Episode 204

Original airdate: November 4, 1999
Performers: Greg Proops, Wayne Brady, Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles

Overview

Superheroes: Greg, as Armpit Man, solves the crisis of no deodorant
Song Styles: Wayne sings to Delores the gardener
News Flash: Greg and Ryan in the studio, Colin in a nuclear war
Questionable Impressions: in a hospital
Dating Service Video
Three-Headed Broadway Star: Wayne, Drew, and Ryan sing "You've Got Sole"
Credits: Wayne and Ryan as teenage girls at a slumber party

Did you notice...

Scott Robinson:
   ...they seem to have edited out the part where Greg discovers there's no
      deodorant?
   ...Drew never names the second game?
   ...Wayne starts beeping too early in Questionable Impressions?
   ...both Greg and Ryan leave at the same time twice?
   ...Colin is sitting at Drew's desk for no reason?
   ...Greg rolls his eyes after Three-Headed Broadway Star?
   ...Ryan quits early during the credit reading?

References

"The Shadow" (graphic novel)
   - "Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?"
"I Know What You Did Last Summer" (film)
   - title
"Alien" (film)
   - "Be afraid, be very afraid"
"Frankenstein" (film)
   - "It's alive!"
"Bewitched" (TV)
   - Colin mentions the two Darrens
"The Ed Sullivan Show" (TV)
   - Ryan, as Ed Sullivan, mentions The Beatles, a famous appearance on that
     show
"CHiPs" (TV)
   - Erik Estrada was a police officer on this show
"Gilligan's Island" (TV)
   - Greg impersonates Mr. Howell
"A Few Good Men" (film)
   - referenced in Dating Service Video

