Read What Others Have Shared
(July 2000)

There Is Hope In Knowing That You Are Not Alone

July 29, 2000

Thank you for the name of the book CHANGES THAT HEAL. Some of the things shared in this book are answers to questions that I had for over 20 years.Also I would of never believed that going to a compassionate cognitive therapist would of helped my depression,but for a year I have been seeing her once a week and even though it has not been easy I am starting to see changes in the way I processed things causing much of my depression. She is helping me to help myself by doing away with the all or nothing behaviors that have controlled my life, leaving me depressed and guilty. I am grateful to God for bringing her into my life even though it took a long time to begin even to trust her. I have found God's love through this even though everything in me fought this whole process of sharing things with another person. I didn't really believe that there could be any benefit in this and sometimes i felt that I wasn't trusting God because I was going to a counselor but the opposite proved to be true. I am learniing to trust God even more. So to the person who wrote in on july 26 ask God to place someone in your life who can help you. Sometimes in life we are the one who the good samaritan is sent to help. We always do not have to be the good samaritan. Remember God wants to help you with this problem of depression . He doesn"t want to see you hurt anymore .More than my counselor wanted to see me hurt. How much more is God wanting to help even when everything in you screams of the opposite >Be kind to yourself now and reach out to someone.Take your time and go at your own pace knowing that others are cheering you on like myself.People do want to help.

July 28, 2000
From : Kristal

I haven't read all of the stories yet, but so far, I have not located any similar to my own.

I'm 31, a mother of four children, 14, 12, 10 and 2. I believe that my depression began as a result of incest, which began when I was 6 years old and ended when I was about 13 years old. This coupled with being in a single parent home and not much extended family, I carried my ordeal around with me for many years.

Finally, when I realized that I needed help, I got treatment and confronted the perpetrators and informed my mother of my experience. I was then 23 years old. I delved into a deeper depression as I tried to maintain the overwhelming emotions of that time, without medication.

I have recently started meds again, Zoloft. I'm not sure if it's really helpful, because I still feel angry/stressed/frustrated at times. I have sleeping problems, swollen ankles and I've begun to lose hair, so I've decided to stop it, slowly and try something else.

What bothers me the most is that I don't feel as if I really know WHO I am, because my life has been filled with sadness and confusion for so long. I often feel like I'm unable to commit to things, work, school, friendship, church, etc...I simply want to be happy. I want to be able to look into myself and know who I am and be that same person today, tomorrow and the next.

I don't guilt so much about having depression and being a christian, but I can say that it's disturbing to me how people downplay the seriousness of depression.

I'm taking one day at a time and planning to pursue christian counseling. Pray for my success over this demon.

July 26, 2000
E-mail : ra_naes@hotmail.com

About a month ago, I started noticing that I was going down. I would leave work, and start crying. I lost interest in working out (something I used to do every day). I also stopped keeping my house clean, and going out to do things. It got to the point that I was planning my will and thinking of ways to commit suicide. Then I turned to the Bible.
Once before, I got to the point that I even set a date to take my life. Then, I wondered what God thought about that. At that time, I made a promise to Him that I would never do this. -- over the last month, I was very close to breaking this promise.
By reading the Bible, and praying, I came to remember that God loves me, no matter what I do. He loves me for who I am. This helped me from commiting suicide -- however, I am still very down. I cry most days, and can't enjoy anything -- even my gardening. I really need help, but can't seem to find it. I really don't know what else to do to help get rid of this deep, dark shroud that I am under. I also feel guilty, like I am letting God down by feeling this way. I know He loves me, and this should be sufficient, but sometimes, this isn't enough. Can anyone help?

July 19, 2000

I have two very important suggestions that have proven VERY helpful:
1) Two important books: "The Feeling Good Handbook" by David D. Burns, M.D. And "Changes That Heal" by Dr. Henry Cloud.

2) Find yourself a compassionate cognitive/behavorial therapist (search until you do, don't settle for less), this is the only clinically proven treatment for depression. This therapy with the possible combination of medication can be extremely effective! BE ACTIVE IN YOUR PERSUIT OF A SOLUTION. DON'T BE AFRAID! DON'T BE ASHAMED! THERE IS HELP AVAILABLE!

July 7, 2000
From : Melissa M.
E-mail : mellymac11@hotmail.com

First I want to say how glad I am to have found this web site. I thank God that you created this web site. It is comforting to know tha I am not alone as a Christian with depression. I feel so guilty about having it. Christians are not suppose to be depressed, right (or so they say)?

