D'Lo Brown; Val Venis interferes. D-X interview in-ring. Al Snow attacks the Rock backstage. Mankind vs. Chris Jericho. Austin injury update. Kurt Angle/Steve Blackman vs. the Headbangers. Stephanie and Test meet backstage. Crash Holly (with Hardcore Holly and scale) vs. Rikishi (with Too Cool). The Rock vs. Al Snow. The Big Show and the Hardy Boyz vs. the New Age Outlaws and X-Pac; the Big Boss Man, the Rock, Mankind, and Kane run in.
"What is your PROBLEM? We're not talking fifty feet now; you bash his head in with that bat, you're talking five years! Is that what you want? There's a better way to do this!"
-- Shane screaming at his father backstage as Vince stalks around in psycho mode, baseball bat in hand
"DX Sucks!"
-- sign in the crowd... guess they're finally getting over as heels
"Chyna, Give Me a Low-Blow"
-- sign in the crowd
"Congrats HHH"
-- sign in the crowd
"Will Wrestle For Better Seats"
-- sign in the crowd
"It Doesn't MATTER What My Name Is!"
-- sign in the crowd (with arrow pointing down to sign-holder)
"Will U Adopt Me Vince?"
-- sign in the crowd
"Got Rock?"
-- sign in the crowd
"We Want the Undertaker"
-- sign in the crowd
"WE WANT POON TANG PIE"
-- huge sign in the crowd (lots of good signs this week)
"Stephanie McMahon is on her way down to the ring, and King, can you imagine what this poor young lady has had to endure over the past few days?"
"Listen-- these people are actually BOOING Stephanie!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as Stephanie catches some major heat
"Hey DX, Suck This!"
-- sign in the crowd
"Slut! Slut! Slut! Slut!"
-- chant from the crowd as Stephanie stands in the ring
"HHH & Steph 4-Ever"
-- sign in the crowd
"I'd like to ask my brother and my father to come to the ring, because I have something to say to them. I have something to say to my friends and my family, I have something to say to my fiancée, and I have something to say to all of you... the only person that I have to blame is myself."
(crowd pops)
"And I accept full responsibility for everything that happened in Las Vegas. I should have KNOWN better. I shouldn't have partied so hard; I shouldn't have drank so much. And I certainly shouldn't have taken that last drink from a bartender I didn't even know, who I now know was working for Triple H. I know I was drugged. I don't remember anything that happened shortly after I took that drink; I don't even remember how I got to my hotel room! I was just as shocked as anyone last Monday night on RAW, when Triple H aired the video of us getting-- married. I felt... disgusted..."
(crowd mixed heat/pop)
"...I felt cheap..."
(same from the crowd, louder this time)
"...And I felt violated. I'd like to publicly apologize to those whom I might have hurt, especially my friends and my family, and my fiancée Andrew. I only hope that Andrew can... can maybe find it in his heart to forgive me."
(crowd heat as Steph suddenly takes on a nasty tone)
"But as far as Triple H is concerned, I will NEVER forgive him for wrecking my life. You used me as a tool, Triple H."
(crowd mixed heat/pop)
"You wanted to hurt my father, and guess what? It worked. He's crushed. So I have one piece of advice for you, Triple H. What goes around comes around."
-- Stephanie McMahon
"WCW Fears Stephanie"
-- sign in the crowd
"It's OK Steph"
-- sign in the crowd
"Where Is HBK?"
-- sign in the crowd
"It Doesn't MATTER How Many Beers I've Had"
-- sign in the crowd
"Wash Me Down With Ivory"
-- sign in the crowd
"Stephanie, You Can Do A Shot With Me Anytime"
-- sign in the crowd
"I got myself into this, and I'll get myself out. Now, I want you both to promise me-- you both need to promise me-- that you will let me handle this, MY way."
-- Stephanie (sounding like a true McMahon) to Shane and Vince
"Daddy, if you love me you'll promise me!"
