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"Y?!?!?!" Indeed, you might well ask. Sometimes, and, more than sometimes, I, too, have asked Myself, "WHY?!" (Gee Whillickers, but, that was a Sneaky segue, eh wot?!) "WHY?!" Ah, but, would that it were that easy. A simple one word answer to answer a simple one word question, and, in the process, alleviating undue stress and reducing both sides to the domesticated state of managably 'nice'... not unlike that family portrait, which adorns your Home's Hearth-mantle, forged from a similar truce. So blissfully Un-complicated, just like the larger Issues of LIFE, all bundled up in one nice, neat package; gift-wrapped, even! But, alas, that's not the way it REALLY works, now is it? Because, as I assure You, dear Reader, and, as anyone who has known me for any length of time will attest, My answers are usually in Torrential Torments of ye aulde 'Stream O' Consciousness' mode... and, regrettably, only RARELY (more to your chagrin than to mine, I might add) does that require a single word answer. ************************ 'WHY', in this particular case, involves My Becoming a HORROR HOST!! GASP!
(If You are feeling the overpowering urge that you absolutely must HURL, then, at least aim your offerings in the opposite direction from this screen, there's a good Chappie!!!) LAMENTATIONS And SOILED DIAPERS!!!!...well, now, that, too, DEPENDS on the age groups reading this missive. I can 'get 'em moving on both ends' of the aging spectrum! MuaHaHaHa!(Or, if you wish, you can insert your own, hmmm, shall we say, Less-Conventional Expessions of Maniacal Laughter here. Kindly, KEEP IT CLEAN! And, Please, remember, the Cyber-Police are watching. One false move and, 'BAM, BIFF, and POW' 'tis off to the Cyber-Hoosegow for Thou! *********************** Some things You're just 'born into', ya know? Can't be helped.... so Sorry. Now, where was I before you so rudely interrupted MOI? Oooh, yes, HORROR HOSTING... All rustic Nomenclature aside, It's not my fault, honest! I mean, all this was here when I got here, which could be any number of different stories, depending upon with whom you're talking. Being cast in the Image of that Venerable MAN OF A THOUSAND FACES, That Unique Genius of THE SILENT SCREEN, LON CHANEY, SENIOR, I, too, am much more than Two-Faced, or, even, 'JANUS-KOPF'ed, to any Visiting DEUTSCHE-GESPRACHERS in this crowd! Now, aren't you relieved to hear that?! Quite the unexpected admission on my part, I know, but, be thankful, at least, that you're not being charged admission...not yet, at any rate! ******************** Like a kid with diarrhea frantically looking for a place to unload, The unvarnished TRUTH is still the shortest distance between two points...and, much cheaper, too! After all, the VARNISHED TRUTH, while prettier, and, mayhaps, more enduring, takes days longer to dry! Then, there's the added expense of the Varnish itself; price, quality, and, the age-old dilemma of: "Will my Truth require more than one coat?" Or, "Will it chip and fade over time if I buy this cheaper varnish now?" I don't really believe that the TRUTH needs that kind of protection. If IT Is The REAL TRUTH, IT should be STRONG and Durable enough to outlast The Implied Warranty by more than several EONS, with a couple of MILLENIUM thrown in as Pocket-Change, for pizza and extra cab-fare. ZO SPRACH ZARATHUSTRA! (and, I couldn't agree with him more!) *********************** If this deft display of effusive, elusive, and, ramblingly confusive text registers in your mind as an adroit gamble to hide the fact that I'm bereft of content for my first 'RANT', well, then, your suspicions are essentially correct. but, not entirely! Aha, gotcha!!!! I distinctly remember providing a rotting scrap of valid content several paragraphs up this page... ah, here 'tis...
Surely you do remember reading that! You're welcome to double-check the text, if you don't believe me. And, well you should, since This Is A WEBSITE For....Drumroll & Trumpets; [no, wait, change that to Drumsticks (Turkey;YUMMM) and Crumpets, all this writing is giving me one heck of an appetite!].... Oh, terribly sorry, I lapsed out again, didn't I? THIS IS A WEBSITE FOR HORROR HOSTS! So, what should I be writing about, except that? There was also a momentary analogy to LON CHANEY, SR., we mustn't forget that. Well, I'd really LOVE to write more, but, my order Of Turkey and Crumpets has just arrived, so, what's say we split for now and pick up on this scintillating conversation very soon?! I'd invite you to dine with me, but, there's only enough food for one. Baron "What's your big hurry; that's the trouble with folks today, always in such a big Hurry!" von Wolfstein |
