"Artichokes ... are just plain annoying ... After all the trouble
you go to, you get about as much actual 'food' out of eating an
artichoke as you would rom licking thirty or forty postage stamps.
Have the shrimp cocktail instead." -- Miss Piggy

"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she
served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never
been found." --Sam Levinson

"This recipe is certainly silly. It says to separate two eggs, but
it doesn't say how far to separate them." -- Gracie Allen

"I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a
total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a
charm bracelet."  -- Erma Bombeck

"I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave
me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster." -- Joe E. Lewis

"I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick,
not wounded -- dead." -- Woody Allen

"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." -- Fran Lebowitz

"Health food makes me sick." -- Calvin Trillin

"Watermelon -- it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash
your face." -- Enrico Caruso

"Old people shouldn't eat health foods. They need all the
preservatives they can get." -- Robert Orben