-- Stephanie trying an alternate (and ultimately successful) means of persuasion
"When I see Tori tonight... it's gonna be a night she's gonna never forget..."
-- Viscera muttering and waggling his tongue at himself in the mirror as he primps for Tori backstage
"Kane... I'd like to say that when I spin-kicked your old lady's head off, that was an accident... but, quite frankly, I can't say that at all! 'Cause, you see, it was SO intentional!"
-- X-Pac taunting Kane from the stage
"Sore loser!"
-- Lawler as a counted-out Kane comes scooting back into the ring after Viscera
"Y2J Gave Me A Virus"
-- sign in the crowd
"Whoa! An obvious message, King, sent by Kane to X-Pac!"
-- Michael Cole as Kane explodes the pyros both in the ring and on the stage, scaring X-Pac (not to mention the ref) to death
"Is the end near for X-Pac?"
"I would say the end is near for someone!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler on the Kane/X-Pac match at Armageddon
"One more time... ONE MORE TIME..."
"Al... it's just an elbow!"
-- a disgruntled Al Snow watching himself get the People's Elbow on videotape, and Mankind trying to help out
"It's NOT a misunderstanding! It's right there, crystal-clear, black and white-- living color..."
-- Al Snow yelling at Mankind (and having some problems with the color range of his TV)
"He did that on purpose! As always, the egotistical jerk took advantage of me coming down to help you! I want you to know that I'm going to do exactly what I've wanted to do for the last couple of weeks, and I'm not gonna be held responsible! I'm gonna take his hide apart tonight, and I'm not gonna be held accountable for whatever I end up doing!"
-- Al Snow still yelling; Mankind listens with some concern while polishing off a donut
"Listen, if you see the Rock, let him know that the other half of the connection's looking for him!"
-- Mankind seeking out the Rock backstage (and swiping handfuls of free candy in the process)
"They must dress in the restroom or something; every time they come to the ring, they come through the fans!"
-- Lawler, referring to Edge and Christian
"That's my right hand, you piece of c-c-c-c-c..."
-- Buh Buh Ray attempting to trash-talk Christian in the ring
"Look out, Buh Buh!"
-- Lawler yelling advice
"Hurricarana by Edge; oh my-- wait a minute-- Edge's left knee gave out as he came down to the mat!"
-- Michael Cole as Edge collapses in pain in the ring
"I heard it pop, I heard it pop."
-- Christian reassuring Edge backstage as the paramedics, including Beebee, work on his knee (guess this injury is a work then, huh?)
"Bulldog, I hear you're running around the back claiming you're the best damn European champion that's ever been! Well, everybody knows that I am the only four-time World Wrestling Federation European champ, so I guess that qualifies ME as being the best! Now everybody knows that I'm the only person to give a damn about that title; I'm the only one who brought prestige to it! So Bulldog, what you need to do is bring your jacked-up butt down here, so I can take my size-13 Lugz and stick them where the sun don't shine!"
-- D'Lo Brown
"Stephanie McMahon waiting outside the arena, hoping that her former fiancée Test is going to arrive here tonight on SmackDown..."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute, how can you say that, Michael? All you saw was the same thing *I* saw, same thing everybody else saw! We saw Stephanie McMahon waiting patiently-- or, waiting IMpatiently-- outside the arena!"
"Well, who else is she waiting for, King?"
"Duh! She's MARRIED, you know!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
"If you ask me, I think Val has just cost D'Lo the European title!"
-- Lawler
"Honey... I'm home!"
-- Triple H greeting a terrified Stephanie backstage
(A jubilant Road Dogg, X-Pac, and Billy Gunn hit the stage. X-Pac and Road Dogg are pushing shopping carts loaded with wrapped gifts.)
MICHAEL COLE: "Well, there's X-Pac with..."
LAWLER: "...Something..."
MICHAEL COLE: "And Road Dogg..."
LAWLER: "Oh, what are these guys gonna do now?"
