After recently viewing and reviewing such disappointing features as "Frozen
Alive", "The Screaming Skull", and "Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's
Daughter", this bad movie was just what I needed.  The story makes no sense,
but it's super cheesy, has blood and boobs, and has quick cuts that almost
force you to pay attention (not that you're rewarded for it).

I really am having trouble digesting all I saw in this movie.  Where else
can you find breakdancing, Nazis, God and Satan, and claymation all in the
same movie??  They're all here, though!   The movie starts with what is
essentially a music video, and boy does it scream "80s"!!  The flashdance
style, the hair, the musicians not really playing their instruments, oh, and
of course, the fog machine!  These singing and dancing teens bookend a bunch
of stories with their not-so-enjoyable caterwauling of "Everybody's got
something to do...  everybody but you!"  They must have known their
audience, because anyone with anything to do would not be watching this
movie.

So, I guess this band is playing on a train, and the entities who embody
good and evil are discussing the fates of those on board the train - I guess
the train is to crash at dawn (A deserving fate for the Menudo wannabes).
And then we're told of people's stories, and then judge their worthiness.
The first guy is a salesman who crashes on his wedding night, and his wife
dies.  He ends up in a sanitarium where they hyponize him and give him
roofies that he uses to seduce women and bring them back so that Richard
Moll ("Bull" from Night Court!) can molest them and chop them up, so that
they can sell the body parts on the black market.  Does that make any sense?
The cuts between scenes are laughable as almost all continuity is lost.  It
truly is bizarre to watch.

The next story (after an interlude with the "Go-Gos") features a popcorn
vendor who is given hundreds of dollars by a wealthy man to come home with
him, and she does.  He turns her into a porn star.  Then, some college kid
(who looks about 35) who stopped off at a frat house for a beer, and was
subjected to one of her pornos, falls in love with her, and becomes
determined to find her.  He does and they fall in love (how hollywood!).  By
the way, a narrator (who is not any of the characters from any of the
stories) occassionally has to fill us in on details since the action cuts
away so swiftly.  One gets the feeling that they've heavily editted 3 films
and tossed them together to make this movie.  Actually, that makes a lot of
sense - that may be exactly what they did.

Well, the third and final story involves a minion of Satan who hasn't aged a
day in a hundred years, and a religious woman who must confront him.
There's some claymation monsters, and a shot of goat leg, and "666"
tattoes...  I don't know, it was just weird.

Many bizarre things in this one.  A "death club", where the first rule of
death club is...  someone's gonna die.  Whether it's by a deadly winged
beetle, or an electrocution computer (!), or by a wrecking ball.  Is it me
or were all the character's lines in these scenes overdubbed?   The movie
also has a good amount of gore (a head chopping scene, an exploding face
scene, and a shocking head scene all come to mind) and a healthy amount of
boobage (mostly in the first part).  That, and the quick jumps from shot to
shot kept me interested in this one, even if I didn't know what the hell was
going on.  I'd definitely recommend this for a bad movie night - relax with
a couple friends and a keg of beer, and try to figure this one out!
 
 
 
 

Quality: 2.0  Visuals: 2.5  Intensity: 2.5  Laughability: 5.5  Gore: 5.0  T&A: 3.5
OVERALL RATING: 3.5