Quotes: RAW is WAR
December 6, 1999
Live from Worcester, Massachusetts
WWF Tag Team Championship: New Age Outlaws (C) vs. Too Cool (w/ Rikishi Phatu). Mankind/Al Snow interview; Snow turns on Mankind. Stephanie talks to Vince backstage. The Hardy Boyz (w/ Terri) vs. Kurt Angle/Steve Blackman. Stephanie confronts Triple H and X-Pac backstage. WWF European Championship #1 Contendership: Val Venis vs. D'Lo Brown; the British Bulldog and the Mean Street Posse interfere. Moolah/Mae Young backstage. The Godfather (w/ hos) vs. Prince Albert. Triple H/Stephanie/Vince confrontation in-ring. Hardcore Holly (w/ Crash Holly) vs. Rikishi Phatu (w/ Too Cool); Too Cool on color commentary. B.B./Ivory/Jacqueline confrontation in-ring; Chyna and Miss Kitty come in. Kane/Test vs. Triple H/X-Pac. WWF Championship: the Big Show (C) vs. Viscera. The Rock/Mankind vs. Al Snow/Chris Jericho; Chyna, Miss Kitty, New Age Outlaws interfere.
"With Armageddon this Sunday exclusively on pay-per-view, we welcome you live to WWF RAW, from the sold-out Worcester Centrum in Worcester, Massachusetts! Hello again, everybody; I'm Jim Ross, alongside Jerry "the King" Lawler, and King, do you think we're going to experience some armageddon, personal-style, here tonight?"
"Boy, I'll tell ya, J.R., everything and anything can happen here tonight on RAW!"
-- J.R. and Lawler starting us off
"What'd I tell ya?"
-- Lawler as the music for the New Age Outlaws cranks up
"I Wanna Rock Your World"
-- sign in the crowd
"Stephanie, Want To Marry Me Too?"
-- sign in the crowd
"Test, I Won't Break Your Heart!"
-- sign in the crowd
"Real Mick Foley Fans Hate Ric Flair"
-- sign in the crowd
"The Rock and Sock Connection to take on the Outlaws this Sunday on pay-per-view for the WWF Tag Team Championship."
"Wait a minute; wait a minute, J.R, you're getting a little bit ahead of yourself! The Outlaws may not even *be* the tag team champions this Sunday! They've got a little matter to decide right here tonight!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as the New Age Outlaws showboat to the crowd (heel? Who says?)
ROAD DOGG: "Welcome to the Dogg House! Where you know, those New Age Outlaws, always like to kick that poo-poo dog-gie-chow!" (grins at the crowd) "Ah, I gotcha."
LAWLER: "Doggie chow?"
ROAD DOGG: "Now then, let's see if we can't make a little noise, UP IN--"
(lifts mic skyward)
CROWD: "THIS BIATCH!"
ROAD DOGG (with a smile right into the camera): "*I* didn't say it." (take that, PTC!)
"Well, you know what, J.R.? I got two words for D-X-- Too Cool!"
-- Lawler as the opponents of the New Age Outlaws come dancing out
"Hey-- get his fat ass outta here!"
-- Road Dogg (interpreted via his exaggerated pantomimes) to the referee, referring to Rikishi
"J.R., if his butt starts beeping, that means he's backing up!"
-- Lawler as Mr. Ass inquisitively removes Rikishi Phatu's trappings and gets a look at Rikishi's massive rear end
"Rikishi Got ASS"
-- sign in the crowd
"Russo Sucks"
-- sign in the crowd
"There's a blind tag; Grand Master Sexay got the tag--"
"I saw it; whadaya mean, a blind tag?"
"Well--"
"Oh, look at this!"
"Road Dogg didn't see it; full nelson takedown by Grand Master Sexay!"
"Road Dogg saw the mat up close and personal then, didn't he?"
-- J.R. and Lawler as GMS hits a pretty move
J.R.: "The Outlaws gotta be thinking about the Rock and Sock Connection at Armageddon this Sunday--"
(GMS hits a snapkick to the face of the Road Dogg)
LAWLER: "Oh, man!"
J.R.: "Great move by Grand Master Sexay!"
LAWLER: "Well, if they're thinking about what they're going to do with those titles--"
(A goggled GMS does a bulldog headlock on Road Dogg off the second rope)
J.R.: "Bulldog headlock!"
LAWLER: "--Then that means the Outlaws are not thinking about Too Cool right now, and that's a big mistake!"
