SHOWDOWN ON THE 13TH GREEN
Written by Vez Maniac and Holtrhenzai
It had been a long day of gay posing and crime fighting for the Great Saiyaman. He finally retired to the Kame House, to go and watch some gay porn with Master Roshi, while Videl slept ( With Yamcha)
Upon arrival, his father Goku was on the phone arguing with Mr. Saatan who could drive a golf ball farther. Goku started a yelling contest, in which he inevitably won, considering he has had 4 SSJ transformations worth of practice. He hung up what was left of the phone after it imploded, and turned to see his son.
“ Gohan, take care of Chi-Chi for me while I’m gone, don’t let her go to the Capsule Corp for ANY reason, no matter how much she wants to see Trunks work it at the gym, Okay?”
After Gohan fell to his knees and vomited on the Kame House carpet, he looked to his dad. “ Why dad, is some evil supervilian on his way or something?”
“ No son, I just have to prove to that pussy Saatan that he is still the worlds biggest Loser. I’m goin’ golfin!”
“ Oh, way cool man! Can I cum to?” asked Master Roshi, taking his eyes off the Gay porno.
“ No master Roshi,” said Krillin, who just entered the room. “ You suck. You will just stay here and masturbate while I go golf with the gang.”
“ Alright then, let’s go!” said Goku, as he started to fly up in the air, “ But first, we will stop by Capsule Corp—“
“ Did you say Capsule Corp?” asked Chi Chi from the other room. “ Will Trunks be there? I mean—uh---I need to talk to Bulma, yeah, that’s it. I do NOT want to see that purple-haired sweaty piece of meat at the gym.”
Silence.
“ No dear, we are gonna go shopping!” said Goku, quick to recover.
“ Oh.” Said Chi Chi, trying to disguise her voice to delay suspicion of her disappointment. As Goku and Krillin left the building, Goku made sure to destroy the car completely so that Chi Chi would remain at home. He shuddered at the thought of her drooling of Vegeta’s son. And then pitied him when he thought of what Chi Chi would be doing when she saw him.
At the Capsule Corp after an instant transmission.
“ Oh, hey guys!” said an overhappy Bulma, who answered the door in her underwear with her newest Hairstyle completely frizzed out and a few drops of white liquid in it. “ What’s new?”
“ Oh, hey Bulma…” said Krillin, observing the white fluid, “ I think you have some sort of….uh….”
“ Hair Gel!” Goku was quick to add. “ In your hair, yeah, that gel, and uh….
Bulma quickly blushed and removed the white with her hand, than licked her fingers. “ Oops, Yeah, sometimes fuc- I mean, combing my hair gets kinda messy.”
“ So you always eat the leftover Cu- Hair Gel?” said Krillin, changing the word to for Goku’s benefit.
“ Yeah,” said Bulma, who then quickly changed the subject, “ so why are you guys here again?”
“ We need some balls!” said Krillin, getting queer looks from the gang, who then after realizing what he had said added, “ Golf balls.”
“ And Clubs! And…the address of the golf course.” Said goku, scratching his black hair.
“ Oh, sure, I can get those! Vegeta, where are the testicles- I mean balls. Golf Balls!”
“ Why, who is there woman? Just get back here, my tail is starting to go limp!”
Bulma quickly ran to the voice of Vegeta, than a punch sound was heard, followed by moans of pleasure. Then she returned with the golf balls, clubs, and a written set of directions.
“ How did you get all the clubs so fast?” asked Goku.
“ Oh, we use those as sex toys.”
“ WHAT?” said Krillin.
“ Nothing, just don’t grip the handle of the nine iron, you may need to wash it.”
“ Oh, Okay, thanks!” said Goku still oblivious to all that was going on. “ Now its time to go Golfing!”
“ What was that Kakkarotto?” said Vegeta, racing to the door stark naked. He stopped suddenly, than wrapped his tail around his waist suddenly.
“ Wow.” Said Krillin. “ That is one nice-“
“ Shuttup Fagget! I will wax your bald head with a rusty railroad spike if you mention that again! Now, Kakkarotto, did you say you are going golfing?”
“ Yeah, Mr. Saatan challenged me.”
“ Really…” said Vegeta, thinking deviously. “ Well than, I believe that this will be a great opportunity to show you up once again with my saiyjan prince power!”
“ What exactly do you mean by once again? Sorry Vegeta, but you suck.”
“ What? No, I don’t suck! Bulma, go get me my golf clubs, sixteen jellyfilled donuts, and pants! Now!”
