NASCA defines swing clubs as any
organization, formal or informal, which exists to provide swinging activities.
Swing clubs exist in a variety of forms. These include Swing Clubs, Party
Houses, Circles and Socials, Bars and Cocktail Lounges and Contact Services. All
but the contact services may be on-premises or off-premises. Contact services
work through the mail or telephone and rarely provide swing parties although
they may promote group travel. Parties given by on-premises swing clubs may have
from ten to sixty or more couples, though twenty to forty couples is the common
average. On-premises means that sexual activity occurs at the party. Off
premises swing clubs, cocktail lounges and bars help you to meet other swingers.
Swinging will be elsewhere with the interested couples and singles responsible
for the arrangements. The arrangements include who is to be invited, the
location, date and time.
The on premises party offers a wide possibility
of social interaction, selection, potential of swinging with others in a
foursome, threesome, one-on-one, or in a group scene. Bisexual as well as
heterosexual swinging is possible, principally among women. And the club
on-premises party offers this without pressure in a structured environment.
Private, semi-private and group rooms are generally provided to meet the desires
of virtually everyone. Heated pools, Jacuzzi’s and hot tubs may be available
to accent the social environment.
Couples in Swinging
Swinging is "the recreation" for couples whether they are
married, committed (having an ongoing emotional commitment), living together
(co-habitating, with or without an on-going intimate relationship) or single
couples who date. A study of swinging couples (McGinley, 1979) reported
increased enjoyment and satisfaction in the relationships accompanied by a
better understanding of self and mate, greater intimacy between the partners and
a decrease in sex role playing and sexist expectations.Swinging enables a couple
to explore sexual and social feelings and needs together, permitting a
demystification of sex which allows sex to assume a place in the relationship
unhindered by the standard ties to love, duty, sex roles and morals of
others.
Becoming a Swinger - Reasons
for Swinging
It is generally felt that you
can divide swingers into those who participate for recreational and those who
participate for utopian reasons. Recreational swingers see swinging as a social
activity much like bowling, playing tennis and cards. Utopian swingers have a
general philosophy of communitarianism and wish to share not only sex but all
other aspects of life with their fellow participants.At this time there are
relatively few scientific data that indicate what long-term effect swinging
actually has on marriages. Nevertheless there is a general belief among swingers
that swinging has a positive effect upon a marriage. They believe that sexual
fidelity is harmful and breeds jealousy and a feeling of ownership between a
husband and wife. According to them swinging does away with jealousy and helps
each mate see the other as an individual and not as a possession. Another reason
for participating in swinging is boredom with marital sex. Swingers feel that it
is impossible for one person to satisfy another sexually over an extended period
of time. Swinging is seen as a method of adding new excitement to the marriage,
perhaps even salvaging it. Most swingers know couples who have tried to salvage
a bad marriage by swinging, but they argue that this generally has not been very
successful. Most swingers believe that swinging alone cannot save a bad
marriage. They do believe that it can strengthen a good marriage.There may be
deeper psychological reasons for swinging. It is believed that men may need to
translate early sexual fantasies into reality and that women may be fulfilling
social-romantic needs. Some believe that because of the marginality of the new
middle class, they seek experiences with others in order to feel they belong.
They participate in swinging to develop social ties and to satisfy the need tor
sexual fulfillment that is a result of their restrictive middle-class
backgrounds. Swinging gives them an opportunity to do both without disrupting
their general lifestyle.All reasons, whether social, psychological, or
sociological, are at the present time only speculation. One could easily
conclude that the reasons for participating in swinging are as varied as
swingers themselves.
Etiquette In
Swinging
(Common Sense and Social Courtesy)The following article was
written by Kenn & Lisa Alameda, CA 94501
All of us want to be
successful as swingers. It doesn't matter how often, with whom, where, or in
what style we swing. One of the nicest things about our lifestyle is that most
of us relate to each other with understanding, thoughtfulness, and common
courtesy; just as we ourselves wish to be treated. Think C.S.A.S.C. (Common
Sense and Social Courtesy). If you employ the following suggestions or adapt
them to your own situation, you should become a welcome
participant.
1. BE
COURTEOUS
Be aware
that this is a lifestyle full of insecurities, uncertainties and fears.
