Title: Apology

Author: Angel

Rating: A light PG-13 for language and adult situations.

Type: MSR, ANGST, almost fluff.</p>

Spoilers: Knowledge up to FTF, but if you are reading fanfic you most liking have seen that movie about a zillion times so…

Archive: You betcha! Get let me know where and keep my name attached.

Disclaimer: The X-files and all characters are not mine. They belong to Chris Carter, 1013 productions and the Fox Network. Much sorries no infringement intended. No money made.

Authors notes at end. ON WITH THE SHOW!

"What?! Mulder are you crazy? You are being so pig headed!" Scully’s face was bright red with anger.

"ME?! Pig headed?! Scully you are the one that won’t even listen to my idea! Open your damn eyes Scully!"

She grabs the file from my hands. Looks at the papers, then puts her hand to her mouth is mock shock. "Oh Mulder. I’m sorry I didn’t see it the first time! There it is. Printed right on the front cover. ‘UFO landing site’ How could I miss it?." She threw the file down on the office floor sending the papers fluttering away. "What the fuck is wrong with you Mulder?! Does every God damned thing in this world have to be about you sister?!"

I couldn’t help but stop. Just freeze and feel my whole body tie into one gigantic knot in the center of my body. I just stare at her trying to figure out if she actually just said that. The only woman, the only PERSON I have ever told my true feeling to just threw the whole damn thing in my face.

~~~~~

Oh my God I can’t believe I just said that. I can see his heart breaking in his eyes. Oh God I have to fix this.

"Muld-"

"You bitch." It was the calmest voice he had used in our whole hour-long fight, but he didn’t lose the anger in his face for a second. He pushed right past me stepping on the strewn papers and grabbed his coat from the rack, pulling so hard the rack clattered to the floor. I could hear the doors to the stair well open and his form stamp up the metal stairs.

"What the hell have I done?" I ask the empty basement. All he wanted was for me to come with him on yet another alien hunting Friday night excursion. I guess I could explain my outburst on PMS, I mean I did cry at a laundry detergent commercial last night. What am I thinking? I just did the unthinkable to Fox Mulder. I tore apart every once of trust I have been able to muster from him in six years. I am a complete fool and I have no idea how to fix this. I know he won’t want to talk to me. At least not yet.

I collapse into his desk chair and inhale the Mulder sent that comes from the fabric with a whoosh of air from my weight. I look at my watch. 7:30. I’ll call him in two hours, that should give him time to cool down If he doesn’t answer I’ll go over to his place.

Oh God…I need to go home before I burst into tears in the office.

~~~~~~

I’m going to be sick. I know it. I can’t believe this. I can’t believe I walked out of her. She regretted what she said, I could tell. She has PMS anyway. Working with her for six years has given me a huge insight on her ‘woman troubles’ I should have known better then to push it with her tonight. But I didn’t want to lose it in front of her. Because it isn’t all about my sister anymore. It’s all about HER All I want to do is be with her. And its not going to happen. At least not in the way I really want it to. So yes, I’ll admit I drag her out on stupid UFO searches all the time just so I can be with her.

I’ve gotta get home. I pull open my car door and throw myself inside.

"Just keep it together until you get home pal." Focus. Then I can get home in one piece…. Then I can lose it. It the confines of my pathetic apartment. Won’t that be fun?

I drive home with as much focus as possible. Putting all the anger I have directed towards myself on to the stupid drivers on the road. I am bringing a new meaning to road rage. I hope I don’t get put on the 11 o’clock news, I’m sure the whole damn city can hear my swearing.

I stomp my way up to my apartment, taking as much anger out on the stairs as possible, my feet still hurt from taking the stairs from the office. But if I got in that elevator and someone else got on I would have killed them in a second.

I pause at my door. Why the hell can’t the 2 stay straight? Every damn day I have to straighten it. Of course me just slamming the door behind me won’t help that situation.

I look around my apartment and feel even more rage build against myself then before. I have to get out of here! I need to run…that’s what I need to do. I change faster then ever before and don’t even give my body a chance to warm up. I start jogging the moment I step back out onto the street.

~~~~~

I think I am going to throw up… No I will just cry.

"Damn it." My fucking door won’t open and I’m about to burst into tears in my hallway with old Mrs. Hathaway watching me. The key finally clicks in and my shaking hand manages to turn in on the forth try. I throw my body into my lonely apartment and turn on the light. I feel a stress headache coming on full force. Not to mention the tears that are already flowing down my cheeks.

I feel like the biggest piece of shit on this planet. Mulder had every right to call me a bitch; he should have called me worse. I deserve it. I can’t believe I did that to him. What the hell is wrong with me?

I pull off my work cloths as I walk into my room. Tugging on my most comfortable jeans and a sweater I walk back into the kitchen. I am starving, but I don’t think I can stomach any food. Tea. I can handle tea. Then I will sit with my cup of tea and think about how I am the worst person on the face of the planet. For blowing up at him for no reason when I could have just said I didn’t want to go with him. Its that simple! Sure he would have whined about it but it wouldn’t hate me like he does right now.