On the Golf Course, the first green.
Mr. Saatan was there with the Press ready and waiting, who shortly after were killed by a Big Bang attack by the hands of Vegeta, who now had pants, and wearing his favorite pink shirt, which, due to Bulma’s magic ‘marker’, now said Cute Ass instead of Bad Ass. Vegeta was unaware of this change, but Krillin was having the time of his life looking at the shirt, as well as the little sign on the back of his pants, that said Bulma was Here. Once again, Vegeta knew nothing of these changes.
“ So anyway Goku,” said Mr. Saatan, “ I believe it is time for me to beat you, but first, watch me break through five stone tiles with my bare hands.”
“ The press is gone, Saatan, there is no point.” Said Krillin.
Saatan sighs and thinks to himself, ‘Thank god, I don’t have to break my left hand again!’
“ Hurry up already Pansy!” said Vegeta.
“ Fine, watch and learn, Goku, this will be better than the time I saved the world from Cell.”
All the Z warriors give him a disgusted look, and Goku comments, “ You still think you saved the world, Saatan?”
“ Shuttup! I did! My hair turned blonde, and I shrunk, and I beat Cell! Everyone knows that! Now lets play golf!” Mr. Saatan. He put the ball on the tee, and it took five tries to keep it from falling off. Upon success, Mr. Saatan pumped his fists in the air, than took a whack at it. He did hit the ball, but it went straight up In the air, it then fell down on his forehead, and broke his scull, and Mr. Saatan fell to the ground dead.
“Hahahaha!” laughed Vegita arrogantly. “ I thought that increasing the balls speed with my ki would do the trick.”
“ You mean you killed Mr. Saatan!” said a very surprised Goku.
“ Can you really blame me Kakkarotto?”
Goku thought for a brief second. “ Nope. Never liked him.”
“ Good. Now, it is time to start the contest. I will go first to show off my Saiyjan Prince Power.”
“ It’s just golf Vegeta! And why are you so obsessed with the fact that you are a Saiyjan Prince? You have no planet, you are middle aged and your father is dead, yet you still love the fact that you are a saiyjan prince. It really is stupid.”
“ Why you little shit!” said a very insulted Vegeta. “ You baka baka baka baka biiaatch! I shall destroy you Kakkarotto! Watch this putt!” Vegeta turns Super Saiyjan 3 to get an extra boost on his drive. He hits the ball, and it lands just short of the hole.
“ Dammit! I can’t get it in the hole!” screamed Vegeta.
“ Hey, don’t worry Vegeta, Bulma says you have the same problem in bed!” said Goku, totally unaware of the meaning of what he was saying.
“ Now you are really going to die! Prepare to-“
“ But Vegeta, I thought we were playing golf!” said Goku.
“ Ahh, don’t worry Vegeta, I thought it was CUTE!” said Krillin, referring to Vegeta’s shirt. He then winked at him.
Vegeta gave him a dirty look. “ What the hell are you talking about baldy?”
“ Oh nothing, I just bet Bulma hasn’t been there!” Once again, he talked about the writing of Bulma, this time on the pants. He also winked again.
“ Krillin, I don’t know why the hell you keep winking at me, I told you once before I am not like that!”
“ That’s not what you said last night!” said Tien out of nowhere.
“ That was over the phone, I was drunk!” defended Vegeta, blushing.
“ No,” said Chiaotzu, also out of nowhere, but with a huge grin on his face. “What about the second time!”
Vegeta slaps his head. “ Dammit! That was an accident! I told Bulma to turn the webcam off.” Vegeta then throws ki beams at his two formerly gay fuckers, and destroys them both. “ Now it is your turn Kakarotto!”
“ Now hold on Guys!” said Krillin, “ I think I have a better way to settle this!” Krillin’s clothes transform to a extremely tight Cowboy Outfit, but instead of pants, there was a speedo. He pulled out two pistols from inside his speedo. “ You will have a showdown!”
Vegeta and Goku just looked at him. “ I didn’t know you had a cowboy outfit.” Said Goku.
“ Yeah, It’s how I get into the gay bar down-shit! Did I say that outloud? Man, the secret’s out.”
“ It was never a secret.” Said Vegeta. “ But this duel sounds interesting. Okay,” Vegeta took the guns, “ we will take three paces back, turn and shoot. Got it?”
“ It’s just golf.” Said Goku. “ But okay, sounds fun.”
They took the steps back, and then turned and shot at eachother. The bullets hit both of the Saiyjans in the chest, then bounced off to the ground.
