Title: High School Blues I
Author: Evie Whiting
E-mail: fishadam@hotmail.com
Archive: You're very welcome, but do let me
know.
Category: MSR, A, H
Spoilers: Nothing after Arcadia
Summary: Mulder and Scully have to go
undercover
Feedback: If you sent me feedback, and
needed a liver or a kidney,
I'd consider it a fair exchange
Disclaimer: Don't own them. Wish I did.
Notes: Sorry if the British spellings annoy
you. This is a major
revamp of a story I wrote over two years
ago. I really felt I
couldn't allow myself to leave it so badly
written. Also a second
and third part will be forthcoming. Of
course, depending on reader
response *hint, hint*
Dedication : To Fish, you know why. To my
ubers and Finga, my
curveballs who always make me laugh. To
Sarah, my beta/better
goddess, my muck slut and kettle sister.
Because of her, this
actually got finished.
And to everyone who read this the first time
round and didn't tell
me how badly written it was. I hope I did
better this time.
****************************************
Skinner's Office
8:00am
"With all due respect sir, there is
absolutely no way that I could
ever pull this off. The idea is ridiculous."
Mulder was tempted to warn Skinner, when
Scully's voice got that
pitch people had better start hitting the
decks. He decided against
it. Not often did he get to see the AD
against the ropes.
"I'm sorry Agent Scully. I'd have to
disagree with you on that,
you are excellently suited to this
assignment, and it was a
unanimous decision by all the departments,
that we send you and
Agent Mulder, especially since the last time
both of you went
undercover you managed to solve a case that
had stumped all
agencies for over a year."
Skinner had expected a certain amount of
resistance to the case he
was forcing on them, but he hadn't expected
it to be Scully doing
all the resisting
"But sir this assignment shows no signs of
the paranormal, any team
in VCU could do it."
This case was the stuff nightmares were made
of. It wasn't the
awkwardness of their roles that bothered
Scully, but the unshakable
feeling that some piece of the puzzle still
hadn't been shown to
them.
" Neither did The Falls of Arcadia, but you
and Agent Mulder still
managed to find not only signs but,
reportedly, an actual
substantiated ...tulpa. Besides, I very
seriously doubt that any
partnership in VCU, could go undercover as a
high school student
and an English teacher, not many of them
have the necessary
backgrounds.
As you know Agent Scully, part of Agent
Mulder's undergraduate
degree was done in English Literature, which
makes him a perfect
candidate, and there are very few agents
that could pass themselves
off as teenagers, which makes you a perfect
candidate."
Whenever the AD had contemplated his
troublesome twosome, he'd
always acknowledged just how much of Scully
had rubbed off on
Mulder. He was being to realize, it went
both ways. Scully, over
the years had definitely gained a lot of
Mulder's trademark
questioning. No longer would she be prepared
to accept any
assignment the Bureau heads handed out.
Skinner couldn't really
blame her. Last time, she'd ended up with a
bullet in her abdomen.
Mulder, not focusing on Skinner but Scully,
saw she was far from
flattered by the AD's last comment.
In fact she looked just about ready to deck
him.
He decided it was time to intervene. It
wouldn't do for both the
members of the X-Files department to have
done so. Scully didn't
even have a `Men In Black spiked my water
with LSD' excuse to fall
back on , otherwise he might have been
tempted to see the
fireworks.
"We both understand how perfectly we fit the
criteria sir. We also
understand the importance of this
assignment. VCU have had no luck
trying to find this guy, so it's been left
up to us, to solve the
unsolvable."
He hadn't meant to sound bitter, but it did
rile him. The only
time he and Scully were remembered as
something other than the
bastard children of the Hoover building was
when no one else could
figure the case out.
Skinner looked uncomfortable. He knew what
Mulder said was true.
They were the jokes of the building, Mr. and
Mrs. Spooky, but when
the shit hit the fan, their names were first
to be mentioned.
At the same time though, there was a sick
bastard out there,
preying on young girls in the Bakersfield
area of California.
So far VCU had figured out that he had
access to high schools, and
once he took a girl he'd leave the area. But
that was about it.
They were at a stand-still, the press was
screaming about the
inefficiency of the FBI, and the Attorney-
General herself had been
in contact.
He had had no choice, he had to call in his
two most troublesome
and best agents.
"Agents, there's nothing left to discuss.
You have the rest of the
day off to prepare. Scully, Kimberly has
arranged for you to go sh-
shopping for the necessary type of clothes
for your assignment.
You can pick your tickets up from her.
Lastly, during this
assignment, you'll be living in a suburb,
try not to piss the
neighbors off too much this time." He said
this with a smile, but
quickly realized that neither Mulder or
Scully found this
particularly funny. "Dismissed."
*****************
Only after they'd left Skinner's office did
the humor strike
Mulder.
Scully was going back to high school.
And he was going to be her teacher.
He hadn't realized he'd started chuckling.
He stopped only because
of Scully's well-aimed blow with her elbow
"Shut up Mulder, it's not funny. You're not
the one who has to act
like a fucking teenager again." Scully
swore very rarely. This
alone told Mulder just exactly how pissed-
off she was.
But the whole situation was so classic, he
threw caution to the
wind, and decided to tease Scully for all he
was worth.
"Hey Scully, watch that mouth of yours, or
I'll be forced to give
you a detention." He mockingly censured her.
Waggling his finger in
front of her face, in a way that made her
ache to bite it.hard
"Funny, Mulder, very funny." She gritted
out, from clenched jaws
"Just remember that I'm a better shot than
you are."
"Is that a threat Scully, because if it is I
may have to send you
to the Principal's office."
"Mulder, so help me God, if you're going to
be like this I'll..."
On a normal day, Mulder's teasing would have
slid off, like water
off the proverbial duck, but not this time.
He was getting to her
and she wished he wouldn't. It was too like
when she'd been a
little girl. Trying so desperately to be
equal with her brother,
only to have Ahab carelessly tease her about
it. Later he'd made it
up by buying the BB gun for her, but she'd
never forgotten that
childhood hurt. Having Mulder act similarly,
was for some reason
infinitely worse.
"All right Scully. Peace, okay." Mercurial
Mulder struck again
"C'mon we're wasting time, we've got a lot
to do today anyway."
"Oh yeah like what? Skinner gave us the
whole day off."
She'd rarely seen him so happy. Her
resentment and Freudian angst
melted in the face of his glee. It struck
her just how long it had
been since she'd see him happy. It was also
infectious. She'd never
been able to stay gloomy when Mulder got in
touch with his Ritalin-
worthy inner-child.
"We've got to take you shopping"
"Oh shit."
*****************
The Mall
10:00am
Scully was seriously contemplating shooting
Mulder's other shoulder
after she'd spent an hour shopping with him.
He seemed to delight
in taking her to boutiques she'd privately
labeled as "sluts-are-
us" shops. Each seemed worse than the last.
The one they were in
currently had the dubious title of Tease Me.
"Hey Scully, I think you'd look really cool
in this. Try it on." He
exuberantly thrust what looked like a large
elasticized headband
into her grasp.
"Mulder, I refuse to wear that. Frankly I
think that any six year
old would have trouble fitting into it.
What the hell are we doing in this place
anyway? I thought that I
was going back to school, not trying out my
skills as the new
prostitute on the block."
She'd got a little louder than intended,
and so gotten them thrown
out of the shop, by an extremely indignant
and affronted sales-
assistant.
By this time, Mulder's smile had graduated
to a full-blown grin.
"Scully, Scully, what am I going to do with
you? You know you
really need to brush up on your people
skills, otherwise I might
have to recommend you visit the school
counselor to deal with your
unresolved issues with anger."
Looking at her Mulder saw Scully looking
down right depressed.
He had expected her to be pissed off, angry
or even fuming, but he
hadn't expected sadness.
He tilted her face up and was horrified to
see tears in her eyes.
Slowly they started to run down her face.