"What has HAPPENED, J.R.?"
-- Lawler as the Holly cousins run in on the tag team championship match
(Mankind rolls on down to the ring)
MANKIND: "Hello, Worcester Mass!" (cheap heat) "I'd just like to take one second to thank all of Worcester and everybody around the country for making my book, "Have a Nice Day," the number one in the country!"
(crowd pops)
J.R.: "Only in the WWF, King!"
MANKIND: "So if it makes us feel any better, I want you to know, the entire literary world not only hates me, but they hate all of you for making it number one!"
J.R.: "They'll just have to get over it."
LAWLER: "The literary world? Ha!"
MANKIND: "But now, as you know I've had my share of problems concerning two friends, and I'd like to address that by pointing your eyes to the video screen, the TitanTron, airing a little bit of footage of Mr. Al Snow..."
(video of Al Snow/Rock conflicts at SmackDown! airs)
MANKIND (voice-over): "There's Al taking a cheap shot at the Great One; putting the boots... now he's got a couple of new buddies, I guess; I don't know... D-Generation X. Al, that's cheap, and the Rock deserves a little bit better than that!"
(back live)
CROWD (brief chant): "Rock-y! Rock-y!"
MANKIND: "So, I know you're going through a lot of personal trauma; what I'd like for you to do is come on down here and maybe clear the air, right here in the Worcester Centrum. So please, let's have Al Snow down here right away! Al! Hey, Al!"
(Al Snow's entrance music begins, and he comes out scowling, mic in hand)
LAWLER: "Y'know, this whole friend business is overrated, J.R."
J.R.: "You think so?"
LAWLER: "Yeah; the best way to lose a friend is to tell him something for his own good! That's what Mankind did to Al Snow!"
AL SNOW (on the ramp, to production crew): "Shut it off! Shut it off NOW!" (slides into the ring) "Oh yeah!"
CROWD: "Rock-y! Rock-y! Rock-y!"
LAWLER: "Listen to these fans, J.R.!"
J.R.: "Al is taking exception to the "Rock" chant by this sold-out crowd..."
AL SNOW: "Oh, yeah. You chant his name, sure. And *I'm* the bad guy in all of this, huh? I'm the bad guy in all this because I, as a real friend, care about you [Mankind]. Do you think these people give a damn about you?"
(crowd pops)
J.R.: "Of course they do."
LAWLER: "Well, they bought his book!"
AL SNOW: "Let me ask you something. What do you think these people are gonna say is your most memorable moment in your entire career? Do you think-- do you th-- SHUT UP!"
(crowd gives Al heat)
LAWLER: "Uh-oh... Al's getting serious here!"
AL SNOW: "Do you think for one minute that it's gonna be your pride and joy, your book, that you poured your heart and soul out on? No. The one thing these people are gonna remember--"
CROWD: "Asshole! Asshole! Asshole!"
LAWLER: "Oh, boy... I recognize *that* chant!"
J.R.: "That name-calling again."
AL SNOW: "The *one* thing that these people are gonna remember you for, is the night that you threw your body off that cage and through that table!"
(crowd pops)
LAWLER: "He's talking about *this* table! I remember that!"
J.R.: "Me too. I'll never forget it."
AL SNOW: "Let me ask you something. Were any of those people there in that car, driving your ass to the Red Roof in Pittsburgh? No! Were they there to carry your bags? No! Were they there the next morning to get you up out of bed? No!"
MANKIND: "Wait, wait wait--"
AL SNOW (close to screaming now): "Will they be there for you when you are old and crippled and can't play with your kids? No! These people will forget about you as if you were yesterday's news! They do not give a damn about you, and Rocky sure as hell doesn't either."
(crowd heat)
LAWLER: "Fans *are* fickle, J.R."
MANKIND: "Hey Al, hold on! I mean, anybody who's seen us together in Las Vegas *knows* we're friends! I'll admit to the world right now that not only are you a friend, you may very well be my best friend in all of wrestling, but listen up! You know who else is my friend, Al? Gerald Brisco is my friend; it doesn't mean I'm gonna go down to Tampa and hammer out dents in the body shop with him! You know who else is my friend? That little Joe C, the little rapper guy..."
(crowd pop)
MANKIND: "...It doesn't mean I'm gonna go on the road and start rapping with Kid Rock! Al, you are a very good friend, but the truth is, when I get in the ring, I kinda like being a part of the Rock and Sock Connection!"
