"Pretty." Drusilla mused. "But what does my Angel want with it?" she asked softly as she brushed the hair of her doll, Miss Edith.
"I’m so sick of everything being so plain in here so I’m going to paint a mural or something in the living room. It should help to keep me busy, since my ex-girlfriend is on the warpath and I’m trying to avoid her right now." Angel responded as Spike rolled into the room. Ever since the purchase of the house they were on reasonable terms. Reasonable not meaning they weren’t fighting almost constantly, because they were, reasonably means they weren’t trying to rip each other’s hearts out literally.
"What are you doing?" Spike inquired as he rolled up beside Drusilla.
"I’m going to paint something on the wall in here." Angel replied with a grin as he saw Spike’s expression change.
"I thought we were going to discuss it...." Spike began.
"You mean argue about it--" Angel interrupted.
"If one of us wanted to do something to the house, especially renovations." Spike answered, he was clearly getting annoyed at Angel at this point.
"It’s my house, Spike. I’m the one paying the bills, I’ll do with it whatever the hell I please." Angel responded shortly. "Since I killed the gypsy bitch Buffy’s been wanting to put a large stick through my chest so I think the best thing to do would be lay low until she doesn’t suspect anything and while I’m doing that I need something to do so I’ve decided to decorate." Angel said with a slight shrug of his shoulders.
"Fine. Do whatever you bloody well want. I don’t care anymore." Spike replied, his tone rather defeated, and then he rolled out of the room. A triumphant smile played on Angel’s face as he looked back down at the book, flipping through the pages.
The next day in the late afternoon Spike was in the family room, when there was a knock on the door. "Could someone get that? It’s probably my delivery!" Angel shouted from the living room. Angel had been in the living room working since seven the previous night without stopping. Since Spike didn’t want to deal with Angel unless absolutely necessary he hadn’t been in there to see what Angel had been working so tediously on.
Spike sighed and rolled to the door. Because the door was at an eastern exposure and it was the afternoon so the sun was in the west he was able to open the door without getting hit by direct sun rays. There, standing at the door were two middle age men and two women, the first woman, a blonde was holding a Jell-O mold and the other, a brunette was holding a fruit basket. "You aren’t the delivery guy." Spike stated.
"No, silly, we’re your new neighbors. I’m Ruth, this is my husband, Frank, and this is Paul and Beth. Can we come in?" she asked in a sweet voice that made Spike’s preternatural skin crawl for some unknown reason.
"Is it my delivery!?" Angel shouted from the living room. The gears of Spike’s mind began turning, he knew that the new neighbors would annoy Angel just as much as they were annoying him, and he couldn’t pass up the opportunity to annoy Angel.
"Sure, come on in." Spike said with a grin, Ruth handed him the Jell-O mold and Beth handed him the fruit basket. Spike moved aside, allowing the two couples to step inside. "This way." Spike said, leading them to the living room, and more importantly, to Angel.
Upon entering the living room they all stopped dead (not the best wording) in their tracks. On the wall was an elaborate pencil sketch of Angel’s mural, which in essence was a portrait of Hell, complete with demons and damned souls. In the middle of this scene Angel was spinning Drusilla around the room in a dance to the radio playing the David Bowie/Mick Jagger version of "Dancing in the Street." Needless to say this does not make Spike very happy to see, especially since Drusilla’s arm was wrapped tightly around Angel’s waist and her other hand was intertwined with Angel’s fingers. Spike cleared his throat loudly, to announce both his presence and annoyance. Angel turned his head and smiled at Spike.
"I didn’t hear you come in, Spike. Did you finally get those wheels greased up so they don’t squeak anymore?" Angel asked, his eyes then focused on the new neighbors. "You’re not the delivery guys." Angel stated simply.
"We’re your new neighbors. I was really eager to meet you all. I’m sure we’ll all be great friends." Ruth said with a sweet smile, Angel released Drusilla, looking to be about ready to go for a grinning Spike’s throat. Angel took one menacing step toward Spike.
"Now, now, Angel, we have company...." Spike said, backing up slowly. Angel turned back to the neighbors and put on his best smile, although it was very fake apparently they fell for it.
"So," Ruth began, "I can’t believe you bought this place. You do know it’s history, right?" she asked cautiously, not wishing to alarm them in case they didn’t.
