Out

by Heuradys

1. away from the normal place, position, etc…

~~

"So," Jim asked, "what are you trolling for tonight? Blonde? Redhead?" He leaned against the bathroom doorjamb watching Blair finish getting ready for a night out.

Blair met Jim's eyes in the mirror, laughing, and feeding one of his earrings through the appropriate hole in his ear. "Brunette, man, all the way. We've both decided that brunettes are the way to go." He took one last look at himself, and made to leave the bathroom. Jim still blocked his way. "C'mon, move. Rafe's gonna be here in ten minutes." He shoved at Jim's arm.

"Been spending a lot of time with him lately, haven't you, Chief?" Jim stepped aside.

"Got a problem with that, dad?" 'Lately? Um, try the last six months, Jim.'

"No, I don't have a problem with that, junior." Jim followed Blair back to his bedroom. "Just wondering when he picked up the habit of tag-team woman-hunting with a long-haired anthropologist instead of hanging out with the cigar club."

Blair snorted. "As if, man." He picked up his jacket, making a production of pulling his hair out of the collar after he put it on. "You seriously think that's all we do? We talk, we drink, we play pool, we dance…" He trailed off, turning to zip up the small duffel bag full of toiletries and a change of clothes that sat on his bed. He grinned. "We're friends. You know how it's been for him since H got married and Simon started seeing Kimberly. He's the odd man out. We're both single, both the same age, and since you're not into the club scene…"

Jim laughed. "You couldn't pay me enough after the last time."

"Exactly. Gets me out of your hair for a while, gives you that solo time you need, and I get the social interaction necessary for a guy my age to get lucky with someone other than myself." He made the universal sign for jerking off, glancing over his shoulder at his roommate.

Jim really laughed at that one, slapping Blair on the shoulder. "Sounds like he's here, Chief. Go interact, but just remember, I don't want to be breaking up an argument between you tomorrow because you horned in on the same brunette, okay?"

"That's not likely to be a problem… We've got different enough tastes."

"What time will you be in tomorrow?" Jim asked as Blair hurried to the door, snatching his backpack from the floor on the way.

"Um, got an early class. Should be there about ten."

"Well, then, I'll see you tomorrow afternoon. I'll be in court until after lunch. Have fun."

"You, too, man! I don't want to come back to find you trashed the loft, though." He stopped in the doorway, gave Jim a comically stern look, and even wagged his finger at him as Jim settled on the couch and picked up the current paperback he was reading.

Jim was still laughing as he closed the door and almost ran down the stairs to meet Brian.

~~

They waited until they were six blocks from the loft to say anything beyond hello; it had become a habit. Brian pulled into a parking lot, picked a secluded spot with the practiced eye of a detective used to being unobtrusive on stakeouts, parked his dark blue Audi A4, and turned to Blair. "God, you look so hot," he whispered, reaching for Blair.

"So do you," Blair whispered back, groaning as their lips touched.

Leather creaked, and denim, silk and cotton brushed together as the kiss morphed from gentle, loving, to a reflection of the hunger and need they both felt so strongly. Minutes later, they parted, the kisses back to the gentleness they'd started with.

"I've wanted to do that all day," Brian said, their foreheads touching.

"Only all day? I've wanted to do it every day for the last two weeks!" He swiped his tongue over the tip of Brian's nose, laughing as his lover's hand came up to wipe the saliva away and his nose twitched. He tried to do it again, but his tongue was intercepted by Brian's and drawn into Brian's mouth.

After that kiss, Brian looked him in the eyes and asked, "And just what else have you wanted to do all week?" Blair didn't stop the mischievous smile he couldn't hide anymore, and started sliding his hand up Brian's thigh, licking his lips. "If you're thinking what I'm thinking, I'd better get us out of this parking lot before we're arrested…"

"Good idea," Blair agreed. He removed his hand very slowly, sat back, and waited for Brian to start the car.

Instead of the expected right turn out of the lot, Brian took a left. He grinned at Blair's expression of surprise. "What?"

"Um, aren't we going to Dante's?"

Brian shook his head. "I'm sick of having to yell to have a conversation with you, and I'm even sicker of having to tease the hell out of that many women before we go home together. Xiouang's okay? We've got reservations at 7:30, but we can blow them off and head straight to my place…" He raised his eyebrow and waited.

