“Hello, operator? I want to find someone. Ok. Sure.” I tapped my nails
nervously on the coffee table.
“Name of the person you are looking for please?” The lady on the other
line asked.
“Clarice Hazel.”
“Location?”
“Uh...I believe she should be in Sterling...”
“Ok, one moment.”
Suddenly, Shania Twain’s ‘From This Moment On’ filled my ears. I was
put on hold again. I silently prayed that I would be able to find Clarice. I
clenched my fists together, hoping the lady on the other line would come back and tell me that she had located Clarice.
It had been just over four months since Clarice left. But it felt just like
yesterday when I found out she was gone.
AJ had come running into the arena. The boys stalled downstairs, waiting for AJ to show up. When we saw him, we knew something was wrong. Tears were running down his face and his chest was heaving from running such a distance.
“She’s gone! She’s gone!” AJ shouted.
My heart had pounded. ‘What’s wrong?’ I wondered.
“Calm down AJ. And tell us what’s wrong buddy.” Kevin calmly asked.
AJ caught his breath and slowly answered, “Clarice is gone.”
We all gasped. “What!?” I said and looked around, confused. AJ was clutching a piece of paper. “She left a note...” AJ said shakily. I rushed over to AJ, and
took the note from him. Tears started welling up. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Clarice wouldn’t have done such a thing. My heart broke when I read what Clarice wrote for me.
Nick came to my side and put his arms around my shoulders and held me close. Nick’s sympathy just made me feel worse. I buried my face into his chest and Nick read over the note Clarice left.
“Hello? Sorry miss, but we don’t have anyone listed under that name in
Sterling...”
“Oh.” I replied. Frustration and disappointed was evident in my voice.
“Well, thanks anyways.” And with that, I hung up the phone. I rubbed my eyes and looked at the clock. It read 4:53 PM. I shook my head and got up from my chair. The BSB were at some kind of press conference, one that I didn’t want to tag along for.
I walked over to the window and looked outside. The sun was shining and I decided that I should spend a ‘normal’ day by going to the mall. I pulled my jacket on and headed for the door.
The streets of San Fransico were literally filled with people. I hopped onto the bus that stopped at Westhills Mall. Taking the bus was weird. I was so used to being bused around the Backstreet-mobile as I call it, taking the regular
bus was definitely a change. Trees whizzed by me as the bus sped towards the huge shopping centre.
As soon as I arrived at the complex, I saw a group of girls standing at the entrance. A few of them looked at me and whispered something to one another. I shoved my hands into my jacket pockets deeper and quickly walked inside.
The mall buzzed with activity and life. I small smile crept to my face as I went into the magazine store. A popular magazine’s headlines read ‘Nick Carter and Lucy?’ Right below it was a picture of us together at the beach a few
months back. The picture was blurry and you could barely make out the two us, but it was us alright.
As I put the magazine back, another article caught my eye. ‘Backstreet Heartbreak’ it read. A picture of AJ and Clarice was the on the cover. I looked at Clarice’s picture. My heart wrenched. I missed her ever so much. I missed
gossiping with her and joking with each other about how the other girls were so jealous of us.
Clarice had only left that note for us. And ever since, we haven’t heard from her. We thought the worst had happened in the beginning, but thank goodness Clarice hadn’t done something really stupid. She had left me a voice
message on my cell phone telling all of us that she was alright.
‘Lucy?’ Her voice cracked. ‘Hey girl. I just wanted to let you guys know that I’m ok. I’m sorry I left you guys like that, but I just had to. I--I just couldn’t take it anymore. Well, I hope you guys don’t miss me too much.’ She
laughed nervously and said goodbye. She had left that message a week after she left. I had tried to trace the number so I could call her back, but no luck.
I sighed after remembering so much and put the magazine back. Everyone had been really upset with Clarice gone. Especially AJ. He kept blaming himself for making Clarice leave. And to this day, he still blames himself. I could tell he misses her very much, but there is nothing he could do.
