Quotes: RAW is WAR
December 13, 1999
Live from the Ice Palace, Tampa, FL - sold out
The set has some new accouterments-- two rectangular TitanTrons on either side, and some additional stuff on the stage. WWF Intercontinental Championship: Chris Jericho (C) vs. X-Pac; Chyna interferes. Shane talks to Triple H and Stephanie backstage. The Godfather (w/ hos) vs. Mark Henry (w/ Mae Young). Vince arrives. Vince/Stephanie/Triple H interview in-ring. Vince and Shane leave; Triple H and Stephanie assume booking duties. The Rock/Mankind vs. the Dudley Boyz; Triple H, Steph, Al Snow interfere. WWF Women's Championship, pudding in a pool match: Miss Kitty (C) vs. Tori; X-Pac interferes; Kane and New Age Outlaws run in. Mean Street Posse vs. the Acolytes. Cage match: the Hardy Boyz vs. Edge/Christian. Handicap match: New Age Outlaws vs. Kane. WWF Championship, handicap match: the Big Show (C) vs. the Big Boss Man/Prince Albert. WWF Tag Team Championship: New Age Outlaws (C) vs. Triple H/Test; Stephanie interferes.
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to WWF RAW, from the sold-out Ice Palace in Tampa, Florida, coming off the heels of the most emotionally-charged... Armageddon, the most emotionally-charged pay-per-view, perhaps in the history of the WWF!"
-- J.R., kicking us off as usual
"Jerichoholics Anonymous"
-- sign in the crowd
"Santa Watches WWF"
-- sign in the crowd
"The People's White Trash"
-- sign in the crowd
"RAW is Too Cool"
-- sign in the crowd
"I still can't believe what we saw last night at Armageddon!"
"I can't either. We've got to get some answers tonight, J.R.! Why did Stephanie McMahon align herself with Triple H, and what is Vince's reaction gonna be?"
-- J.R. and Lawler
(Cameras backstage show Triple H walking hand-in-hand with a curly-haired, makeup-coated, skintight-leather-wearing Stephanie)
J.R. (from ringside): "There you see Triple H--"
LAWLER (also from ringside): "Ack!"
J.R.: "--and Stephanie McMahon; Mr. and Mrs. Helmsley. At Armageddon, Vince McMahon fought Triple H in a bloody brawl--"
(Triple H and Stephanie embrace)
LAWLER: "Oh, look at this!"
J.R.: "--for Stephanie's honor!"
LAWLER: "Look at this!"
J.R.: "And if Vince had won the match last night, these two's marriage would have been annulled, but it was a setup!"
"Once again, this belt is around the waist and where it belongs-- with the legendary, incredibly charismatic showman in Y... 2... J...!" (crowd pops) "And just by having this belt around the waist of the Ayatollah of rock and rollah, has given the World Wrestling Federation a tremendous amount of credibility, and helped to drag it out of the hole that it had dug for itself... but most importantly, I have now proven as a champion that this show is definitely MY show-- that this show is RAW..." (crowd begins singing along) "...is... JERICHO!"
-- Chris Jericho
(X-Pac's entrance interrupts Jericho's tirade. X-Pac comes onto the stage looking cocky, as usual; Jericho faces the stage patiently)
X-PAC: "You know something, Jericho..."
(Jericho, leaning on the top rope, looks quizzically at X-Pac)
X-PAC: "I don't know what I'm sicker of! Your crap, or that all these people are buying it!"
(Eyebrows raised, Jericho checks out the crowd, who still are popping for him and hissing for X-Pac)
X-PAC: "Oh, I hear about how great you are..."
CROWD (to X-Pac): "Asshole! Asshole! Asshole!"
(In the ring, Jericho smiles and eggs the crowd on)
X-PAC: "But I'll tell you one thing that I'm a lot greater than you at! I'm a lot greater than you at knowin' how to treat a lady if you know what I mean!"