"That’s part of it’s charm." Spike said with a laugh, Angel glared at Spike briefly before turning his attention back to the two couples. "Nice drawing, Angel. Since when did our living room become the Sistine Chapel from Hell?" Spike asked, sarcasm dripping from his words.
"Since I got inspired." Angel snapped back coldly. "I’m going to paint it once the paint is delivered. You like it, don’t you, Dru?" Angel asked, putting his arm around her again, just to bother Spike. Once again he was successful.
"It’s beautiful, my Angel. But--I’m hungry." she said, her eyes traveling to the neighbors. She took a step toward them, Angel grabbed her arm and pulled her back toward him and put his arm around her waist to restrain her.
"So, what do you do for a living?" Ruth asked Angel in order to make conversation, completely unaware of the danger that she and the others were in simply by being in the home of vampires.
"I’m an artist." that was the quickest and most believable lie Angel could come up with. He briefly imagined what her expression would be if he had told her he was a vampire. She probably would have fallen over from a heart attack.
"Oh, that’s an interesting profession. I don’t work personally, but my husband, Frank, is a city councilman." she said, Angel smiled politely, his arm still holding a hungry Drusilla back. "Is this your girlfriend?" Ruth asked, motioning to Drusilla and Angel’s hold around her.
"Wife." Angel said, with a grin in Spike’s direction. Two could play at the annoyance game, and since he knew that telling them he and Drusilla were married would not only annoy Spike but also madden him, he couldn’t resist. "Spike here is my just an old friend." Angel said, his smile growing.
"Silly me, I haven’t introduced myself yet. My name is Ruth. This is Frank, and this is Paul and Beth, your other neighbors." she said with a smile.
"I’m Angel, this is Drusilla and that’s Spike." Angel said, "So, what do you do for a living, Paul?"
"Well, I’m the commissioner of the Sunnydale Police Department." This almost caused Spike to break out in a massive laughing fit, considering how he felt about the inept Sunnydale Police Department. He was able to contain it by biting his lip. Angel threw an angry glance in Spike’s direction, only making him want to laugh more.
"Would you like to have dinner some time?" Beth asked, she had a similar annoyingly cheerful tone as Ruth did.
"We’d love to have you for dinner." Spike said with a Cheshire cat grin. Angel turned away and groaned softly to himself as he listened to Spike get himself, and the rest of them, in deeper and deeper. "How about at eight tonight? That’s usually when I’m most hungry." Spike said, Ruth smiled.
"That sounds lovely. Should we bring anything?" Ruth inquired, Spike shook his head once and smiled once again.
"Just bring yourselves. We had better get ready, I’ll see you to the door." Spike said, with that he rolled out of the room, followed by the new and now apparently doomed neighbors. Spike led them out of the house, despite the urge to kill them right then and there. He rolled back to the living room to see Angel sitting on the couch, his arms crossed across his chest and looking mighty pissed off.
"You idiot." was all Angel said.
"Angel is calling me an idiot. What else is new?" Spike quipped, Angel growled from deep in his throat and stood up slowly.
"No, this time you’ve outdone yourself, really you have. You just invited them over for dinner. But I have a news flash for you, Spike. We can’t kill them." Angel said, holding his arms out in aggravation.
"Why the bloody hell not?"
"Spike, I’ll try to explain this clearly enough for you to understand what I’m saying here. The one guy is the police commissioner. The other is a city councilman." Angel said slowly. Angel’s tone just annoyed Spike further. "If we kill them then we’re screwed, the cops will come to investigate and we’ll have to move again. It’d be pretty obvious, even for the inept Sunnydale police, that if our neighbors to the right and to the left die we’re responsible. And I have another news flash for you, my name is on the deed and the bills, your name is on that damn Colombia House order you insisted on---"
"I couldn’t pass up The Clash double CD for only a penny." Spike defended.
"The point is if we give them the reason to do a background check then we’re screwed. I got a pretty good fake background going but if they look hard enough they’re going to find everything, including the fact I’m two hundred and forty two years old. All right? Now, look, I’d love to kill these people just as much as you would, especially that Ruth bitch, but we can’t." Angel said quickly, Spike let out a soft sigh.
"So we cancel dinner. No big deal." Spike responded.
"Big deal. We can’t cancel. Besides the fact it goes against every bit of etiquette---" Angel began.
"Since when do you care about manners? I have a news flash for *you*, Angel, killing people is not the picture of decorum." Spike interrupted.