Each and everyone of us, had lost contact with her.
“Uh, excuse me?” A girl’s voice interrupted my thoughts. I turned around. It was one of the girls I saw back at the entrance.
“Yes?”
“Uh ---.” She started off nervously. “I just wanted to ask you, are you
Lucy? Lucy -- Nick’s girlfriend that is.”
I nodded. I was going to say something, but I looked over and saw the
rest of the girls I saw earlier and said, “Look I don’t have much time--” I really
didn’t want this to turn into a big scene.
“I just wanted to ask you a something.” She interrupted.
I nodded again. “I just want you to give this to Howie for me.” She said,
and pulled a small box out of her bag. “I saw you at the doorway, and I just had
to get this to you.”
I smiled. ‘Phew, I thought she was going to start something with me.’ I
thought as I took the box from her. “I’ll make sure it gets to him.” I said.
She smiled. “Thanks so much. You know, you are the envy of every girl
out there.” I smiled back and chuckled.
“Let’s just say that life is great.”
The girl smiled again, and we said our goodbyes.
“Nice to meet you!” She called out and I waved back at her as I headed
towards the Abercrombie and Fitch store.
“Your total is $46.87.” The cashier said to me. I was in Gap, and I found
so many great deals! I pulled out my debit card and handed it to him.
“Thanks a lot! You have a great day!” The girl said cheerfully as soon as
the transaction was finished. I smiled and said, “Thanks!”
Just as I was leaving Gap, I spotted a dark hair girl. ‘CLARICE?’ I
thought. ‘Oh my gosh, it is her!’ I thought and I started to dash across the mall.
“Clarice! Clarice!” I shouted as I got near. The girl didn’t look up. I
called out louder. “CLARICE!!!”
My shopping bags flew at my sides. I dropped them as soon as I reached
her. “Clarice!” I said excitedly and gave her a huge hug. She whirled around.
Not Clarice. Not Clarice... I backed up. My cheeks grew hot.
“I -- I am so sorry. I thought you were someone else.” My voice
trembled.
“Uh...that’s alright.” The girl gave me strange look.
I picked up my bags and ran hurriedly to the nearest exit. The hot San
Fransico sun beat down on my skin. I boarded the bus that was nearly full of
people. I kept my eyes down and sat in the last empty seat near the back.
“Lucy?” Someone said from behind me. It was the girl who asked me to
give her gift to Howie for her.
“Oh, hi.” I tried to sound cheerful.
“What’s wrong? You look...exhausted.” She asked.
I shook my head. “It’s, uh, nothing.” I said quietly. I really wanted to
confide in someone. This hasn’t been the first time that I imagined Clarice.
Three times earlier, I imagined seeing Clarice again. I hadn’t told anyone yet. I
was too afraid of what they would think.
I was scared myself. Am I going crazy? I mean, yeah, of course I missed
Clarice a lot! She is my best friend after all. But this?
“Is it Clarice?” The girl asked.
I turned around. “How’d you know?”
She smiled. “Internet. You can find out anything about you and the boys
there.”
I nodded and smiled. I remembered back when I hadn’t met the BSB yet.
I remembered sitting at my computer, downloading all their pictures, and
reading basically everything I could on them. And everyday, I found out
something new about the boys. So I could imagine what its like now on the ‘net
with all the gossip about the boys’ girlfriends.
The girl peered at me and studied my features. “What are you looking
at?” I asked her.
“Oh!” She said a bit startled. “I just wanted to see what Nick looks for in
a girl. You do realize that you are the envy of millions of girls! Even that new girl, Tamara Jefferson or something like? Another Brittany wannabe.” She
smiled slightly.
“What’s your name?” I finally asked her.
“My name is Alexis.” She said. I nodded. Alexis continued looking at me
oddly throughout the bus ride.
“It’s my stop.” Alexis announced. She gave me a quick wave and said,
“It’s been nice meeting you.” I waved back and smiled.