"I'm sorry Scully, I'm being a prick. I'll
stop." He said
frantically "I didn't mean to make you cry.
Shit, Scully, don't
cry. Yell at me, hit me, shoot me if
necessary just don't cry.
Please."
The earnestness of his plea made her smile
banishing the tears
which had frightened him . He looked so
concerned it took all her
self-control not to kiss him.
"You didn't make me cry Mulder, I promise.
There's no real reason
that I'm crying.
No that's a lie, I guess I'm disappointed
that the only reason that
I was picked for this assignment was that I
could look like a
teenager. Shit Mulder, I'm just as qualified
as any of those
bastards up at VCU, yet the only reason they
remembered me was
because I was a woman, and a sicko is
preying on young girls.
You know Mulder, since I've been a child,
I've always tried to keep
up with the boys. And no matter how I've
proved myself, at some
point someone always reminds me of my sex.
Like it's a black mark
against me. I hate that. I hate being made
to feel that I should
apologize for being a female."
Scully's frankness was shocking, for both
Mulder and Scully
herself. She had never done that before.
Since Antarctica, Mulder had felt a change
in the dynamics of their
relationship. Scully started opening up to
him a lot more, as if
she'd decided, finally, to let him in.
Everything had been going well for a while,
after Holman and
Sheila, he finally thought they would finish
what had begun in the
hallway the summer before, but then the
whole debacle with Diana
happened.
Scully withdrew again, not that Mulder could
blame her.
Walls were once again erected, but Mulder
found it easier to find
the cracks this time.
He used any means, scrupulous or un, to try
and get back to the
point they had been at post Kroner Kansas.
While things had gotten better, he knew
there were a whole
smorgasbord of issues to be dealt with
before they could really
move past Diana and the turbulence of this
whole year.
Mulder still cringed when he thought of the
shitty way he treated
Scully over that whole thing.
He couldn't believe he had basically told
her he trusted Diana over
her.
Not only that, but then he'd compounded his
utter bastardry by
accusing her of 'making it personal'.
He was the last person to lecture about
making things personal, and
he knew it.
His whole quest was about Samantha.
At least it had been.
Mulder couldn't quite pinpoint the moment
when his quest for
Samantha came second to his life he wanted
with Scully, he only
realized it when Scully had called him to
the hospital, and calmly
handed down their death sentence.
Thinking about that horrendous time Mulder
shuddered unconsciously.
Scully had watched as he zoned out on her,
but knew not to disturb
him. When he shuddered, however, she got
concerned.
"Mulder, Mulder, are you okay?"
" Sorry Scully, what did you say?" He asked
distantly
"I said are you all right. You zoned out on
me Mulder, and I don't
think that you went to a particularly happy
place. Wanna tell me
about it?"
Scully knew whatever it was, it couldn't
have nice.
Knowing was one thing, but asking him to
share was something
completely different.
It was hard for them to open up to each
other. And that was the
understatement of, possibly, the millennia.
Scully had often tried to figure out the
exact nature of their
relationship. She loved Mulder, and had no
problem admitting it.
Scully also knew she was also in love with
him. Before Mulder's had
been a factor in her existence, she'd found
it strange some people
had trouble making the distinction. After
knowing Mulder less than
two years, she didn't.
Scully was perfectly happy to love Mulder.
Loving him was easy,
because she knew he loved her back, he had
proved it to her many
times, most obviously in Antarctica.
Antarctica.
That whole episode managed to leave Scully
very confused.
It was the first time Mulder had ever
seriously intimated the love
he felt for her was not brotherly or
platonic.
It was also the first time she allowed
herself to admit she'd
fallen in love with Mulder, and had been in
love with him for a
long time.
When they returned, she consciously started
tearing down all her
self-imposed barricades, ready to let Mulder
into her heart.
After Sheila, Scully decided it was finally
the right time to tell
Mulder she loved him, or to be more
accurate, she was in love with
him.
Then Diana came back into the picture.
She had never been under any illusions about
Diana, she knew Mulder
shared a past with her which included the
finding of the X-Files.
She had been able to deal with the immediate
trust Mulder placed in
Diana. She may not have liked her, but she
always tried to remain
objective.
Scully had expected Diana to question her
importance to the X-
Files, and only when she had, what she
considered, irrefutable
evidence of Diana's duplicity, did she take
her suspicions to
Mulder.
What she hadn't expected was the vicious way
Mulder had turned on
her. Questioning her judgment, and motives,
and relegating her
concerns to the female toilets. Scene of
every good estrogen-
induced cat-fight.
After that meeting in the Gunmen's office,
Scully thought long and
hard about whether or not to leave the X-
Files.
She then realized that there was no point to
the thought, since
long ago she had pledged herself, mind, body
and soul to the X-
Files, but more truthfully, and possibly
more humiliatingly, to
Mulder.
No, being in love with Fox Mulder was no
easy task.
Scully knew he was sorry for the way he'd
treated her, but she also
knew while the incident was over, they had
far from left it behind.
They had to talk, and soon.
It could very easily be the defining moment
in their relationship.
One that would either take their partnership
to a new level, or one
that could break it altogether.
Scully hadn't realized while these thoughts
had been running
through her head, her face had acted mirror
for all her emotions.
Mulder watched as Scully's usually serene
face, went through a
series of changes.
Whatever Scully had been thinking of wasn't
pleasant. She looked
worried, almost scared.
He longed to be able to ask her what was
wrong, but he felt he had
lost the right to know the inner workings of
The Enigmatic Dr.
Scully.
That was what hurt the most for him. Knowing
he had only himself to
blame for this.
He had chosen not to believe her. Scully.
The only person who had
never let him down. The woman who by sheer
force had kept him alive
till now.
Watching her, he once again fully understood
how much he loved this
woman. She completed him in ways no other
person, not even
Samantha, could.
He vowed to himself they would talk, and
this time it wouldn't
take her resignation for him to tell her how
much she meant to him.
"Scully, Scully, what were you saying about
zoning out? God, you
were on another planet just now. See any men
from Recticula, while
you were there?" Though he meant to go for
light, the nervousness
in his tone snapped Scully back.
"Sorry Mulder, what were you saying?"
Her eyes were still troubled and he bent
slightly so he could look
directly into them.
"Actually you were asking me where I'd zoned
out to. I guess I
could ask you the same."
"Can we just drop the subject please? It was
nothing important
anyway."
He moved out of her space, hearing the
dismissal in her tone.
Regretting her mechanical reply, Scully
literally breached the gap
between them, determined not to fall into
their usual pas de deux
of avoidance an denial.
"C'mon, we've still got to find clothes for
this assignment, and I
think that you should get some. Not many
teachers I know can afford
Armani suits."
Mulder knew Scully wasn't ready to trust him
with her feelings and
thoughts yet, and for the second time that
day he promised himself
that would all change soon.
"All right Scully, let's go shopping. If
your try and get me into
tacky leather-patched jackets, I might have
to kill you though."
She couldn't help smiling at the vision his
words conjured up.
No matter how Scully masked her feelings, no
one could mistake the
love in the smile.
Mulder adored that smile. Probably because
he saw it so rarely.
He had privately dubbed it the 'Alaska
Smile', in honor of when
he'd first seen it.
He had woken up from the retro-virus, and
Scully hadn't bawled him
out for ditching her, but had just smiled,
welcoming him back to
the world of the living. A world so much
more precious to him
because of her. Even then.
"Mulder, you dare to speak of tacky. You.
The man who revels in
wearing the tackiest ties he can find."
The Puckish spirit of mischief, which
possessed Mulder earlier,
seemed to transfer itself into Scully. All
of a sudden she wanted
to laugh, really laugh. And she wanted to
laugh with Mulder.
"By the way, I think you'd look cute in a
leather-patched jacket,
so would all the rest of your female
students." His smile was worth
any embarrassment she felt, disclosing such
long- held secrets. "Oh
and Mulder, I knew your tastes bordered on
kinky, but I never knew
you were so into bondage."
