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MOVIES MONSTER MAN
Quick
Rating: *** The movie opens up with a cool head-in-a-vice torture scene, just to set the mood. Then we meet the main character. How many horror movie cliches can we have in the first five minutes? A nerdy kid. An old car. A desolate highway. Hehe, all we need is the fat party animal friend. Oh, would you look at that - he's hidden in the back seat! Wow, this movie has it all! The two friends are heading out to the wedding of a girl they both had a crush on. I was hoping that their discussions of wussiness and lost love would never end, but it would be occasionally interrupted by some "scary" scenes. There's a vintage hearse that drives by them from time to time. And a giant home-made monster truck! The filmmakers must have found this abandoned on an old set from the A-Team. The monster truck tries to run them from the road, and then after an incident in a bathroom (which involves a "glory hole") the crazed driver is after the two friends! The witty banter between the two doesn't stop even when they realize that a psycho killer driving a monster truck is after them. Actually, right in the middle of an enlightening discussion about "Citizen Kane", the boys pass one hot hitchhiker. You know, like the kind you see every day - 20-something girl, great body, in a bellly shirt, short skirt, fishnet stockings and fuck-me-boots. And they pass her by! (at first). The wackiness continues, and there is plenty of blood and mutilations. Not to mention some roadkill, and a bar full of amputees! That leads us to the ending, which I will not discuss... but they try to tie everything up nice and neat, and it comes off like a bunch of horsefeathers. ... I was interested in this movie since I saw the DVD case for it. Obviously I can tell it's up my alley right from the start. But then I read the description on the back, and it is one of the most poorly written synopses I have ever read. Who wrote this? I have to share this with you for you to fully understand: Monster trucks have gigantic wheels, carriages of steel, tons of horsepower and crush anything that stands in their way. On desolate I-55 there is one monster truck that gives new meaning to the name. It's not just the truck that is monstrous. It is also the driver. When two college buddies driving cross-country stum- ble across the monster truck's path, they have much more than a bar full of amputee yokels to worry about! Now the bar full of amputee yokels quote definitely drew me in, but the rest of it. Ugh. Who asked for a lengthy description of monster trucks? And I thought that it was pretty obvious that they were talking about the driver when they say "It's not just the truck that is monstrous", but they had to beat us over the head with it. "It is also the driver." Oof. Of course I was still going to watch it! And actually, I liked this movie. It was made on a modest budget, and it really didn't provide us with anything new. But it was funny at times, and had lots of cheap gore (which I find more entertaining than the high-tech stuff). The script was decent, but definitely had some groaners. Those lines that just make you groan with agony. Like these: "I am not a wussy.", "I like your rootbeer colored eyes.", and "I'm a corpse burrito, man!" My only other complaints, and they are relatively minor
were:
* Could they not say "Asshole" in this movie? I think the term "A-Hole" is thrown around about 2 dozen times, but not once does someone say the real term. I don't know why, it just kinda peeved me. Quality: 4.0 Visuals:
5.0 Intensity: 5.5 Laughability: 4.0 Gore: 5.0 reviewed
2005
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