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MOVIES CATWOMAN
Quick
Rating: * How could a movie that features Halle Berry half-dressed in a skin tight leature outfit be unwatchable? Well, the answer is found here in "Catwoman". I had heard that this got some awful reviews, and after seeing it, I can see how. While it's not the worst movie I've ever seen, it certainly doesn't progress cinema, nor the careers of any involved. Berry is a graphic designer, working for a cosmetics company. She's quiet, mousy, and just is sort of going through the motions of her life (just like how the movie goes through the motions of being a movie). Anyway, she stumbles upon a secret that the company's new product causes disfigurement, and the corporate pigs who run the company are still going through with releasing it to the market. She pays dearly for finding out this information - with her life. But luckily for her, (and unluckily for anyone in the audience), her drowned body washes ashore where a ton of cats attend her funeral. One poorly-computer-generated feline in particular sneezes into Halle's mouth, and she is brought back from the dead. And now, she has the senses and balance of a cat. Soon after, she's dunking basketballs, jumping out windows, playing with catnip, and downing five cans of tuna in a sitting. So, now she's Catwoman. She's got an attitude, and a ridiculous new haircut. She silences a party, steals a motorcycle, and stops some jewel thieves (before stealing jewels herself). She has no real purpose, and there's no real purpose for the audience to even identify with her. I guess she sort of needs to avenge her death, so she goes after the bigwigs at her former company, including Sharon Stone as the boss's wife. What a laughable role she has in this picture! Ok, so here are the good points to this movie: 1) Halle Berry in that costume (except for the crazy mask/helmet thing)... 2) Some of the scenery looked realistic. 3) Did I mention Halle Berry in that costume? .... I'm drawing a blank. So, why don't I list some of the bad points 1) the bland and lifeless script 2) the dialogue. C'mon, do we really need to have Halle say "Meow"? 3) The annoying friend of Halle, played by the fat chick from Mad TV. 4) The ubiquitous use of CG for Catwoman jumping around... enough already! 5) The overuse of CG location transitions. 6) That there was no real purpose for Catwoman, or 7) that there was no good explanation for her powers. 8) The ugly handsome guy as a love interest. 9) That the Police Dept let an officer interrogate the woman he loves. 10) The music. I thought was watching MTV Jams from 15 years ago. 11) the quick cuts and editing, which made me feel like was watching bad music videos from 15 years ago. 12) Sharon Stone. 13) Halle's character's name.. "Patience" ? Was that her name in the comic book? 14) The uninteresting plot with the straight-forward ending. 15) the cat lady. 16) the CG cat and it's mystical cat breath. .... I could go on, but I won't so that you may keep your sanity. I'd say you should probably avoid "Catwoman". Quality: 2.0 Visuals:
3.0 Intensity: 3.5 Laughability: 2.0 reviewed
2005
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