(Grinning at this, Jericho turns his back on X-Pac and flips his hair)
LAWLER (from ringside): "Huh?"
X-PAC: "Just ask Tori. My point is this-- you run your mouth boy; you think you're a hell of an Intercontinental champion; well you just got the damn thing last night... so what I'm saying to you is this. Nut up or shut up, boy; put that belt on the line!"
(With a wide, sweeping motion of his arm, Y2J invites X-Pac to the ring)
X-PAC (seething): "Your ass is grass, and I'm gonna smoke it!"
(The crowd pops as X-Pac heads to ringside, and Jericho shoots a "get a load of THIS guy" expression to the crowd)
"Hey, look at this!"
"We've got a referee running to the ring, because this was not a scheduled matchup!"
-- Lawler and J.R. just after the lights go out and Chyna's entrance unexpectedly begins; cameras follow a ref who comes streaking out from backstage and hotfoots it to the ring
"Got Hos?"
-- sign in the crowd
"I think X-Pac, all of a sudden... that he's had enough of this Intercontinental title match!"
-- Lawler as Jericho prevents X-Pac from making an early escape
"THAT'll rock your rollah!"
-- Lawler as Y2J takes a nutshot on the top turnbuckle
"Show Me Your Kitties"
-- sign in the crowd
"What are Chyna and Miss Kitty huddling about? If Miss Kitty wants to huddle, she can come down here!"
-- Lawler as Chyna and Miss Kitty observe the IC title match from the stage
"I don't understand this..."
"Well, THAT didn't make sense."
"It certainly doesn't! Jericho had the match won, I think--"
"Well, he DID win. I think." (notes the music) "Never mind."
"Disqualification, I assume; I don't understand exactly Chyna's motivation here, no more than I understood last night when she shook Jericho's hand in the post-match interview."
-- J.R. and Lawler, mulling over why Chyna might have stopped Jericho's match by punching the ref
"All I Want For Christmas is Y2J"
-- sign in the crowd
"Wrasslin Ain't Fake"
-- sign in the crowd
(Backstage, Triple H and Steph have their arms around each other. They step onto a ramp where Shane is waiting for his father.)
TRIPLE H: "Hey, Shane-o! How's it going, bro? What's happening?"
(Shane slaps away Triple H's proffered hand)
SHANE: "Get your hand out of my face!"
TRIPLE H: "Hey, that's not very nice..."
(Shane turns his attention to his sister, who appears to be poorly hiding a smile)
SHANE: "You proud of what you did? You only have one family! You proud of what you did?"
(She nods)
TRIPLE H: "Easy, easy..."
SHANE: "You saw your father out there!" (turns to Triple H) "YOU take it--"
STEPHANIE: "Yeah... I am, actually."
(Shane starts to walk away, but then returns to his sister)
SHANE: "You only have one family, and you screwed that up. You have NO idea; when you grow up, little girl, you'll finally figure out exactly what you did to your family! You guys make me SICK!"
TRIPLE H: "Hey-- brothers-- c'mon, give me a hug!"
SHANE: "Get out of my face. You just better get OUT of my face."
TRIPLE H (walking away with Steph): "He has no family spirit at all. It's the HOLIDAYS, even!"
"How'd he get this gig, anyway?"
-- Lawler on the Godfather
"Godfather's Lost Brother"
-- sign of some guy in the front row, dressed like the Godfather
"Well, the Godfather always has a smile on his face, and I don't have to tell you why..."
-- J.R.
"Y'know, at Christmas time he's always extra generous! He helps down-and-out hos get... back on their backs!"
-- Lawler on the Godfather
"I don't want you to hide it; I want you to take it out and light it up for the Godfather and sayyy..."
"PIMPIN' AIN'T EASY!"
-- the Godfather and the crowd
"Uh-oh... more of that G-TV!"
"We haven't seen G-TV in quite some time!"