Courteously is how we all want to be treated - with kindness, thoughtfulness,
understanding and sensitivity. In essence, courtesy is our treating people the
way we ourselves want to be treated. Remember the Golden and Silver
rules.
2. BE
FRIENDLY
Whether
or not you are personally interested in swinging with someone, be polite. You
never know, you may share many other interests or you may meet that person
again, and they may introduce you to someone with whom you ARE compatible and do
wish to share time.
3. RESPOND TO ALL
INVITATIONS
RSVP
means please reply to the invitation. It does NOT mean reply only if you plan to
attend. The most frustrating part of hosting, be it a party, a group or another
couple, is people who are discourteous enough not to respond, PERIOD. Good
etiquette and good social courtesy DEMAND you respond, by either calling or
writing to say yes OR no.
4. NEVER ARRIVE EMPTY
HANDED
When you
go to someone's home for a party, ask if there is something you can bring. (it's
amazing how many supplies, other than food are used up at an average party.) If
you are not going as a couple, a house- gift is appropriate (and not necessarily
wine.)
5. GO
PREPARED
Take
whatever you personally are going to need with you. Carry a small overnight bag
for lingerie or robe, hairbrush, comb, toothbrush, cologne, intimate cleansing
articles, condoms, etc. If you plan to stay over, sleeping bags or blankets and
pillows are necessities.
6.
CLEANLINESS
Nothing
turns a person off faster and more effectively than an unclean body or unfresh
breath. Even if you shower and perfume yourself before you leave home, it is
always a good idea to freshen up again when you arrive at your destination. It
is amazing what time to drive somewhere, stop for a bite, or whatever, can do or
rather UNDO.
7. RESPECT OTHERS'
FEELINGS
Beware, not everyone is comfortable in all situations,
Keep your eyes open for signs that your partner, as well as others, is relaxed
and enjoying themselves. If someone is not comfortable, try helping them over
the rough spots. Remember, you were a beginner once yourself. If it is obvious
that things are not working out, remain polite and courteous; but alert the
host. Keep in mind that not all people feel the same about
things.
8. DON'T BE
PUSHY
If you
are interested in swinging with someone, let them know in an inviting way; if
they are interested, they will respond positively. If they are not and say "No,
thank you," do not ask WHY. No amount of sweet talk or coercion on your part
will change their mind and will probably work against you. Everyone has the
right to say "NO" at all times, to anyone, without explanation. Do not ever
forget that.
9. ONLY DO WHAT IS FUN FOR
YOU
Do not
allow yourself to become sexually involved with anybody that you are not
interested in. There is no reason to involve yourself in a scene that you are
not comfortable with. You are in the lifestyle to enjoy yourself, so only do
what you want, when you want and with whom you want.
10. HOW AND WHY TO SAY
NO
One of
the basic etiquettes in swinging is the right of anyone to say "No". Experience
has taught most people that everybody is not right for everybody else. Improper
handling of a situation, however, can lead to a lot of hurt or very bad
feelings. The swing world accepts the premise that everyone has the right to say
"No" to anyone at anytime and it should be done with a simple "No, thank you".
Never give an explanation, because that is what usually causes the problems and
the pain.11.
ALCOHOL OR
DRUGS
Most
of us do not use drugs, although some of us drink socially. At times, a few
drinks are nice to help you "relax". Over-indulging may hamper your physical
abilities, as well as offend or turn other people off to you. If you have to
over indulge in order to participate in swinging, you are involved in the wrong
lifestyle.
12. PRACTICE SAFER
SEX
It is
up to us to protect ourselves as well as our partners. With the present concern
over sexually transmitted diseases such as syphilis, gonorrhea, aids, yeast
infection, etc., the use of condoms should not offend anybody. Anyone not
willing to take this precaution is acting selfishly and irresponsibly. You are
not being accused of being unclean, but simply someone wishes to provide you
both with protection.
13. CALL TO SAY
THANKS
Most
people only use the telephone if they are going to go somewhere. Lost seems to
the social ambiance of a 'Thank-You Note' or phone call to someone whose
hospitality you enjoyed. It means a lot to most people, and they will surely
remember you when planning their next event. Don't you like to be
thanked?
14. BE GOOD HOSTS
When you
have people coming to your home, try to anticipate their needs: put clean sheets
on the beds; keep plenty of clean washcloths and towels available. Show your
guests through the house so that they will know where the bathrooms, kitchen,
and other rooms are located.
