There are several rumors that Mel's Next Movie will be a film called "SNAFU", or a remake of "She Stoops To Conquer", but I have my own plans for Mel's Next Film, and if he ever happens to stop by here, this is my chance to tell him about 'em.


This picture is not from my school, but the picture is the logo for "Anything Goes"


Don't Get Me Wrong Here, I absolutely hate musicals, but our high schools put on our rendition of "Anything Goes" this past spring and, good lord, it's the funniest thing I've ever seen. I've never been so shocked in my life: a funny musical, and half-decent songs. It's set in the 1930's and it's about all these different people who end up on this one Ocean Liner: Public Enemy Number Thirteen, an English Gentlemen, a flashy nightclub diva, a powerful businessman, his assistant, some dingy flake, and a busty New Jersey Girl. Oh yeah, and don't forget the gambling chinese. They end up getting mixed up in complicated case of mistaken idenity, forbidden love, and of course hilarious circumstances. It's hilarious. So my idea is that Mel should do a remake of Anything Goes, keeping tight with the original script, but adding his own little touches, maybe make it a light satire on all musicals. I think this play and Mel were meant for each other. So Mel, if you ever read this, do this movie!

The Characters

Billy Crocker- the young and handsome assistant to Elisha J. Whitney, powerful wall-street executive, who sneaks aboard the illustrious Cruise Ship, the S.S. American, with a stolen passport, which turns out to be the passport of Snake Eyes Johnson, Public Enemy Number One.

Hope Harcourt- a rich passenger on the cruise liner, who once had a torrid love affair with Billy, and the reason he snuck aboard. But now she's engaged to a pompous dimwit of a brit, Sir Evelyn Oakleigh. And her nagging mother's along to make sure, Billy doesn't win her back.

Sir Evelyn Oakleigh- the lovable, yet incredibly stupid English Gentlemen, who's engaged to Ms. Harcourt only because he feels he's obligated in some way. He soon finds himself lured away, though, by the brassy nightclub-singer/former-evangelist, Reno Sweeney.

Reno Sweeney- the Bette-Midler type singer, who usually mixes her evangelism in with her boozing and usually refers to eveyone as "sinner". Her four back-up singers, or "angels" as they're called: Charity, Purity, Chastity, and Virtue (the easy kind), make a team who would have made quite a few eyebrows raise in the 1930s, and not to mention nowadays.

Moonface Martin- the gangster with a heart of gold, who can't seem to do any better than Public Enemy Number Thirteen. He's on the Liner get out of the states with his buddy, Snake Eyes Johnson, but when Johnson doesn't show, he gives his passport away and sails with out him. He soon befriends Billy and starts up his own love story with Snake Eye's moll, Bonnie.

Bonnie- the high-pitched girlfriend of Public Enemy Number One, who gets around in more ways than one. When she's not helping Moonface, Billy, and Reno with their plans to disrupt Hope and Evelyn's Wedding, she's trying to become one of Sweeney's Infamous Angels.


Elisha J. Whitney- the grouchy Wall-street powerhouse who spends most of his ocean trip blind, because he's lost his glasses. He has no clue his assistant is still on the ship, despite several close encounters.

Mother Harcourt- Hope's flakey mother who only wants Hope to Marry Evelyn for his money, so she can reap the benefits. She spends most of the trip unaware that Billy, Hope's old boyfriend, is on the ship in and out of disguise, but once she finds out, she pressures Hope to get married before the boat even reaches it's home port.

So Billy's trying to Win Over Hope, Reno's trying to ensnare Evelyn, and Moonface is trying not to get caught; it's a fun play to say the least. It's hilarious, it's the most entertaining musical you'll ever see...and the songs...they're all that great 1930 ragtime stuff...

The Songs

Click on Highlighted Songs to Here Midis

1. You're the Top

2. It's Delovely

3. Friendship

4. the Heaven Hop

5. Bon Voyage

6. I Get No Kick From Champagne

7. Anything Goes

8. Public Enemy Number One

9. Let's Step Out

10. Let's Misbehave *the best*

11. Blow, Gabriel, Blow

12. All Through the Night

13. Be Like the Bluebird

14. Take Me Back to Manhattan


It's the Funniest, and So Is Mel. They'd be perfect for each other. Okay, that's all I have to say.



"Take me Back, oh take me back, Take Me Back to Manhattan, that dear old dirty town"