"Another thing. If we don’t do this they’re going to keep on our backs about having dinner with them and if we keep refusing they’re going to think that something’s up. I don’t know about you, but I’d like to keep them from getting suspicious that their new neighbors are the walking undead."
"Agreed." Spike said with a sigh.
"Good, so the best thing we can do is have this stupid dinner thing and get it over with, and try to convince them that we’re perfectly normal. Besides, we don’t have their phone number to call and cancel. Unless you want to roll over there right now at four in the afternoon and tell them it’s off." Angel stated sardonically.
"So, what do we do? I’ve never thrown a dinner party before."
"I have." Angel answered.
"And when was that?" Spike asked with every bit of sarcasm he could muster.
"Well, it was two hundred and twenty years ago, but I think I can still do it. We just gotta make the dining room look nice, have dinner, break out the good silver, that kind of thing."
"We don’t have silver, let along *good* silver. What the hell does a house full of vampires need silverware for?!" Spike asked, his voice almost a shout, which caused Drusilla to whimper softly, in typical Drusilla fashion.
"Don’t yell at me. I wasn’t the idiot that invited them in. Have we learned nothing from your own nature? Neighbors, especially annoying ones, are like vampires, they can’t come in unless they are invited!"
"Okay, okay," Spike said before taking a deep breath, metaphorically speaking of course, "fighting isn’t going to solve anything in this case. We need to think rationally. Okay. We could wait until sunset and send the rest of the coven out on the town, that’ll keep them from showing up while the neighbors are here."
"Good idea. And I can run out after sundown and buy silverware and china. Food, what about food?"
"I’ll look in the phone book and find the number of a caterer. I still can’t believe you won’t let us kill them. Are you sure you don’t still have that damn soul?" Spike grumbled.
"I’m just looking out for our best interests, Spike. Somebody has to be the voice of reason in the middle of this chaos. Okay, here’s the plan. Spike, you call the caterer and talk to him about what we need to pull this off. Dru, grab a vacuum and come with me. We’re going to clean the dining room and make it look nice." Angel said authoritatively. They all went off to do their separate jobs in preparation for that night.
After sundown Angel went to a kitchenware store and bought enough silverware and china for all of them. He stopped off to eat and then went to pick up a couple bottles of white wine before returning to the house. He entered the kitchen with his purchases to see Spike and Drusilla beside the oven. "Hey, what’s going on?" Angel asked, Spike looked up quickly upon hearing Angel’s voice.
"Oh, well, the caterer came, he wanted to use our kitchen to cook and prepare everything, I said that was okay so he came in here and he started getting ready. I turn my back for one minute and boom--" Spike said, motioning to Drusilla.
"You didn’t!" Angel said quickly, Drusilla simply smiled innocently. "You did! You ate the caterer! I don’t believe this, Dru. Have you no self control?" Angel asked causing Drusilla to frown, her sad, pitiful expression made Angel sigh. "I’m sorry, Dru. Okay? No use crying over spilled caterer blood. We can do this, no problem. We can call another caterer."
"I tried that, the rest of them are busy." Spike responded.
"Okay. We can try cooking ourselves." Angel suggested.
"We’ve been trying to do that. But neither me or Dru have ever owned a gas oven, any oven for that matter, besides a wood burning one, so we’ve been trying to figure out how to work it." Spike said, Angel looked down at the oven and smiled.
"You turn the knob to the temperature you want. Living around humans for as long as I have I’ve learned a few things."
"You didn’t happen to learn to cook, did you?" Spike inquired sarcastically.
"No, but how hard can it be?" Angel asked, glancing at the bags of items the dead caterer had left on the counters before his untimely death at the hands, err--fangs, of Drusilla.
"Famous last words, Angel." Spike said, shaking his head.
"Well, maybe a badly cooked meal will keep them from coming over for dinner again. Now, did you think of that?" Angel asked, Spike let out a snort of laughter.
"Angel, if this Ruth woman has her way, you, Paul and Frank will be golfing buddies, she, Beth and Drusilla will be making quilts together, and I’ll be baby-sitting her kids." Spike replied, Angel let out a sigh and rolled his shoulders backward in order to loosen up slightly and release his tension. He was not successful.
"Can I get a little more support from you, Spike? This is your fault, after all." Angel stated, Spike merely rolled his eyes.