"Well, as badly as I'd like to get into some mutual bone-jumping right away, dinner is imperative. I skipped lunch today. Xiouang's sounds great. I've been wanting to go there since they opened, but Jim can't be bothered to drive that far." A total change of pace, Blair mused, but perfect.

2. aloud or loudly

~~

Xiouang's was better than Blair had heard. The food was excellent, the ambience quiet and soothing, and the company and conversation, in his opinion, the best. Excepting the few times they'd cooked together at Brian's, this was their first truly romantic dinner together. They ordinarily didn't risk dates that looked like dates, occasionally going so far as to get a table for four and making 'oh, our dates didn't show' noises.

Blair played with his chopsticks while they waited for their main course to arrive. They'd allowed the conversation, mostly work related, to lull while the busboy took their appetizer plates, and the silence wasn't awkward. It was almost frighteningly comfortable. He took in the limited view from the very private booth, and smiled a bit. Kind of a bummer that Jim wasn't willing to take the chance on this place, he thought. It was very Sentinel friendly. Then again… "You know what? I'm glad I came here the first time with you." He reached for Brian's hand under the cover of the tablecloth.

Brian took it, squeezed, and treated Blair to one of his blinding smiles. It faded after several seconds, and Brian sighed. "I wish…" he murmured.

"What?" He held Brian's hand more tightly, and held his breath, hoping that Brian was going to bring up the subject he was trying to figure out how to bring up himself.

"Blair," Brian met his eyes earnestly, "I want to come out to H. I want him to know how… how happy I am… with you." His fingers twitched against Blair's. Blair let out the breath in a calm, relieved sigh of his own, and Brian's face fell. "If you're not…" He tried to reclaim his hand, but Blair wouldn't let go.

Instead he pulled their hands from their camouflage, and raised Brian's to his lips for a lingering kiss. Brian gasped at the touch of his lips, at the daring of doing even that in public. "You have no idea how happy I am with you, Bri. What about Jim? It's getting harder and harder for me to lie to him, and it wouldn't be fair to come out to one of them and not the other."

"You're right," Brian said slowly, "as usual." Blair released his hand, and Brian elicited a gasp from him as well by tracing the line of his sideburn with one finger. "Are you ready for that?"

Blair shrugged. "I don't know," he admitted uncomfortably, reaching for his wineglass. "I mean, he's the best friend I've got aside from you, and I really don't want to lose that. He's gonna be pissed about me not trusting him enough to tell him before."

Brian echoed Blair's sigh at the end of his sentence. "I know. So is H, but I'm hoping he can get over that… once he knows just how much I love you."

Blair grinned; since their relationship turned serious four months earlier, he never tired of hearing that. "Once they know," he stated firmly, "how much we love each other." Brian smiled back, heart in his eyes. "So it's decided. We're going to tell our partners." His wineglass chimed against Blair's. "Now all we need to do is to decide where, when, and how."

"Where… Oh, somewhere neutral."

"Public." Brian shifted a little closer to him. "Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? I mean, the sooner the better, but why tomorrow?" Blair cocked his head, his eyebrows drawing together as he thought. "It's not our anniversary; is it another important day whose relevance I can't think of? Not H's birthday or anything?"

"Tomorrow, interestingly enough for our purposes, is Coming Out Day."

Despite their best intentions, at the approach of their waitress, the conversation changed to an animated discussion about made-up holidays and exactly how weird some of them were.

~~

"Blair! Fancy running into you here."

'Damn!' At the sound of his name in that familiar female voice, he stopped abruptly on his way from the bathroom to the front door and took a deep breath, wishing he possessed the secret of invisibility, before turning around with a patently false smile. He set down his backpack on the padded bench provided for waiting customers, and gave her the hug she was obviously expecting. "Sam, hey, how's it going? All ready for the big move?"

"Almost," she replied. "It was my last day today. You didn't stop by. Like you promised you would since you couldn't go out with me tonight."

He tried not to shrink from her pointed remark, but winced inwardly. "Sorry about that. It was kind of a hectic day… I didn't forget, just didn't have the time."