"Huh?" Mulder was so shocked at Scully
casually discussing his
supposed sexual tastes, it was all he was
able to conjure up from
his exhaustive Oxford-educated vocabulary.
"Yell at me, hit me, shoot me. Shit Mulder,
that's not just kinky,
that's s&m. Why didn't you tell me you were
into domination?"
By this time Mulder had recovered the power
of speech. He was
thrilled Scully had decided to instigate
this regression into
adolescence. Once upon a time they'd traded
insults regularly.
Gradually it happened less and less. Mulder
had missed it sorely.
He didn't quite know why Scully was acting
like this, but he knew
he wasn't going to fight it. In fact he was
going to go with it.
In a major way.
"Hell Scully, you above all people should
know how I just love to
be punished." He didn't even have to leer,
the innuendo was so
patent.
"Really, so that explains why you just love
to piss off Skinner."
She lobbed back, without batting an eyelash.
" Oh Mulder, why
didn't you tell me you felt that way about
Walt. You should have
known I would have supported you. I think
it's really brave of you
to come out, and I feel honored I was the
first person you told."
Mulder found himself unable to scrape the
grin of his face
throughout this whole exchange. It felt
beyond good to be able to
laugh with Scully again. He was also amazed
at how easily she
turned the tables on him.
He got the feeling that neither of them
would be able to view
meetings with Skinner in the same light.
"My aren't we the funny one today." His
eyebrow mirroring Scully's
favorite trick with ease.
"What's the matter Mulder, can't take it.
Funny, you always seem
able to dish out plenty. C'mon take your
best shot, I dare you."
Scully knew the whole conversation was only
going to become more
juvenile, she was still having trouble
believing that she had just
dared Mulder - Christ she hadn't acted like
this since she was a
kid- but she was having too much fun.
Mulder, in the mean time was wondering just
how exactly to pay her
back.
She had insulted his manhood in the worst
possible way, to let her
go unpunished was unthinkable.
Then he remembered the perfect payback, and
the most suitable, for
this Peter Pan day.
"All right Scully, you asked for it. Let's
see how much you can
take."
Before she had time to process all the
nuances of his threat,
Mulder was tickling her.
The shock of it took Scully by surprise for
a minute, but soon they
were engaged in a full-fledged war.
Mulder had forgotten Scully had grown up as
a youngest sister. Add
to that, she'd been a tomboy as a kid, and
it was a lethal
combination. Pretty soon she was getting the
better of him, so he
decided to pull out the big guns, using the
obvious size difference
to his advantage.
He caught her in a bear hug and held her so
she was unable to
move,
"Mulder, you're cheating. You can't do that
it's against the
rules." Scully hoped her voice held more
conviction, than she felt.
"Since when did I follow the rules, Scully?"
He mocked holding her
even tighter against him "Besides all's fair
in love and war. "
Mulder smugly returned.
"So this is war huh?" She asked softly. All
teasing gone from her
voice.
Both of them stopped their mock-struggle.
Mulder knew telling Scully that he loved her
would be a mistake.
At this point anyway. He'd tried blurting it
out once before, and
only got a rather painful `oh brother' for
his trouble. There were
too many issues to be dealt with first.
At the same time, he knew to say it was
war, even in jest, would
make Scully put up all the walls he had
taken so long to pull down.
A compromise was the only option, if not the
preferred one.
"Aw Scully, you know we could never be at
war with each other." He
crooned into her left ear, which was
conveniently near his mouth.
Fleetingly he wondered what she'd do if he
traced the shell with
his tongue. The thought mesmerized him,
stopping all cogency dead
in its tracks
"Oh yeah? Why is that?" She queried, pulling
him back to the far
more complicated present
"Because you know all my strategies, and
would probably whip my
ass in a minute." He offered impertinently,
looking exactly like
his thirteen year old self just then
"And such a nice ass it is." She purred,
twisting herself so he
could see her batting her eyelashes madly.
"Scully!" He wasn't sure if his shock was
feigned or real.
" See while I may know all your strategies,
you don't know all of
mine." Quickly slipping out of his embrace,
which had loosened with
surprise, Scully stood just out of his
reach, smiling impishly.
"Remember Mulder, surprise is the best form
of attack." She
delivered seriously, in the same tones she
did her lectures in
Quantico.
Mulder had a hard time keeping a straight,
or relatively straight,
face watching her as she moved lightly
around him, always just out
of reach.
"You know what's another really good form of
attack, Scully?" He
asked quietly.
"What?" She knew she was going to regret
asking, but she'd never
been able to conquer her curiosity.
"This." Mulder launched himself at her.
She'd seen it coming, but
knew she was no match when it came to out-
running him. It didn't
stop her from trying .
Anyone looking for Special Agents Mulder and
Scully residents of
the Basement, and general Cassandra's of the
FBI, would not have
recognized them.
All they would have seen, was a couple
laughing uncontrollably,
acting like children on their summer break.
And those who were
discerning would have only recognized them,
as a couple, very much
in love.
*******************
Scully's Apartment
11:00pm
"Well I'm all packed Mulder. Why don't we go
over the case files
for a while?"
Scully was at a loss for what to do. She had
no real desire to go
over the case file, but didn't think she
could handle just 'hanging
out' with Mulder.
Necessity had forced him to stay at her
place overnight since they
had a horrendously early flight.
Scully felt nervous with him in her
apartment, it reminded her too
much of the Eddie van Blundht disaster. The
fact she knew she was
nervous did nothing to put her at ease.
Mulder was also feeling the tension in the
air. As soon as they
stepped over the line during the whole
Dallas fiasco everything
changed. Suddenly this felt just a little
too much like the last
awkward part of a first date for his
comfort.
He knew Scully was feeling it just as much
as he was, but he didn't
know what to do, so he did what he did best.
Hid behind the facade
of the Insatiable Workaholic.
"Sure Scully, but frankly I don't think
where going to learn any
more about the UNSUB from what we've got.
You know something's
bothering me about this casefile. I think
it's the lack of case. I
mean Jesus Scully, our people are already
part of the
investigation, why is it I get the feeling
Springfield's Chief
Wiggum would have put together a more
comprehensive report."
He scrubbed at his face repeatedly, not
noticing Scully's worried
looks in doing so.
" Mulder, don't." The urgency in her voice
made him look up " Don't
start the case before you have to. As you
said, our people there
have already got their hands on this one.
Not even we are so good,
that we can suddenly find something they
couldn't. At least not
immediately." She added conscientiously,
remembering all the times
Mulder had done just that.
" You're right Scully." Her reflexive glance
made him smile " I'm
looking for things, which aren't there. It's
just in the past, I've
always gone in being prepared for the worst.
It made it easier when
someone put the whammy on us. Besides,
Skinner gave us this, it
doesn't have a whiff of smoke, so we have no
reason to think it
might not be legit. Still, I don't know. my
gut has a bad feeling
about this one."
Scully was unsure whether or not to press
him further. Mulder had
always been reticent about his profiling
days. The John Mostow
case, had given her a glimpse of what he
must have been like, and
what he must have endured all those years.
It took a considerable
amount of control, to repress her shudder
remembering how scared
she was for him. Involuntarily, she found
herself praying he
wasn't right.
" I think your gut is telling you to lay off
the extra chili,
Mulder."
His smile told her, he wasn't convinced.
Mulder had been weaned in
the VCU and if there was one thing he'd
learnt well, it was to
trust your gut. But these days Scully
outranked his gut. She was
just as right as he was. There was no point
sinking into the
profile before he even had all the facts. So
he let it go. Turning
the topic, and actively lightening the mood.
"So why don't we practice who we're gonna be
for the next `god-
knows-how-long' ."
Mulder could have kicked himself. So intent
on easing Scully's
concern for him on this case, he'd fallen
back into their
traditional patterns. When in doubt, talk
shop. Work was as much
their jailer, as their savior.