Déjà vu

115 - teenage girls at a slumber party

Episode transcript

DREW:  Good evening, and welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" On tonight's
show: Who knows what evil lurks in the heart of Greg Proops! I know what you
did last summer to Wayne Brady! Be afraid, be very afraid of Colin Mochrie!
And it's alive. Ryan Stiles! And I'm your host, Drew Carey, come on down,
let's have some fun. Hello, and thank you very much. Good evening. Hello,
welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" "Whose Line is it Anyway?", the show
where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the
points here are kind of like Jerry Springer's Final Thought. Doesn't mean a
thing. If you never saw the show before, what happens is these four fine
performers are going to come up and they're going to make everything up,
right off the top of their heads. And then at the end of every game, we give
them points, I don't know why, it's just a little gag to hold the show
together. And then at the end of the show, we decide on who a winner's going
to be, and the winner gets to do a little something special for you, and the
loser gets to mop it up. If you call that losing, winkety wink. So let's
start off with a game called Superheroes, this is a really fun game. It's for
all four of you, you're going to act out a scene as unlikely superheroes.
Greg, you're going to start. And then he's going to bring Ryan, Colin, and
Wayne in, they're going to come in one at a time and each person is going to
name the next person with a new name they're going to make up. What I need
from the audience is a name of an unlikely superhero.
(audience yells suggestions)
DREW:  What? Armpit Man. Ryan and Wayne and Colin seem to like it, Armpit
Man. And we need an emergency, a kind of crisis...
(audience yells suggestions)
DREW:  We're out of deodorant, that's a good one. Man, a real crisis, a real
crisis for Armpit Man, we're out of deodorant, what are you going to do?
GREG:  Well, I'll just be braiding these. (he plays with long strands of
armpit hair) God, I've just been jogging and running around, whoo! Oh my God,
it smells like a Turkish rodeo in here. I hope my super friends arrive soon,
I'll send out a message on my armpit decoder. (he flaps his hands under his
armpits and makes noises)
RYAN:  (raising his hand for a high-five) Hey, sorry I'm late.
GREG:  Thank God you're... (he raises his arm)
RYAN:  Oh, whoa. (they low-five instead)
GREG:  Thank goodness you've arrived, Fashion Photographer Kid.
RYAN:  Well, I'm sorry I'm late, oh, hold it, right there, that is nice. (he
takes pictures and Greg poses) Give me something, on the ground, on the
ground, it's an emergency, there's no deodorant left, I love that. I love
that. (Greg poses with his butt in the air) Oh, that's nice. Oh, that is
nice. Yeah.
COLIN: I hurried over as quickly as I could.
RYAN:  Professor Panic.
COLIN: What?! What do you mean?!
RYAN:  No, that's great, that's good, that is good.
COLIN: (lifting his hair up) What?! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
GREG:  There's no deodorant left, Professor Panic.
(Colin has shocked expressions on his face and fidgets around)
WAYNE: Sorry I'm late.
COLIN: Thank God you're here, Captain Does-The-Splits-At-Every-Moment-He-Can.
(Wayne does the splits, gets up, turns around, and does the splits again)
WAYNE: It's all right, it's all right. (he walks over to Greg and smells his
armpit) Whoo! (he falls back and does the splits, then gets up by climbing
Greg's armpit hair)
RYAN:  Got it, got it, that is beautiful. Very nice, very nice.
GREG:  There's no deodorant, what are we going to do?
WAYNE: Let me see, what would... (he does the splits)
RYAN:  Got it!
WAYNE: Hey, I found a can right here.
GREG:  Beautiful.
WAYNE: I'll see you later.
RYAN:  Get on the way out, on the way out, that is... oh, hey, hey, nice.
GREG:  All right, Captain Panic, problem solved.
COLIN: Ah. (he runs out)
RYAN:  Beautiful. Beautiful. Well, I'm going to go with them, see what
develops. What develops!
(Ryan and Greg laugh. Ryan goes to high-five Greg, but leaves upon smelling
Greg's armpits. Greg sprays deodorant around.)
GREG:  Well, thank goodness that crisis has been solved.
(buzzer)
DREW:  That was great.
(Greg supports Wayne as he goes back to his seat. Colin tries to pat Wayne on
the back, but Wayne shuns him.)
DREW:  I, Captain Points, give you a thousand points apiece. Doesn't mean a
thing. Points are like the other guy from Wham!. Now, let's play a game right
now, it's for Wayne Brady with the help of Laura Hall and Linda Taylor on
guitar. Laura Hall... Look around the place and try to find a... right here.
I'm going to walk up... someone... (he purposely backs into a woman sitting
on the aisle) Oh my God, look at you. What's your name?
DELORES: Delores.
DREW:  Delores. Delores, what do you do for a living?
DELORES: I'm retired.
DREW:  You're retired, how do you know when you're done? Hey. Delores, how
you doing? What'd you used to do?
DELORES: I was a secretary at a junior high school.
DREW:  You worked at a junior high school. And do you have any hobbies,
anything you like to do?
DELORES: Mm-hmm.
DREW:  Like what?
DELORES: Garden.