"Are you going to hold this against me forever because---" Spike began but was interrupted by Angel.
"Where’s the body? Spike, what’d you do with the body?!"
"You worry too much. I sent some of the boys to dispose of it, then I sent the rest of them out for a night on the town. I gave them specific orders to avoid the slayer and where she may be so there shouldn’t be any trouble with her tonight. Okay?" Spike asked, Angel nodded once.
"Yeah, okay." Angel answered, just as the phone rang. He walked to the table where the phone was and picked it up. "Hello?"
"Angel, this is Ruth. Hi, I was wondering if you would mind if we bring our two children over for dinner too?" her voice was sickeningly sweet, even on the phone.
"I don’t mind." Angel said, rolling his eyes. He said his good-byes and hung up the phone. "I’m leaving. Think you two can figure out how to work the oven and cook?"
"No! Where in bloody hell are you going?"
"Ruth wants to bring her kids over too so I have to go back and buy more china and silverware." Angel answered bitterly.
"How did she get the phone number?" Spike asked, Angel merely shook his head and sighed.
"I don’t even know. All I know is that if I had blood pressure it would be skyrocketing at this point." Angel replied, pressing his fingers against his temples. He was pretty sure he was getting a headache for the first time in two hundred and twenty years.
"Spike, you could go to the store. My Angel could stay with me. We can make cakes--" Drusilla said with a smile, Angel glanced at Spike and shrugged.
"Sounds like a good idea to me." Angel said to Spike. The idea of Angel being alone with Drusilla for any period of time did not appeal to Spike at all but there was nothing he could do, the alternative being that he would have to stay and cook. Cooking was something he had never done as a human, and certainly not as a vampire.
"Fine." Spike said with a sigh. Angel pulled out a piece of paper and scribbled down the pattern of the china and silverware Spike was to buy and then sent him on his way, leaving Angel and Drusilla to cook dinner. It was doomed from the start.
When Spike returned home at around seven, about forty minutes after he left, he walked inside the house and instantly smelled something burning. He rolled to the kitchen quickly and saw Angel and Drusilla standing beside a very burned and unrecognizable piece of meat sitting on the stovetop. "‘How hard can it be?’" Spike said with a laugh, throwing Angel’s own words back at him. Angel merely growled at him, this caused Spike to laugh even more.
"Where were you while all of this was happening? You should have been back a long time ago." Angel said quietly, his voice was tired and there was a sense fatigue in both his tone and the expression on his face.
"Some moron took the handicap spot so I had to park far away and that took a while. Then I had to wait until the guy that took the handicap space came out of the store and then I killed him." Spike responded with a smile.
"You killed him for taking a handicap parking space? That’s a pretty harsh lesson."
"One that needed to be taught." Spike replied. "Well, now what do we do since you and Dru have succeeded in ruining dinner?" Spike asked.
"I don’t know. I don’t know." Angel answered, shaking his head. He looked to either be on the verge of homicide or a nervous breakdown. "Do something, I don’t care what. This is your fault, you deal with it." Angel said, taking a few steps toward the door.
"Where are you going?" Spike asked quickly.
"To eat. I’m going to go kill something slowly. I’ll be back before eight." Angel was going for the homicide route and by the look on his face Spike wasn’t about to argue. Angel kissed Drusilla on the cheek, "Bye, Dru." Angel said wearily before walking out of the room.
Spike watched Angel walk out and then returned to thinking of what could be done now. He finally came up with an idea after a minute of thinking. He pulled out the Yellow Pages and found the phone number he was looking for and placed a call.
Angel returned about half an hour later, a trickle of blood from his prey still lingering on his lower lip. He entered the house to see Spike and Drusilla lounging in the living room, watching a movie. "Do you feel better, my Angel?" Drusilla asked, Angel gave a small nod before sitting down on the couch beside her.
"Why are you in here watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show and not in the kitchen getting ready?" Angel inquired, glancing over at Spike.
"Everything is ready. I ordered Chinese." Spike responded.
"You ordered Chinese?" Angel asked quietly, Spike smiled and nodded once.
"I ordered Chinese." Spike repeated. "It should be here in ten minutes. That takes care of the cooking part, we serve Chinese and we just tell them that there was a kitchen accident and we had to improvise."
"You are God, Spike. You’re a genius. But this is still all of your fault and I haven’t forgotten that." Angel said, laying his head back and shutting his eyes briefly to try to relax after a few truly hellish hours.