-- Lawler and J.R. as a G-TV spot comes up
(G-TV clip)
MARK HENRY (sweaty and laying in bed): "Sweet jeez..."
LAWLER (watching from ringside): "What's this? Mark?"
MARK HENRY (addressing someone off-camera): "I been with a lot of women in my time, but this takes the cake! Oh-- it was the most erotic, incredible, unbelievable experience I ever had in my life."
LAWLER: "Oh my gosh!"
MARK HENRY: "Oh my God... but why don't we back it up?"
LAWLER: "Who's he with?"
(Camera zooms out and there's Mae Young, puffing on a cigar)
LAWLER: "ACK!"
(crowd pops)
J.R.: "Good God..."
LAWLER (panicked): "J.R.!"
MAE YOUNG: "Why is it that all you men wanna talk?"
"What is up with THAT?"
-- Lawler, post-G-TV clip
"Mark Henry might've been asking her what it was like to work on the pyramids or something. Good grief; Mae Young!"
-- Lawler
"We are still awaiting the arrival of Vince McMahon. We don't know exactly what Vince's reaction is going to be after his daughter Stephanie turned her back on the entire family last night on Armageddon. So, this is going to be a wild ride tonight, as unpredictable, perhaps, as we have ever seen it, live here on RAW tonight!"
"I think Mark Henry's already had one wild ride today..."
-- J.R. and Lawler
"The Godfather's got Mark Henry set up for the Ho Train..."
"SHE wants to ride on it! She could be the caboose for sure!"
"I don't think Mae Young wants the Godfather to hurt her man!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Mae Young comes ringside to yell at the Godfather
"Would you please just chill out?!"
-- Shane yelling at his father, who has the psycho expression back on his face and the sledgehammer back in his hand
"You're going to the ring? What do you think you're doing? Remember one thing-- I'm stopping! I'm not going to be there with you! Remember one thing-- she is STILL your DAUGHTER!"
-- Shane McMahon screaming after his father
(camera beauty shots of the outside of the arena)
J.R.: "Well, I'll tell you what-- even though this magnificent structure, the Ice Palace, is sold out with eighteen thousand fans, it may not be standing once Vince McMahon gets out here, and we understand Vince is on his way out here to the arena now, sledgehammer in hand..."
LAWLER: "Oh, my gosh..."
J.R.: "...with evil intentions!"
("No Chance In Hell" revs up)
LAWLER: "Uh-oh, uh-oh!"
J.R.: "Well... this may be a night that Vince McMahon will regret for the rest of his life."
LAWLER: "I don't think he can regret THIS night any more than he regrets LAST night, J.R.! How could that be possible?"
(Vince comes out, looking bedraggled and a bit unsteady, heading for the ring)
LAWLER: "Oh, there he is!"
J.R.: "Here comes the chairman of the World Wrestling Federation, who was in a bloody brawl, a no-holds-barred slobberknocker at Armageddon with Triple H, his son-in-law! If Vince had won the match, the marriage of Stephanie and Triple H was going to be annulled at Armageddon. We thought that Vince, actually, was going to win the match at the end because he had the sledgehammer in HIS hand. And then we saw Stephanie, figuratively, stick the knife right into her own daddy's back. Vince McMahon's only daughter."
VINCE (stick in one hand, sledge in the other): "All right, Triple H-- come on out! Come on out, you coward! Come on out, you RAPIST!"
J.R.: "Wow."
LAWLER: "Jeez."
J.R.: "Man."
VINCE: "What have you done to my family? What have you done to my daughter? Damn it, you'd better come out-- or I'm coming back up for you!"
("My Time" cranks up. Vince's eyes widen, and he immediately dumps the microphone and gets ready to fight)
LAWLER: "Oh my God."
J.R.: "That's what he wanted... that's what Vince wanted..."
LAWLER: "Here we go; here we go, J.R.!"
J.R.: "Vince McMahon standing in the middle of the ring, awaiting the Game, and McMahon has got that sledgehammer in hand! McMahon will crack Helmsley's skull with that sledgehammer if given any opportunity!"
