ON HOPELESSNESS AND SUICIDE... THE FOLLOWING POEM WAS ONE OF THE FIRST REAL POEMS I REALLY WROTE. I ALWAYS WROTE LITTLE THINGS AS A CHILD BUT IT WAS AFTER I WROTE THIS POEM THAT I TRULY BEGAN TO WRITE POETRY. THIS POEM WAS WRITTEN DURING A VERY DARK PERIOD IN MY LIFE WHEN I THOUGHT OF SUICIDE A LOT. I FELT LIKE EVERYTHING WAS FALLING APART AND SUICIDE SEEMED LIKE THE ONLY ALTERNATIVE. THE LANGUAGE OF THE POEM REFLECTS THESE FEELINGS. I KEEP IT AROUND AS A REMINDER OF HOW I TRANGRESSED OVER THESE FEELINGS. I ALSO KEEP IT AS A REMINDER SO THAT I NEVER GET BACK TO THESE FEELINGS.

Cry for Love

I look out to the horizon and cry,

I stand by a tree,

Watching the birds fly by,

The tears continue to fall but,

I want no one to see,

Them falling on my face,

I don't want them to fall yet,

Still they fall at a fast pace.

My heart beats fast like a jet.

I cry because the love is gone,

It is replaced by hate,

My heart longs for love's sweet song,

But we have killed love by our sad mistakes.

We are blinded by the hate, we cannot see,

The treachery, the awful things,

This isn't the way it should be.

We are all the same, yet we hate our fellow human beings.

As I look around my tears go dry,

But my sorrow burns deeply inside,

The tears have stopped, but I still cry

For the hate will not stop till it leads to our demise.

Revenge always in our hearts at a large sum,

Nothing matters, no one cares who dies or who's alive,

Savages we have become,

And the struggle get harder for us to survive.

We are stuck in a fantasy world,

One where we are supreme,

One where we cannot be caught or hurt a curl,

In our hair, we are not too bright it would seem.

I look around and see no smiles,

All I see is the hate in their eyes,

This frightening look can be seen for miles,

The goodness in our hearts has said good bye.

I turn away, but this is all I see

The blood, the loss, the hate,

All that is left is the fear inside me,

For a gun or knife may take

The life of me and the lives of my family away.

With no feeling of regret or guilt,

Just more bodies left to decay,

Just another gravestone someone has built.

Our hearts are numb

The hate has absorbed into our souls,

Is there any love left, is there even some,

There is, but the hate gives it no room to grow.

We know nothing but evil,

We know not love, happiness, or peace,

Our senses blocked, we cannot use our free will,

In a right way and everyday another person becomes deceased.

Civilization has vanished away,

The serpent has us trapped and we can't escape,

He laughs at our arrogant ways.

For we have let him in, a deadly road to take.

We have shut the door on love,

The love tries to get through but fails.

This problem only we can solve

Yet we don't try. Our hearts then sink in ale.

For this sad reason I weep

For I may be the serpent's next victim

Shattering my ways of good and never will I seek,

The happiness I once knew, only to be replaced by my criticism.

My last tear now falls

My last plea for hope

That we will not answer when hate calls,

That we may be strong and cope.

I still stand watching a tree,

Trapped and never to be free,

I cry my silent cry, my lonely cry for love...

March 1993

age 14

Last poem of the book.

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