"This has to be the stupidest undercover
assignment ever." Scully
groaned, not seemingly bothered by the
return of work in this faux
Snow Day. "God, I can't believe I have to go
back to high school.
As if the first time wasn't bad enough." She
muttered, this time
without rancor.
"Oh c'mon Scully, I bet high school wasn't
as bad for you, as it
was for me." He was glad of the opening she
had given him, back
into the un-walled memories of her
childhood.
"Please," she snorted inelegantly, "you try
being a short, science
geek, with carrot red hair. "
"I'd take that over being viewed as a
murderer."
By the way he clammed up, Scully knew Mulder
hadn't meant to let
that last part slip. It didn't really
surprise her, children were
always notoriously cruel. But her heart
ached all the same for the
gangly, lost, young boy, she still
occasionally caught a glimpse
of.
" I guess it's fairly safe to say that not
many of our best
memories happened during high school, huh."
Mulder quipped,
smiling, though there was no humor in the
smile.
Knowing any sort of verbal acknowledgment
would be met with a
gentle rebuff, Scully settled for gently
rubbing her thumb against
the back of his hand, which had somehow
landed in her lap through
the course of the evening.
The silence shifted from painful to
peaceful, and both were content
not to break the rare moment.
It didn't last long. As usual.
This time reality came in the guise of Mrs.
Scully's phone call .
Mulder tried hard not to listen in, but he
couldn't help hearing
bits and pieces.
"Hi mom...
...no I'm sorry I won't be able to make it,
I'm on an assignment
...yes, I'll be careful
...no it's an X-file
...we're going undercover
...I have to be a high school student
...funny, mom, real funny
... no he gets to be teacher"
He had to smile.
There was no hiding the petulant tone in
Scully's voice. It was
practically a whine.
For once he had, arguably, the upper hand in
a situation, and he
decided to revel it while he could. It
wouldn't last long, but he
was going to enjoy the ride for as long as
possible.
His thoughts about the whole farce were
suddenly interrupted by a
deafening shriek from Scully.
"...MOM, I can't believe you just said that
...no I've not forgotten that you lived on
Navy Bases for over
thirty years.
... NO I'm not going to tell him that
... NO you certainly can't tell him that
... I'm hanging up mom. Bye"
Mulder was a little shocked, Scully never
hung up on her mother. He
was pretty sure there was a commandment
somewhere specifying you
couldn't do that. He had never done it, even
at the most frigid
moments in his ongoing non-relationship with
his mother. It made
him wonder what exactly Mrs. Scully had said
to put that look on
Scully's face.
"Scully, are you all right? " He pressed
gently.
It was only then Scully seemed to notice
him, trying not to peer
worriedly into her face.
" Yeah I'm fine Mulder. Really." She added
as she saw his grimace
at the infamous `f' word.
Scully was far from fine, anyone could see
that, but Mulder still
couldn't figure out just what exactly her
mother had said, in what
seemed a fairly innocuous conversation.
"Hey Scully did your mom say something to
upset you? Is something
wrong? Do you want me to speak to her?"
He could have sworn Scully had started
smiling at the first part of
his worried babble, however when he
mentioned speaking to her
mother she once again got agitated.
"Mulder please, I promise there's no need
for you to speak to my
mother, don't worry about it."
Scully realized, she had really got Mulder
worried.
In actual fact all her mother had been
doing was teasing her,
about Mulder.
She had made some crude comments, crude for
her mother, about
student, teacher relationships in schools.
There was nothing unusual in her teasing,
but for some reason it
had really got to Scully this time.
Perhaps it was because Mulder and she had
crossed the line, and
liked it.
Or perhaps it was the simple fact Mulder
had been sitting in front
of her -looking absolutely fuckable- when
her mother had started
talking about janitor's closets, and there
alternative uses.
"Scully, I'm sorry I didn't mean to intrude.
What I mean to say is
that I have no right to assume that your
mother wants to speak to
me, I mean..." Mulder had done more
apologizing in the one day,
than he had for most of his six year
partnership with Scully. He
knew he sounded like an idiot, but from the
smile on Scully's face,
he guessed she didn't mind.
"Mulder, Mulder you're babbling. I promise,
nothing's wrong. You
aren't intruding, mom loves to speak to you.
And you have a right."
It was obvious, that last part had slipped
out. Scully suddenly
flushed, and found herself, ducking her head
to avoid scrutiny, but
still trying to gauge Mulder's reaction from
under her lashes.
She watched as Mulder's face lost its
uncertainty. His smile broke
like dawn after a storm, beautiful in it's
brilliance. They had
moved much closer together, though neither
had any memory of doing
so and Mulder's hand was cradling her cheek,
his thumb moving in
tiny hypnotizing circles.
"I can't help worrying about you Scully,
it's my job." He found
himself murmuring, for fear of breaking the
gossamer moment.
"I know Mulder, but sometimes, your just too
good at your job for
your own good." She allowed herself to sink
into the moment a
minute more, before pulling back resolutely.
" Now get some rest,
we have about five hours before we have to
head of to the airport,
and you need your sleep." It was hard
sounding firm and rational,
when her vocal chords were disobeying the
messages her brain was
sending .
But it did the trick.
Scully's change of tone and subject
signified the end of their
moment.
They were back to Agents Mulder and Scully.
Partners, and consummate professionals.
Mulder could feel himself slipping back into
the familiar role.
He knew that it was required he make some
comment about Scully's
martial tone, so he obliged.
"Yes mom." His smile not only seemed forced,
but contained an
unhealthy dose of self-derision.
"Anymore of those smartass comments, and I
might feel the need to
cause you some serious pain." She
deliberately laid herself open
for his innuendo, hoping to ease some of the
bitterness dyeing the
light out of eyes.
"Ooh Scully, I just got seriously turned
on." He said predictably,
smiling genuinely this time.
"Bed Mulder, and if you snore, I'll shoot
you."
Scully quickly headed to bed, leaving him
to the couch and his
thoughts.
He stood staring at her bedroom door trying
to compute the Scully
of the day, with the Scully he was used to.
His mind though, kept
vividly replaying her unguarded moment when
Scully let slip he had
a 'right'.
"A right to what Scully? To care for you? To
worry about you? To
love you? What?" Mulder realized he was
talking out loud, and
quickly reduced it to a gravelly mutter
"Great Scully, just great,
you've just made absolutely sure that I'll
get no sleep tonight."
He might have slept a little, if he had
known, on her side of the
door, Scully was having as much, if not
more, trouble getting to
sleep, as she remembered the feel of his
hand and the smile in his
eyes.
*****************
In The Plane
6:00am
"Listen Scully, why don't you just get some
more sleep now." Mulder
finally ventured, after Scully's scowl had
gone from black, to
volcanic.
"I shouldn't Mulder, we are meant to be
going over the details of
our cover." Her response was automatic, but
Mulder guessed with a
little more pressing Scully would quite
willingly give in to him.
" Oh c'mon Scully, if I know you, you
already have all the details
memorized. Besides you haven't had your
usual caffeine intake, and
I just know you're about to seriously harm
that Prozac-dependent
attendant they've assigned to us."
Scully smiled wryly at that . Mulder was
right. She did know all
the details of by heart, and she was just
about ready to throw her
casefile at the next obscenely perky
attendant that passed her by.
Deciding that she could use a little more
sleep Scully started
squirming around, trying to find the
comfiest spot on the seat.
Mulder watched her antics with an amused
smile, which was
immediately wiped off when he realized
Scully was giving him one of
her patented glares.
"Want to tell me what's so funny Mulder?"
Her aggression was mock.
Mostly.
"Actually, I was just remembering one of the
earliest X-Files that
I opened" Mulder informed her gleefully
traipsing where angels not
only feared to tread, but wouldn't go within
a forty mile radius
of.
"What was it? " Anything about his past
intrigued her. Possibly
because he told her so little of it.
