Read What Others Have Shared
(February 1999)
There Is Hope In Knowing That You Are Not Alone
February 14, 1999
From: rincoena1@aol.com
I've been depressed. The Lord our God I should say saved me. I couldn't get out of bed to go to work. I was always crying. I begged the Lord to take my life. I didn't want to go out with friends or family. I almost lost my job.
How I battled my depression? Friends and family could not help even though they wanted to. Only prayer helped me.
My depression did in fact bring me closer to God. I know now of the strength of the spirit within each and everyone of us. I read many Psalms of the Bible which helped me focus in direction and understanding.
When I felt that I wanted the Lord to take away my life. . . I found myself begging to die. . .
Until one night, one completely spiritual night. . . I actually had a battle with the satan himself. It was a furious battle. . . Let me say it happened in the form of a dream. But it was very real. I don't tell many people because they do not believe. But I will tell whoever will listen.
Let me begin by stating that I believe in God, Jesus and our Loving Mother.
When I have problems I pray to Our Loving Mother, God our Father and Jesus.
So during these nights when I found no sleep or rest for one whole month, I cried every day and night with no comfort. So, one night I found myself spiritually in the presence of satan, he confronted me to take my soul and spirit. I fought in a spiritual sense with satan. On this one night I was very aware of what was happening, I was very feverish, and sick, My entire body, or should I say my very soul was in agony and excruciating pain.
Somehow I thought I was all alone, I fought all night long in a state of sleep. So a battle was in the mist, However, alongside me, was Our Lord God and Jesus. In my spiritual awakening and in my spiritual battle, I actually saw and felt this furious battle. I saw God and Jesus actually with swords in their hands, alongside me, battling with me. Against the devil.
At the time things were not clear to me, All I was aware of was, I, God and Jesus fighting furiously together against the devil. I didn't know why. Many times I felt totally alone in my battles with demons. Now I know I was not alone. My Lord God, Jesus Christ and Our Loving Mother were all weeping with me all those nights. They were at my bedside all along. Those times when I felt feverish My Loving Mother held the cold towels against my forehead. Of course, in spirit.
At times when I fought against another day, it was they who drove me out of bed, lifted me off my back and out the door to go to work! I just didn't know it at the time. That I was being helped by the higher. I was actually being enveloped by my Lord, Jesus and My loving Mother.
Those nights I couldn't sleep, for days on end, it was because I was battling against evil, the devil!. I thought that in my sleep state of mind I was all alone, I couldn't understand why it was all so hard for me. . . But now I know that yes, indeed I fought evil, I fought the devil. And if I am here today it is because I had help. Our Loving mother was by my side, with her kindness and her gentleness, caring for my wounds. I was terribly wounded, on the verge of death many times. . . Our loving Mother cared and healed my wounds. My wounds did not heal immediately but the pain was taken away.
My Lord and Jesus Christ fought by my side! They battled furiously day and night right by my side! I felt the battle we went through deep in my very soul and spirit. I recall the battle so well, though at the time I did not acknowledge. The battle was furious! My Lord Jesus was strong, fierceful and fought with anger to defend my spirit. I guess Jesus knew that evil wanted to completely destroy me. My Lord did not allow my destruction because my Lord is merciful! My Lord truly loves me!
Now let me say. . . My wounds were not visible. No one was able to see my wounds, my body had no physical, visible wounds that anyone could see. My wounds were in a spiritual sense, a very real, spiritual sense! My spirit was being shredded! Piece by piece! Slowly, then instantly and brutally.
They knew of my suffering, they suffered and cried with me and for me. They totally understood my agony!
I have had a spiritual awakening, Indeed I continue to have life! Indeed the Lord is by my side! Indeed I have what is most valuable, Family!
This has been a Journey that I and the Lord have traveled together.
Now, what caused my depression?
My beautiful 16 year old daughter running away from home to be with a drug dealing, wanted for armed robbery 16 year old boy, with a criminal record. I couldn't accept losing my daughter to the streets.
Now I still have the problem, it hasn't gone away. But I am stronger in spirit and mind. I have more trust in God, that he will heal my wounds, and give me life to care for my fourteen year old son, who is a wonderful son. I have greater knowledge and understanding of the world around me.
February 18, 1999
From: Healing
E-mail: vbowmen@hotmail.com
It is so wonderful to know that I am not alone. I would not wish this illness upon anyone but I am happy to be able to share with others what I am going through.
I have had depression for over 10 years. At first I was able to function. I was always in a low state but was able to hold a job, have a few friends, and keep my husband and children happy.
I went through a terrible emotional break down in 1995. I was walking down the street on my lunch break and just stopped because I didn't know where I was. I saw a HIP office right in front of me and went in. I told the nurse what was going on and she immediately sent me to a Mental Health Center. I felt so ashamed but I went and begain the long process of trying to get my life back in order.
After being on zolof and prozec for several years, I am able to function but I will never be myself again. I have accepted it and have been praying and asking God to strenghten me.
I have been in the dumps for so long that I don't know how to lift myself up. But I must try and press on.
My husband and children help me to press on for I must be a wife and mother but at my own pace. They have accepted me just as I am and that makes a difference.
I would like to encourage you to press on -- when you feel like giving up just say I can do it. Everytime I say that, God gives me strenght. I can't just lay down and die -- I MUST PRESS ON. There is still hope for you and me. Life still can be beautiful but at our own pace.
HOLD ON AND PRESS YOUR WAY THROUGH. I am standing on the Word of God, I don't have the strength but God promised that He would give me the strenght. If He doesn't then He is a lier. And I know that GOD cannot lie.
I will pray for you and you pray for me.
You are free to send me e-mails if you would like.