(Although it is obscured by the darkness, it is still pretty obvious that the person stepping onto the stage is not a guy)
J.R.: "Vince is... Vince has... wait a minute, that's not Triple H."
(The figure begins walking down the ramp, and the lights reveal her as Stephanie as Vince looks on in horror)
J.R.: "That's MRS. Triple H."
LAWLER: "Oh no."
J.R.: "That's Vince's little girl, Stephanie! His only daughter!"
LAWLER: "Who grew up last night, in a hurry."
(Steph swaggers down to the ring as Vince watches with an expression of exquisite confusion)
J.R.: "None of us understand why. What motivated Stephanie to set up, in my view, her own father at Armageddon?"
LAWLER: "I got a feeling we may be fixing to find out, J.R.!"
J.R.: "What motivated Stephanie to align herself with her estranged husband, Triple H, the no-good SOB?"
LAWLER (on Stephanie's appearance and attire): "Look at this! It's a whole new look here!"
J.R.: "Man, she's changed."
LAWLER: "Obviously NOT the same Stephanie McMahon."
STEPHANIE: "What are you going to do with that sledgehammer, Dad? What are you going to do with it? You want to bash Triple H's head in? You want to bash MY brains in?"
LAWLER: "Oooh, don't ask."
J.R.: "Of COURSE he wouldn't do THAT, King."
STEPHANIE: "Do it!"
(Vince stares in horror)
LAWLER: "What?"
STEPHANIE: "Raise that hammer high above your head and bash in my brains."
LAWLER: "What is she saying?"
STEPHANIE: "That's the only way you're going to get to Triple H, because like it or not, we're married."
LAWLER: "Oh my gosh..." (Stephanie holds up her hand to show off the ring) "Look!"
STEPHANIE: "You see, Dad, it's always been about what you like, what you want-- even at the expense of your own family. I did love Andrew-- but I wasn't ready to get married. That's what-- that's what YOU wanted."
CROWD: "Hit the bitch! Hit the bitch! Hit the bitch!"
LAWLER: "D'ya hear that, J.R.?"
J.R. (somber): "Yes I do, King. This girl's breaking her daddy's heart."
STEPHANIE: "And you know what, Dad? I'm not "Daddy's little girl" anymore."
(crowd heat)
LAWLER: "Look at that wild hair."
STEPHANIE: "I'm doing things my way, and it feels DAMN GOOD. You know, I have to admit, I used to get butterflies when Triple H would look at me... I didn't want to; I didn't really mean to, but just the way he would stand up to you; he was so... strong, and, and powerful. And he outsmarted you by making business personal. And that's something you know all about, Dad, isn't it-- making business personal. Oh-- oh, you look confused, like you don't remember. I guess it's been a long time-- it's, it's been almost a year since you had me ABDUCTED."
LAWLER: "Uh-oh..."
CROWD: "Slut! Slut! Slut!"
LAWLER: "You remember that, J.R.?"
J.R. (still somber): "Yes I do."
STEPHANIE: "You had me locked in a rat-infested basement with no light-- I thought no one was coming for me-- you put me there. YOU put me there. Then you had someone rifle through all of my personal and private things in my bedroom. I didn't know what, what kind of person had been in through all of my PRIVATE things. YOU made them do it; YOU did. But then, the icing on the cake. You had me strapped to a symbol and carried down to this ring to be sacrificed to the Undertaker in a wedding. You did it. I was sacrificed, all right-- at my father's expense-- simply so you could screw Stone Cold Steve Austin."
(crowd pop for the name)
LAWLER: "It's all coming back to Vince now."
STEPHANIE: "But you know what, Daddy? Like I said a couple of weeks ago on SmackDown-- what goes around, comes around. You hurt me. And what's the best way that I could hurt you back? By marrying the man that you hate the most-- my husband, Triple H-- Hunter Hearst Helmsley."
