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"What
the Hell is THIS Crap ???" Ok, so the E ! network has pretty much always been a sickening showcase for what too much money and too few brain cells can do for you, but they have really topped themselves this time with The Anna Nicole Show. The fact that Smith is credited as "Creative Consultant" pretty much says it all. Yeah, she's a creative consultant - - and using that logic any kid who ever barfed on Romper Room was a "Set Decorator". Somehow I think the extent of her creative input is to suggest, "Wash a handful of the pretty blue ones down with a quart of tequila ! It ROCKS ! WOOOO !!!". If there is anything positive to be said about this show, it would be that is a sad portrait of everything that is wrong with getting everything you ever wanted. Having married Methusala and gone through an ugly court battle to wrest a good chunk of his estate from it's rightful heirs, the former model and poster girl for white-trash has surrounded herself with a pack of fake friends to feed her bottotmless ego and help her squander her ill-gotten booty. Good enough for the whiney spoiled-brat. It just goes to show that those who can't read history--or even understand it if they could--are doomed to repeat it. MC Hammer, Jan Michael Vincent and Elvis ( Yeah, he's still alive...) need to do an intervention here and QUICK. Nah -- better she fritter the pile of cash away and single-handedly keep the economy afloat for a few years. Or American Express anyway. Like The Osbornes, this is a kind of Beverly Hillbillies story. The major difference is that Anna Nicole doesn't show us, as lowly Morlocks, that the ultra-rich can be "just like us"; instead she exemplifies everthing we always suspected about the excesses of wealth. I for one don't want to watch that while I'm eating leftover macaroni and cheese and drinking Milwaulkee's Best... So I guess what I'm saying here is, how do a get a job being a hanger-on to the filthy rich ? I'm sure the show would look a lot better after a couple of bottles of Dom Perignon and a handful of Xanex. Sign me up and call me Kato. To bastardize E's seedy muckraker, A.J. Benza ( Is that even POSSIBLE ? ), "Reality tv... ain't it a bitch ?"... ...and an obnoxious one at that... So as not to leave on a total downer, there is a bright side to look on here for me personally. I only had to endure through one episode of The Bubbleheaded Bimbo Show, in order to spew this rant--and will NEVER ( knock on wood ) have to subject myself to it again. Also, as I wrap this up reruns of Fox's prematurely cancelled NIGHT VISIONS are running on SCI-FI. Mmmm, leftover macaroni and cheese ! 'Til next we swing here on The Gallows, stay loose--just not as loose as Anna Nicole, hm ? Your ol' pal...
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