“ Well, that sucked.” Said Vegeta.
“ Yeah, that was really stupid.” Added Goku.
“ Wow!” said Krillin, “ Let me try!” He took a gun and shot himself In the chest. The bullet went through and hit his heart. He bled badly and fell to the green, dying, as the green became stained with blood.
“ Krillin!” said Goku, concerned. “ What’s wrong? Is that speedo cutting off circulation?”
“ I’m bleeding to death you moron! But no, the speedo fits just fine.” After this, Krillin died.
“ No, Krillin!”
“ Yes, Krillin.” Said Vegeta. “ He is dead. Get over it. Now, let’s play some golf.”
“ It’s about time!” said Goku.
On the thirteenth hole. Goku leads by one.
“ I will catch up to you Kakkarotto!” said Vegeta.
“ Vegeta!” said Goku, “ You would be killing me right now, but you keep turning
SSJ3 when you hit the ball! You’ve hit a tanker and destroyed half the course, you’ve demolished ten buildings, and gave an old lady a hernia for the rest of her life!”
“ What’s your point?’ asked Vegeta, biting into a Jelly filled Donut.
Goku sighed, and then Trunks showed up, flying as fast as he could in his SSJ state.
“ What are you doing here son?” asked Vegeta.
“ It’s….It’s Terrible! It’s horrible!”
“ What is it Trunks?” asked Goku.
“ Chi-Chi is following me, waving a box of condoms at me!”
“ Dammit!” said Goku, “ How did she leave the house without the car? Gohan wasn’t doing his job! Where is he?”
At the Kame House.
“ Shit!” said Gohan, I can’t believe my own mother knocked the shit out of me just so she could F*** Vegeta’s son!” Then Gohan hears a strange moaning coming from Videl’s room. “ What the hell?” He walks over to Videl’s room, and opens the door. Videl is standing, putting on a bra, and on the bed is Yamcha, with a blanket over his lower section, and a very sick smile on his face.
“ What the fuck is going on here?” said Gohan, looking very angry and confused. “ Videl, how could you?”
Videl just looked at him. “ Do what? I did nothing! Ask Yamcha!”
He looked over to Yamcha, who apparently didn’t even know he was in the room, but he still had that same sick ear to ear grin. “ Yamcha, why are you in Videl’s bed? And where is Master Roshi?”
“ Oh, Hi Gohan!” said Yamcha, then he resumed his sick smiling position. Gohan noticed the blanket by Yamcha’s pants was bobbing up and down.
“ Yamcha, what the hell is going on in your pants?” Yamcha did not respond, so he hesitated, then pulled off the blanket to reveal Master Roshi giving Yamcha the best head he ever had.
“ Oh damn! Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn! Get your fucking gay asses out of my girlfriends bed! You fucking Yaoi perverts!”
“ Oh, hi Gohan!” said Master Roshi, lifting up his head, and wiping his mouth. “ Hows it hangin?”
“ Since when did you become gay? Oh, and it is low, very low and to the left.”
“ Well,” said Yamcha, “ Once we both realized that we couldn’t score with women, we decided to become fuckers. Master Roshi still has a lot of sex drive in him.”
“ That is just disgusting. Get out of the Kame House now!”
“ Actually Gohan, this Yaoi sorta turned me on, wanna go at it?”
“ Yeah,” said Yamcha, “ we can all have one big orgy? If you turn Super Saiyjan, I am sure this will be twice as fun.”
“ I am not a fucking fag!”
“ Your not?’ said Roshi, “ With all of those poses, we were sure!”
“ You baka!” said Gohan, as he blasted the two gay friends into oblivion. “Now, to go help Trunks.”
Back at the golf course.
“ So, Chi Chi is at it again, eh?” said Goku.
“ Yeah, “ said Trunks, “ and how can you stand to see her without any clothes? That is just nasty man!”
“ I said I would marry her when I was a kid, I has no idea her ass would turn out to be as hairy as her fathers.”
“ Haha Kakkarotto!” said Vegeta. “ Atleast my bitch is hot!”
“ Oh Trunks!” said Chi Chi, closing in.
“ No!” said Trunks, as he went Super Saiyjan. “ You have to help me!”
They took one look at the horny Chi Chi. “ No thanks.” Said Vegeta and Goku, flying away from them all.
“ NOOOOOOO!” screamed Trunks.” Somebody help me! Gohan, yes! Good to see you!”
“ Hey Trunks!” said Gohan, flying towards him. “ Sorry about my mom, your never going to believe this! Yamcha and Master Roshi are Gay!”
