THE REVENGE OF SHOWDOWN ON THE 13TH GREEN

Part II: The Gender of Royalty

    As frustrated as Vegeta was, it didn’t take long for him to break out of the poke ball, after all, testicles weren’t that strong after you punched them for hours. In any case, it broke, and it was though you could hear a young man scream across the universe. Vegeta smiled to himself. Ash finally felt his pain.

    Outside, he was surprised to find himself not in the World of Pokemon, and was confused and overjoyed. He looked down to the remnants of the red and white “ball”, and was about to use a big bang attack to get rid of the evidence, when the ground around him was bombarded with Saiya-jin space pods.

    “ What the fuck is this?” The Prince asked himself, as thousands of Saiya-jins, some recognizable, others not, came out of their pods.

     Turles came up to him, as the Prince became more and more maddened and baffled by the moment.

      “ Hey, I destroyed you! And you, and you and you and you, and oh shit your all dead.” Veggie said as he looked on down the ranks.

    Turles smiled. “ Yup. So anyway, we have some very important news for you, Vegeta!”

     “ You mean besides finding that all of the people I have seen killed or helped to kill have been reincarnated for no apparent reason?”

    Turles looked around like nothing had happened. “ Yeah…. So onto the news.”

    Vegeta blushed when he saw that the Saiya-jins eyes were on the poke ball, and quickly incinerated it. “ You didn’t see that!”

    “ See what?” Turles asked.

    “ Exactly.” Vegeta was about to drop the subject when he thought he heard some anonymous Saiya-jin sneeze-say “ Vegetachu.”

    “ AHHHHHHH!!!!” Vegeta screamed clutching his head. “ What did you say???” And he killed the man with a Ki beam. Nobody cared.

    “ So anyway, Vegeta, we have some rather disturbing news.” Turles looked very serious.

    “ What the hell could it be? Another super strong mysterious villain who we have never heard of who for no real reason comes to Earth and only Kakarot can beat?” Vegeta took a breath, and Turles looked shocked.

    “ Kakawhat? No, I’m afraid it is much worse.”

    “ Are there two?”

    “ Nuh-uh.”

    “ Three!!!!”

    “ I don’t know how to break this to you, your majesty, but…uh…well…”

    “ Spit it out fool, how many damn villains are we up against??”

    Turles sighed. “ You aren’t really a prince.”

    Vegeta went pale. Was this asshole questioning his royal blood? “ What the fuck do you mean? I am the King’s son. Just because I don’t have a planet anymore doesn’t mean I am not royalty!”

    “ I never said you weren’t royalty, just not a prince.”

    “ Than I am a King, right?”

    “ No. You’re a princess.”

    “ What the fuck do you mean I can’t be a fucking princess this is fucking bullshit! There is no way I am a female just look at these giant balls!” And he ripped off his pants. After the ooh’s and ahh’s cleared, he found a robe out of nowhere and wrapped it around proudly. “ See. Hey, what the hell, stupid fags!”

    “ So anyway Princess Vegeta,”

    “ Explain how the hell I am a princess!” demanded Vegeta.

    Turles just whistled for moment. “ Anyway, we have even worse news.”

    “ I’m not a fucking princess.”

    “ Yeah. Sure. We have received information that the evil mastermind Dr. Gerrr-“

    “ Dr. Gerrr? You mean Gero?”

    “ Who?  No, Dr. Gerrr has made some more androids that could be activated at any moment!”

    “ Impossible, I killed Dr. Gero, or…Gerrr a long time ago.” He though for a moment, looking at all the Saiya-jins he had killed standing around him. “ Never mind.”

    “ So what should we do Princess Vegeta?”

    “ Stop saying that dammit! Somebody please explain how I can be a princess!”

    “ This is going to be really hard. We are talking harder than golf!”

    That last word caught the Princess’ attention. “ How do you know about that, baka yaro?”

    “ Know about what?” Turles asked innocently.

    “ You just referenced to my loss to Kakarot in that vile game!”

    “ What game? No I didn’t.”

    Vegeta just grunted in frustration. “ Never mind. Just never say that again.”

    “ Um…Okay….this will be harder than watching that stupid earthling television show Pokemon!”

     Vegeta exploded in a ball of transformation. “ NO you didn’t! No the fuck you didn’t! You just crossed a line there, Turles, you have gone too far! How did you know?”

    “ Princess Vegeta, you’re scaring me.”

    “ Quit being coy! And stop calling me princess!”
   “ But it wouldn’t be proper!”

   “ Why the hell not? You never told me why I am a princess not a prince! Can we just drop this whole thing?”