LAWLER: "Wow!"
J.R.: "I can't BELIEVE this."
STEPHANIE: "Oh, oh, and by the way! Dad, just so you know-- Triple H really TURNS ME ON!"
LAWLER: "Ugh... oh!"
("My Time" cranks up again as Stephanie leaves her distraught father in the ring and walks up the ramp to meet her hubby on the stage)
J.R.: "Wait a minute-- wait, we're not done here!"
LAWLER: "I think Vince is done; look at his face."
J.R.: "The man looks absolutely ill, and I can't blame him. And there's the Game, Triple H, who beat Vince McMahon at Armageddon in that no-holds-barred war..."
(Triple H puts an arm around Stephanie as Vince seethes)
J.R.: "...Triple H has earned a WWF title shot as a result of it, but that's not the story here."
TRIPLE H: "Vince... the one mistake I made last night was leaving you in a puddle of your own blood, unconscious, so you couldn't see the deal get sealed."
(Watch the TitanTron at this point over Vince's right shoulder and watch a mini-fight break out between a guy holding a sign that says "RAW is [unintelligible]" and a guy holding a sign that says "G")
TRIPLE H: "So Vince, one more time, just for you, let me put the sealer on it. I'm gonna seal it... with a kiss."
(Triple H and Stephanie smooch as Vince twitches)
LAWLER: "Uh-uh... oh!"
J.R.: "And Vince McMahon is watching this... this is destroying Vince McMahon! His only daughter!"
LAWLER: "That is the final stake through the heart of Vince McMahon! How can he stand that, J.R.; how can he look at that?"
J.R.: "I don't know. My God, what's gonna happen here tonight? What kind of ride is this gonna be?"
"Get in the car and get me out of here! This place stinks! I can't breathe the same air that son of a bitch breathes! Get me out of here!"
-- Vince McMahon screaming at his chauffeur
"Bye Daddy!"
-- Triple H as he and Stephanie, walking onto the scene, wave goodbye to the departing limo
"I guess we're gonna have to take things over."
-- Stephanie as she and Triple H decide to control the company for the night
"I don't know what Mr. and Mrs. Helmsley are going to do when they talk about taking over, but right now, the Rock has taken over the Ice Palace!"
-- J.R. as the Rock enters
THE ROCK (perched on the ringpost, as usual): "Finally, the ROCK, HAS COME BACK to Tampa!"
LAWLER: "He's back!"
J.R.: "Eighteen thousand on their feet!"
THE ROCK: "Now seeing as the Rock is standing above the People's ring, and the Rock is the People's champion..."
(crowd pop)
THE ROCK: "And the Rock's fans in Tampa consist of the millions..."
CROWD: "AND MILLIONS..."
THE ROCK: "...and millions of Rock's fans, there is one Rock fan here tonight..."
LAWLER: "One special one?"
THE ROCK: "Who some of you may know, and his name is Wade Boggs."
LAWLER: "Ha! Where's Wade? There he is!"
(crowd pop as cameras find Wade at ringside)
J.R.: "Future Hall of Famer... great baseball player!"
LAWLER: "Eight thousand hits!"
THE ROCK: "Now the Rock has no idea who his opponents are tonight, but the Rock says, Wade, since you and the Rock are somewhat-- tight, the Rock realizes that your favorite food is... poultry."
LAWLER: "Poultry?"
THE ROCK: "So the Rock says, he wants you to do something special tonight for the Rock's opponents. He wants you to go home and select... a chicken."
(crowd pop as the cameras show Boggs, who is playing along)
LAWLER: "Uh-oh..."
THE ROCK: "The Rock then wants you to take that chicken, shine it up real nice... you're a patient hitter, so keep shining, Wade... and when it's shined up good and nice, give it back to the Rock, so the Rock can take that chicken, TURN that sumbitch sideways, AND STICK IT STRAIGHT UP THEIR CANDY ASSES!"