"It was how airline seats can't be built
with human proportions in
mind. I mean even you have trouble getting
comfy in them." It was
with an effort he'd managed to keep the
adolescent laughter at bay,
but Scully's ludicrously annoyed face did
him in.
"Mulder, have I told you lately that I hate
you?" She huffed trying
to keep herself from giving in to her own
amusement. Mostly fueled
by his unrepentant chortling.
"Hey, I didn't know you were a closet Rod
Stewart fan Scully.
Sheesh I never thought that big hair would
turn you on. I see the
error of my ways now. Note to self, buy lots
of hairspray. Lots."
The thought of Mulder with Rod Stewart hair
was so incongruous,
that Scully could not muster up any residual
resentment she might
have felt of his height -or lack thereof-
comment. Instead she gave
in to the laughter Mulder was longing to
hear.
"God you can be such idiot. Now shut up and
let me get some sleep."
She said peremptorily.
With that she leaned across, placed her head
on his shoulder, and
with a contented sigh drifted off to sleep.
I
Mulder on the other hand remained very much
awake. Scully's head
across his chest ensured it.
He didn't mind. In fact he was glad she'd
fallen asleep since he
was then given free reign to indulge,
without fear of being caught,
in one of his favorite pastimes. Scully-
watching.
Looking at her asleep, Mulder saw why she
had been picked to
masquerade as a teenager. Not only because
she looked so young, but
because when not weighed down with the
weight of inter-galactic
conspiracies her face held a hope in it.
Most agents lost within
their first couple of years in the Bureau.
Of course it did help
that she was about the height of the average
fourteen year old. No
one would ever guess within that tiny frame,
there was enough power
to solve the energy crisis though. Not to
mention ass-kicking
abilities, which had made her the envy of
male and female agents
alike.
A grin stole over his face. Scully was
without question a dynamo,
but she was also the most patient person he
had ever met.
Mulder knew his reputation for being
enigmatic, spooky. In fact
he'd fostered it to a certain degree. It
helped keeping most people
at bay. But as he watched Scully he felt as
transparent as a pane
of glass. There was still so much about
her, she kept hidden. She
had once said that he kept unfolding like a
flower, but he thought
it was far more true of her.
As he pondered over the puzzle that was
Scully, Mulder felt himself
getting sleepy.
It never failed to amaze him that when he
was alone, he'd manage
about two hours of broken sleep. With Scully
near him, he'd sleep
like a baby, and would usually have to be
woken.
"God, I can't even get to sleep without her.
" He mused, once again
not realizing he was speaking aloud.
Scully stirred at his voice.
"What's wrong Mulder?" Her voice was thick
with a mixture of sleep
and concern.
"Nothing Scully, go back to sleep." His
hushed tones allayed her
immediate concern.
"You sure?" This time her voice was more
sleepy than worried.
"Yes, sleep, don't worry" He crooned, as one
would to a fussy baby.
"Hmm that feels nice" she mumbled, burrowing
further into his
shoulder, till her head was securely in the
crook of his neck.
At first he didn't know what Scully was
talking about. For an
insane minute, he thought he had interrupted
Scully while she was
having a dream, a very nice dream. But when
he looked down he
realized he had been stroking her hair.
It shocked the hell out him that Scully
hadn't called him on it. In
fact she seemed to enjoy it.
Before he could start torturing himself
about the meaning of that,
he decided to get some sleep himself.
So laying his head gently on top of
Scully's, he settled in for the
rest of the flight.
****************
Bakersfield
Kensington Ave.
11:00pm
Mulder and Scully were thoroughly exhausted.
The whole day had been
designed to send them out of their minds, or
at least that's what
it seemed like to them. From the mis-
placement of their luggage,
which only turned up once they pulled out
their credentials, to the
rat-trap of a place that they were living
in.
The agent who had brought them here called
it a "fixer-upper".
Her inference was that they would have to do
all the fixing up.
Scully was sure before the woman had joined
the FBI, she must have
been seriously contemplating a career in
real estate.
As they both sat on the sofa, in a near
catatonic daze, Mulder
happened to glance up at the time.
"Oh God, it's already eleven. C'mon Scully,
bedtime. Remember
tomorrow is a school day."
He was expecting some sort of reply, even if
it was the usual
'Mulder shut up', however when he looked at
her, he saw that Scully
had once again beaten him to the punch. She
was already fast
asleep.
He debated on whether or not to wake her or
leave her on the couch,
but seeing the angle her neck was at, he
decided his life wouldn't
be worth living if he let her sleep like
that the whole night..
As gently as he could Mulder picked her up,
and headed towards the
room Scully had made her own.
"Typical" he thought "The only times I get
to do this is when she's
unconscious. Probably safer that way
though."
He couldn't help grinning . Scully was not a
woman who liked Rhett
Butler wannabe's, or Rhett Butler for that
matter. In fact he got
the distinct impression if Rhett had ever
tried any of that `macho
stuff' on her, it would have been him
tumbling down the staircase,
instead of Scarlett.
Laying her on the bed, he once again
couldn't help marveling at how
everything he held dear managed to fit into
a five foot frame.
Without stopping to think, Mulder kissed
Scully on the cheek, and
turned towards the door.
Looking back over to do a final check, he
nearly died of heart
failure, realizing Scully was awake, and
staring directly into his
eyes.
Scully could actually see every muscle
freeze up, as though waiting
for punishment.
"Goodnight Mulder, and thank you" she said
softly.
"Goodnight Scully" he replied in a voice
thick with emotion. He had
heard everything she left unsaid. The need,
the want and most of
all the love.
He quickly walked out and shut the door, if
he hadn't left, he
would have blurted out something neither of
them were ready to hear
just yet.
As he lay restlessly in bed Mulder combed
over all those 'moments'
taking place over the last couple of days.
It was obvious both
Scully and he were consciously moving
towards what they'd fought
against for so long. Uselessly as it turned
out.
"What I need, is a plan of action" he
decided "No more drug-induced
professions of love. The next time I tell
Scully I love her, she's
going to know that I mean it."
Mulder couldn't help finding it funny, that
to `woo' Scully he was
employing a methodical approach she'd so
long tried to make him use
when approaching a case.
It was apt after all. Their relationship had
always been the
ultimate X-File. Completely unexplainable,
and one which defied all
conventional logic. Making sense to them
alone.
***************
1 week later
Mulder was late `home', still finishing off
some marking. Though
all the staff knew they were FBI agents -
despite the very sketchy
profile, the field office had assured them
it could be no member of
the staff- they had both been treated as
teacher and pupil, and
within school time were expected to maintain
that facade.
Besides when the Principal had found out
Mulder was an Oxford
graduate with a minor in English Literature,
she had put his
abilities to full use.
Scully had long since finished for the day,
but sat disconsolately
on the couch. She had tried keeping herself
busy, first with work,
then with cleaning and even with her
homework. But the fact of the
matter was she was lonely. Or more
accurately she was lonely for
Mulder.
Scully hadn't had him in action yet, as a
teacher, but already he
was hot gossip. At least fifteen girls in
her year alone with
major crushes on him. They rhapsodized about
the passion in his
voice, when he read poetry out loud.
She was looking forward to her first class
with him for reasons she
scarcely was ready to admit to herself.
Instead of indulging herself with a long
overdue bubble bath,
Scully continued to wait in the living room,
trying to shake the
loneliness which had wrapped itself around
her. It puzzled her.
She'd been living on her own for over
fifteen years, and for the
first time she found herself wishing away
solitude she usually
craved.
After glancing at the clock and seeing the
hands exactly where
they'd previously been, Scully got extremely
annoyed.
"What the hell is wrong with you, Dana. This
is the first time all
week that you have the house to yourself.
Instead of enjoying
yourself, you're. moping around the house
wasting time. Break out
the bubble bath, or those Godiva's you just
got.. just do
something . " The impromptu mini-diatribe,
ended in an almost
wail. Scully waited for a minute seeing if
her pep-talk had done
any good . If it had, it must have been on a
subliminal level.