(crowd pops)
J.R.: "Could be the next tag team champions! We'll find out Sunday at Armageddon!"
LAWLER: "Yeah, that's what started the trouble."
AL SNOW: "Listen, I've seen you get out of the car. I've seen you can barely move. I cannot stand by and watch you, a former hardcore legend, a king of the Japanese death matches, debase yourself, degrade yourself; make yourself into a clown for these people, and make yourself into a no-good, suckup brown-nose to the Rock!"
MANKIND: "Wait a second; wait, wait."
AL SNOW: "As a friend, I cannot stand by and let that happen."
MANKIND: "Hey Al, remember "This is Your Life," Rock, remember that? Did you know that during the entire filming of that little incident, I didn't sustain one concussion! Did you know the entire time the Rock and Sock Connection were together, I didn't get hurt at all! You see, I knew I was playing the fool; you want to know why I stuck around? For three reasons, because-- A, I liked it; B, the Rock liked it; and C, the fans liked it!"
(crowd pop)
J.R.: "They sure did... they sure do!"
MANKIND: "And besides, the Rock and Sock Connection were pretty damn good, and with all due respect, as a team, Al Snow and Mankind, um... they sucked."
(crowd pop)
LAWLER: "They sure did... they sure do..."
AL SNOW (getting mad): "We sucked? We sucked as a team?"
MANKIND: "Big time, Al. Big time."
AL SNOW: "I'll tell you what. I'll go backstage right now and I will find myself a partner, and I will be glad to take on the "Rock and Sock Connection" tonight!"
(big crowd pop)
MANKIND: "Al, first off, I don't want to fight you, I don't want to wrestle you 'cause after all, who the hell am I gonna see the Christmas display at Santa's Village with, right?" (high-fives a reluctant Al Snow) "But, I know for a fact that I think everyone else out here might enjoy seeing the Rock get a piece of your ass!"
(crowd pop)
MANKIND: "So I'll tell you what, Al; you go off to the back and you find some guy. You bring him out, and the Rock and Sock Connection will put the action in this very ring, tonight in Worcester!"
J.R.: "Sounds like a done deal to me, here tonight live..."
AL SNOW: "Mick-- MICK! I got one more question for you. Do you remember how hurt you were when the Rock threw your book in the garbage?" (Mankind nods) "Do you remember how let down you felt? Do you remember how it felt like he had stabbed you right in the back, and you screamed at the Rock? Do you remember how you turned your back on the Rock, and how you left him in the ring during a title match? Do you remember how heavy your heart was after all of that? Do you remember that?" (Mankind nods) "Good, because it's exactly how *I* felt after I got done reading your book and all the Al Snow jokes! That book is a piece of *garbage*, and *I'm* the one who threw it in the trash because that's where it belongs!"
J.R.: "What?"
LAWLER: "Whoa!"
AL SNOW: "I did it to show you just how real a friend the Rock was--" (to crowd) "SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"
MANKIND: "*You* threw my book out... Al, I don't--"
(Al Snow hits Mankind with the microphone and the brawl, soon to be broken up by officials, is on)
"C'mon, Al... get yourself together, dammit!"
-- J.R. as Al Snow attacks Mankind
"I know what I'm doing. I *know* what I'm doing."
-- Stephanie to Vince backstage
"Boy, I tell you what-- it sounds like Stephanie is here to take matters into her own hands! She says she got herself into this predicament; she's going to get herself out of it!"
(The Hardy Boyz, accompanied by Terri, come out)
"I see some matters I'd like to take into *my* own hands right now!"
-- J.R., and Lawler referring to Terri
"Who'd be goofy enough to be Al Snow's partner?"
"That's a very good question..."
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Your Olympic hero has arrived in Worcester, Massachusetts!"
(crowd heat)
"What kind of reception is *that*?!"
-- Kurt Angle and Lawler
"Write those down! ...can you spell "intensity?"
-- Lawler to J.R. as Angle covers his three "I"s
"Wait a minute; what's this?"
"What the hell's that?"
-- Lawler and J.R. as the lights go orange, strange music comes up, and an orange and black symbol appears on the TitanTron in the middle of Steve Blackman's intro
"Last week, Mr. Blackman assisted me with *my* big win over the Headbangers! Thank you, thank you. Now Steve, you showed a lot of poise and a lot of promise, and you're making a great apprentice! You are! And if you stick with me, if you stick with me, Steve, you're going places. I will make you a winner. With my athletic ability, my amazing athletic talents, and your... your stuff, your stuff... we can make a championship-caliber tag team! What do you say? Let's do it!"