    “ No.”

    “ Fine than. You have gone too far, and hopefully this time you stay dead!” And with this Vegeta wiped everything within a one hundred mile radius out of existence.

    Vegeta smiled smugly at his handiwork. “ Now, to go find Kakarot.”

    Goku was at home playing a video game with his sons, conveniently titled, “ Poke- Golf.” Goku pressed the buttons at amazing speeds, and easily beat his sons.

    “ Yes! I am victorious! Take that Buu! I mean, Pikachu! All right boys, pay up! Take it all off, you made the bet!”

    Goten and Gohan blushed vigorously, “ Ahh but dad, you unlocked the secret character! Hey, that’s funny, that looks like Vegeta!”

    “ Who?” He pressed his face close to the screen as the walls of his house caved in, creating a smoke screen everywhere. Goku smiled. “ Look Gohan, you’re not running away again, you lost, and you have to pay up! It’s not my fault you don’t have money to bet, you chose to play Strip Golf.”

    “ It wasn’t your little brat that destroyed your house, Kakarot.” Goku turned to see his former rival.

    “ Princess!”

   Vegeta fell backwards in shock. “ How did you know about that!”

   “ About what?”

    “ Dammit!” Vegeta jumped up and down like a four year old having a tantrum in a candy shop. “ I am not a Princess! No! No! No!”

    “ What are you talking about Vegetachu?”

   “ Damn YOU!!!!!!!!!” screamed Vegeta. Almost reaching a new level of Super Saiya-jin. “ That’s not why I came. It seems that-“

    “ I know. Dr. Gerrr created some new androids, right?”

    Vegeta looked confused. “ Who the hell is this Dr. Gerrr? And did you become telepathic or something?”

    A voice in Vegeta’s mind suddenly said, < What makes you think that, Princess Vegetachu? >

    Vegeta snarled, “ Just count to ten Vegeta, just count to ten…. One, Two…Oh fuck it I’m calm, Ten!”

    “ Are you ready to fight now? Is that why you came?”

    “ Oh, I suppose. Let’s go to the lab.”

    “ Follow me!” Goku said, as he flew up and just ignored the giant hole he had made in the ceiling. Vegeta followed, but the two started to go in different directions.

    “ Kakarot, where the hell are you going? Don’t you remember where Gero’s lab is?”

    “ Well, yeah, but Dr. Gerrr is over this way!”

    Vegeta just sighed and followed him…right to the Capsule Corp.

    “ See, here we are!”

    “ Kakarot you fucking moron, this is where I live!”

    Goku smiled. “ What a co-inky-dink! Ready to fight!”

    Vegeta turned to do a double take at his house, but when he turned back to Goku he found the fool missing and in his place the entire Saiya-jin army which he had destroyed moments earlier, Turles leading once again.

    “ Damn you! Why won’t you die and just stay dead? Where is Goku?”

    “ I dunno.” Turles said shrugging.

    “ Argh! Why do you always pretend like you don’t know what I am saying?”

    “ What?”

    “ Ah, shit. What is it now? Why are we at my house!”

    “ You live here? What a co-inky-dink!”

    Vegeta grunted loudly and grabbed his forehead, “ Please Kami, no more! I promise, I won’t molest any more teenage girls!”

    Turles smiled. “ You too, eh?” Vegeta just gave him a disgusted look and so Turles continued. “ Well, Princess, “ by this time Vegeta had decided not to take that matter any further, “ If you are going to fight these androids you need the proper armor.”

    Now the Princess was incredibly insulted. “ What do you mean? I always fight in this! I don’t go anywhere without my armor! I even wear it in the shower!”

    “ That’s pretty nasty. But anyhoo, we have a new combat suit designed for you, that will allow you to fight a lot better, and it’s more stylish.”

    “ Like I give a damn about style,” muttered Vegeta, “ But I suppose. Show me the armor!”

    Turles looked very pleased and pulled out a Capsule which hit the ground and turned into a long, pink, dinner dress. Vegeta fell on his ass.

    “ There is no way in the bloody hell I am going to even touch that dress! What the fuck do you think I am,” Vegeta saw Turles about to mouth the word princess and cut him off, “ Don’t answer that!”

    “ You don’t like the color? We have records of you liking a certain pink shirt…”

    “ How do you get these records? Just put the dress away, I wouldn’t wear that even if my life depended on it!”

    Suddenly Goku was at his side with a ki attack ready to fire. “ You mean like this?” Goku asked.

    Vegeta slapped his forehead. “ Give me the damn dress.” He muttered. After about ten minutes of cries and yelps of Vegeta trying to put on the dress, he came out of the instant changing room which had appeared out of nowhere and showed off like a model on a runway.