"I’m never going to live this down. You got a little something on your lip by the way." Angel touched his lip and brought back the drop of blood.
"I was a little messy I guess. Still getting back into the swing of things, so to speak." Angel responded. "So, everything is set up? The dining room is clean and everything is ready?"
"Yes, now would you stop worrying and stop being such a bloody retentive jerk and watch Rocky Horror? It’ll help you relax and by the looks of it you could really use a little relaxation."
"A back rub might help me relax." Angel suggested, looking in Drusilla’s direction, Spike glared at Angel, causing Angel to smile wickedly. "Or not." Angel sat back to watch the movie, just as he sat back there was a knock on the door.
Drusilla got up to answer the door. Angel looked to Spike who shrugged. "The Chinese delivery boy I think. He’s a little early, now just watch the movie. This is my favorite part." Spike said quickly, turning his attention back to the movie.
"That’s just because Magenta embodies your French maid fantasy. And people say I’m sick." Angel answered sarcastically, Spike frowned slightly. Drusilla reentered the room, carrying a bag of food in her hand. "Did you pay the delivery boy?" Angel asked, looking up. He then saw a trickle of blood on her chin. "Jeez, Dru." Angel said as he stood up.
"You killed the delivery boy?!" Spike asked, rolling into the hallway toward the door to inspect what was going on.
"I like Chinese food." Drusilla said with a giggle.
"Where’s the body?" Angel asked, putting his hands to his head, his headache returning once again.
"The foyer." Drusilla answered with a smile.
"Angel, get out here and help me get rid of the body." Spike shouted, Angel went to the foyer where the body of a Chinese delivery boy was laying. "Help me throw him down into the basement or something until we have time to properly handle this." Spike said, Angel shook his head.
"I’ll take the body down to the basement, you make sure there’s no blood on the carpeting or any other evidence that they can see. Drusilla, take the food into the dining room and put it on the table." Angel answered, hoisting the body of the delivery boy into his arms and carrying it down the hallway to the basement door.
He returned from the basement a minute later to find Spike and Drusilla in the foyer, both had completed their tasks. "There’s no evidence of anything, nothing for that Paul guy to find that would make him suspicious. Can we go back to the movie now?" Spike inquired, Angel nodded and they returned to the living room. When they returned to the living room, Angel and Drusilla sat down on the couch while Spike remained in his chair as the Time Warp scene from the film came up. There was another knock at the door. "Spike, you get it." Angel said, glancing at Drusilla briefly. Spike rolled out of the room and to the door.
He opened it to reveal Paul, Beth, Ruth and Frank along with two kids, a girl who was about fourteen and a boy who was about nine. "Hi." Ruth said with a smile. "These are my children, Leslie and Joey." Spike faked a smile and motioned or them to come inside.
They went to the living room where Angel and Drusilla were, partaking in elbow sex (if you’ve seen Rocky Horror you know what I mean, if you haven’t then ignore this) while watching the movie. Spike cleared his throat, Angel and Drusilla turned around quickly.
"Hi!" Ruth said with a cheerful tone and a smile. "So, are we ready to eat?"
"Well, we had a little problem in the kitchen so we had to improvise. I hope you don’t mind Chinese food." Angel said as politely as he could.
"Of course not. Food from other cultures is always interesting." Beth responded, the smile never leaving her face.
"Other cultures? It’s from the restaurant down on Thompson--" Spike said under his breath, only loud enough for Angel and Drusilla to hear, Angel threw an angry glare in Spike’s direction before leading them all to the dining room.
They sat down at the table to eat, the boxes of Chinese food in the middle of the table where Drusilla had put them. Angel poured himself, Drusilla and Spike ‘red wine’ and got drinks for the guests. "Who would like to say Grace?" Frank asked, Spike almost started laughing, prompting Angel to kick Spike from underneath the table.
"We’re not Christian." Spike said quickly, glaring at Angel for kicking him in the shin. "We’re--um--Buddhist." Spike said, Angel groaned softly and rolled his eyes at Spike.
"Doesn’t that mean you can’t drink alcohol?" Beth asked, motioning to the glasses of ‘red wine’ in front of the three vampires. Angel glanced at Spike, awaiting an answer with a grin on his face.
"We’re just not very good at it." Spike said, taking the glass in his hand and taking a quick sip of the blood.