“ You mean you didn’t know?” said Trunks.
“ You did?”
“ Of course, I was Yamcha’s first lover!”
“ Damn damn damn damn damn! Screw this, go get em mom! Daddy! Help, all my friends are fags!”
As Gohan flew away, Piccolo appeared right in front of him.
“ Why hello there, Gohan.” Said Piccolo, in a low and odd voice.
“ Uh….hi, Piccolo.”
“ You can call me Pic.”
“ okay….Pic….hey, why are you wearing a speedo?”
“ Like you don’t know! Now come on, lets get it on!”
“ What?” said Gohan. “ You too! It can’t be!”
“ Look Bitch! I sacrificed my life for you! Now suck it!”
“ Videl! Help me! Please! Anyone? Oh, God! Piccolo, put it away! For kami’s sake! No Piccolo, I won’t I won’t I tell you. Trunks, go away! I don’t want in on this? Since when did the Z team become the XXX team? Huh? We save the world! We are not gay! Who writes this shit? Vez Maniac! Holtrhenzai! I’m gonna kick your ass! You made them all gay! Help me!!!!!!!!
Back with Vegeta and Goku, who skipped the 13th hole for greener pastures.
“ Okay writers,” said goku, “ your getting a little out of hand with this gay thing! Let’s get back to the golf!”
“ Yes, and my son is not gay! He is a little weird, but he is not gay!” Goku Said.
“ Well….actually Vegeta, I mean, he has long purple hair, you know, never seen him with a girl…”
“ If you don’t get back to golf I will truly kill you!”
“ Sure….” Laughs to himself, “whatever you say!”
“ Watch This!” said Vegeta, as he destroyed all of Goku’s clubs—but one.
The nine Iron.
“ Shit.” Said Goku. “ Bulma told me not to touch that one. I don’t know why.”
Vegeta laughed. “ I do. Just Golf, you may like it.”
“ Umm….Okay!” Goku picks up the nine Iron, and it is covered in slime, of two colors, dark brown, and white. Goku couldn’t keep hold of it, it just kept slipping out of his hands like a wet bar of soap. “ It won’t hold still!”
“ Yeah, it did that to me too.”
“ Me too!” said a mysterious character hiding in the bushes.
“ Who the hell are you?” asked Vegeta, to the bush.
“ Umm…Vegeta,” said Goku, “ Why are you talking to a bush?”
Then the character stepped forward.
“ You remember me, Vegeta, I was your first kiss! It’s me! Ash, from Pokemon!”
“ Ash! How the fuck did you get into this cartoon.”
“ Well Vegeta, or should I say- Vegetachu! Ever since you left the show, things haven’t been the same.”
Goku burst out into mad laughter. “ YOU WERE ON POKEMON! HAHAHAHA! DID YOU CATCH THEM ALL?? HAHA?”
“ Quiet Kakkarotto. I have a dark past.”
“ You mean a GAY past! Thanks writers, for making me the only character who has never been gay! You guys rock!”
“ You see Kakkarot. I wanted to be a Pokemon master when I was a saiyjan child. And because my father was so powerful, he borrowed a game from Frieza, who had a good stash of Pokemon shit. I somehow became absorbed into their dimension, and was captured by Ash, who constantly raped me!”
“ HAHAHA! GOTTA CATCH EM ALL! YOU WERE A POKEMON!!! HAHAHAHA!”
“ That’s right!” said Ash. “ He was a good little Monkey, and now, Vegetachu, it is time to cum home!” Ash prepared to throw his master ball, which was really his left and only testicle.
“ No, I won’t go back! I won’t! Help me Kakkarotto!”
“ YOU WERE A POKEMON!”
Vegeta threw everything he had at Ash, who was obliterated into ten thousand pieces per square centimeter, but his left testicle came through for him- just like his right one did so many years ago. Ash caught a Vegetachu.
“ POKEMON! POKEMON! YOU ARE A GAY POKEMON! HAHAHAHA!!!” Goku picked up the pokeball, and decided to have a little fun. “ Vegetachu! I choose you!”
(From inside the Pokeball) “ Fuck you Kakkarotto! I will not be reduced to your playtoy! Leave me be!”
“ Oh, come on! YOU’RE A POKEMON! AHAHAHAHAH!”
Goku then threw the ball back into the dimension of Pokeland, and then proceded to wash his hands in the river.
“ I just wanted to play some golf. Damn Fags. He was a Pokemon! Hahaha!”
THE END