MICHAEL COLE: "What is D-Generation X up to?"
(The trio heads to ringside and begins unloading the carts, tossing presents in under the bottom rope.)
LAWLER: "I don't know, but that's the great thing about D-X! You absolutely never know what they're going to pull off!"
MICHAEL COLE: "Well, they ARE the most controversial group in the history of the World Wrestling Federation, but King, I've got to ask you-- hasn't D-X caused enough problems already in the last couple of weeks?"
LAWLER: "Huh?"
MICHAEL COLE: "You know what I'm talking about."
LAWLER: "How can you accuse them of causing any problems?" (looks at the ring as the unloading continues) "What are they doing?"
(D-X climbs into the ring as Michael Cole quickly reviews the Armageddon card for these three)
LAWLER: "Look at all these gifts, Michael! My birthday was Monday; I didn't know these guys-- wait a minute..."
(D-X, minus Triple H, light off their fireworks)
MICHAEL COLE: "The Pond is jumping in Anaheim! SmackDown on UPN with a visit from D-Generation X, and I can only imagine what this is all about."
(X-Pac grabs a microphone and dances around for a minute, as Road Dogg hangs his championship belt off the ring ropes.)
X-PAC: "Since we're [something unintelligible], bow down when D-X comes to your town!"
(mostly pop from the crowd)
LAWLER: "Bow down when D-X comes to town!"
X-PAC: "Y'know what makes D-X so great? Is that we do what we say, and we say what we do! And Kane, I say what I'm doing to you at Armageddon, is I'm gonna beat ya, I'm gonna humiliate you in front of your old lady, and then I just might, for all the people in the crowd and the people around the world, rip that mask off--"
LAWLER: "Uh-oh!"
X-PAC: "And show everybody what you've been hiding under there for so long!"
LAWLER: "Whoa..."
MICHAEL COLE: "That's at Armageddon, on pay-per-view in ten days!"
(X-Pac says something else I can't understand, and hands the mic off to Mr. Ass)
BILLY GUNN: "Now, Armageddon, the New Age Outlaws, the greatest tag team ever in the World Wrestling Federation, put the tag team titles on the line against the Rock and Sock Connection."
(crowd pop)
GUNN: "Now Mick, I read your book and couldn't even get by the introduction, it was so horrible! And Rocky, I think you said it best-- so at Armageddon, the New Age Outlaws will show the Rock and Sock Connection why you ABSOLUTELY SUCK!"
(crowd heat as Gunn passes the mic over to the master of charisma)
ROAD DOGG: "The future, the future... but there's no time like the present! Y'see, tonight, it's New Age Outlaws, X to the P to the A to the C, against the Hardy Boyz, and the WWF champion, the Big Show!"
LAWLER: "Wow..."
MICHAEL COLE: "That's gonna be a war, later on tonight on SmackDown!"
ROAD DOGG: "Well, Hardy Boyz, up until now the New Age Outlaws have been making you! Tonight, we start breaking you! You see, you've acquired the services of the World Wrestling Federation heavyweight champion, the Big Show Paul Wight! But even D-Generation X can overcome that obstacle! You see, Paul Wight, you're not a mountain that we can't climb! But enough about us. This week is a week of joyous celebration... so now, without further ado... ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages! D-Generation X proudly brings to you--"
(Road Dogg cuts off abruptly and leaves the crowd hanging as Gunn snickers)
ROAD DOGG (smiling): "No no no... not only is he the Game, not only is he our faithful leader, but he is the latest member of the McMahon family; Triple H, Hunter Hearst Helmsley!"
(The three D-X members point dramatically to the stage as the crowd... pops?)
MICHAEL COLE: "Oh, no..."
LAWLER: "What an introduction!"
(The "No Chance In Hell" music begins)
MICHAEL COLE: "Wait a minute, King, that's Vince McMahon's... oh."
(Triple H comes strutting out, wearing a Vince McMahon mask)
LAWLER: "HA! Look at this!"