"That’s a very interesting accent you have, um--Spike. What part of England are you from?" Frank asked as he reached for a box of rice from the center of the table as the rest of the guests helped themselves to the boxes of Chinese food.
"London. But I haven’t been back there in ages." Spike answered, trying his damnedest to be polite and sociable. "Angel here is from Dublin." Spike said, turning the neighbors onto fresh meat; Angel.
"Dublin, how lovely. Why don’t you have an Irish accent?" Ruth asked.
"I’ve lived in America for too long I suppose." Angel responded, glancing once at Spike and making a mental note to get revenge on Spike in some way shape or form that night for turning their attention and questions on him.
"I hear it’s a very lovely city." Ruth said. How was Angel supposed to know? He hadn’t actually been there since the Industrial Revolution. Times had changed greatly since the last time he had set foot in the country, how was he to know what Dublin looked like?
"Yes." Angel said simply, looking down at his glass of blood, taking a sip of it.
"Do you have family in Sunnydale?" Paul asked politely.
"Spike and Drusilla are the only family I have left. The rest of my family is dead." Angel responded.
"How’d they die?" Joey interjected curiously. Angel turned his attention to the overly curious young boy.
"They were murdered a very, very long time ago by a very crazy, very sick man." Angel said, Spike and Drusilla, both knowing fully of Angel’s history were barely able to repress smiles and laughs as he manipulated the truth to his own benefit.
"I’m sorry!" Ruth said quickly, her face had turned bright beet red with embarrassment. Angel merely shook his head once and turned back to the boy.
"It’s quite all right. But I hardly think this is appropriate dinner conversation so I suggest we find a more suitable topic to discuss while we eat." Angel said, his voice was low and his eyes steady with Joey. Joey nodded once, clearly afraid of Angel now. Angel hadn’t intentionally meant to scare the small boy, at least not at first, but he couldn’t help himself. But it had at least succeeded in silencing him.
"So, Drusilla," Ruth said, attempting to recover the conversation after Joey’s inquiries, "do you garden?"
"I like daisies." Drusilla whispered quietly.
"She’s special." Angel said, giving the neighbors a look, conveying to them the message that Drusilla was short a few tacos of a combination plate. Spike glanced at Leslie, the teenage girl, and noticed a strange look on her face, the same one most women got when they were in a twenty foot radius of Angel. Spike had often referred to it as ALS, Angel Lust Syndrome, and by the looks of it Leslie was infected with it.
The rest of dinner consisted of Angel and Spike lying or avoiding questions from the neighbors, Ruth talking about her gardening and the plants she was going to enter in the fair and her position on the PTA, Frank talking about the plans for the city, Paul discussing his golf score, Beth talking about her need to buy a new dishwasher and Angel, Spike and Drusilla faking that they were eating. (As the Vampire Chronicles say, most people don’t notice it when a vampire pretends to be eating.) Joey sat in mute, still watching Angel with wide and frightened eyes, though he couldn’t actually explain a real reason for his fear. Leslie on the other hand was in the late stages of ALS where she was reduced to staring and not speaking in his presence. After dinner they passed out the fortune cookies which came with the meal. Ruth opened hers first and read it out loud. "‘You may attend a party where strange customs prevail.’" she read, Spike gave Angel a look as though to say ‘damn, that’s eerie.’
Angel opened the next fortune cookie, he read it to himself first, a strange look crossed his face. "What the hell is this supposed to mean!?" he asked quickly, Spike took the fortune from Angel’s hand to read it.
"‘Your soul is worth more than all the riches in the world.’" Spike read, glancing back at Angel once again. "Calm down, Angel, jeez, it’s just a bloody fortune cookie, there’s nothing to these things." Spike said softly. "Here, take another one." Spike said, handing another to Angel.
"‘The answers to the future sometime lie in the past.’" Angel read and then he leaned over to whisper to Spike. "Does that mean the with soul past or without soul past?" Angel asked in a quiet whisper.
"You’re reading too much into this, Angel. Here, I’ll read mine just to prove it’s nonsense." he said, cracking it open. "‘It is much easier to be critical than to be correct.’" Spike read, Angel broke out into laughter.
"Maybe there is something to these things." Angel said in between peals of laughter.
"I bloody hate fortune cookies!" Spike said, tossing the fortune away from him, this only made Angel laugh more. "Dru, read yours." Spike said, hoping to get Angel’s attention away from him and his ‘fortune.’