-- Kurt Angle to Blackman
"Sort of like you and I, J.R.! You're my apprentice; you stick with me, I'll take you to the top!"
"That's what I'm counting on."
-- Lawler and J.R.
"What a dropkick by the scintillising Matt Hardy!"
-- J.R. (the dropkick was actually done by Jeff Hardy), inventing a new word
"Coke Is Flat But Terri's Not"
-- sign in the crowd
"(W)e (C)an't (W)in"
-- sign in the crowd
(Stephanie has entered the D-X locker room and is facing down a seated Triple H, with X-Pac nearby)
STEPHANIE (holding papers): "Hunter, I'm serious. I need you to sign these annulment papers."
X-PAC: "Hey, wait... hold on a sec. Um, Mrs. Helmsley, the Outlaws are in there--" (gestures off-camera) "--in the shower and they're all soaped up; why don't you make yourself at home, and I'll be in there in a second?"
TRIPLE H (smacking X-Pac): "Hey!"
X-PAC: "What?"
TRIPLE H: "That's my wife, man!"
X-PAC: "Oh, hey, a thousand pardons..."
STEPHANIE: "You know what? You know what, I'm really trying to be serious here. Hunter, I'm appealing to you as a human being."
(X-Pac starts smothering laughter)
STEPHANIE: "I would hope that you have some shred of decency in you. You've ruined my life! You got what you want. You've driven my father absolutely crazy. Listen, it's over now. Would you please just sign these papers, please?"
TRIPLE H (snickering): "All right, look, hey--" (smacks X-Pac again) "Shut up."
X-PAC (innocent): "What?"
TRIPLE H: "All right, look. In all seriousness, okay, being completely serious here... are we getting in the shower or not? I mean, c'mon, the water's hot!"
(Stephanie stares at him, expressionless, as X-Pac cracks up. Stephanie finally turns to leave.)
TRIPLE H (standing up): "All right, all right... Steph, hold on. C'mon. Look, really-- the least I can do is look at them, all right?" (takes the papers) "See? I'm not such a bad guy; I can be a really nice guy, right? So how about you being nice; why don't you give me a little shot..." (cranes back to check her out from the back) "...of that poo, huh?"
(Triple H is all smiles as X-Pac laughs and Stephanie storms out)
TRIPLE H: "C'mon! Honey, where ya going?"
"Val: Show Me Your Venis"
-- sign in the crowd
"Mae, what are you doing?"
"I'm pouring it for my homies!"
-- Moolah and Mae Young backstage, preparing for their stint at the Billboard Music Awards (Mae has a baseball cap on backwards and is spilling alcohol everywhere)
"D-X huddling there, and I'll tell you what, when that happens--"
"They're not playing football!"
"No, trouble can't be far behind..."
-- J.R. and Lawler as D-X checks out the annulment papers backstage
"That's my favorite music, J.R.!"
-- Lawler as the Godfather comes out
"For some reason, they're not liking him too much right now..."
(Godfather summons the hos)
"Oh, now I can feel the love!"
"Do you feel the love, King?"
"I *do* feel the *love*!"
-- Lawler and J.R., checking out the hos
"It's time, once again, for everybody to come aboard the--"
"HOOO TRAIN!"
-- the Godfather doctoring his spiel slightly
"Look how *hairy* he is, J.R.! This guy has to comb his wrist to see what time it is!"
-- Lawler on Prince Albert
"If I was a girl, I'd marry-- me, but Triple H would be a close second!"
-- Lawler on why Stephanie shouldn't annul her marriage
"And the ho train-- and the cradle-- and the three count!"
-- J.R. as the Godfather pins Prince Albert
"A little sex on TV can't hurt anyone! Unless you fall off!"
-- Lawler (listen closely and you'll even hear J.R. laughing at that one)
"Ladies and gentlemen, we want to thank all of you for making last week's RAW a record-setting event as far as the television ratings are concerned!"
-- J.R.
(Triple H comes to the ring, carrying the annulment papers in one hand and a bouquet of roses in the other)
LAWLER: "Maybe he *is* gonna do the right thing!"
J.R.: "It may be!"
LAWLER: "Nah..."
J.R. (still dreaming): "Maybe the guy's got a conscience!"
LAWLER: "Yeah right."
