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MOVIES NICK FURY: AGENT OF S.H.I.E.L.D.
Quick Rating:
* Wow. I mean reading David Hasselhoff's name in the credits as the starring role of any movie is good enough to make me laugh. Make it a TV movie about a 2nd-rate comic book hero, and oh boy, is the cheese going to fly! Let's get to the (heh, heh) plot. The evilist bad guy that ever walked, Baron Von Strucker, is cryogenically frozen in a hidden base of the nation's (world's?) S.H.I.E.L.D. agency (those are the good guys). A Hydra (those are the bad guys) strike force infiltrates the base and steals the body of Von Strucker. It turns out the force (as well as all of Hydra) is commanded by Von Strucker's daughter who goes by the name Viper. S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn't know what to do, so they contact a retired agent, the one-eyed cigar smoking wise cracker, Nick Fury (Hasselhoff). How's he enjoying his retirement, you ask? Well, he's picking away by himself in an abandoned mine somewhere in the Yukon. So Fury heads back to S.H.I.E.L.D., where he runs into old friends and an old flame (Lisa Rinna, of Melrose Place fame). Together they try to devise a plan to thwart Hydra's plan. Oh, I didn't tell you about Hydra's plan yet... They are planning on releasing the Death's Head virus on Manhattan. Where did they get this virus? Well, it was stored in the cells of Viper's frozen father. Why would S.H.I.E.L.D. keep this guy frozen when they knew his cells stored the virus, I'll never know. They split into two teams. Lisa Rinna and her lips lead one expedition into NYC to find a refrigerated truck (shouldn't be too hard in Manhattan, should it?). And good ol Nick Fury leads the other one to find the Hydra headquarters (which, as fate would have it, is a convenient swim length away from where his jet gets shot down!). And then its good guys vs. bad guys, with tons of gadgets and quick quips! This is a pathetic movie. The plot is laughable, even more laughable than they tried to make it. Hasselhoff is a joke, as are all the supporting cast. I can only recommend this to those who enjoy pain. DID YOU KNOW: That a handy can of aersol can alter your facial appearance AND disolve laser beams? WOULDN'T YOU: Disarm your enemies BEFORE they met face to face with your leader, not AFTER? DO YOU CARE: To know what Fury is hiding under that eye patch? Quality: 1.0 Visuals:
1.5 Intensity: 2.5 Laughability: 3.5 reviewed
2005
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