|
MOVIES CHRISTMAS EVIL
Quick Rating: * It all starts on Christmas Eve, 1947. Three kids witness Santa coming down the chimney of their house, to place gifts for all of them under the tree. It's a happy little memory for all of them... except that one boy thinks that the Santa was just their dad dressed up. The other boy truly believes it was Santa, and he runs downstairs to witness Santa making love to his mom. Well, actually, he was eating her out. Well... really, he was just kinda sitting there, stroking her legs, but we're led to believe that cunnilingus is being performed. Anyway, the point is not whether St. Nick's tongue was in the holiest of holes, but that the little boy, Harry, was traumatized. He ran to the attic pissed, breaks a snow globe, and cuts his palm. I'm not sure of the symbolism there... but needless to say, it was a Christmas to remember. Fast forward to the present day (1980!). Harry's all grown up. Physically, anyway. Mentally, that's another story. Harry is a little disturbed. His house is always decorated for Christmas. He dresses as Santa. He works in a toy company. He spies on the neighborhood kids, deciding if they are naughty or nice, and keeping track of it all in a big book. Stir in a little pressure from his co-workers, who have lost the Christmas spirit, and Harry goes over the edge. I can tell when this happens because in one scene, he sits, squeezing the life out of a Ken doll while madly humming "Santa Claus is Coming to Town". This is not normal behavior. Even for a Christmas lover. So, Harry takes the next logical step in his yule-time psychosis. Which is, dress up as Santa, paint a picture of a sleigh on your van, and kill some people! Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la. Everyone sing! There are some really bizarre scenes after this. Most of them are pointless and drawn out. Like Harry setting up a ladder against a house, and then climbing the ladder, and walking up the roof towards the chimney, and then trying to get down into the chimney, when... he gets stuck. Or, watching Harry practicing how to say "Merry Christmas". 10 times is not enough. Please Harry, I could go for another 20 minutes of you reciting the same line with different inflections! Please? That's all I want for Christmas. Like I was saying, most of the scenes were pointless and drawn out. But others were pointless and memorable! Like the St. Nick criminal lineup! Or Harry poking a guy in the eye with a toy soldier. Or Harry slitting the throat of someone with the star from the top of the Christmas tree! Oh yes, there is heartwarming holiday fun for all the family in "Christmas Evil"! So for quality,... it's a bad movie, but the lead actor doesn't do that bad of a job. And there was an attempt at some artistry and some humor, as well as some analysis of Harry's mental state. But it's still bad. The visuals are miserable. Dark and shadowy are most of the scenes in the movie, including the daytime ones! For intensity, a 2.0 because it's pretty slow most of the time. Some action scenes and some laughable scenes, but mostly, you want to hurry this film along. There's some gore, but not as much as I would have liked. And the killing scenes are short and silly looking. So a 1.5 there. As for Laughability, there are some laughs to be had, all at the expense of the film and its makers, but you can still have fun with it. As a parting note, wait till you see how ridiculous the ending of this movie is. I couldn't believe my eyes. Quality: 2.5 Visuals:
1.5 Intensity: 2.0 Gore: 1.5 Laughability: 3.5 reviewed
2004
|