"It's no fun without Mulder" she thought
before she could sensor
her traitorous inner voice. "God, I am so
pathetic. Just because
he's been nice to me for one week, I've
turned into some clinging
parody of myself."
Thinking over the past week, Scully had to
admit the word `nice'
was a gross understatement of what Mulder
had been like.
He'd shown a side she had rarely seen. In
fact the only time she
could remember him being as wonderful , was
when she had literally
been on her death-bed.
Had she not been in love with him before,
she would have definitely
been by now.
It was not to say Mulder was a changed man,
far from it. Only this
was a side he rarely showed even to her.
This was Mulder when he refused to let his
demons conquer him.
This was the Mulder who stood with her at
the edge of all her
abysses, and gave her a reason not to jump.
Simply, this was Mulder at his best.
When not working on their assignment, they
spent hours lazing on
the sofa, and talking. She had learned more
about Mulder in the
last week than she had known in all their
six years.
He told her everything. He didn't try to
protect his battered heart
by shutting her out.
Hearing all his tales, she understood how
that sultan long ago had
fallen under the spell of Scheharazade
so completely.
Mulder never merely re-told a story, he re-
lived it. Bringing it to
life so strongly Scully could feel every
single emotion, as if it
was her story he was telling.
In turn she found herself telling him tales
of childhood herself
had long forgotten .
Mulder listened intently as he heard about
Dana trying to protect
a defenseless rabbit from her brother's
childish cruelty.
If she had been looking up, Scully would
have seen Mulder's face
take on a murderous expression, his hands
convulsively clenching
into fists as if they were pounding
something or someone.
So deep in thought trying to reconcile the
last week with their
usual relationship of 'don't ask, don't
tell', Mulder arrived
unnoticed.
Glad of this moment, when he could study at
will, Mulder was
amazed at the luminous softness of her
expression.
He had only seen that particular expression
a handful of times. In
fact only two occasions came to mind. When
he first saw her sitting
on the floor, watching Emily, her daughter
of less than a week,
industriously draw a potato and when had
bared his soul to her in
his hallway.
What he couldn't know was Scully's face
always took on that
expression when thinking of him in private.
"Honey I'm home" he announced. The
facetiousness of this comment
was directly contradicted with gentleness of
his smile.
Shaken out of her introspective mood, Scully
made no attempt to
hide how glad she was. The brilliance of her
smile dazzled him, and
made coherent thought extremely hard.
"You're late." She chided, still sitting.
"Yeah well I was marking papers." He
explained, throwing his coat
onto the sofa carelessly.
The conversation was so normal, so mundane,
that they both
recognized how truly bizarre the moment was.
Grins started
spreading across both their faces at the
same time, and pretty soon
they were laughing like they hadn't done in
a long time.
Wholeheartedly.
"So how come I don't see Capra on the box
and Godiva wrappers all
around you." he managed after they had got
their laughter under
control.
"It's no fun without you." It was an
unthinking remark, but for a
minute she was almost sorry she had said it.
For so long her natural instinct had been to
hide how deeply she
needed Mulder, that it was a conscious
effort to actually tell him
what she felt.
When she saw him smile, a smile that lit his
whole face, she was
glad she told him, and felt guilty about all
the times she'd held
back.
"Believe me Scully, I know what you mean."
His sincerity almost undid her, and she
turned away so he wouldn't
see the tears in her eyes.
It threw Mulder, seeing Scully overcome.
Working purely on
instinct, he walked towards her, enfolded
her in his arms murmuring
indistinct, soothing noises . For a minute
he felt her body go
stiff with resistance, but slowly she
softened, laying her head
directly over his heart.
"I'm sorry Mulder. I don't know what came
over me." Mulder strained
to hear her, as she mumbled unnecessary
apologies into his chest.
"Scully, don't you know that you never have
to apologize to me?
Besides I'm still way ahead of you in the
'loss of control'
department." He could feel her chuckle
rumble slightly against his
chest, and felt absurdly pleased at coaxing
out her laugh
"Mulder..." She looked directly into his
gaze, comfortable in his
embrace
"Yeah"
"...you have control?"
Scully felt Mulder chuckle deep in her own
chest. Though she
regained her equilibrium, he still continued
to hold her. She found
herself wishing they could stay like that
forever, and almost
smiled at her mawkishness.
Needing to snap out of her uncharacteristic
behavior, Scully slowly
eased herself out of Mulder's embrace.
"So, have you made any progress?"
Knowing Scully wasn't ready, Mulder allowed
the obvious change of
topic, but promised himself not give into
the Scully-dodge when
they finally had `the talk'.
Thinking about the case, Mulder felt his
good mood evaporate. It
was going nowhere.
Their ASAC seemed to think that Spooky
should have got some results
by now, after all that was the only reason
that he was still on the
Bureau's payroll. Mulder found himself
agreeing with him.
"I don't know Scully, I keep on feeling that
we don't have all the
pieces yet." Unconsciously he started
rubbing the exact spot where
a bullet had glanced of his forehead earlier
in the summer. "
There's something I'm missing, but I don't
know what."
"Mulder, we've only been here a week. Don't
push, when it comes it
comes." She was fast regretting the out
she'd taken to avoid
actually talking to Mulder. It always
terrified her when she had to
watch her partner throw himself to the
wolves, each and every time.
"Yeah, but in the mean time this guy has
managed to kill twice.
He's escalating, Scully. You know he is."
By his tone, Scully could tell Mulder had
started to blame himself
for the lack of progress on the case.
"Not even a full week on the case, and
already it's his fault" she
inwardly raged. " I hate Bill Mulder. it's
his fault that Mulder
will go through life ready to assume burdens
that don't belong to
him. Bastard, may he rot in Hell for what he
did and didn't do."
Scrutinizing him, Scully could see the toll
this case was already
taking on him .
His eyes were shadowed deeply, and had taken
on that haunted look
that broke her heart to see.
When he spoke of the impasse the whole team
was at , she could
almost see his shoulders slump a little
further, assuming the full
responsibility for the lack of movement.
Never mind that the other
members had had this baby for a whole lot
longer.
The sparkle present in his eyes when
recounting past pranks on
unsuspecting teachers, was missing.
He needed to forget, even for a little
while.
Deciding her course of action, Scully moved
over to the music
system and began to fiddle with the radio.
Roused by the noise, Mulder looked over,
watching in bemusement as
Scully continued to twiddle the dial.
"Scully, what are you doing?"
"I'm looking " She shot back, not even
bothering to turn around and
look at him
"Never would have guessed. What are you
looking for?" He grumbled.
"I'll know when I find it." Scully answered
distractedly, her
attention focused mainly on the radio
"Hey Scully, remember I agreed with Max
Fenig, you have nothing to
prove to me." Grumbling was fast becoming
whining.
She grinned at his last statement and the
tone he delivered it in,
but refused to be drawn by his cajoling.
Instead she focused all
her energy on twiddling that dial.
Before Mulder could pass from amusement to
irritation, she hit upon
a station that wasn't playing Alanis, or any
of the usual nineties
angst.
"Well we're back with the best of the best"
the voice boomed "
songs that you'll never forget. We've got
some great ones coming
up, but right now, here's my favorite. The
one that makes me feel
like I'm a kid all over again. Twist and
Shout by the Beatles."
"Aw Scully, you know I'm more of an Elvis
man myself." Mulder
quipped, feeling a little disappointed that
Scully had felt the
need for background noise, when he was
around
"Yeah well now you can listen to some real
music."
As the intro of the song started Mulder did
a double take as Scully
began gracefully moving in time to the
music.
"Uh, Scully, what are you doing?" His voice
was a mix of
trepidation, nervousness, and a huskiness
she hoped was not due to
impending flu.
"Dancing." Rarely did she get to play
Sherlock, and she found it
amusing seeing Mulder so off-guard
"Yeah I can see..." Whatever Mulder was
about to say was lost as
Scully put her hand over his mouth, and with
her other hand drew
him closer.