DREW:  She likes to garden. Delores, she likes to garden, come on here,
Delores. Delores, say hi to Wayne. Wayne, this is Delores. She likes to
garden, used to work in a junior high, and she's retired now. You don't have
to use all those, just pick one.
WAYNE: I'll use 'em all.
DREW:  Don't hurt yourself, 'cause... (laughing) oh my gosh. I didn't read
the card. You're going to, you're going to, you're going to sing to
Delores...
WAYNE: What?
DREW:  You're going to sing to Delores in the style of Michael Jackson
getting older.
(The music begins. Wayne gets down on his knees.)
WAYNE: Hey girl.
(He dances around on his knees. He then combs a large afro.)
WAYNE: There's a girl that I sing about every day
       Right, Tito? Shut up.
       Because you stay in your garden that way
       And you, oh I love you, make my heart hum
       Because you've got a green thumb
       Oh girl, oh girl
       Come on, girl. Come on, girl.
       (he rises to his feet)
       Well, you... you... (he clears his throat)
       Yo-ou (his voice cracks, and he clears his throat again)
       Y... you (voice still cracking)
       (Wayne takes a sander and grinds off some of his lower jaw. He takes
       a spray can and covers his skin.)
       Hoo!
       (he dances like the current Michael Jackson)
       Listen girl, listen to me, look what I'm starting
       Ah ah ah ah ah
       I want you to help me plant seeds in my garden
       Oh darling, darling, girl just feel 
       Get your Garden Weasel, and then you start to till
       Oh baby, hoo
       Garden me, oh, yeah
       You make me go ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh
       Hoo!
       (he drapes his leg over Delores' lap)
       Yeah.
DREW:  Thank you. Thank you, Delores. Thank you. Thank you, Delores. Have a
seat. Thank you very much, that was Delores, everybody. Delores, Delores, I'm
going to give you one point. And what you do with that point, plant it in the
ground, water it every day, it'll grow into a big point tree, as many points
as you want for the rest of your life. Let's go on to a game called News
Flash, this is for Ryan and Greg. You guys are going to be two news anchors
in a studio. And Colin, you go out to that big wall of green over there,
you're going to be a news reporter covering a breaking news story. Now, as
you can see, he can't see anything behind him, all he can see is green, it's
called a green screen. What happens is, we put an image on there, and we can
see it, but he can't. All the monitors are blocked from him, the camera
monitor's blocked from him. Only we in the studio can see it, and Colin and
Greg can see it. And he's going to have to try to guess...
GREG:  That's Ryan.
DREW:  Ryan. What'd I say?
GREG:  Colin.
DREW:  Oh, Ryan, yeah, right, Ryan.
RYAN:  It's better than Lewis, he's been calling me that for years.
DREW:  Yeah. So...
GREG:  Wait a minute, let me get this straight. Are you Jim or Mariah?
DREW:  Yeah. Colin has to guess what's behind him on the screen, based on
hints from you two, whoever you are. So whenever you're ready, go ahead and
go.
RYAN:  Is it Proops, or what...?
GREG:  No, I don't, I don't care what you...
RYAN:  We interrupt this program for a special news bulletin.
GREG:  Yes, we've got our correspondent Colin Mochrie out in the field.
Colin, can you hear us?
(the scene behind Colin is old footage of war in a desert)
COLIN: I can barely hear you. Look at this, have you ever seen anything like
this?
RYAN:  Colin, Colin, when did word of this first break to you?
COLIN: Well, I heard it all started with a debate over who was the best
Darren. (a mushroom cloud rises in the background) And then it just... I can
barely find the words to describe this.
GREG:  Have you been afraid of any of the conditions that are going on there?
COLIN: Yes.
GREG:  And how are you preparing yourself, Colin?
COLIN: I wore extra shorts. It seems to have come in handy.
RYAN:  Well Colin, if I could get off the subject for a moment, may I say you
look radiant tonight.
COLIN: Why thank you. Thank you very much.
RYAN:  Colin, I remember when you left the studio, you had hair.
(the audience moans)
COLIN: Yeah, what do you mean by that, stick boy?
(Cut to a shot of Greg and Ryan. Ryan runs his hand through his hair.)
RYAN:  Colin, there's word and a rumor that after this is all over, that Adam
Ant might be playing there. Is that true?
COLIN: I don't have any information on that at this point, I... oh. (He
ducks. The scene changes to a man quickly climbing a ladder, which Colin is
just out of the way of.)
GREG:  Well done, Colin. And how is the People's Army taking to you?
COLIN: They love me here. There's talk of me maybe infiltrating as the queen.
RYAN:  Well, it looks like you're having a blast.
COLIN: Yes, I am.
RYAN:  I hope that all the people you met there today remain friends and
there's not a fallout between any of those people.
COLIN: I hope not, either. Because that would be horrible. (he coughs into
his hand) My teeth.
DREW:  Colin, have you any idea where you are right now?
COLIN: I'm at the ground zero of a nuclear testing with ants?
(buzzer)
DREW:  Yes! We'll be right back with more "Whose Line is it Anyway?" right
after this. Don't go anywhere!

