I really felt I had nobody to talk to. Most of the people I used to hang out with are into drugs, so I can't talk to them. There are even people now, that I used to hang out with while Mike and Phillip lived in Hartford, that have even named their pipes. For instance there is the "peace pipe," "Wesley Pipes" (Copied from the movie Half Baked), and then the there was "Black Beauty." The worst thing about Gas City, some call Grass City, or Ass Shitty, is drugs are too easily gained. Actually it is one of the best things, because even the cops here do it, to be totally truthful. I have eye witnesses that have seen cops rolling down alleys smoking a joint. There is even one cop that used to date teenage girls. Everyone in Gas City either does drugs or has tried them. I have only tried Sweet Mary Jane. I have quit that now and I am trying to clean my life up. For I don't know how much longer I will be here. Sometimes I just want to go and spark a joint, but I know it wouldn't do me any good. I just don't understand life and death. I mean it is like a big joke. I am not meaning a "ha ha" joke, but it is a messed up joke. Those who want to live get a disease and die, while others want to die, and will live, what seems like, an eternity. Have you ever noticed how humans have a certain quality in them to make them be scared? Well, what if we could destroy that trait we all have? What would we be like? Remember that fears and being scared are totally different. I mean I have a fear of heights, yet I have fought that fear. I have jumped from a 30 foot heighth into water. The first time I was letting my fears win then I realized that I had nothing to be scared and just jumped. Well, then I jumped again, and again. It was so much fun I couldn't stop. My point is, wouldn't life be more fun if we all could conquer our fears like that. We could still have fears, but we could just fight them. Believe it or not, some people have a fear of learning, it is also reffered to as being Sophophobic. I think learning is fun. If we never learned anything then there would be no computers, no cars, no nice houses, no phones, no televisions, no vcrs, no cds, no paper, or anything that is normal in our everyday life. We would still be living in caves hunting animals for food. There would be no designer clothes. We would all have leaves, and fur skins from animals we had killed. Some have a fear of death, germs, spiders, snakes, bugs, and even working. I can say working, because I personally know of someone that had of kind of developed a fear of working. He has had an anxiety attack, after one day of work. It was caused by a chemical imbalance. Ebbaphobic  is the fear of failing. It is a fear I have acquired over the years. After all the times I have failed at different things I have tried. For instance, relationships, friendships, jobs, and many more things. I have failed at so many things in my life that I have sort of become afraid of failing. So if I think there is a chance in failing I just don't even try it. Well, I am going to get rid of that fear, or atleast try to. I am starting to realize how the little things do not matter. I think everything in life now is little. Well, that is all I am going to say for now, because I want to leave things to talk about in the next page.