We've got Rowdy Roddy Piper fighting frogmen in a futuristic,
post-apocalyptic world - how could you go wrong?  Years off nuclear combat
have destroyed civilization as we knew it.  And it did a number on the
testicles - most men are sterile.  But not our hero.  As one nurse puts it,
"This man is carrying a loaded weapon."  Once it's found out that Sam Hell
(Piper) has the power of procreation, he is released from prison and a
electronic locking device is slapped on his privates.  Those jewels are a
hot commodity - and now are property of the government.  And if he tries to
escape, or goes outside a certain radius from the nurse Spangle (Bergman),
his boys will go boom!

Now, for some reason, a couple female soldiers (females pretty much run this
world since the men lost their potency) take Hell and are on a mission to
Frogtown, out in the mutant reservation.  There, Commander Toady has
kidnapped some fertile women for his harem, and it's up to our hero to save
and pleasure them.  Can he defeat the evil Toady (and his henchman, Bull)?
Can he save the fertile women?  Can he get the beeping bomb off his crotch?

This movie is pretty much what I expected - poor quality, cheesy acting,
with some men in frog suits, Piper hamming it up, and wrestling whenever he
gets a chance.  I just wish the sound and the lighting were better.  Many of
the scenes look like they were filmed by candlelight. You can't tell who's
who, nevermind what they are doing.  The frog effects, while not great, were
passable... (at least their eyelids opened and closed).  Oh, and there's
some bad lines, too... here's one I'll share:

Spangle: "Don't you take anything seriously anymore?"
Hell: "I used to take everything seriously.  Then they...  blew it up."

I was waiting for a "croak" pun somewhere in there while Piper's kicking
frog-butt, but I didn't hear any.

And there are some funny scenes - like when a chainsaw wielding frog is
coming after Piper's crotch.  Or when Bergman is dancing seductively (you
know, she is trained in the arts of seduction) for Toady, whose glistening
face moans and groans as things (yes, plural) are moving in his frog-pants.

So, this is a fun one to watch with a bunch of people.  But be prepared -
it's not a good movie.
 
 
 

Quality: 3.0  Visuals: 3.0  Intensity: 3.0  Laughability: 6.5 
OVERALL RATING: 3.9