DREW:  Hey, welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?", the show where
everything's made up and the points don't matter. Just like a stop sign at
three in the morning, the points don't matter. Especially if there's a kitten
with a flower crossing the street, you don't want to be... okay. We're going
to go on to a game called Questionable Impressions. This is for all four of
you. Greg and Wayne, you're going to start a scene. But in addition to
speaking only in questions, they also have to do a different impression every
time they come on.
(Greg starts to leave)
DREW:  And it'd better be a good one. It'd better be something we know.
Questionable Impressions. (Greg laughs) Now what I need from the audience is
a place where there's a sense of urgency.
(audience yells suggestions)
DREW:  What? There's a sense of urgency at a senior citizens' home? A
hospital. Good one. A hospital. That's a sense of urgency. Not a senior
citizens' home. Okay, so you have to do impressions, and come up with a new
one each time you come in, plus questions only, and you're in a hospital, and
I'll buzz in between when you goof up.
(Wayne beeps like a pulse monitor)
WAYNE: (as Stan Laurel) Ollie, is he going to live?
GREG:  (as Sean Connery) So, do you know who the patient is?
(Wayne whimpers and grabs his hat)
WAYNE: No.
RYAN:  (as Ed Sullivan) Do you know that right here there's a man in need of
an operation?
GREG:  May I ask who you are?
RYAN:  Is the face not familiar to you? Right here?
GREG:  Have I made love to you before?
RYAN:  Are you prepared to welcome right here into your hospital four mop-top
kids from Liverpool?
(Greg laughs. Drew buzzes, and both Greg and Ryan walk off.)
DREW:  Nice try. Hey, who was that, by the way?
RYAN:  I don't know.
COLIN: (as James Cagney) Do you know where the doctor is?
WAYNE: (as Jimmy Durante) A-rinky-dinky, where's the doctor?
COLIN: I need some help. (buzz)
GREG:  (as Dracula) Do you know where the blood is kept?
WAYNE: What do I look like, a blood bank on legs? A-cha-cha? (buzz)
RYAN:  (as Jerry Lewis) Can you tell me if the doctor is voiten on the
goingding ding?
GREG:  You're new here, aren't you?
RYAN:  Haven't you heard of the voiten on the froinging iying?
(Greg laughs, and is unable to produce a question. Drew buzzes, and both Greg
and Ryan walk off.)
COLIN: (as Yogi Bear) Did somebody call for an above-average bear?
WAYNE: (as Scooby Doo) Ruh roh ruh?
COLIN: Well, what do you mean by that?
WAYNE: Ruh roh roh. ("I don't know.") (buzz)
RYAN:  (as Charles Nelson Reilly) Is it time for the operation,
a-hmm-hmm-hmm?
COLIN: Will you pay me in pic-a-nic baskets?
(Ryan laughs and walks off)
(buzzer)
DREW:  No more. Very nice. You know, we're going to change the name of the
game to Hey, Let's All Make Idiots Out of Ourselves. Oh, man.
GREG:  Jimmy Durante.
WAYNE: I'm the only brother to ever do Jimmy Durante. That's right. On ABC!
DREW:  Okay, let's go on to a game called Dating Service Video. This is for
all of you. Colin and Ryan, come and get a box of hats and stuff. Greg and
Wayne, come and get your box of hats and stuff. And what they're going to do
is they're going to go back and forth with their little box here, they've
never seen any of these things in there before, and they're going to have to
come up with as many examples as possible of the world's worst dating service
video. The world's worst dating service video. Colin and Ryan, starting with
you, go ahead.
RYAN:  (chest armor) Don't worry, I brought a Trojan. (buzz)
WAYNE: (sombrero) Ah-ha! Who wants the love burrito? (buzz)
COLIN: (birthday cake hat) Happy birthday, now blow me out. (buzz)
GREG:  (turban) May I buy you a Slurpee and a hot dog? (buzz)
RYAN:  (hat with turkey on it) This year I do all the stuffing. (buzz)
WAYNE: (hat with deer on it) Will you please go out with me? You will? (he
stares like he's caught in a car's headlights) (buzz)
COLIN: (police motorcycle helmet) I'm Erik Estrada. (buzz)
GREG:  (boat captain's hat) (impersonating Mr. Howell) I've been on an island
for seven years with my wife. (buzz)
RYAN:  (army helmet) I'm looking for a few good men. (buzz)
WAYNE: (turban) Oh, you want to see the snake come out the basket? (buzz)
RYAN:  (catcher's chest pads) (he points with one finger down to his groin)
(buzz)
GREG:  (pink hair and ears resembling cat) (hacking) (buzz)
COLIN: (scuba diver's head wrap) I promise not to do it too fast, you might
get the bends. (buzz)
WAYNE: (lei) In my land, you can always get (censored). (buzz)
RYAN:  (wool head cover) Put your hands up! Okay, now jiggle around a little.
(buzzer)
DREW:  Thank you very much. Okay, we're going to go see a commercial, we'll
be right back with more "Whose Line is it Anyway?" right after this. Don't go
anywhere.