J.R.: "Maybe there's some positive, redeeming social quality within his being!"
LAWLER: "You're dreaming, aren't you, J.R.?"
J.R.: "Well, I'm reaching."
LAWLER: "You can't be the Game and have a conscience!" (looks at Triple H) "That right there is Vince McMahon-- well, the entire McMahon family's-- worst nightmare!"
J.R.: "That is Vince and Linda McMahon's son-in-law! That's Shane McMahon's brother-in-law! But more importantly, that's Stephanie McMahon's husband!"
LAWLER: "I'll never forget... right in the middle of the big wedding, this music hit... you know, we really got to see a wedding and a half!"
J.R.: "Yeah, if you want to put it that way..."
LAWLER: "As they say, marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy!"
TRIPLE H: "You know, I've come out here week after week... you people have made it pretty clear how you feel about me; what's that word you call me?"
CROWD: "Asshole! Asshole! Asshole!"
TRIPLE H: "Yeah, you've made it pretty clear how you feel about ME, but just for the record, just so you know, I feel the *exact* same way about EACH and EVERY ONE OF YOU!"
(crowd heat)
LAWLER: "And they weren't saying "newlywed," were they, J.R.?"
J.R. (sarcastically): "Even though he's wearing his *wedding* ring."
LAWLER (impressed): "Hey!"
TRIPLE H: "So now that we've cleared that up... you know how I feel, I know how you feel... I'd like to ask you a little question. I'd like to know..."
CROWD: "Asshole! Asshole! Asshole!"
LAWLER: "Please, show some respect! He's got roses in his hand! Just off his honeymoon!"
TRIPLE H: "--how you all feel about my beautiful bride... Stephanie."
(crowd mixed reaction)
J.R.: "What's he up to? What's he getting at? "
TRIPLE H: "I'm a little bit confused about it, because Thursday on SmackDown, as she came out here and poured her soul out to the world, you people began to call her things like...."
(crowd begins to throw out various descriptors)
TRIPLE H (nodding in confirmation and motioning at the crowd): "Slut--"
CENSORS: "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPP"
TRIPLE H: "...whore..."
J.R.: "My God..."
LAWLER: "I DID hear some fans say that."
TRIPLE H: "You know, you people make me sick!"
LAWLER: "They're potty-mouths!"
TRIPLE H: "It never ceases to amaze me how you can kill something beautiful! She comes out here to pour her SOUL to you people; to talk about something beautiful and pure... and you people crap all over her! And the fact of the matter is, you're wrong. And the reason I know you're wrong, Steph is no slut, oh no--"
CENSORS: "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPP"
TRIPLE H: "--because Triple H would never marry a slut--"
CENSORS: "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPP"
LAWLER: "He's got values!"
TRIPLE H: "--at least not intentionally. I mean, marrying a--"
CENSORS: "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPP"
TRIPLE H: "--or something like that, and somebody slips a mickey in your drink, and you get all sloshed, and you end up at some cheap chapel somewhere, passed out, and have a shotgun-- no, I mean a shotglass-- wedding. And that is not Stephanie. She is no slut."
CENSORS: "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPP"
TRIPLE H (putting the roses down): "But now, she comes to me today, and she brings me annulment papers."
J.R.: "To annul this wedding! This travesty!"
TRIPLE H: "You can't imagine my surprise-- this hit me completely out of nowhere! I NEVER saw this coming! Annulment papers. And the truth of the matter is..." (looks at crowd) "I can't help but blame YOU for all of this!"
LAWLER: "Huh?"
J.R.: "What? Why?"
TRIPLE H: "We were two kids in love!"
LAWLER: "Yeah!"
TRIPLE H: "And again, you people have to kill something beautiful."
LAWLER: "They're probably jealous."
TRIPLE H: "It's you that made this happen, with your chants of slut--"
CENSORS: "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPP"
TRIPLE H: "--you drove her to this! She couldn't take it, so she comes to me..." (starts to fake sobs and tears) "And dammit..."
LAWLER: "Oh, he's devastated."
TRIPLE H: "She wants out! She wants to call it quits... I mean, I guess if that's what she wants... I mean, hell, I can't do it by myself. I mean, I know how I feel about her, and I know she loves me, I mean-- God, there's just so much passion there, but I'm not gonna hold it together by myself. I mean, it's not like, I mean... the kids'll get over it... oh right, we don't have any kids, but-- who gives a crap anyways, right? So if that's what she really wants, then I've come to the conclusion that...