15. ANSWERING
ADS
All
replies to an ad should be answered in two weeks even if it is a No. Remember
not all people you write to are interested in you or your partners sexual
heroics. A first letter should include a brief description of yourselves, where
you saw the ad, your ad number and your social and sexual interests. An SASE
should be included with your original reply as many couples receive a large
number of replies which can be costly to reply to.
16. ENJOY
YOURSELF
Most important, have a good time, act out your fantasies, explore your own
sexuality and enjoy everything this lifestyle has to offer with enthusiasm,
laughter and a positive attitude.
SWINGING at On-Premise Clubs and House
Parties...
RELAX and GET
ACQUAINTED
When at
an on-premise club or swing house party, you are there to have the best of times
and to share the uninhibited enjoyment associated with those who have discovered
a new dimension in their lifestyles. Once you have become familiar with the
surroundings and staff members or host/hostess, try to become as at ease as you
would be at any other social gathering. Don't hesitate to introduce yourselves
to other people. You'll find them eager to welcome you and to help you blend
into their circle of sincere comraderie.
SOME TIPS ON
ETIQUETTE
While you
are advised to be congenial and outgoing, don't be "pushy". Many couples who are
new to "swinging" often have unrealistic expectations and are not prepared to
handle rejections that may sometimes occur. Freshly showered, perfumed, and
neatly dressed people make more contacts. Don't let your personal physical
idiosyncrasies stop you from having a good time. No one is perfect [although it
is common for new "swingers" to see others as more attractive or more verbal as
themselves]. Don't let your own mind be your worst enemy. Be prepared to handle
rejection but don't take it personally. It is important to remember that
PERSONAL
CHOICE
Is the
right of every individual and to 'respect that right' is only common courtesy.
Learn how to accept "no thank you" graciously. Your approach -- which should be
the same as it would be at any social setting -- is a key factor to your
acceptance as a desirable partner/friend. There are several variations to
"swinging" and it is important that you and your mate decide, in advance, those
which you like and dislike. Some couples prefer to be alone, while others prefer
to be with other couples. Establish your own ground rules, but please decide on
them BEFORE you start "swinging".
JOIN THE
CONVERSATION
Some
people will probably "break the ice" by introducing themselves, along with other
couples they know. It's their way of making you feel at home. Feel free to join
their conversation and you'll find that most of them will be happy to answer any
questions you may have about the "swinging" lifestyle. Be open and honest. Tell
them that you are new to "swinging" and you'll discover how helpful people can
be.
START OFF ON THE RIGHT FOOT
On your
first venture into the swinging scene, you may feel somewhat uneasy about seeing
your mate with someone else. Some "swingers" want to share swinging with their
mate and feel uneasy having their mate leave to another room with someone.
Everyone has their own reasons for their feelings and all feelings are real and
should be respected. To avoid embarrassment or disillusionment, discuss your
inhibitions with your mate beforehand. Both of you may be more comfortable after
talking to other couples and learning how they handled their first "swinging"
session.
Jealousy In Swinging
Generally, swingers do not
show jealousy on the surface. Most swingers argue that this is because by going
to parties together and leaving together, they realize their commitment to each
other as a couple. Thus, they do not feel threatened because the other partner
has gone into another room to have sexual relations with another individual. One
such swinger said, "We both know that each of us have experiences with other
people and, yet, we come back to each other because we want to be together" They
feel that this gives you a feeling of security that you never had before because
you feel and know that the partner is coming back to you even though they have
had a sexual relationship with someone else. They feel that this builds up
self-confidence and security.
For a
couple to engage in swinging, they must throw off the belief that having sexual
relations outside of marriage is improper; they must break the shackles of the
double standard. That is, the wife will be having sexual relations with other
males much as the male may have had sexual relations outside the marriage with
another partner previously. Swinging for most women changes their view of the
world and sexual relations. Many argue that it has made a complete turn-around
in their life from the way they viewed the world two or three years before
swinging. In attempting to determine what causes some women to go into swinging,
I have already noted that many are urged by their husbands and others go into
swinging to carry out their fantasies. One such woman I interviewed reported
that she finally acquiesced in going to a swinging party saying that she would
not participate but would be willing to go and observe, have dinner and a drink
or two.