DREW:  Hey, welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" Tonight's winners:
Ryan and Wayne. Ryan and Wayne are the winners. How about that. Let me get
right over here in the middle, and what we're going to do, we're going to do
a little game called Three-Headed Broadway Star. What happens is, we get to
get, we're going to be like a weird three-headed Broadway star, and we're
going to sing a song from a, make up a name of a big Broadway hit musical.
(audience yells suggestions)
DREW:  What? "My Favorite Shoe," "My Favorite Shoe." Good for you, for making
up one. "My Favorite Shoe." And name the big hit love song from "My Favorite
Shoe."
(audience yells suggestions)
RYAN:  "You've Got Sole."
DREW:  "You've Got Sole." You're right on the ball, one guy paying attention
in the whole room. Okay, here's the big hit love song "You've Got Sole" from
the Broadway musical, something about a shoe.
(music begins)
WAYNE: You
DREW:  are
RYAN:  my
WAYNE: soul
DREW:  ...mate.
RYAN:  I
WAYNE: can't
DREW:  hardly
RYAN:  believe.
WAYNE: Hush. (Drew looks puzzledly at Wayne)
DREW:  Oooo.
RYAN:  Gesundheit.
WAYNE: Can
DREW:  (laughing) love
RYAN:  me.
WAYNE: You
DREW:  are
RYAN:  my
WAYNE: soul
DREW:  mate,
RYAN:  baby.
WAYNE: Lace
DREW:  up
RYAN:  my
WAYNE: shoe.
DREW:  And take me on a... oh sorry, one word at a time.
RYAN:  trip to beautiful...
WAYNE: I love you
DREW:  so. (laughing)
RYAN:  (whispering) Can't
WAYNE: (whispering) you
DREW:  What?
RYAN:  Ha
WAYNE: ha
DREW:  (laughing) ha.
RYAN:  I
WAYNE: love
DREW:  my
RYAN:  girl
WAYNE: because
DREW:  she's
RYAN:  so
WAYNE: beauti...
DREW:  (with Wayne) ti... (pause) like...
RYAN:  (after a pause, whispering) Listen
WAYNE: (whispering) to
DREW:  (squeaking) me. (laughing)
(buzzer)
DREW:  (laughing) We'll be right back with more "Whose Line..."
RYAN:  We'll be right back.

DREW:  Hey, welcome back to "Whose Line." We're going to end the show tonight
by having Ryan and Wayne read the credits. I want you to read the credits
like teenage girls at a slumber party. Teenage girls at a slumber party. Good
night everybody, we'll see you next time.
WAYNE: Oh my God, there's Dan Patterson and Mark Leveson.
RYAN:  Oh, that Ryan Stiles is so hot.
WAYNE: Oh my gosh, oh my God, Jimmy Mulville, Mark Leveson, look.
RYAN:  Bruce Gowers here... oh, Tom Park.
GREG:  Chicks.
WAYNE: Oh my gosh, look, it's Billy.
RYAN:  Isn't that Greg Proops from "Whose Line"? Hello.
WAYNE: Stephen Blum.
RYAN:  My dad, Eric Wilker's going to be home soon.
WAYNE: Dad's home, Stacy.
RYAN:  Oh, here he is now.
WAYNE: It's dad. Oh, it's Pete! There's Rachael Dowling.


(This episode capsule was compiled by Scott Robinson. Copyright 2000. All
titles of games and related situations are trademarks and the property of
Hat Trick Productions, Warner Brothers, and/or ABC and no infringements on
copyright are intended. Watch the show. It's better than reading about it.)