I have read most of the stories and I can surely relate to them. It's amazing to know that others are experiencing this same struggle as I do.

There is so much to say. I don't know where to begin. I'll do my best summarize my story.

I am a 27 year old, single female. I became born-again at the age of ten. I believe that I am depressed. I am alive but not living. I feel like I am just existing & going through the motions of life. I have not gone to a counselor or therapist, but based upon my research about depression, I have most of the symptoms - hopelessness, helplessness, guilty feelings, lack pleasure in things I once enjoyed, really in life itself, and the list goes on. When I began having suicidal thoughts to the point of planning my death, I knew something was wrong. I am torn between ending it all or "hanging in there" hoping things will get better. THe thing that keeps me going is that I am afraid when I stand before God He will be upset with me saying, "Why didn't your trust me?" or "Why did you take your own life?"

I feel so guilty for feeling this way. At times I am ashamed. I know that there are people worse off than I am, but knowing this doesn't seem to make me feel better. I come from a good family and am in good physical health. I think, "Why am I feeling this way?" It doesn't make sense to me. I used all kinds of verbal tactics to make myself feel better, but it has been to no avail. I, too, have prayed. I also have fasted, asked others to pray for me, read the Bible, & listened to tapes. Nothing seems to help. Most of the time I just want to curl up in my bed & sleep, sleep, sleep. Sometimes I just want to roll up & die. My mind & emotiions are so out of whack. I don't know what is real anymore. I am so indecisive. I cannot even make a simple decision. For example, choosing between two items at the store. I have to think through everything. I feel like I am losing my mind & am going crazy. I at times picture myself in a mental institute. Maybe that is what I nee! d. I get headaches & chest pains. I thought that the headaches were as a result of a surgery I had a few years ago where I had a cyst drained that was in the cerebellum of my brain. I had an MRI & they found nothing wrong.

I think that I have been depressed since my adolescence. I thought my sadness & insecurities were from me being shy & introverted. When I read back in my diary that I had from high school, I always sounded so down & had low self-esteem. I never really felt good about myself, even though I was a Christian. I feel guilty that I didn't serve Christ as I should have during my high school years.

I think my depression really was triggered during college. It took me eight years to finish. My younger brother who is four years younger that I am, ended up graduating with me. I couldn't figure out what to study. I kept changing my major. When I finally chose one, I kept failing & dropping certain classes. I just could not get it. I even dropped out for a while. I eventually continued, doing well then I failed a major exam. All that failing has made me feel like a failure even though I finished. Now I don't even want to do what I studied for. It left a bad taste in my mouth. I just feel like I don't know what to do with my life. Life seems so bleak to me now. I am constantly saying, "Why bother?" & "What's the point?"

I just want to be by myself. I, too, am tired of pretending to be a happy Christian. It takes so much effort & energy to put up this facade. I've always tried to be this perfect person - the perfect daughter, the perfect friend, even the perfect Christian. I am tired of trying to please others & pretend to be this strong person. No one seems to understand. They tell me to "get over it". Also, "You are so blessed.", "You should not be feeling this way,", "You should rebuke it", and other platitudes. This does not make me feel better. It only makes me feel more guilty.

I also have a lot of anger inside. I hate myself for feeling this way. I take out my anger on my family & friends. I don't want to be around others because I just lash out at them & bring everyone down. WHo wants to be around someone so negative & pessimistic. I feel negative about getting married for fear I will be a burden to my husband & family.

I know that this a lot that I have shared & there is even more. I just feel glad that I could express myself to people who understand what I am going through. I pray that God will help all of us to deal with this struggle.

P.S. I would very much like to hear from anyone so we can be of support to one another.

July 7, 2000
From : Melissa
E-mail : melissa_atwill@hotmail.com

I would like to say how much being a Christian means to me and how my relationship with God has grown over the last 5 years. I became a Christian at the age of 16 and when I realised I was suffering and dealing with severe depression. Today at age 21 I can say I have survived the long journey through some terribly bumpy and troublesome times along with hope and some light through the other side of the darkness. For me depression is an everyday battle or struggle which some days is better than others.

At the age of 13-14 I became obsessed with my body and stopped eating altogether. I felt at the time this was to show everyone how I could handle it all on my own. I took one day some of my Grandfather's heart tablets and collapsed at school. I was taken to hospital and spent time there trying to recover. I battled my food obsessions for the rest of the year and thought then as I recovered I was over it but I was hiding the underneath pain I was suffering inside of my mind.

From the age of 14 I went through a time of tourment and anger deep inside of me. I could not attend a normal high school so I had to study my schooling through correspondence. I went to councelling but to no avail I went back to school and took yet another doseage of drugs which landed me back in hospital.