"Uh-huh. Well I'll be stopping in tomorrow to drop off some papers in Personnel, so you'll have your chance – your last chance – to make it up to me with lunch." Her scorn was palpable and he could feel it easily through the thin veneer of hurt she tried to cover it with. "So, where's your date? I'm kind of curious about the woman who was more important than seeing me the day before I leave town."

Blair shook his head. "It's not a date. More kind of –"

"Dressed like that and it's not a date? Since when?"

'Oh, man, I so do not want to be having this conversation…' If Sam was bitchy to him, she was downright mean to Brian. She couldn't stand him for some reason Blair had yet to wheedle out of her or him. "No, no it's not. Look, I've really got to –"

"Blair? Ready to leave? If we're going to –" Brian came to an abrupt stop just inside the door, right when he came fully into Blair's and thus Sam's view, and his smile vanished.

To Blair it felt like the temperature physically dropped even further below freezing than it already had. "I've got to go. Nice seeing you, Sam. Good luck in Atlanta." Without a backward glance at his ex-girlfriend, he smiled at his lover. "Let's go."

3. exposed or made bare

~~

"She turned it in to the hostess," Blair said, relieved, as he got back into the car. "I am so, so sorry I forgot it, man."

Rafe waited until he got his seatbelt on then started tickling his ribcage. "I told you to stop apologizing. I'm gonna keep doing this until you do!"

Blair squirmed, laughing, and tried to swat Brian's hands away. "Okay, okay! I give! No more apologizing for forgetting my backpack!"

"Promise?" Brian's fingers hovered just close enough to torment him without actually touching him.

"Promise. Now can we get to your place? If you're not in me in the next 45 minutes, I think I'll…"

"You think you'll do what?" Brian converted his almost tickling to a brief caress of his chest. "Die? Explode? Turn into a pumpkin?"

"I'll start getting naked in the car; public indecency be damned."

"Tempting as that is…" Brian pulled out of the parking lot, almost leaving tread behind and making Blair laugh freely. "I'd much rather unwrap you myself."

"Besides," Blair sighed, "that kind of arrest would out us to more than just Jim and H."

"That it would. You really want to talk about this now?"

"No, but we've got to before tomorrow, and I'm definitely going to have other things on my mind once we're at your place." He slid his hand slowly up Brian's thigh, letting his fingernails rake the skin-tight black denim that covered it. "Aren't you?"

"Oh, yeah…"

~~

Blair stopped Brian as he was about to take off his black leather duster. "No, let me… let me, Bri."

"Thought I got to unwrap you, babe."

"Uh-uh. You must be mistaken."

"No," Brian insisted. "But I don't have any objections to waiting until after you're done." He pulled Blair into his arms, and they shared a languid kiss, still standing beside the open closet by the front door.

"Sssh…"

Coats finally off, they moved straight to the bedroom. All urgency gone for the moment, Blair kissed, tasted and caressed each inch of Brian's skin as he slowly undressed him. "I love your body, your skin…" he murmured between licks and nibbles, "love you." When Brian was naked from the waist up, he tongued his way from navel to ear, pausing briefly to tease a dusky nipple, to whisper "Is the camera running?"

"Of course," Brian breathed, pulling his lover closer for a breathless kiss. "Kinky thing, you."

"Pot calling kettle?" He straddled Brian's hips, trailing his fingers over Brian's hairless chest. "Didn't notice you turning it on."

"Absolutely." Brian tugged Blair's shirt free of his jeans, unbuttoning it from the bottom up. "And that's because you were busy turning me on." He thrust upward, grinding his erection into Blair's ass cheeks.

"Oh, yeah…" Blair shivered as Brian's hands parted the dark blue silk and it slipped from his shoulders. He started on Brian's pants; scooting backward a bit to get easier access to the button fly concealing another part of Brian he loved. As he released the first button, he groaned. "You went commando… Bri… you know what that does for me…" Shirt still hanging on his arms, he slid down the bed, waiting for Brian to spread his legs.

Brian grinned at him. "Well, ever since you felt me up the first time…" He parted his thighs, and worked his fingers into Blair's hair. "And told me that if I'd gone commando you'd have been on your knees in about two seconds… Yeah, I know."