(Triple H starts to break down in sobs)
LAWLER (sincere): "Awww..."
TRIPLE H (voice breaking): "Steph, come out here and I'll sign these papers if that's what you really want. Come on out, Steph, and I'll-- I'll sign these annulment papers, and I'll let you walk away from our wedded bliss."
(Stephanie comes out, looking suspicious, as J.R. and Lawler continue to discuss the situation. She climbs into the ring; Triple H hands her the roses, and she flings them into the crowd with a sour expression.)
TRIPLE H: "Now Steph, I understand you're a McMahon, you're hot-headed... but, you know I called you out here with all intents and purposes of signing these annulment papers..." (moves to check out her rear end) "...but now that I get a look at you standing out here, I'm... starting to get all warm and fuzzy inside..."
(crowd pops)
LAWLER: "His wife! That's his wife!"
TRIPLE H: "...Especially from certain angles! Steph, I-- I just-- Steph, you don't know how much you mean to me! I mean, it just won't be the same without you in my life! How can I kick your father's ass without you sitting there watching? Who can I get in their face and laugh to, if not you? I mean, Steph..." (Triple H starts doing something with his fingers; we can't see what from the camera angle but the crowd apparently can, as they start popping) "YOU... complete ME!"
(crowd pops again)
TRIPLE H: "You know what I'm saying? You complete me. And Steph, I just-- I can't sign these-- I just; I can't find it in myself to do it."
J.R.: "She's in marital hell."
STEPHANIE (takes the mic): "I'm tired of your games, you insincere son of a BITCH!"
(Triple H looks appropriately stunned)
J.R.: "The bride has spoken."
LAWLER: "I KNEW this was gonna get ugly."
STEPHANIE: "I hope my father CRIPPLES you at Armageddon."
(Stephanie drops the mic and starts to leave)
LAWLER: "Well, THAT'S a little harsh."
TRIPLE H: "Steph! Now wait a second, now." (She comes back inside, albeit slowly.) "Y'know, you might be on to something there. If that old goat can beat me at Armageddon, I would sign these damn papers. Yeah, we're on to something here, Steph. If your dad-- well--"
CENSORS: "BEEEEPPPPP"
TRIPLE H: "--can beat me at Armageddon, I will sign these papers and make you a free woman. BUT, the whole world knows that as long as your old man has a breath in his body, which he might not for very much longer, as long as he has a breath in his body, that I will NEVER receive a shot at the World Wrestling Federation title, because he hates my guts. So I'll tell you what-- if he beats me, the wedding is annulled, but if *I* beat *him*, then I get my shot at the title."
STEPHANIE: "I think I can have that arranged."
TRIPLE H: "Oh, I'm SURE that you can have that arranged. After all, you're my wife; you've got stroke around here... a LOT of stroke around here."
(crowd pops)
TRIPLE H: "BUT, as much as I love every inch of you, Steph, you're still a McMahon, which means I don't believe a damn word you say. So I've gotta hear it from the old goat's mouth himself. If we've got a deal, then I've gotta hear it from Vince. So, I know he's in the back watching. Why don't you come out here and let me know if you make this official... DAD?"
("No Chance In Hell" cranks up, and Stephanie is looking smug as Vince comes out and begins stomping towards the ring.)
TRIPLE H: "Come on, Vince! Get face-to-face in the ring with me, and tell me-- oh, wait a minute, hold on, hold on! I forgot! There's a restraining order against you, and I've got cops in the back waiting to arrest you on TV, and the fact of the matter is, Vince, as a family member, you embarrass me when you get yourself arrested on TV every week! So back yourself up the ramp, and make it fifty feet, jack!"
(Vince, looking quite angry, does so)
J.R.: "A temporary order of protection; a legal document that does not allow McMahon to get within fifty feet of Triple H."
VINCE (on the stage): "As far as the new provisions in this no-holds-barred match this Sunday, as to whether or not I accept these new provisions-- oh yeah, I do. I accept."
TRIPLE H: "You know, it never ceases to send a little shiver up my spine every time one of you McMahons says "I do." (high-pitched voice) "I do-- oh, I do!"
VINCE: "Let me just say this, Triple H-- after this match at Armageddon is over, so too will be your marriage to my daughter, because I promise you--" (growly voice) "--I'm gonna kick your ass from heaven ALL THE WAY DOWN TO HELL! And it's not that I don't trust you or anything, but I want this in writing, and by God, come this Thursday, I'll have new documentation for you to sign so you can't weasel out of any of these provisions."