By this time the doctors suddenly realised I was suffering deep inside with a daily battle of depression. Then by the time I turned 16 I thought everything was looking up and I was doing great with my first boyfriend who I loved dearly and doing well in my schoolwork. Sadly though at my boyfriend's house I took yet another overdose of prescription drugs. This time i took the drugs that I was prescribed to help with my depression.

Once I came out of hospital yet again, I realised I needed some serious guidance and love. My boyfriend's brother asked me was I a Christian. I thought about it and said no I wasn't a Christian. He then asked me if I would like to become one and get to know God and have a relationship with Him. I agreed that I would and that was my first step towards becoming a Christian.

Near to home I joined the local church and got to know a few of the people within the church. A lovely girl who is now a dear friend Amy, did a course with me called Christianity Explained. Through this I truly started to understand how becoming a Christian was such an amazing step towards healing and feeling loved and accepted. With my medication, the love of my family and friends and most and foremost the pure love of God I have begun to heal deep inside.

My life today is one full of joy and hope with the excitement that God is working within me and guiding me in the right direction of living. I have now a fiancee which I adore and a life worth more than I can imagine. I have been through alot of highs and lows in my life and I have truly learnt now what living is about.

July 4, 2000
From : Cyndee Hurt

I'm a 21 year-old Christian. I come from a Christian family. My dad is a minister, and my family is very stable, except for me. I've always felt like the odd man out, as far as my family was concerned. I just got saved about 6 months ago. It took me a while longer to come to my decision because I didn't understand how I could be a Christian. I'm too bad. Christians are supposed to be joyful, and that's something that I've never been capable of. I still have doubts about my faith, because it seems like I just don't have enough of it. Is this just my twisted way of thinking, or are there others out there who wonder how they can be Christians and still hate living?

July 2, 2000
E-mail : solitarejunkie@aol.com

i am currently taking zoloft, i have been for quite sometime now. my husband of 29 years, is very ill, lukemia,chronic renal failure,prostrate cancer,copd,congestive heart failure, & we don't know what else he might have. he is 58 years young,forced into early retirement, that alone upset him,on christmas day 1999, we rushed to the hospital again,this time they did surgeryon his bowels, the cancer treatment for protrate had litterally burnt a hole in his large intestent, during this three month stay in the hospital,he went into cardiac arrestt 23, yes 23 times. i know the lord has a plan for him but it sure had me & our three grown kids worried our money is very tight,now more than ever, we are behind in bills,our medicine costs us 275.00 every month,i went to a credit counsler,they are trying to help,but some of the creditor's are'nt willing to work with us, unless i get $250.00 by the 4th of july our phone will be turned off,which means no aol or able to converse with our doctor's we have no-where else to turn to other than god. anyone with suggestions i would forever be gratful,we have used all our savings,borrowed all we could from our family, my husband is to proud to ask the church. so maybe my story is not as bad as others,but it feels good to tell someone besides our family. thanks for listening. signed, on med.'s & trying to keep the faith.

July 1, 2000,
From : Andrea
E-mail : aeaglewing@aol.com

In many ways my depression has been a very humbling experience: I've discovered that I'm not in control of how I may feel on a given day. I was diagnosed with major clinical dpression 3 years ago. My doctor still isn't quite satisfied with how I'm responding to the medication, but I'm doing much better since I contemplated taking my own life "back then." I work full time in Massachusetts as a drug treatment manager and somedays it's all I can do to get through the day. I've found that losing myself in others' problems helps a great deal. Although at times it can be difficult to motivate myself to do so. I truly feel and function my best when I've had my special prayer time, when I go to church and when I do my Christian readings on a daily basis, but somedays even though I know I will feel better by doing these things -- I just don't. It seems like it will take too much effort to do so. I've been humbled because of this experience. I'm 49 years old, I have a wonderful hus! band of three years and I have hope. I truly believe that all things work together for good for those who love God. And, because I know my mood is sometimes out of my control I'm forced to surrender and say "God, I need You to get me through the day today, I don't feel like I can make it on my own -- and He usually does! Somehow He gets me through -- and I know that it wasn't because of anything I did. I needed to be taken "down a peg" my pride was (and still is) the biggest barrier between me and God. Because of my depression I've had to rely on Him more, pray to Him more, surrender to Him more. Funny when I think of it this way -- it doesn't sound all bad -- does it? God bless you and thank you for this site. I'm new to the Internet and hoping to make some Christian friends on line.

 

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