LAWLER: "Ack!"
THE ROCK: "IF YA SMEEEEEELALALALALALAOW! What the ROCK..."
CROWD: "IS COOKING!"
THE ROCK: "...is cooking."
D-VON (on the stick): "Cut the music! It's obvious that you two jabronis don't know about the three commandments! Number one, thou shalt not steal! Number two, thou shalt not kill! And number three, thou--"
(D-Von stops when the Rock lifts his hand in a "stop" gesture, putting it right in D-Von's face)
THE ROCK: "The Rock says... who are you two roody poos?"
(crowd pop)
BUH BUH RAY: "You should know by now that we are the D-D-D-D-"
THE ROCK (interrupting): "I-I-I-I-It doesn't MATTER!"
"Do you think Wade Boggs is on his way to get that chicken?"
-- Lawler
"You think the Rock could give three drops of monkey piss whether or not it's a DQ?" (crowd pop) "DQ or no DQ, the Rock will whip their monkey asses all night long! Well, the ROCK says-- why don't you walk your little ass down the People's ramp; step into the People's ring so the Rock can do what he-- oh, and bring the little tramp with ya!"
-- the Rock, after Triple H and Steph come out to announce the match is now no-DQ
"Wait... I'm a three-time WWF champion. The Rock is a three-time WWF champ... all YOU guys have are a couple of crummy shirts! You guys claim to be the kings of hardcore; well, I was swinging chairs when your mommies were wiping the crap off your asses!"
-- Mankind (this was said during the ad break, right after Buh Buh Ray declared that he and D-Von would not only kick MANKIND's ass, would not only kick the ROCK's ass, but would also kick the asses of all eighteen thousand in attendance)
"That's the deal! We're live! There's nothing we can do about it!"
-- J.R. on the McMahon/Helmsley takeover
"Is Buh Buh busted?"
"Buh Buh Ray-- yes, I said he was busted open! Do you not pay ANY attention?"
"To you?"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"I don't think Mankind would expect any mercy... and, fortunately for him then, he's not going to get any!"
-- Lawler
"What the hell is that?"
"It's Vince!"
"It's VINCE?"
"It's-- is that Vince?"
-- J.R. and Lawler as a ref in a Vince mask runs out
"He's goofy as a pet coon is Al Snow!"
-- J.R. as the masked ref is revealed to be Al
"Folks, we're back live here on RAW, and King, I cannot believe what we heard during the commercial break."
"I can't either, but I love it, J.R.! You know, having Triple H in charge may not be so bad!"
"The WWF Women's title will be decided; the new champion is Miss Kitty--"
"--and-- in PUDDING!"
"In chocolate pudding."
-- J.R. and Lawler as a pudding match gets ready to roll
"You know, guys, it's really nice that you're congratulating us and that you respect our newfound power and everything, but... you know, it's funny... you guys never respected me ever before; in fact, a lot of times you actually berated me! Especially you, Joey. So maybe you'll respect me after tonight, because the three of you are going to take on the Acolytes. Good luck!"
-- Stephanie to the Mean Street Posse
"Stephanie must REALLY hate the Posse!"
-- J.R.
"I'd really love to taste that chocolate pudding!"
-- Lawler
"You like cats, J.R.?"
"Yeah, pretty much."
"Well, let's exchange recipes sometime!"
-- Lawler and J.R. as Miss Kitty "the Cat" stands ready to defend her title
"BRA! BRA! BRA! BRA! And... c'mon!"
-- Lawler as Tori begins to strip at poolside
"I just hope that pudding's cold!"
-- Lawler
"Writhing bodies... pudding... only in the WWF!"
-- Lawler as Tori and Miss Kitty start... um... "wrestling"
"Look out! The Big Red Machine just threw X-Pac right back in the pool!"
-- J.R. as Kane picks up X-Pac (who came out to snorkel amidst the ladies) and throws him; Kane then slips in the pudding and takes out an entire wall of the pool
"Two more members of D-X... the New Age Outlaws! They're assaulting Kane from behind!"