    “ A perfect fit!” Said Turles.

    Vegeta looked down on himself. “ You think? I think the neckline is a little low…”

    “ Don’t worry about it, you have fabulous figure!”

    The Princess blushed. “ Oh thank you! That is so… “ Vegeta realized how he was talking, “ incredibly gay! I just want to fight, all right? Get me to the damn androids!”

    “ Alright men, on the count of three, we scream the Saiya-jin war cry, and charge!”

    There were murmurs of approval throughout the ranks, and everyone was ready. Vegeta crouched in preparation, and you could here a big rip sound.

    The Princess blushed. “ Umm...Yeah, that g-string was a little tight. Sorry. Go ahead!”

    Turles nodded approvingly, “ Very well, on the count of three! One… Two…. Three!”

    “ RUN AWAY!” was all that could be heard as the Saiya-jin army charged in the opposite direction, and even Turles was gone.

    Vegeta looked weary. “ God damn them. Oh well, I guess I will take care of this myself!”

    And so the Princess ran into his own home to find that everything had been rearranged. The halls, his bed, and the most important thing were missing: The Gravity Room. He fell down in agony, screaming as his sanity slipped away from him slowly, but returned at the thought of beating whoever did this ass’. Vegeta silently wished these androids resembled Goku a little, or maybe Bulma when she was a bitch, but either way those toasters were going to fry.

    After an hour of confusing twisting hallways and secret passages, the Princess came across a blocked door with a sign that read “ Keep Out, Ain’t nothin Here but us Androids” and He turned around on account of he couldn’t read.

    Turles reappeared.

    “ Princess, you have reached what you came for! Why are you running! It is quite dishonorable!”

     “ Didn’t you all leave me to die?”

     “ No, we didn’t mean to, it just happened like that. So, are you prepared to fight?” Turles pulled out a small capsule, “ Or do you need a secret weapon?”

    Vegeta looked a little excited. “ A secret weapon? Really?”

    Turles nodded. “ Yup, just don’t open it until you have to!”

    “ Got it.” And he snatched the Capsule and turned around.

    “ Oh and one more thing…” but he was talking to air. Shrugging, he faced the illegible sign. He kicked it as hard as he could, and nothing happened. “ What the fuck?” and so he did a big bang attack on it, also with no avail. “ This is bullshit!” Finally he saw a little button, and pressed it. A doorbell rang.

    “ Who is it?” said a low, barely audible voice from the other side.

    Vegeta panicked. “ Um…. I am uh…..Didn’t you order a pizza?” Vegeta smiled at his brilliance.

    “ Holy shit, you guys are fast! We just picked up the phone!”

    “ Than give me a big tip! I mean, let me in and we can talk!”

    “ Oh yeah, sure. Hold on.” And slowly the door opened to reveal a horrible monster more terrible that anything Vegeta had ever witnessed before.

    It was his wife, with PMS.

    “ NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” screamed the Princess as he turned around to run, but the door locked behind him. “ Shit no! What type of android are you! That is really scary!”

    “ Hello, my pretty princess.”

    “ I am not putting up with this princess shit any longer! Nobody even tells me why! I have balls! Balls! Now take this, bitch!” And he slammed the Capsule with the secret weapon down and the smoke cleared to reveal a steaming fresh pepperoni pizza. “ You have to be shitting me! What am I supposed to do with this? Although I am kinda hungry.” And the pizza dissipated. “ Fuck! This is not my day!”

    “ You are pretty pathetic, Vegeta. Cross-dressing to get attention again?”

    “ I’m not cross- dressing! It’s just I’m a princess, nothing weird like that okay! Holy shit did I just say that?”

    Bulma stepped out of the shadows, with two large, fluffy weapons in her hand. “ So we finally settle this.” And she threw one of the white objects to him. “ Pillow fight!”

    Vegeta was stunned. A pillow fight? Damn, that was hard. Couldn’t they just do the easy and less dangerous ki exchange? Pillows really hurt. But Vegeta entered the fight a Princess, and came out a man.

    Dr. Gerrr, which was now a bloody pulp of PMS on the floor, had been defeated, and now the Saiya-jin army was back in front of him.

    “ Damn you guys are good.”

    Turles smiled. “ We know, Prince Vegeta.”

    “ Hey, you just called me a prince! Was this a test or something? Can you finally tell me why I am a princess? Will the gods reward me? Can you make an action figure of me and sell them?”

    Turles paused. “ Oh, sorry, slip of the tongue, my princess.”

    THE END