Without another word she started dancing in
earnest to the music.
Mulder found himself hypnotized by her.
Closing his eyes he
listened, really listened, to the song.
The raw sexuality of Lennon's voice and the
sensuality of Scully's
abandonment were a potent combination, and
soon Mulder lost himself
in the dance. The only thing that mattered
was the woman in front
of him, and the beat resonating right
through to his soul.
As he danced Mulder could feel the smile
returning to his face.
Looking at Scully, he saw the unfettered
happiness he felt,
mirrored on her face.
The moment stood alone. Separate from
everything else. They were
not Mulder and Scully FBI agents, but two
people reveling in the
joy of the moment
When the song ended they stood directly in
front each other,
smiling freely. Scully was glad to see the
haunted look had left
Mulder's eyes.
Mulder was trying to figure out how Scully
had managed to make him
feel better than he had all day, in less
than five minutes. Though
he knew it was unnecessary to say anything,
he felt the need to.
He never wanted her to feel unappreciated
again.
"Thanks, I needed that." Despite having
finished dancing they'd
continued to hold on to one another.
"Yeah well so did I" Scully wondered if
Mulder had noticed himself
stroking her forearm continuously, in short
rhythmic motions.
"You know I think you might have converted
me. Elvis might be
taking a back seat to the Fab Four."
"Don't say that. A Fox Mulder with taste is
not Fox Mulder. I'd
probably have to stick an ice-pick in you,
just to make sure."
She wasn't sure if she was flirting or not.
She was surprised at
how little she cared either way.
"Well I wouldn't complain, as long as I got
to do all the things
Michael Douglas got to do before he reached
his use-by date."
Mulder was afraid that he had stepped over
the line with his throw
away comment, but Scully threw him a smile
which could only be
classified as saucy and headed for her
bedroom.
"You know I really hate it when you do that"
he called after her
retreating figure.
"Well why do you think I do it?" came her
reply, without missing a
beat.
"Smart-ass" he muttered.
"I heard that" she returned, matching mood
for mood and wit for
wit, without bothering to turn around.
"Yeah well just for that I'm gonna pick on
you in class tomorrow"
he yelled back threateningly.
"Ooh I live in fear. Goodnight."
Before he could come up with a suitable
retort, he heard her door
shut firmly.
"She always manages to do that doesn't she."
Mulder complained to
the furniture "God I love her."
He heard a small choked-off gasp.
For a moment everything did stay still. He
closed his eyes -
screwed them shut- and prayed this was one
of those dreams akin
the to the one where you're walking down the
street, and everyone
is looking at you because your naked.
Mulder opened them, slowly, and his heart
froze as he saw her
reflection in the screen of the TV.
"I thought you had gone to bed" he said
without turning around
"I needed a glass of water." Her voice was
small. Something it had
never been before. It broke his heart to
hear it.
Unable to keep from looking at her anymore,
he turned around, as
slow as an arthritic eighty year old,
getting himself ready for
inevitable heartbreak.
Scully's eyes swept the ground completely
from his feet.
Her eyes, which had never been able to lie
to him, even when her
mouth had, were filled with an emotion he
could scarcely
identify..
It was only her shaky smile which refreshed
his dormant memory and
made his heart proverbially leap.
Love. Unconditional love.
It gave her eyes a sparkle of brilliance
he'd seen far too rarely,
For the longest time neither of them spoke,
as if afraid to break a
spell. Scully broke the deadlock. He
watched her face slowly lose
it's brilliance as disbelief and denial
warred with what he'd
inadvertently admitted.
God knows if he hadn't seen her eyes in that
rare unguarded moment,
he wouldn't have known how Scully felt about
him either .
"You love me?"
Her voice dripped uncertainty, and once
again cursed himself for
giving her cause to doubt him.
Mulder knew he could not afford Scully
doubting him. Not on this.
Here was the defining moment. The one he had
dreaded, and yet
looked forward to for so long.
But the fear was gone. He knew Scully loved
him, and he clung to
this as tenaciously as he clung to any of
his un-provable theories.
This was his Holy Grail. The end of a
journey he had begun at the
age of twelve. Not proof of conspiracies,
proof of aliens, not even
finding Samantha
He had been right all along. The truth was
going to set them free.
"Yes I do." It felt like he was making a
vow. Mulder realized that
in effect, he was.
"Are you in love with me?" Scully's voice
was as unsure, as
Mulder's was sure.
"Yes I am. I have been for a very long
time." Flowery declarations
were neither his nor Scully's style.
"Why?" The one word brought Mulder up short.
"Why do I love you?" he asked incredulously.
"Yes. I mean I'm all wrong for you." Scully
persisted, a little
more emphatically this time.
"How can you say that?" He had been prepared
for her to say she
didn't feel the same. He hadn't been
prepared for this though.
"Well I never agree with you. I shoot you
down. I make you doubt
..." With each addition to her list, Scully
turned a little more
emphatic, and the light which had shone so
brilliantly dimmed a
little more.
"... Scully" Mulder interrupted " you don't
do anything of those
things and you know it. You're the one
responsible for any
credibility the X-Files actually has. It's
through your acumen that
our solve rate has X-File proportions
itself. I need you just the
way you are. You make me work to prove what
I find, but you do it
only because you care." He hadn't
consciously thought of what to
say to refute her. The words were just
there. They had been there a
long time, waiting for a chance to be set
free.
Scully's eyes shimmered with barely held-
back tears. A tremulous
smile graced her face, as Mulder justified
and validated her so
passionately, to herself.
His voice cut sharply through the tumult of
her thoughts.
"Why do you think you're wrong for me
anyway?
She thought of not answering, but instead,
hiding herself in her
bedroom till he gave up. The notion of
Mulder `giving up' nearly
made her smile. That phrase, was definitely
not in his personal
lexicon.
His question, though, sparked an anger she
thought had dealt with
after the El Rico disaster.
Knowing he had been in love with her
through the whole debacle,
made his actions much more cruel, and as
Scully pondered over this,
the spark lit up like a Californian forest
fire.
"Why do I think I'm wrong for you Mulder"
she asked in a tone, a
dead ringer of the one he'd heard in the
Gunmen's office. "You'd
have to trust me for one thing, which is
something you still can't
manage, even after six years." She spat.
Anger turning her eyes
into unforgiving sapphires.
"Scully, I do trust you. I promise you,
you're the only one I
trust." It sounded weak, even to him, in
view of what he knew was
coming.
"Bullshit Mulder." There was no accusation
in her voice, just a sad
resignation. That scared him more than her
cutting anger.
"What the hell do you mean by that?"
Defensiveness made him
furious.
"I mean that I am not the only one you
trust." She explained
tiredly, as one would to an annoying
toddler.
Mulder recognized the justness of the
statement, and didn't reply.
He couldn't have, even if he had wanted to.
Shame kept him mute.
"You know, it's always been you whose found
it easier to trust
people, not me." Scully said almost
casually. "You claim I'm the
'only' one you trust, but as soon as there's
some morsel of
information relating to anything paranormal,
you ditch me." The
veneer of calm was slowly fading, but her
voice maintained it's
icy calm. "You don't trust me as your
partner. You keep things from
me that you have no right to, and only feed
me pieces of
information as you see fit. "
She stopped for a moment holding back,
unwilling even in her rage
to hurt him, finally giving Mulder the
opportunity to speak.
"Scully, I'm sorry." He wanted to wince at
her patent, instinctive,
disbelief . "That's not just a cheap line
Scully. I really am
sorry. It's just. it's just hard for me
trying to quell my urge to
protect you." He saw her move to interrupt
and quickly forestalled
her " No let me finish please Scully. I know
what you're going to
say. Believe me. I've said it often enough
in an effort to try and
stop the self-flagellation session, but
believe me Scully, it
doesn't work." He took a hitching breath
before continuing " I know
you're a qualified agent . I know this,
really I do. I know you had
the same training I did, and I'm sure you'd
probably be able to
whip my ass any day on the obstacle course.