-- J.R. as the Outlaws run out and also slide around in the pudding
"Ooooh, I bet she'd taste good about now..."
-- Lawler as a pudding-covered Miss Kitty climbs out of the pool
"Are you ready for this? I'm sick and tired of you getting me a fruitcake every year for Christmas. We're looking at the hottest Christmas gift that's gonna be going this season. It's the WWFWired.com Stone Cold Steve Austin! Are you ready, J.R.? Check this out. The hottest twelve-inch action figure... Stone Cold Steve Austin..."
-- Lawler playing with his brand-new Austin toy
"Listen to this; you ready? ...where's he at? C'mon..."
"What did you do, break it?"
-- Lawler and J.R. as they try in vain to get the microphones to pick up the Austin doll talking
"Well, it worked in rehearsal, didn't it, King?"
"Yeah, it--"
"What did you do, break Austin's toy?"
"He always WAS afraid of me."
"Folks... it really DOES work."
-- J.R. and Lawler on the toy
"HEY! You have ham! You didn't tell us you had ham and cheese!"
-- the Road Dogg as he and Billy Gunn join the Helmsleys in their dressing room
"It's Terri! She's gonna be in a cage match! Put me in there with her!"
-- Lawler as Terri escorts the Hardys to the ring for their steel cage match
"Who are the Hardys gonna take on inside this evil structure?"
-- J.R., referring to the cage
"It would seem to me that Triple H and Stephanie are trying to eliminate teams that would be strong opposition, as both these teams are, to the New Age Outlaws and their tag team titles!"
-- J.R.
"Now we're being told that the rules of this match are that the first team to have a representative climb over the top and touch the floor will win the match."
"Who's telling you that? Triple H, or Stephanie? Let me talk to them!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"A Russian leg sweep from the top rope! I've never seen that before in my LIFE!"
-- J.R. as Christian executes the move on Matt Hardy
"We are live throughout North America, and certainly want to welcome all of our great fans watching on TSN in Canada!"
"What about that chocolate pudding match?"
-- J.R., and Lawler off-topic
"Jeff on top; what's he--"
"He's nuts!"
"Hardy--"
"He's CRAZY!"
"On top--"
"No!"
"GET DOWN!"
"ACK!"
"MY GOD! FOR GOD'S SAKE!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Jeff Hardy pulls off a senton bomb from the TOP of the CAGE, much to the delight of the crowd
"My God, that gives new meaning to high-risk!"
-- J.R. on Jeff Hardy
"J.R., this is not high-risk; this is insane!"
-- Lawler on Jeff Hardy
"What a corkscrew cross-body off the top! And it looks like a car wreck in here!"
-- J.R. as Edge does some high flying of his own
"I don't think even Terri could revive anybody right now!"
-- Lawler
"What's up with this; he's kissing babies at ringside?"
"Those are his sons."
"Oh, how nice."
"Mr. Ass's children are here."
"I bet Vince wishes he could kiss HIS daughter. Ha!"
-- Lawler and J.R.; Billy Gunn's wife and two cute kids are at ringside
"This Triple H is a genius!"
-- Lawler as Kane comes out to fight the Outlaws
"That'll knock some of that attitude right out of them!"
-- J.R. as Kane pummels the Outlaws
"Kane just cracked Mr. Ass!"
"...Huh?"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Kane delivers a chokeslam to Gunn
"Kane sat up! Kane SAT UP!"
"I thought he was finished!"
"So did they."
-- J.R. and Lawler; the astonished Outlaws look on as Kane does one of his patented zombie sit-ups
"Wow! HE'S charged with batteries!"
-- Lawler on the bright in-ring pyros that now accompany the Big Show
"Survive..."
-- a hissed word that now accompanies the orange-and-black Taz-- ahem-- Tazz promos
"They're the new creative team!"