"‘Accept the next proposition you hear.’" Drusilla read, Angel grinned.
"Hey, Dru, want to fool around later?" Angel asked, Spike glared at Angel with cold contempt, Angel flashed his most innocent smile in Spike’s direction.
Frank was the next to open his cookie. "‘You have a reputation for being straight forward and honest.’" he read with a smile on his face.
"Yeah, when he’s not ripping off city funds." Spike murmured under his breath, Angel once again kicked him from underneath the table. Paul opened his cookie while Angel and Spike were glaring at each other, apparently without being noticed by the rest of the guests.
"‘You will enjoy good health.’" Paul read.
"Not if I have anything to say about it." Spike mumbled softly, getting another swift kick in the leg from Angel. "Hey!" Spike groaned. Angel spoke a phrase in rapid Russian, by the look on his face it was not a polite one. "Yeah, whatever, Soul Boy." Spike grumbled quietly.
"A lifetime friend shall soon be made." Beth read, apparently not noticing the daggers Spike and Angel were glaring at each other. "Oh, isn’t that lovely." she said with a smile.
Spike was about to comment when suddenly the lights flickered and then went out. "Oh, what now?!" Angel groaned in the dark. His vampire eyes took a second to adjust to the dark and once he was able to see his way he stood up and went to the living room where a candelabrum was. He lit the five candles and then brought it to the dining room and set it in the center of the table.
"It’s probably your fuse. I know a lot about those things, I should go down to the basement to check your fuse box." Paul said, standing up to go down to the basement to inspect the fuses. Angel suddenly got a bad mental image of Paul tripping over the body of the dead Chinese delivery boy in the dark.
He stood quickly and shook his head. "No! I mean--" Angel said and then paused in order to think of an excuse. One popped into his head a moment later. "It’s dark and I wouldn’t want you to trip and fall, those steps are very hazardous and besides, I don’t think it’s the fuse. It’s probably just a power shortage, I’m sure the lights will come on in a minute."
This seemed to be a satisfactory enough answer for Paul who sat down once again. "I can’t imagine," said Ruth, "how people lived like this, without electricity hundreds of years ago. Can you?" she asked Spike and Angel.
"Actually, I can imagine it pretty well." Spike responded quickly, the neighbors thought this was a joke and laughed.
"We should probably go and get Joey in bed. Besides, we can’t do much else with the lights being out. It was fun, we should do it again some time." Ruth said as the neighbors all stood from the table.
"As long as we don’t have to take care of dinner." Angel said with a polite smile as he stood as well to see them out. Once he got them to the door and said his good-byes and let them out he shut the door and let out a loud sigh. Spike rolled into the still dark living room with the candelabrum in his hand, followed by Drusilla. "Are they gone?" Spike asked cautiously, Angel smiled and nodded. "Hallelujah!" Spike shouted loudly while Drusilla spun around the room in a joyous dance. Angel dramatically collapsed onto the couch and sighed.
"I say we now avoid those people as much as humanly, or vampirely, possible. I can’t keep doing this, I can only take so much." Angel said quickly, Spike nodded in agreement.
"Is someone going to clean the dishes?" Drusilla inquired, stopping her celebration dance to turn to Spike and Angel.
"I’m not. I’ve done enough work for one night. Convincing them we are normal is all the work I’m going to do for tonight." Angel answered, shutting his eyes f or a moment.
"I still can’t believe we pulled it off. With everything that went wrong, everything that got screwed up and after everything else, they still think we’re totally normal, don’t they?" Spike asked, Angel smiled slightly and nodded.
"They do, no thanks to you, I might add!" Angel snapped as the lights flickered back on.
"So, now what do we do?" Spike inquired, mostly so he could change the subject.
"Make sure the boys take care of the body in the basement. Dru, make sure someone cleans those plates up, I don’t care who does it as long as it gets done. I’m going out again." Angel said, rising from the couch.
"To do what exactly?" Spike asked automatically.
"To relieve the last of my tension. I think I’m going to find that polka band and bludgeon them to death with accordions. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. I feel better already." Angel said before walking out of the house.
"I have a little pent-up tension too. Lets go to the mall and kill a few more idiots for illegally parking in handicapped spots." Spike replied, extending his hand to Drusilla. She smiled and took his hand in hers and together they left the house to hunt.
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