I've seen you take down
men double your size, and I've watched you
wrestle with literal
monsters. That's part of you're job
description. You took all of
that on when you stayed on the X-Files, and
when you stayed with
me. What you didn't take on was to be a
constant hostage and chess
piece in this fucking unending cosmic farce,
we're fated to be part
of. Please tell me you know I respect you.
That you know this has
nothing to do with me doubting you as an
agent or as a person.
This simple matter of the fact is, I'm a
selfish, self-serving,
asshole Scully. Anytime I see you hurt,
wounded, bleeding,
broken.my `tenuous grip on sanity' loosens a
little more."
He couldn't remember which Bureau appointed
shrink had phrased it
like that, but Scully and he had found it
perversely amusing and
had used the phrase constantly. Neither of
them smiled this time.
" I've just seen you hurt so many times,
that I ditch you rather
than see you get hurt again." He ended
quietly. He kept his head
down, not able to look at her yet and noted
his hands shaking .
Scully's face softened at Mulder's halting
confession. It quenched
her anger, leaving only an ache. It was so
obvious every word he
said was true, and straight from the heart,
but it was horrific to
see how badly they were at cross purposes.
It was tearing them
apart.
She shivered thinking how long they would
have allowed this
impasse to continue, if she hadn't heard
Mulder confiding to the
furniture.
"But don't you see Mulder, nothing hurts me
more than you not
trusting me. That's what hurts the worst.
Not knife wounds, not bruises, only your
lack of trust." She took a
steadying breath before continuing
"Sometimes I think I wonder if
you even trust me as a friend."
Mulder knew what that meant.
Diana.
He cursed himself not for telling Scully so
many times. When they
first had been partnered together, he hadn't
seen it as necessary,
and by the time he was ready to admit Scully
was as vital to him as
Samantha, he was terrified.
Diana had left claiming it was his devotion
to the files, which
had killed their relationship.
Only now he knew it had nothing to do with
him, and everything to
do with Diana being a Consortium whore,
sicced onto him to distract
him from the work. But the seeds were sown
and the damage was done.
It had convinced him any serious romantic
relationship, would come
into direct conflict with the X-Files,
forcing him to choose.
When he had acknowledged he was in love with
Scully, he'd
ruthlessly suppressed it, partly because
even then he realized he
would have given up anything, even Samantha
if she'd asked him to.
What he hadn't realized, was Scully wouldn't
have let him. She
loved him. All of him. Without conditions.
It was her quest just as much as his, and
Mulder had recognized in
the past months Scully's determination to
regain the X-Files was
just as fierce as his. That was why she had
stuck with the
assignments that Kersh had constantly
humiliated them with.
He knew he owed her the truth.
"I know Scully. This last year alone, I've
given you enough reason
to leave a thousand times over. I've hurt
you time and time again.
Sometimes unintentionally, and I'm sorry to
admit, sometimes
intentionally." Scully didn't look
surprised. She wasn't.
Mulder wasn't the only one ashamed of
lashing out. Her tattoo was a
constant reminder of the fact. Encouraged
by her non-judgmental
silence, he continued.
"I'm sorry about everything that happened at
the Gunmen's. You have
no idea how much I wish I could go back, and
do everything so
differently. If I was only given one chance,
to go back in time and
change something, I promise you it would be
that time."
Scully shocked face effectively interrupted
him. It wasn't hard to
guess what she was thinking.
"You thought, if I had that sort of chance,
it would be about
Samantha didn't you? That I would go back,
and stop it.
Scully could only nod. Her vocal chords had
completely frozen up on
her.
"I wouldn't Scully, not anymore. Actually
not for a very long time.
Don't you know? Am I so bad at trying to
show you how I feel? It's
you Scully. You're the one who keeps me
going, even when I don't
want to. You validate me. You're the only
part of me that I am
proud of. I've lived for thirty-eight years,
and I've only felt
alive for six of them."
He couldn't hold her gaze at his final
confession. He was afraid to
see pity in her eyes, but all he would have
seen was love, if he
had.
Scully couldn't speak. Partly due to the
fact she knew Mulder
wasn't finished, and also partly due to the
fact she couldn't, from
the tears choking her throat.
So she waited for him to finish, hoping by
then to have got herself
under more control.
"I never meant for Diana to come between us,
and I'm ashamed I was
glad when I saw you were jealous. It was
just. nice to know you
were as affected, as I had always been. But
I promise you Scully,
for me, there was never a choice to be made.
It's you. It always
has been and it always will."
He refused to keep his head bowed any
longer. Doing possibly the
bravest thing he had ever done, Mulder
looked straight into her
eyes. Not imploring her, not trying to
manipulate her with winsome
looks, but letting her look in. Dropping all
the barriers he had
used since he was twelve, and letting her
see straight to his soul.
Letting her finally see her place in his
life.
Standing there, statue-like, Mulder saw
Scully and Scully saw
Mulder. Without the miasma of guilt and
private demons clouding
their vision. It had been so long.
Scully still hadn't said anything. It wasn't
really necessary, but
she owed it to Mulder and to herself.
This was the start of something new, for
both of them, and she
wanted it to start right.
" I love you, Mulder" It was simple, quiet,
perfect.
He walked slowly to her and wrapped his arms
around her, content
to stay like that forever.
"Dance with me" He whispered finally.
Unwilling to let her go, he moved them over
to the music system and
flipped it on. The station was the same, but
instead of the bouncy
little tunes of the early 60's an old folk
ballad came on.
The words drifted around them, like incense,
and it seemed to him
the song had been written expressly for
them.
John Denver's version of the song had never
entranced him, but a
woman sang this and made it a completely
different song. Her smoky
voice conveyed so much, neither of them
spoke until the song ended.
"I never believed in 'our songs' but that
one was made for us."
Somewhere he'd read, a true sign of being in
love, was all love
songs made sense. It was official then.
"Yes" Scully answered dreamily, her head
still resting against his
shoulder.
"You know, it's only him that she loves."
Mulder questioned, a
touch of anxiety still lacing his voice.
"Yes" She answered soothingly, still not
looking up.
"There's also a marriage proposal at the end
of it." He said after
a minute.
Mulder would have laughed at the way her
head shot up, if the
moment hadn't been so serious
"What are you trying to say?" She probed,
unwilling to read
anything in the statement for fear of
disappointment.
"I'm saying that I want that to be our song,
don't you?" He
questioned hopefully.
"Yes" She breathed, burrowing her face back
in the safety of his
shoulder.
"Scully, do you know what I'm asking?"
Gently prizing her head up,
Mulder looked straight into her eyes,
searching for any sign of
hesitancy.
"Yes" Her eyes held only joyous certainty.
"Are you sure Scully? " He had to give her a
last out, because
after this, he knew there was no way he
could ever let her go
"Yes" She promised kissing his palm which
was softly cupping her
cheek.
There was nothing else they needed to say.
For the longest time
Mulder just looked into her eyes, happy to
memorize her expression.
Then, slowly, they leaned into each other-
who started it was
impossible to tell- finally finishing what
started in his hallway,
a summer before.
The End
Part 2 appearing soon.
The song is Leaving On A Jet Plane, sung by
the folk group Peter,
Paul, and Mary.
---------------------------------------------
-----------------------
-----
LEAVING ON A JET PLANE
(John Denver)Cherry Lane Music, Inc. BMI
All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
I'm standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin', its early morn
The taxi's waiting, he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could cry.
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go.
I'm leavin' on a jet plane
I Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go.
There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing
Every place I go, I think of you
Every song I sing, I sing for you
When I come back, I'll wear your wedding
ring.
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go.
I'm leavin' on a jet plane
I Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go.
Now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
Then close your eyes, I'll be on my way.
Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times, I won't have to say,
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go.
I'm leavin' on a jet plane
I Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go.
(
geocities.com/hotsprings/bath) (
geocities.com/hotsprings)