Smorgasbord of Crappola 
MOVIES
 

PIECES
(1983)
Starring Christopher George
& Lynda Day George
 


As bad movies go, this one is pretty enjoyable.  If you can overlook the dim
lighting, the atrocious acting, the cheesy music, and the bad editing.  It's
the ridiculous story and the gore that make this film.  We start in the
1940s when a mother discovers her young son putting together a jigsaw puzzle
of a naked woman.  She abuses the boy verbally and physically, to which he
responds with an axe to the head.  Fast forward to the 1980s, and this
psycho is killing coeds on a college campus in Boston with a chainsaw.  Then
we're treated to a combination whodunnit/slasher pic the rest of the way.
Well worth watching all the way through (that is, if you're a B-movie
junkie).

The story is full of holes (possibly intentional), but the lunacy of some
scenes made me laugh out loud.  And, isn't that what a B-movie is all about?
To give you some examples of what I mean:

  • A famous tennis star, who also happens to be a detective, is hired undercover by the college as a tennis instructor.  And the one time we see her actually play tennis is the worst display of tennis I have ever seen on film.  Ever.
  • To keep the audience guessing, many characters are "shady" and appear at the killing scenes, exhibiting strange behavior, and there's no consequences for their actions.  A college student found at the scene of one murder is actually made an honorary cop, despite being a suspect.  The burly school janitor (and his chainsaw) is confronted by cops at a murder scene and he fights the cops.  He's finally subdued, but later, he is released from custody because "they didn't have enough evidence" to hold him.
  • A woman walking alone on the street, at night, is attacked by a martial artist.  She kicks him in the crotch, taking him down, and when we discover he's the karate instructor, he makes a comment about "bad chop suey" and walks away.


Oh, and there's plenty more, but I don't want to ruin it all for you.
Anyway, this movie should keep you laughing, and there's some great gore,
and a few nudie scenes.  What more could you ask for?

tagline: "It's Exactly What You Think It Is!"
 
 

Quality: 3.5  Visuals: 3.0  Intensity: 3.5  Laughability: 5.5 Gore 6.0 
OVERALL RATING: 4.3
 

reviewed 2003