MICHAEL COLE: "Oh, please."
(Lawler cracks up)
MICHAEL COLE: "Yeah, you find this hilarious."
LAWLER: "Well, he's part of the family! He's looking like the family!"
(Triple H pulls the mask off, and the music switches to Triple H's familiar entrance theme)
MICHAEL COLE: "Triple H on his way to the ring. King, I'll tell you what-- a week from this Sunday at Armageddon, Triple H takes on Vince McMahon, right?"
(Triple H shows off his wedding ring)
LAWLER: "He's already taken him on as a father-in-law!"
MICHAEL COLE: "Well, that match at Armageddon has taken on a whole new dimension; a whole new meaning."
LAWLER: "Yeah, Family Feud."
(Triple H climbs in the ring-- presumably this is the first time he's had a chance to meet with his buddies since the wedding, as they give him congratulatory hugs)
MICHAEL COLE (muttering): "Triple H with the AUDACITY to show off that wedding band..."
LAWLER: "It's nice! Very expensive!"
ROAD DOGG (to Triple H): "Congratulations! So how's married life been treating you?"
TRIPLE H: "Pretty good..."
X-PAC: "It's a beautiful thing, man!"
TRIPLE H: "...little bit tired, but I'm doing pretty good!"
(D-X laughs; X-Pac and Gunn go to the presents. A faint "asshole" chant begins, but ends as soon as the Road Dogg starts talking again.)
ROAD DOGG: "Well, I don't want you to be embarrassed, but we got you some stuff. We put our heads together and got you a few things; look at this."
(Gunn holds up a framed photograph of the McMahon family. Triple H's head has been cut out of a magazine and added in.)
GUNN: "First of all, this is your great family portrait!"
(The OvalTron catches the image, and the crowd cracks up)
TRIPLE H: "You guys are too much! I mean, you went to all the trouble to get me put in the family portrait?"
LAWLER: "How nice!"
TRIPLE H: "You know... I never thought anybody could actually have a bigger head than Vince!"
(D-X digs up some more presents)
TRIPLE H (watching): "You guys are-- look at all these gifts!" (looks up at the crowd) "Hey, you people have to admit-- this is the greatest group of guys in the world!"
(surprisingly, crowd pops as Road Dogg and X-Pac come up with a pair of gifts)
TRIPLE H: "TWO toasters? I could never heat up that many buns at once!"
(Road Dogg laughs as Triple H remarks on the brand, and also receives an iron as Billy hands over a wrapped present)
GUNN: "Here, this is from me."
TRIPLE H (opening the package): "You picked this out yourself?"
X-PAC: "What is it?"
GUNN: "It's beautiful. Lingerie; how about THAT?"
(Triple H lifts the little red silk/black lace number out of the box and holds it up as the crowd whistles)
LAWLER: "Uh-oh!"
MICHAEL COLE (grumpily): "This is ridiculous."
GUNN: "Is that even your size?"
LAWLER: "HA!"
TRIPLE H: "I don't think that's going to fit me!"
GUNN: "I don't know; it looked great on me!"
TRIPLE H: "Are these panties crotchless?"
(Snickering, Road Dogg takes the gift away as X-Pac sidles up, box in hand)
X-PAC: "Well... I'm kinda bummed out because I guess, you and I, we had the same idea! But here it is, man, with all my love!"
(X-Pac hands his gift to Triple H)
GUNN (to X-Pac): "Y'know, great minds think alike..."
X-PAC: "It'll look great on her; I'll tell you that right now!"
TRIPLE H: "What is this, lingerie?"
X-PAC: "Well, just open it and see, man!"
(Triple H opens the box)
TRIPLE H: "There's... nothing in here."
X-PAC (delighted): "Exactly!"
(They laugh as the crowd groans; Road Dogg hands Triple H a small box)
ROAD DOGG: "That one's from me." (He grins and swipes at his eyes) "I'm getting a little tore up right now..."