TRIPLE H: "You know Vince, that's fine. You get your lawyers to draw up the papers, and Thursday, you bring them to SmackDown, because you're an untrusting man. *I* am a trusting person. I'm very old-school for these things, and while you need a contract, I most times like to do business the old-fashioned way, Vince-- I like to do business on, let's say... a handshake, or sometimes, just to seal the deal with, let's say-- a kiss!"
(Triple H grabs an unsuspecting Steph and bends her over backwards to deliver a hell of a smooch. She wriggles furiously; back on the stage, Vince's head looks ready to explode.)
"I've got a daughter too; I can empathize with what you're going through. I just want you to know that. And besides, you and Hunter in this match-- I know a little bit about "anything goes." If you want, I'd be glad to offer you a few pointers."
-- Mankind to Vince backstage
"We've been joined here at ringside by too cool; Grand Master Sexy, and Scotty Too Hotty!"
"What did you call me?"
"Well, what's your name?"
"My name is, the Grand Master SEX-ay! You gotta say it cool!"
"Well, sorry--"
"Oh, he's from Oklahoma!"
-- J.R., Grand Master Sexay, and Lawler (sitting next to his kid) at ringside
"Lord have mercy!"
"Is she coming out here?"
"She's coming out of her dress, it looks like!"
"Come ON!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as B.B. glitters herself up backstage
"Half a ton on the hoof, moments away, for WWF gold!"
-- J.R. plugging the upcoming Big Show/Viscera match
"I don't feel too good right now, J.R.! I think I'm coming down with something, or I got-- I could use an EMT right now!"
"You could use a proctologist, but that's another issue."
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Spare us the dialogue, Babs! We don't want you to burst a brain cell trying to form a sentence or anything!"
-- Ivory to B.B.
"Look, you really don't belong in the ring, okay? And I am going to take much pleasure in peeling the clothes off of your body at Armageddon's four-corner evening gown match!"
-- Ivory
"We want pup-pies! We want pup-pies!"
-- chant from the crowd (haven't heard this one in a while)
"Everything's turned orange again..."
"Maybe there's a problem in the truck or something."
-- Lawler and J.R. as the orange and black symbol shows up again, this time during Jacqueline's entrance
"Okay, listen, we've got, what, one, two three-- hey, boytoy, you gonna put a skirt on and join us or what? Who IS the fourth contender?"
(Chyna's music starts up, and Ivory freaks as the crowd pops big)
-- Ivory to Michael Cole
"NO WAY!"
-- Ivory as Chyna and Miss Kitty come to the stage
CHYNA: "Kitty, YOU are gonna be the fourth competitor in the evening match. I'm gonna be busy; I've gotta throw Chris Jericho around. I signed you up."
MISS KITTY: "No! You can't do that!"
CHYNA: "What's the big deal, Kitty?"
MISS KITTY: "You don't understand! That means I might get stripped down to my bra and panties!"
(crowd pops)
CHYNA: "So what's the big deal? Who cares?"
MISS KITTY: "Chyna, you don't understand! I don't wear underwear!"
(in the ring, Ivory does the people's eyebrow as the crowd pops huge)
LAWLER: "HERE, KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY!"
"The champion is hurt! And the title's gonna be on the line!"
-- J.R. as Viscera attacks the Big Show backstage
"Man, this is gonna be a tag team war!"
"This is gonna be an explosion, is what it's gonna be!"
-- J.R. and a panicked Lawler as Kane's pyros go off
"You've got to give Triple H credit here, he's probably in a weakened condition! He's hot off his honeymoon!"
-- Lawler
"He's showing no respect for a newlywed, is he?"
"He's knocking everybody down-- tiltawhirl backbreaker!"
-- Lawler and J.R. as Kane attacks Triple H and X-Pac
"Test is upstairs, and-- oh! X-Pac pulled Test--"
"That's okay; no problem! He's not married!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as X-Pac forces Test to lose his balance, and Test crotches himself on the ropes
"Oh my God, look at the power! Kane's raw strength caught X-Pac in midair, and then catapulted X-Pac back into the center of the ring!"
-- J.R. as Kane breaks up a bronco buster attempt by X-Pac on Tori, to a huge pop
"I don't think there's anybody else in the world that could do that to the Big Show!"
