I CHANGED MY MIND....
Rose ran out of the gym, trying unsuccessfully to hold back the tears. She had been unable to look at Jack's face when she told him to leave her alone, she didn't think she would be able to deal with the pain. She hadn't wanted to say that to him, but what choice did she have? Her mother was counting on her to marry Cal, without whom they would be penniliess. When he had leaned forward to kiss her, she had almost given in. It took all of her strength to pull away. At the memory, Rose stopped running, looking back longingly at the gym door. She suddenly realized just how much she cared for him, how much she loved him. The pain that admission caused her was immense. The sobs tore at her throat, attracting the attention of passersby, she didn't care. How could she give him up? For the first time since her father had died, she felt cared for, important. Then the image of her mother crying came back to her, and she forced back the tears. Her life wasn't her own, it never had been. She wiped the tears off of her face and rushed to catch up with the others. When she had caught up to them, Mr. Andrews was just concluding his tour. Cal turned and gave her a questioning look. She just gave him a small smile and walked up beside her mother. After Mr. Andrews left, they both turned to her. Ruth spoke first. "And just where did you disappear to?" Cal looked at Rose suspiciously, wating for her answer. "I just thought I saw someone I knew, and stopped to talk to them." Rose looked at them, just willing them to believe her. Cal gave her a skeptical look. "Who was it?" "Oh, I was mistaken, it wasn't who I thought it was." Smiling nervously at him, Rose prayed that the questioning would stop there. Ever since that morning at breakfast, she had never been left alone. Either Cal or Ruth had been at her side, it was getting to be very suffocating. Cal nodded at her, but he still seemed doubtful. She would have to watch herself for the rest of the voyage. Cal was not somone you wanted to get angry, she'd learned that on several occasions already. Ruth turned to Rose, giving her a look that said she didn't quite believe her either. "Shall we go to tea?" Giving Cal a nod, Ruth took her by the hand, leading her inside.
When they got there, her mother immediately headed over to join the Countess of Rothes and Lady Duff-Gordon, who were already in the middle of a conversation. When they got to the table, both looked up and smiled politely, indicating that they should sit. Ruth told them about their deck tour, including Rose's concern about the lifeboats. All three women turned to look at her, smiling and shaking their heads at her, as if to say "foolish young girl, don't you know this ship can't sink?". Rose just looked down at her untouched tea, not saying a word. Ruth shot her an annoyed look, then smiling apologetically at the two women, began talking about the wedding plans. Rose continued to just stare ahead, not really listening to what was said. She'd heard it all before anyway. Was this to be her life? Sitting around having tea, talking about nonsense? With Jack, she'd had meaningful discussions about her life, her future. He had cared enough to really listen to what she had to say. And she knew now that he would obey her request to be left alone. The tears threatened to overtake her again, and she fought them back. She looked over at a nearby table, where a little girl was sitting slouched over. Rose felt a twinge of envy, how she would love to that, just once. All too soon, the girl's mother noticed this and corrected her on it. The girl sat up straight, and picked her napkin up off the table putting it in her lap. Rose watched her as she did this, with exagerated gestures. She felt as if she was looking back at her own childhood, as if she was looking at her children's future. Suddenly a feeling of anger and resentment surfaced. That wasn't what she wanted for herself. She wanted freedom, she wanted to have some choices in her life. Steeling herself, she took her napkin off her lap and stood up, excusing herself. Ruth looked up at her, surprised. Rose searched for an excuse to get away. "I have a dreadful headache mother. Can I go lay down in my suite?" She gave her mother a pitiful look, and put her hand to her forehead, as if to indicate that she was in great pain. Ruth looked at her sympathetically. "Of course. I'll walk you back. If you'll excuse me ladies." Ruth stood and took Rose by the arm, leading her to her room. When they arrived there, she leaned over and gave Rose a kiss on the cheek. "Would you like me to fetch the ship's doctor?" Rose stood there silently for a moment, thinking. This would provide the perfect opportunity for her to get away. She smiled gratefully at her mother. "Yes, please." Ruth nodded and headed out to find a steward to assist her. When Rose was certain that she was gone, she bolted out of the suite, heading toward the steerage section. I CHANGED MY MIND - 2
Rose headed down toward the third class general room, trying to recall the way Jack had taken her yesterday. A passing steward looked at her curiously, obviously wondering what she was doing down here. Rose just nodded at him politely, giving him a small smile. He went on his way. She stopped at the door to the room, hesitating. Would they resent her again? She took a deep breath and entered the room. All eyes seemed to turn toward her, and she felt very self-concious. To her surprise and pleasure, she was greeted with mostly smiles and nods, then they all turned back to what they had been doing. All except Tommy and Fabrizio, who continued to look at her seriously. She walked over to them, giving them a hesitant smile. They just looked at her for a second before returning the smile. "Have either of you seen Jack?" They didn't appear to be surprised at her question. Tommy looked at her seriously again. "Did ya have a fight? He seemed awfully upset when he was down here earlier." Rose felt a twinge of guilt, she had hurt him. "No. My mother and fiancee found out I was here last night, and I was forbidden to see him. He came upstairs and pulled me aside to talk." Tommy nodded knowingly, "We helped him sneak up to your deck, he really needed to talk to you. What did you talk about?" Both Fabrizio and Tommy looked at her curiously. Rose smiled sadly at them. "I told him to leave me alone." The pain was evident in her voice, and both men looked sympathetically at her. Rose immediately felt more at ease. She looked at Fabrizio. "Please, where is he?" Fabrizio smiled at her. "He's at the bow." She smiled gratefully at him, then turned to leave. Behind her back, he and Tommy smiled broadly at each other. Jack had been right, she wasn't like the others. When she got there, she saw him leaning against the railing, head bent. Tears came to her eyes as she thought about the pain she must've caused him. She just stood and watched him for a moment, afraid to approach him. Would he resent her for what she had said? Taking a deep breath she walked closer to him "Jack?" He whirled around as if he'd been shot! Shocked, he just looked at her, unsmiling, as if he was afraid of what she was going to say. She walked even closer to him, smiling at him lovingly, "I changed my mind." Jack's face broke into an uncontrollable grin, and Rose felt her heart race. She felt as if she had finally come home. I CHANGED MY MIND - 3
