Addiction

~ Addiction ~

Dear Friends on our Journey ~ ~ ~

My name is Mari and I am on a Journey to Recovery. As a compulsive overeater and food addict, I welcome you and am glad that you're on this journey with me. What we could never do alone ... we can do together.

I do not like to think of this place in cyberspace as just a Web Page. I like to think of this group of people who come here as simply friends who need each other and who benefit from one another's experience, strength and hope. Perhaps as you make your way through the links, you will find something that will help make you come closer to making your own journey to recovery.

"The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions."
~ Leonardo da Vinci ~

I'm not sure exactly how many years it took me to admit to myself that I had an "eating problem." Yes. An "eating problem." In those days, I would not dare use the term, "Compulsive Overeater" or "Food Addict." I would have choked if I had done so. I just had a little "eating problem." That little eating problem turned into a big eating problem and came pretty near to destroying my life. And DID destroy the quality of a lot of it .... and I imagine it has done exactly the same thing for a lot of other compulsive people.

Why, in the early stages of overeating, do we deceive ourselves? Why is it so difficult to admit even to ourselves that we have a disease ... the disease of compulsive over-eating? One has only to educate themselves a little bit and they quickly learn that this addiction we have is not JUST a simple craving .... it is a full blown addiction. Our need for food is not normal. We are not normal people where food is concerned .... and we will never be. The sooner we are able to internalize that, the better.

Between college and the time I began my life-long career of teaching music at the conservatory at our university, I was an airline stewardess and based in New York City. I believe this is the first time I realized what a tremendous part food was to play in my life. As an airline stewardess, we were required to maintain our "perfect weight" .... and, if and when, we went over that weight, we were grounded. And that is where my lifelong pattern of crash dieting began. I checked in one beautiful morning to take a trip to a special place in Canada that I'd always wanted to visit. I hopped on the scales and was four pounds over my "perfect weight." Crew Scheduling immediately called another flight attendant ... I was grounded .... and I went back home and spent the next three days taking those four pounds off.

"THE GREATEST DECEPTION WE SUFFER IS FROM OUR OWN OPINIONS." A food addict? Not me. Watch how I can take that weight off! You just watch me!!!!

When I begin to write about my early weight history and go into the misery of this disease and then into when I reach bottom, it could take me pages and pages. I believe the very first thing we all must do is to make sure that our opinions of ourselves are accurate. That we look into that mirror each morning and speak to ourselves with perfect honesty .... and, IF food is important to us to the point that it is causing us pain .... then we must look at that face in the mirror.

We must look at it hard .... and it may be through tears as I did one day .... and on that day, in the quietness of my bathroom and in front of that mirror and with tears streaming down my face, I said .... "I am Mari. I am a compulsive overeater. I am addicted to food and I hate this disease. But I'm going to recover from this disease and be what it is intended for me to be in this lifetime. So help me, God!!!!" And I then began my journey to recovery.

Dear God,
I accept myself as I am;
But I will not spare myself
the hard questions.
I will not delude myself into
thinking that I have "just a little
eating problem." I have a disease.
And it can be serious.

Love,
Mari
Marisok@aol.com
The Recovery Group