-- Lawler on Triple H and Steph; they could take on Russo and Ferrara any day!
"Eighteen thousand people here, and you know, any one of them could be the Big Show's daddy!"
-- Lawler
"The Boss Man's got nothing to lose, except his health!"
-- J.R.
"We've already seen a title match in chocolate pudding, we've seen a tag team cage match that we didn't have scheduled, we've seen the Posse sent to the woodshed to face the Acolytes, we didn't know that was gonna happen; the Rock and Sock Connection almost got jobbed by Triple H and Stephanie; what's next?"
-- J.R.
(Backstage, Steph, Triple H, and the Outlaws are back in their dressing room)
STEPHANIE: "...so much great stuff tonight, but... we haven't seen the tag titles defended!"
(Sitting near her on a couch, the Outlaws immediately get their guard up)
ROAD DOGG: "What? What do you mean; we were just out there!"
STEPHANIE: "I think we should have a tag team championship match!"
MR. ASS (in amazement): "Have you not been watching the show?"
ROAD DOGG: "Did you not watch the show; we just were!"
STEPHANIE: "Yeah, but you weren't defending your tag team championship."
MR. ASS: "It doesn't matter; we've already wrestled."
ROAD DOGG: "Yeah, we wrestled already."
STEPHANIE: "Yeah, but, I mean, this is a D-X night! You guys can do this; you can work again!"
ROAD DOGG and MR. ASS together: "No!"
MR. ASS: "We're not."
ROAD DOGG: "No, we're not going to."
STEPHANIE: "I think you might."
ROAD DOGG: "Um, I think not!"
TRIPLE H: "Hey! If she says you're gonna do it, you guys are gonna do it."
ROAD DOGG: "What?"
MR. ASS: "What are you, all of a sudden; the boss now or something?"
TRIPLE H: "You damn right I'm the boss, and if she says you're gonna wrestle tonight, you're gonna wrestle. So tonight, you guys are going to defend the tag team titles, got it? Who's their opponents?"
ROAD DOGG: "What IS this?"
STEPHANIE: "Well... I'd kinda like to see YOU in the ring tonight."
MR. ASS: "Yeah, tough guy!"
ROAD DOGG: "Yeah, Mr. Volunteer!"
MR. ASS: "Mister... top-of-the-notch guy!"
ROAD DOGG: "The Game!"
TRIPLE H: "You guys want ME to get in there?"
ROAD DOGG and MR. ASS together: "Yeah!"
TRIPLE H: "You're damn right! I'll beat BOTH your asses. Who's my partner?"
STEPHANIE: "Well... someone you have something in common with. Test!"
"Stephanie has already driven a stake through her father's heart earlier tonight... figuratively, obviously..."
"And she may be driving a wedge between D-X!"
-- J.R. and Lawler (referring to the reluctance of the Outlaws to fight again)
"Men are from Mars, women are from Venus; you never know WHAT's going through those female minds!"
"There's a Uranus joke in there someplace. I just can't put my finger on it, not that I'd want to."
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Oh, you didn't know?"
-- the crowd when the music for the Outlaws plays, but Road Dogg doesn't do any micwork
"The Badd Ass Billy Gunn choking Test; we saw that, but in the meantime it was Road Dogg having some strong words with Triple H!"
"It sure was... that doesn't bode well for D-X!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"Man, Road Dogg's got a glazed-over look in his eyes..."
"And Stephanie seems very very happy that Test is doing so well!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"He's your PARTNER!"
-- Stephanie defending her cheering of Test to Triple H
"This is a setup, damn it! That's all this was!"
-- J.R. as Triple H and the Outlaws all attack Test
"Look at her! She is evil! Evil shouldn't look that good but I think she IS evil!"
-- Lawler on a smiling Stephanie
"For God's sake, what has HAPPENED to this young woman?"
-- J.R. on Stephanie
"What a family photo!"
-- Lawler as D-X crotch-chops over the fallen body of Test
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