(Triple H looks at the box, then at Road Dogg)
ROAD DOGG: "Go ahead, open it."
(Triple H opens the box)
ROAD DOGG: "It's a front row ticket... it's a front row seat; look, right there... front row center, Armageddon, for Stephanie, so that your lovely bride can watch you beat the fire out of her father!"
LAWLER: "Oh my gosh!"
MICHAEL COLE: "C'mon..."
(X-Pac and Gunn applaud the gift)
TRIPLE H: "You see... that just proves it! Once and for all, you guys-- you're not only the greatest, you're the most thoughtful friends a guy could have! A front row ticket..." (walks to the ropes and peers into the crowd) "...Pretty much just like where this moron is sitting, right here... nice hair, by the way, you putz... a front row ticket for my beautiful wife, to sit up close and watch her daddy, my father-in-law, get the living crap kicked out of him by me! And I'll tell you what; as great as this gift is, I'm going to up the ante just a little bit and make this present that much better! Because, seeing as how I've got this newfound family stroke and all, I'm going to go ahead and make this match between the honcho and myself... ANYTHING GOES."
MICHAEL COLE: "...what?"
TRIPLE H: "Falls-count-anywhere, we can fight anywhere, we can do anything we want, weapons, it does not matter! So the reality of it is, Vince... dad... at Armageddon, your little baby is gonna sit front row center and watch me beat you until you CAN'T... STAND... UP."
"Wow... Armageddon is gonna be something, Michael Cole!"
-- Lawler
(Backstage, Mankind finally discovers the Rock)
MANKIND (delighted): "Hey, Rock!" (holds up part of a candy cane) "I kept this part of the candy cane for the People's champ."
THE ROCK (struggling to remain expressionless): "What do you want?"
MANKIND: "I just wanted to tell you, Al Snow's going off the deep end! I mean, the guy's really... he's not there, Rock; that elbow sent him over the edge!"
THE ROCK: "Whoa whoa whoa; look at the Rock's eyes! Do you see any fear in the Rock's eyes over a man named AL?!"
"Al Snow's been playing in the pharmacy section again!"
-- Lawler as footage is shown of Al Snow attacking the Rock
"PTC sucks"
-- sign in the crowd
"Hello, Anaheim! Y'know, I like to think that I don't ask for a whole lot of favors, but what I'd like for everybody to do this Sunday, here in California and around the country-- go down to your local store and pick up the New York Times, because they sell that Sunday edition everywhere. I want you to look at that Best-Seller section... I think you'll see that on the best-sellers list, we've got a couple of ex-presidents, we've got three presidential hopefuls, we've got the first man who walked on the moon, we've got two Pulitzer Prize winners, and we've got the Dali Llama.. and, at the very top of that list, at number one, you've got a first-time author named Mick Foley, and he's kicking their asses! But it'd be real difficult for me to come out here and thank all the book critics, because they're too damn stupid to read it themselves! I can't thank the magazines or the newspapers because it's beneath them to read a book that a pro-wrestler wrote. So what I'm gonna have to do is thank wrestling fans around this country for making my little book numero uno!"
-- Mankind
"I've got news for you... both those idiots [Al Snow and the Rock] aren't your friends! They hate you! Everybody hates you! All the people at home, all these people in the arena hate you, and most importantly, Y2J hates you!"
-- Chris Jericho to Mankind
"The only reason anybody bought your book in the first place is they were hoping you would die at the end of it!"
-- Chris Jericho continuing to rip on Mankind
"Please accept my challenge of a match tonight! And that way, when I write MY highly-anticipated autobiography, I can entitle the first chapter, "Anaheim: the Night I Ended That Pathetic, Feeble-Minded Mike Foley's Career!"
-- Y2J to Mankind
"Look at that! Mankind wants another, and another! And Mankind, who seems to be impervious to pain, hammering away now on Chris Jericho!"