The bus continued on its route. Several stops after, I got off, lugging my
shopping bags with me. I lugged my legs up the stairs. I really couldn’t believe
it happened again. I paused at my hotel room. Fumbling with the keys, I tried
to get the door open. I tried shoving the key into the keyhole, but I dropped the
jumble instead.
As I bent down to pick up my keys, I heard humming. I turned to see
where it was coming from. The door of AJ’s room was slightly ajar. I peered
inside. I saw AJ perched at the edge of his bed, strumming a guitar.
I knocked on the door. “Can I come in?” I asked softly. AJ didn’t hear
me. “Ahem, AJ?” I tried again. This time, he answered.
“Oh, wassup Luce? Did you go shopping today?” He asked, noticing my
bags.
“Uh, yeah.” I answered. “I heard you humming...conjuring up a new
song?”
“Yeah. Well, at least trying to.”
I tried looking at the sheet he had infront of him. It was too far away for
me to make out what it said. Beside him, was a picture of Clarice. I realized
that AJ could be writing a song about her. “Well...uh, I won’t bother you then.”
I smiled and gave AJ a big hug. I couldn’t stand the glum look on his
face. “Cheer up sweetie.” I whispered and I left the room.
“Sunshine! Where were you today?” Nick asked as soon as I got to my
room.
I lifted up my shopping bags. “Ah, shopping. I see. How was it?” He
asked.
I shrugged. “It was alright.” I answered simply. I didn’t feel like talking.
Nick noticed my strange behaviour instantly. He crossed the floor and
came to my side. “What’s wrong sunshine?” He asked, kissing my forehead
softly.
I sighed heavily. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me Nick.”
Nick didn’t understand. “What do you mean? There is nothing wrong
with you. Are you feeling ill?” He asked.
“No, it’s not that.” I sighed again. “Lately, I keep seeing Clarice. But it’s
not her. Someone that resembles her. But not her.” I answered.
“You mean it happened today? At the mall?”
I nodded. “I really thought it was her Nick. I was so happy to have
found her. But turns out, it wasn’t her at all.” My voice cracked at the last
sentence.
“Luce, sweetie, it’s ok. We all miss her. And your behaviour is not
unusual.” Nick said quietly, pulling me close. “Why don’t you take a little nap?
Remember that surprise birthday party tonight for Tommy? You were supposed
to help out. And I want you to be there too.” Nick led me to my bed and laid
me down.
“You’ll feel better after you sleep a bit.” He said pulling the covers up to
my chin. He kissed me and whispered, “Love you.”
I forced a smile and said, “I love you too.” Nick shut the door behind him
and not long after he left, I fell asleep.
A loud knocking at my door woke me up. “Just a minute.” I called out
groggily. I opened the door to find Howie standing there, halfway into a knock.
“Hey Sunshine. Just wanted to come up here and let you know that its
almost time for the surprize. Nick says sorry for not waking you up till now.”
Howie said, his eyes twinkling.
I smiled. “Thanks D. I’ll get ready now.” I shut the door and rummaged
through my closet for something appropriate to wear. I decided to wear my
black flared pants with a beige tank and a dark grey quarter-sleeved cardigan. I
slipped on my black boots and ran to the elevator.
I stood at the doors of the elevator, waiting impatiently for the car to get
to me. “Miss, the elevator isn’t working right now. You’re gonna have to use
the stairs.” The security gaurd informed me.
“Great.” I mumbled and trudged upstairs. I glanced at my watch.
“Shit.” It was 7:57 and the surprize was supposed to start at 8:00 sharp. I
grabbed the handrail and started to run.
I turned a corner sharply and ran smack into someone. “Oh gosh, I’m so
sorry!” I helped the dark haired girl up.
“Are you ok? I’m really sorry!” I repeated. The girl brushed off her pants
and pulled her hair out of her face.
“CLARICE?!”