"If you ever do this at work…" Blair smiled right back at him, fingers getting clumsy and hasty on the buttons, and had the head of Brian's penis in his mouth even before he'd freed it completely. Brian's fingers tightened in his hair, and they both moaned simultaneously.

He loved it; he loved the Brian he'd discovered beneath the finely-groomed layers; loved discovering more each time they made love, exposed more to each other.

~~

After napping for a couple hours, Blair woke before Brian did and padded into the bathroom sleepily. He took care of business, yawning, then took a good, long look at himself in the mirror. He had a hickey next to his navel, he noted, stretching. He'd have to get suitable revenge for it. With a smile at his reflection, he plotted just where on Brian's body to place his own mark.

He returned to the bedroom and stood at the foot of the bed, looking at his sleeping lover. Brian was sleeping on his stomach, one leg pulled up, one hand under his chest and the other on Blair's pillow. Carefully, he picked up the trailing lower end of the dark green sheet and started pulling it off the bed, exposing darkly creamy skin, chuckling a little as the muscles of Brian's back twitched in unconscious protest to the tickling of the soft cotton over them.

'God, I love this man.' He thought fondly of that first time, a furtive, frantic and glorious exchange of hand-jobs in the bathroom of Barnes & Noble while their so-called dates browsed the new releases. Hardly any skin was revealed that day, he recalled, dropping the sheet on the floor, but that night… After they'd tucked themselves back in and Brian blatantly lied to the two attractive but uninteresting women about a call he and Blair needed to go on, they talked for several hours, drove to Rafe's place, and fucked each other raw.

When had it turned from fucking to making love? He didn't know the precise moment. All that mattered was that it had, that he and Brian had bared their hearts to each other along with their bodies. He moved to the side of the bed, knelt there, and planted a series of kisses up Brian's spine.

His lover made a soft, sleep-dazed sound, rolling over to face him and opening his eyes. "What are you doing?"

"Just thinking," Blair murmured back, "and admiring the view of you laid bare."

"Get up here." Blair allowed Brian to tug him into the bed, and they kissed. "Speaking of admiring the view, lover, you up for some self-voyeurism?"

"Where's the remote?"

4. in or into public notice or knowledge

~~

In the morning, after a lengthy shower that Brian teased him about as usual, breakfast was a mellow affair for two guys running late on a workday. He claimed a kiss when Brian handed him a cup of coffee. "Happy Coming Out Day, lover."

"Same to you, love," Brian replied with a grin. "Do you feel as good as I do about making that decision?"

Blair nodded and toasted him with his mug. "Here's hoping it's the right one."

"Amen." Brian picked up a videotape box from the counter. "Here, to tide you over until next time – which had better be sooner than two weeks, or I won't take any responsibility for the hickeys I give you." Extending the tape to Blair, Brian massaged his hipbone where Blair had marked him spectacularly in retribution for the one on his stomach.

Blair laughed and took the tape. "Payback's my pleasure, man!" He dodged the poorly-aimed swat on the ass Brian attempted, and went to tuck the video of the previous night's lovemaking into his backpack.

He frowned as he dug through the contents. "I could have sworn I had last time's in here to give back to you."

"Don't worry about it. Watch a double feature one night. I do it all the time." Brian tugged on his ponytail.

Blair shrugged. "Guess I left it in my room." He zipped the bag back up. "I hope I left it in my room…"

"It's probably just still in your VCR… and Jim spent last night glued to the screen…" Brian ducked fast to avoid the piece of toast that was hurtling toward his head, laughing as he went to get his keys.

~~

They went through their usual period of adjustment while driving back to the loft so Blair could drive to school. Conversation gradually changed from intensely personal, pronouns changed as they readapted to their lives outside the closet. Blair, Brian's lover, became Sandburg, Hairboy, Rafe's friend, and the reverse happened too. Blair didn't know why he noticed it, this time, but he did. It was becoming more difficult to do. Unlike the silent transitions they made from friends and coworkers to lovers at the beginning of their nights together, this change required verbalization to affect the feelings. He wondered if Brian noticed.

