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"This
Rant Is Your Rant" A naggingly recurring question has visited itself upon my sludgy brainpan several times over the past few months I've spent in zombie-like servitude to Gore the Merciless, and you my faithful Morlocks. It is a conundrum that has confounded mortal man and media minions alike since the dawn of the last Millenium -- or at least since the invention of television. It gnaws from within the smooshy, unused ninety-or-so percent of the grey matter that keeps me breathing in and out so I don't forget to smoke, and squeezes the ol' medula oblonggadda-da-vida through a Playdoh cookie maker. Night after night a gut-wrenching howl is heard emanating from the bowels of the Ghastlee crypt. Most of the time it's the result of bad chili or a bit of undigested beef, but at least once a week it's the mourful cry of an indentured tv critic vocalizing and venting at the steaming pile of money dung offered up as Manna by the networks. Then I come here to The Gallows and regurgitate it all to ya'll ad nauseum ( ...and ad nauseum... and ad nauseum...). Some weeks the job is a excruciating one, and I really have nothing at all positive to say about the state o' the tube. On those occassions I either loose my spleen and spew forth a pile of bile on the unwitting masses ( ok, so bile comes from the liver...), or stream together an incoherent river of ramblings incorporating as many extemparanious words as possible so as to fill space yet hopefully divert from the skinless truth that I had, in fact, nothing of any relevance, import, or even interest to say. See...? In the writing game I believe they call it "fluffing"... or is that the porn game...? Whatever. Oh yeah, in any event, circumstance and/or eventuality, back to that ever-insistant question (...thanks for sticking with me while I worked my way back to it...) that seeths on the lips of tv viewers far and wide, " Is there ANYTHING on ??? ". Kind of a letdown, I know, but if you're a tubehead you should be used to it by now... Ahh ! The segueway ! Been wondering where I left that ! So the Fall tv season is upon us and the networks are once again dangling some tasty-looking carrots on the end of the stick they'll no doubt later use to knock the anything good off the schedule. Nonetheless, there are some interesting prospects on the Fall lineup, like UPN's latest updating of THE TWILIGHT ZONE, and Fox's JOHN DOE and FIREFLY. We'll start into slogging through the pig- flop in search of pearls next week. 'Til then, check out The Tombcreeper's recommendations and read a book, eh ? Watching television is one thing, but reading someone else's opinion of it for entertainment may indicate an even deeper problem... Your ol' co-dependant,
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