Smorgasbord
of Crappola
MOVIES
CREATURE
(1985)
Starring
Klaus Kinski

A silly little ripoff
of Alien, "Creature" starts out by telling us that two
corporations (Richter
Dynamics and NTI) are in a race for commercial
supremacy. And
I guess that relates to outer space exploration somehow.
So, then the action
starts on Saturn's largest moon. A couple of guys find
a cannister with a dead
creature in it. However, the creature is not so
dead, but the crew of
this expedition soon is.
They send in a new research
team. And we have a bunch of stereotypical
characters. We
have a gratuitous sex scene, and then some arguments between
the commander of the
mission (who looks like he could be the father from any
80's sitcom) and the
captain of the ship. Their arguing causes the ship to
crash, and they're forced
to ask the competitor's ship for help (I think the
heroes are from NTI
and the competitors are then Richter). So they go to
the other ship, and
find nothing but dead bodies. Nothing that is except
for the alien monster
who has done all the killing. And soon enough he's
killing the members
of this expedition one by one. Then a German (I think?)
guy shows up unexpectedly
(Kinski) and hits on their female robot (not sure
if she's a robot, but
sure acts like it). So these uninteresting people now
have their hands full
trying to kill this creature from Saturn's moon!
Pretty obvious and poor
rip-off. But, there was some fun - mostly the
killings. There's
a good amount of blood and gore - skin ripping, head
explosions, and the
like. Don't expect a very intellectual story, or
reasonable actions (or
reactions) by the characters, or much
knuckle-whitening tension...
Actually, just skip it. That way, you won't
expect anything, and
you won't get anything.
Quality: 2.5 Visuals:
2.5 Intensity: 3.0 Gore: 5.0
OVERALL RATING: 3.3
reviewed
2003
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