-- Michael Cole as Y2J tries slapping Mankind around
"Any time you're scared, just get behind me, Michael!"
-- Lawler to Michael Cole as Michael Cole evacuates his chair when the wrestlers get a bit too close
"As all of you know, I am the most celebrated REAL athlete in WWF history!"
"Also a tremendous motivational speaker."
-- Kurt Angle and Lawler
"Y'know, if I had a son, I'd want him to be just like that guy right there..."
-- Lawler, referring to Kurt Angle
"The Headbangers; they're cooking!"
-- Kevin Kelly?? (listen; it sure sounds like him)
"I think Blackman's in shock because he's that close to greatness!"
-- Lawler as Blackman glares at Angle for taking his pin in their match
"Do you... still love me?"
"Steph... I don't know WHAT to feel anymore."
-- Stephanie and Test backstage
"Now that's two guys, right there, that are wanna-bes! They want to be superheavyweights, but look at them! They're oversized midgets, is all they are!"
"Yeah, Hardcore, but what about that brontosaurus following them?"
-- Hardcore Holly and Lawler as Too Cool and Rikishi come out
"Are... you gonna go over there and help Crash?"
-- Lawler, as Hardcore entertains himself by poking fun at Too Cool and Rikishi
"Al Snow... you want to jump the Rock from behind like a true candy-ass?"
-- the Rock, annoyed about the incidents from earlier in the evening
"The Rock says, let him tell you what is going to exactly take place tonight. In about a minute and thirty seconds when the Rock stops talking, your crappy music is gonna play, you're gonna walk down that ramp; the Rock is gonna get out of this ring, meet you at that ramp, and begin to whip your monkey ass all over Anaheim!"
-- the Rock to Al Snow
"One... two... three... IF YA SMEEEEELALLALALOW! What the ROCK.... is cookin'."
-- the Rock
"Al Snow's lost it out here!"
"Sit down, Michael; don't be scared!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as the Rock and Al Snow brawl to ringside
"Uh-oh... get up, Michael; get up!"
-- Lawler about a second later
"C'mon, Rock! This is Al SNOW!"
-- Lawler as the Rock gets beaten on a little
"Ordinarily, Al Snow couldn't hit sand if he fell off a camel!"
-- Lawler
"The only thing D-X and Al Snow have in common is that they all hate the Rock!"
-- Lawler as the Outlaws come to the ring to help Al Snow in a post-match beatdown
"Here comes Mankind!"
"And there goes D-X!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
"So much for the friendship between Mankind and Al Snow!"
-- Lawler as Mankind smacks Al with a chair for his attack on the Rock
"King, you know, it doesn't matter what anybody says! In my book, these two kids, the Hardy Boyz, not once but twice won the tag team titles, only to be screwed by X-Pac!"
"That's why your book is not the number-one best-seller, Michael!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
"I know when I was married, my wife and I were inseparable! In fact, it took ten people to separate us!"
-- Lawler
"Look at Jeff now... great balance up over the top rope!"
"Road Dogg doesn't know where he went... OH, there he is!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as Road Dogg is nailed by a baseball slide
"Jeff tossed out of the ring by the Road Dogg, and that's no-man's-land... especially when you've got X-Pac out there!"
-- Michael Cole
"That was... a-la-Tori, wasn't it?"
-- Lawler as X-Pac hits a spinning heel kick on Jeff Hardy
"Look at Jeff Hardy turn that into a double-DDT!"
-- Michael Cole as the Outlaws unexpectedly get planted
"He landed on his feet again like a cat!"
-- Lawler as Jeff Hardy launches himself and lands perfectly upon the top turnbuckle
"Look at this now! Jeff Hardy... OVER TWELVE FEET IN THE AIR! Senton bomb!"
-- Michael Cole as Jeff hits a senton on Mr. Ass from the SHOULDERS of the BIG SHOW
[ Dogg Timeline || Dogg Articles || Dogg Gallery || Dogg Bio || Dogg Links ]