Sexual Fantasy

Dr.Joe's Data Base

Masters And Johnson On Sex And Human Loving

by William H. Masters, Virginia E. Johnson, and Robert C. Kolodny

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Sexual Fantasy

FANTASY ALLOWS us to escape from the frustrations and limits of our
everyday lives. Through fantasy, a person can transform the real world into
whatever he or she likes, no matter how briefly or improbably. Although it
is only a make-believe excursion of the mind, fantasy can help people find
excitement, adventure, self-confidence, and pleasure.

From childhood on, most people have sexual fantasies that serve a variety
of functions and elicit a broad range of reactions. Some are pleasant or
exhilarating; others are embarrassing, puzzling, or even shocking. In this
chapter, we will discuss the functions of sexual fantasies and then provide
a classification for describing the most common types of fantasy patterns.
For purposes of clarity, we will restrict our use of the term "sexual
fantasy" to refer only to wakeful thoughts as distinguished from
sleep-associated dreams.

Although every child learns that pretending is an important type of play,
sexual fantasies after childhood are usually not thought of as playful.
This attitude may exist because sex is usually regarded as a serious
matter, even in the imagination. Furthermore, some religious traditions
regard a thought as equivalent to an act; thus, a person who has "immoral"
sexual daydreams or desires is as sinful as a person who acts upon these
impulses. Fantasies have also been viewed as having implications for mental
health. Psychoanalysts were the only group for half a century to study
fantasy in any depth. They viewed "deviant" sexual fantasies--those
portraying anything other than heterosexual acts that led to
intercourse--as immature expressions of the sex drive and as blocks to the
development of more mature sexuality. Many psychoanalysts also believed
that such fantasies were likely to be forerunners of "deviant" sexual
behavior.

Generally, imagination, creativity, and playfulness are part of the act of
fantasizing. However, if a fantasy becomes a controlling force in a
person's life, the play element may be completely eliminated. This
situation isn't very different from the person who becomes addicted to
gambling (which also begins as a form of play) or the person who gets so
caught up in a competitive sport, such as long-distance running, that the
playful side of the activity is lost.

At times, it may be difficult to distinguish sexual fantasy from sexual
desire. Just as your awareness of hunger and thinking about what kind of
food you'd like to eat may blend together, your sexual appetite may merge
with thoughts about how sexual satisfaction may be obtained. Although a
fantasy may be valued strictly as a piece of fiction as opposed to a
preview of an expected reality, this distinction does not always hold. In
some cases, a sexual fantasy expresses sexual desire, while in others it
provokes sexual desire that does not necessarily require the fantasied act
for fulfillment.

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THE CONTEXT OF SEXUAL FANTASIES

Sexual fantasies occur in an astonishingly wide variety of settings and
circumstances. Sometimes these imaginative interludes are intentionally
called forth to pass the time, to enliven a boring experience, or to
provide a sense of excitement. At other times. sex fantasies float into our
awareness in a seemingly random fashion, perhaps triggered by thoughts or
feelings of which you have little awareness

Among the most common varieties of sexual fantasies are those that can best
be described as old familiar stories. The origin of such a fantasy, if it
can be traced at all, might have been a book, a movie scene, or an actual
experience. The person using this fantasy finds it to be particularly
pleasing and comfortable and returns to it again and again. On different
occasions, minor variations may be played out in the fantasy, but the
fantasizer almost invariably occupies a central role in the story line.

How a particular fantasy comes to be preferred and repeated over and over
is not entirely clear. Sometimes the primary fascination with this sort of
fantasy lies in its sexual arousal, while at other times the pleasure may
be more related to the "director's role"--being able to control the scene,
plot, and actors. In many instances, the complexity of this fantasy makes
it more suitable for use in solitary situations than during sexual activity
with a partner.

In another form of the preferential fantasy pattern the person repeatedly
uses a particular type of fantasy--group sex, for example--but no
characters or story line connect one fantasy to another. The first pattern
described is like playing a specific record again and again, while this
pattern is more like playing a certain type of record--country and western
or classical music--repeatedly.

There are at least two situations in which preferential fantasies may
become troublesome. For some people, the repeated and exclusive use of such
a fantasy may lead to a situation in which the fantasy becomes necessary
for sexual arousal. The person no longer responds sexually to his or her
partner since sexual arousal depends on the fantasy alone. Infrequently,
preferential fantasies can become obsessions that may interfere with
thinking or behavior. Obsessional fantasies will be discussed more fully in
chapter 15.

Just as children exercise both their curiosity and creativity when they
pretend, people who use sexual fantasy also draw on these elements. The
desire to know about something not yet experienced, forbidden, or seemingly
unattainable is often a key feature of sexual fantasies. For instance, a
married woman who has always been faithful to her husband may fantasize
about an extramarital liaison, or a fifteen-year-old boy may fantasize
about making love to a woman pictured in a Playboy centerfold. In both
examples, the fantasy does not necessarily mean that the person wants to
actually participate in the fantasied behavior.

Fantasy in the context of curiosity may be highly arousing and intriguing
but it may also include scenes that seem outlandish, preposterous,
disgusting, fearful, or silly to the fantasizer if examined in a detached,
rational moment. This discrepancy is not surprising, because most of us
enjoy things under some circumstances- that would be unpleasant,
embarrassing, or even frightening in others.

The creative side of sexual fantasies is not only linked to curiosity. Just
as there is a creative aspect in an artist painting a scene from memory or
an author writing a vivid detail about a past event, there is also a
creative element in sexual fantasies that draw on memories of past sexual
experience. The fantasizer embellishes the memories and molds them into new
forms while retaining the essence of the remembered experience. The fantasy
can be smoothed out or improved in comparison with the real-life
experience; in the world of fantasy, blemishes, fatigue, and distractions
disappear while passion mounts and the action is unencumbered by trivial
details.

In creating a sexual fantasy, the fantasizer not only programs the action
but also orchestrates the emotions of the principal fantasy figures If a
woman wants her fantasy lover to be strong and silent, he is; if she
prefers a verbal, gentle partner, she instantly has such a person at her
command. If a man wants a passionate, aggressive woman in his sexual
imagery, she is immediately there; if he prefers a reserved, unwilling
partner to force into submission, this is easily achieved. In this sense,
fantasy provides a dimension that is relatively unattainable in real life
because even if your partner is willing to try whatever sexual acts you
suggest, you have no way of controlling his or her character or emotions.

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