He shook his head, just a little, and paid attention to what Rafe was asking him. "Oh, yeah, man, an early lunch would be great. Oh, wait, I forgot…" His voice grew bitter. "I'm supposed to take Sam to lunch to make up for not stopping by to see her yesterday. My last chance to make it up to her, apparently."

"Fuck her," Brian insisted. "She's finally leaving. You guys broke up for the last time a year ago. Besides, you said goodbye to her last night."

"Yeah, I did didn't I? Alright. I should be in around ten or so. Eleven-thirty good for you?"

~~

"Oh, shit…" Blair swallowed hard, sharing a desperate glance with a white-faced Brian, both of them standing frozen outside the open doorway of the Major Crimes bullpen.

Brian spun, heading for the men's room at high speed, hand over his mouth. Blair swallowed again, more than ready to lose his own lunch, but he walked slowly to Jim's desk, ignoring the sniggering of his coworkers, the catcalls, the insults.

No one truly important was there. No Simon, no Jim, no Joel, no Conner, no H. All either at lunch, court, or out on cases. No wonder, he thought, that whoever did this waited until now to destroy his and Brian's lives.

He took in the tableau of Brian's desk. It had been shoved into the center of the room and littered with condoms, the words 'we're fags' spray painted in a scrawling hand in shocking magenta across the surfaces, and three grainy blown up video images of he and Brian making love to each other were prominently displayed.

'Nice, guys. What do you do for an encore? Burn crosses?'

He shook his head, and looked around the room, keeping his face as emotionless as possible. They'd been so careful, they thought. Who could have… would have done this? No one met his eyes with anything resembling guilt. In fact, most people avoided meeting his eyes at all.

He looked down at Jim's desk, swallowing bile as he spotted the videocassette with the handwritten date in Brian's writing laying innocently on top of a file, opened a drawer, and pulled out a complaint form. With it in hand, he silently left the room through the door so conveniently beside Jim's desk, leaving the horrible exhibition untouched.

"Bri?" he whispered, walking into the bathroom like it had been mined. "You okay?" Silence and dripping water answered him. "Bri?"

Brian was in the last stall, sitting on the floor with his head in his hands. He looked up at Blair with red-rimmed eyes and a bitter laugh. "It's really there, isn't it? I'm not having a nightmare. Happy Coming Out Day, lover."

"Yeah," Blair sighed, rubbing his own, feeling the onset of a panic attack, of tears.

"C'mon. Let's go wait in Simon's office. I don't want to… to deal with the repercussions of us being in here together."

5. thoroughly or completely

~~

Blair sat at Simon's desk still shaking from the panic attack that had racked him until moments earlier. Brian paced in front of the windows running his hands through his hair sporadically, tears that Blair had never expected, never wanted, to see trailing down his cheeks from something akin to a panic attack of his own.

Blair watched as Brian stopped, leaned with his forehead against the glass, closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around his ribs. Blair stood, made his way to his lover, and hugged him tightly, pressing his own tear-streaked face against Brian's left shoulder blade. "We should finish the form, love," he whispered.

"How the hell do we fix this?" Brian's voice was desolate. "I can't think of anything we can do, anything we can say…"

"I don't know either," Blair replied after a long pause. "I don't think there's any way we can deny those pictures."

Another pain-filled silence followed. Brian's hands twined with Blair's, and they took what comfort they could from each other. "I don't want to deny those pictures."

"I don't either. I want to deny how they're displayed… I want to deny that someone hates us enough to do this to us. God…" He turned Brian to face him, meeting his eyes in shock. "Oh, man, poor H and Jim…"

"Jesus…" Rafe breathed. "They're going to have to walk in there… Oh, fuck! Why today, Blair? Just because you and I decided to tell our partners today?"

Blair didn't have an answer, just held as tightly as he was held and whispered, "I love you… I love you… no matter what happens, I don't want to lose you."

Rafe's lips brushed his ear. "I love you."

They stood there for a long time, motionless, silent, sharing their strength.

~~

They heard Simon and Jim before they saw them. The absolute fury in the captain's voice carried into his office quite clearly. Blair felt a calmness in his own rage that was almost surreal, took another deep breath, and held Brian's hand a bit more tightly. It shook in his. "Hey, don't worry, Brian… We haven't done anything wrong, and we figured out who did..."

