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Back IssuesRemember, to take time for yourself. No one can do it all for an extended period of time. It is O.K. to take time for yourself, if you take ill, you are no help to anyone! Reach out to your community, neighbors, friends, churches, overnight respite programs or day programs through local nursing homes or assisted living facilities, specialized support organizations such as the American Cancer Society, the Alzheimer's Association, see listing for 1-800 numbersto research an organization or foundation (or have a friend or child call on your behalf) and be sure that everyone around you helps their fare share.
If you don't have the money to buy the help you need around the house, consider starting-up a support group with neighbors or church community to trade "respite hours." For example I'll clean your house weekly for the next month, if when I need help you pitch-in. This works great with mother's who have kids as well. It also bonds the community - but make sure you don't get taken advantage of.
Once you have found the nursing home or assisted living facility you think is the right one, be sure to visit, observing the residents, staff and the general condition of the facility. Be very observant, is it clean, well staffed, and do the residents appear happy and comfortable. Take time to talk (a casual chat) to residents and visitors to get their opinions of the staff and conditions of the home. Ask if you could stay for lunch (offer to pay) and sample the food and observe how its presented. Is there an activity you can observe to see what the facility offers - ask for their monthly calendar of events and facility newsletter.
Now that you have made the decision and placement occurs, take faith that you have made the right choice and let the staff do their job. There is always a 7-14 day adjustment period on both sides. The staff has to get to know your loved one and he/she has to get to know the staff, facility environment and routine. Many residents are exhausted and prefer to isolate for the first week or two - staff should encourage involvement but never force a resident... a resident has the right to refuse! Be sure to visit frequently so he/she doesn't feel abandoned, bring goodies and interact with the staff to see how mom or dad (or spouse) is doing and again, have faith in the staff.
It is a wonderful idea to write a short summary of likes and dislikes from food to activities to sleeping late to going to bed right after lunch to TV programs to allergies and also a short summary of previous occupation, hobbies and accomplishments. Bring-in pictures for the staff to see them in another light and also for the loved-one to reminisce. Bring plants and small trinkets to make the room home-like. There is nothing worse than looking at bare walls! Bring a clock radio and a large calendar to keep one oriented. Some people also like headphones, it helps block-out some of the noise and brings enjoyment by listening to favorite music on tapes or even books on tapes, available at libraries or bookstores.
Enough for today! Next issue I will discuss careplans, what they are and how you can help.
Q. My mother has dementia and throughout the day will take her clothes off, regardless where she is, it is embarassing. Do you have any ideas?
A. There are clothing catalogues with specialized designes for the elderly. They sell clothing for easy wash and wear and clothing which snaps, ties or velcros in the back or front for individuals with limited range of motion. They sell items like "side-zip sweatpants" which have zippers which extend down both outer sides of the legs to enable easy dressing for someone with limited flexibility or if someone can not stand up. They sell slippers and shoes with velcro fasteners as well as extra wide - super stretch socks excellent for swollen or sensitive feet.
For individuals who take their clothes off in public (usually due to dementia) it is vital to first ensure that this action doesn't have a specific meaning like "I have to go to the bathroom," which the individual may not be able to verbalize, or it may mean that his/her clothing is unbearably tight due to weight gain or because the wrong size was purchased to begin with. For dementia patients it is not uncommon that they shed their clothing, especially in later stages. They become comfortable with themselves and can't stand anything binding, thus large, comfortable dresses or slacks should be purchased maybe even with the velcro or buttons fastened in the back. Order a catalog and brows through it for ideas.
Some companies I am familiar with, Buck & Buck at 1-800-458-0600 or Caring Concepts at 1-800-803-8756 or SLS Fashions Inc. at 1-800-671-2983. Good Luck!
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Money
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Ignorance is not bliss when it comes to money. Too many women haven't a clue as to their financial status and then find themselves with no notion of how to deal with pressing financial concerns (perhaps due to spouse's death, divorce, job change or loss, catastrophic illness.....) when it happens. In those circumstances, decisions may need to be made quickly, but without plans or knowledge of the details of personal finances, relying on others - who may not have your best interests at heart - is a gamble at best.
It doesn't have to be that way. People are often uncomfortable talking about money, but being uncomfortable is better than experiencing helplessness, panic, and / or stress in difficult times. Knowing the details of your current & foreseeable future financial status and having plans to deal with various changes minimizes unnecessary stress and encourages self-reliance. Age is no barrier whatsoever to taking control - or at least being able to take control of finances - should the need occur.