-- Lawler as Viscera hits a Samoan drop on the Show
"I tell you what, it takes a horse to knock the Big Show over the top rope and to the floor like that..."
"The building shook when he hit!"
-- J.R. and Lawler during the Big Show/Viscera match
"The Big Show with a dropkick off the top rope!"
-- J.R. (the crowd has zero reaction for this match, but it was actually really good when you consider how HUGE these guys are)
"I don't know what happened; I don't care! But the bottom line is, if you don't tell him what's in this packet, I will."
"Let me tell him! It should come from me..."
"Exactly what do you want to tell him?"
"I want to tell him... he wasn't supposed to know, but let me tell him..."
"What?"
"That he's illegitimate..."
-- the Big Boss Man sitting in the kitchen with the Big Show's mother
"So what you're saying is, your son's a bastard."
"Ye-ees!"
-- Boss Man and Big Show's mom, as a horrified Show watches from the ring
"Hey, Paul Wight! You're a nasty bastard, and your mama said so!" (turns to the Big Show's mother) "What kind of person are you? What kind of morals do YOU have?"
-- Boss Man, into the camera
"Why the lie? For twenty-seven years, why the lie?"
-- Big Show backstage, on the phone to his mother
"IF YA SMEEEELLLL..."
-- the Rock's opening theme; check out the camera shot on this; the entire darn arena leaps up all at once like they sent an electric shock through the seats
"Well, we said he'd have to find somebody as crazy, as confused, as demented as Al Snow, and I think he's done it!"
-- Lawler as Al Snow's tag team partner, Y2J, makes his entrance
JERICHO (with a copy of Volume 4 shoved down his pants): "Welcome to... RAW... is..."
CROWD: "Jericho!"
(Jericho smiles on the stage)
JERICHO: "And let me just say, Al Snow, that it's an absolute honor and a pleasure for you to have me as your tag team partner this evening."
LAWLER: "He's right about *that*."
CROWD: "Rock-y! Rock-y! Rock-y!"
(remember that the Rock is already in the ring at this point, and Lord only knows what he's doing in reaction to Jericho's promo)
JERICHO: "Thank you! I know--"
(glances sideways at the chanting crowd and grins)
JERICHO: "--that it's tremendous for you to even be associated with the Ayatollah of Rock and Rollah!"
(at this point, the "Rock-y" chants stop, and the crowd tries to sing along with Y2J a bit)
JERICHO: "The most legendary, most popular performer that this company has ever seen!"
LAWLER: "Legendary? How long's he been here?"
JERICHO: "And most importantly of all, you found someone who hates these two idiots as much as you do!"
(crowd makes some noise, but from the sound of things no one can quite bring themselves to lay much heat on Jericho. Quick shot of the ring shows Mankind looking around at the crowd.)
JERICHO: "I mean, Rock, shame on you for choosing such a feeble-minded, portly, braggart of a tag team partner. "Oh, I'm a number-one best-selling author!" Big deal! I've sold over a million of these bad boys..." (pulls out the CD and lifts it up) "...by just allowing my swingin', super-sexy theme song to be the opening track!"
(Jericho wings the CD into the crowd)
LAWLER: "Somebody got a freebie!"
JERICHO: "And Mike Foley! How stupid are you--"
(Behind Jericho, Chyna comes storming out with Kitty trailing behind, and you can hear it in the crowd's reaction)
JERICHO: "--to choose such a goofy-looking--"
(Chyna waffles Jericho with her cast again, and the fight is on-- is it just me, or is there something inherently RIGHT about watching the Rock and Jericho go at it?)
"Kick him! Kick him, J.R.!"
"I'm not gonna kick him!"
-- Lawler and J.R. referring to Al Snow, who has just been tossed into the announcers' table by Mankind
"Move over; I'll kick him!"
-- Lawler
"Al Snow in, and knocked down! It's like the Wrestlemania 2000 video game-- Al Snow losing again!"
-- J.R.
"Samoan drop! The High Chief is smiling!"
-- J.R. on the Rock; the "High Chief" is the nickname of Rock's grandfather, a former wrestler who often used the Samoan drop
"I think there was one Al Snow joke too many in Mankind's book."
-- Lawler
"Oh no! Don't tell me... J.R., he's fixing to dig!"
-- Lawler as Mankind goes for Mr. Socko
"Recovering Jerichoholic"
-- sign in the crowd
[ Dogg Timeline || Dogg Articles || Dogg Gallery || Dogg Bio || Dogg Links ]