Brian smiled sadly. "I know, love, I know… except for maybe not telling H and Jim sooner... and I should have let you go to lunch with her…"

Jim was first into Simon's office, slamming the door behind himself. His own anger was palpable, and for a fleeting, terrifying moment Blair thought it was directed at them, until he spoke. "You two okay?" His eyes scanned them, and Blair knew that more than Jim's vision was checking them out.

Blair shook his head, and Brian let out another of those brittle, wounded laughs. "No, we're not, but we'll just have to deal with it, won't we?" Blair said quietly, calmly. "Because there's no way in hell that we're going to let Sam win."

Brian echoed his sentiment, looking boldly at the Sentinel as if daring him to comment on their tightly linked hands. "And just so you know, Jim, those… those pictures are real. Blair and I have been lovers for a little over six months."

Before Jim could say anything, Blair spoke up, too. "We planned on telling you and H today, but… not like this."

Jim held up his hand, smiling a little. "Chief, I believe you, but I have to tell you, I already guessed quite a while ago." He rubbed his forehead.

"But, but, but," Blair sputtered.

"We've been so careful!" Brian shared an uncomfortable glance with Blair.

Jim's smile vanished. "Not careful enough, Rafe, if Sam found out. You're sure it was her?"

Blair nodded and indicated the complaint form and pile of paper they'd worked out that solution on. Brian said, "Not that we could back it up with any real evidence. We haven't left this room in over two hours."

Simon stormed into the room while they were explaining their reasoning. "If they're telling you that our former Forensics tech is responsible, they're right. Rhonda saw the whole thing." He leaned against his desk and sighed, looking at them, the enlarged photographs in his left hand. "What did you do to her that she'd do something so vicious, and how the hell did she get her hands on these pictures?"

Blair released Brian's hand and scrubbed his hands over his face. "She stole the videotape that you'll find laying on Jim's desk out of my backpack last night. We kind of ran into her at Xiouang's. I forgot my backpack in the rush to get the hell away from her."

"She did this because Blair stood her up for lunch today," Brian spat. "I don't know what she would have done if he had gone."

Blair shuddered. "I don't either, and even though she did this… She's not worth it."

"No, she's not," Jim agreed. "And she'll get what she deserves for this, Chief."

"But we can't press harassment charges against her," Brian complained. "She doesn't work here anymore."

"But theft and vandalism charges, yes. You've got plenty of friends here, guys, and we're not going to let this ruin either of your lives." He looked to Simon, and so did Blair and Rafe.

"Well," Simon declared, "I would have liked to have found out about your relationship in a more… subtle manner, but I'm happy for you both. For the relationship, that is. Unofficially, as your friend, I'd like to break that little bitch's neck. As your captain, I want you to know that my door's always open, and if either of you gets the tiniest hint of harassment either in this department or anywhere else in the precinct I want you to report it to me immediately. Now, I think it would be best for everyone if you went home for the rest of the day." He held up his hand, stopping their protest. "Uh-uh. Together. You two have had one hell of a shock, and I'd give the time off to anyone. Go love each other."

They stammered their thanks to both Simon and Jim, a little dazed by the easy acceptance from both of their friends, and made their way to the door.

"And guys," Simon continued, "we'll be at your place, Rafe, with H in tow at seven tonight."

~~

"That went better than I thought it would," Brian murmured. "Our friends are so… so wonderful."

Blair pressed himself more tightly against his lover's chest and stroked the arms that held him. "Yeah, yeah they are. We should have told them months ago." He gasped as Brian shifted to better align their bodies and penetrated him in one smooth movement. "Oh, Bri… yeah… love you…"

"Love you, too…"

Hours later, reaffirmed, they fell asleep curled together in Brian's bed, still worried about the future, but for the moment content and secure in their love, the support of their friends, and the knowledge that in a jail cell in Atlanta, Sam was undoubtedly mourning the loss of her new job for her criminal activities.

In its corner, the blinking red light of the video camera switched off as it stopped recording, and the moon shone on the new, locking video storage cabinet that H and Jim had assembled for the pair earlier.

Outside, Jim kicked back in his truck, still on guard. "Sleep well, guys," he said with a smile.

The End