~~~~~

I wonder if is possible to die of self-hatred…Well if I die by the end of the night I’ll know why. Does that make sense? Do people know why they died? Or one second you are crossing the street and next walking toward a bright light? Or is bada bing bada boom reincarnation. My God I think some of the weirdest things when I am running!

Damn it is cold out here! I’ve been jogging up and down the same streets because they are the only ones that will block the wind. I look at the same store windows over and over again. The thrift shop with the pink prom dress for hell in the window. The darkened bank. The numerous bars, good thing I am too pumped to sits still because I could sure do some pity drinking tonight. A couple drug stores and a pet store are still lit. Otherwise everyone else is out doing whatever normal people do on Friday nights.

I wonder what Scully is doing right now? I bet she is sitting on her couch in her nice warm apartment talking on the phone with her mother about how I am such a complete asshole. Its too bad too, her mother actually liked me. I guess I have always been better with the mothers then the daughters. But Scully is different! Scully is the only one in the world who has ever gotten that close to understanding me. She is the only one who has ever been able to call me on a move before I do it. She is the only one that would put their life in danger for me. The only one I would do as much as I do for her. I travel to the god damn arctic to save her life. How many people can say that about the person they marry? Wedding vows don’t include ‘will go to the ends of the earth to save from alien virus’ for a reason. No one has the relationship we do. It is impossible. Fairy tales never include the passion I feel for that woman. Again for a damn good reason. There is no one on this earth that even comes close to the kind of women Dana Scully is. And I just threw it all away for what? My god damned pride? The idea that I have pretend that everything I do in my life is for my sister? Damn I am an asshole!

What the hell is that old man still doing in that drug store? It has to have been an hour since the first time I saw him. Are hemorrhoid medications really that different? And that damn pet store again….

~~~~~

I hate myself. I do. I just ruined the best relationship I have ever had with a person. The best relationship I could ever imagine having. And for what? My damn pride? The damn idea that I have to always prove him wrong? Why can’t I just face the fact that maybe he IS right? Not about everything…but Jesus the man pulled me out of a UFO in the arctic and I can’t bring myself to amuse him with one more stupid search.

I don’t even have any tears left. I need an IV. I wonder if is possible to dehydrate yourself crying? I think I just have.

How the hell am I going to fix this? I doubt ‘Mulder I’m sorry for stomping out all your trust in me with one sentence’ will cut it.

I have to call him. I have to. So I waited an hour and a half, close enough. I dial his number but he doesn’t answer. His machine. Should I leave a message? No because then he will know its me calling and he won’t pick up the phone. I’ll try is cell phone, he might not have gone home yet. Damn it he isn’t answering.

OK I’ll wait another half hour then call again, if he doesn’t answer then I will go to his place and break the damn door down if I have to.

~~~~~

I slow down in front of the pet store, its about to close. My breath coming in ragged puffs of fog into the cold air. I’ve jogged by the same sleeping kitten for the last hour. He is curled up into a little ball of gray and white fluff. He looks so innocent, so happy.

What an easy life. Eat, sleep and shit. No fighting with the only person you could ever possible love. I envy you cat.

Hey…Maybe I should…no way! If I walked into Scully’s apartment with a cat she would probably kill me. ‘Please forgive me Scully I brought you a feline to sleep next to you in bed. I really want to be the one there but I know you hate my guts but I figured that big bed might as well not go to waste.’ Yeah that will go over great! But on the other hand she did like that strange rat-dog like creature. And just for the record just because I didn’t like that thing I didn’t want it to get eaten by Big Blue!

I slowly walk into the store. And look down into the glass cage at the little beast.

"Can I help you sir?" A teenage girl asks.

"Um…maybe…" I stare down at the cat some more. Is this really a good idea?

"This is a really sweet cat, sir. He is really playfully but loves to be held. He’s two months old, tabby cat. Nothing fancy. But sometimes the simplest things are the best." She is smiling sincerely at me.

"Can I pay for him now and pick him up in fifteen minutes."

"Umm…Well we are closing right now." She looks up at me and I give her a down played version of my lost puppy face, only Scully gets the real thing. "Ok sure. You look like you are in a bit of a bind."

I laugh at that. "Obvious huh?"

" Well you wouldn’t believe how many kittens we sell late at night to men who are taking a run. Wouldn’t be the first time I stayed open a little late, I need to clean up anyway"

"Tell me…. Does this kitten thing work?"

"Well if my boyfriend brought me home a kitten I would forgive him. And that’s not a sales pitch." She adds quickly.

So its settled I’m gonna try the oldest trick in the book. Buying back forgiveness.

I pay for my little friend and some apparently necessary kitten supplies and run back home faster then I ever have. I jump into the shower long enough to wash away the sweat and throw on jeans and a sweater.

~~~~~

I am an idiot. I really really am. There is no way Mulder is just going to forgive me for this! I threw away everything! I have no clue how I can fix this. It’s not like I could show up at his door with flowers, that wouldn’t even work with me!

Damn I didn’t think I had any tears left. Ok two minutes and I am calling him. Damn forget those two minutes. I grab the phone and dial his phone number…nothing. I’m about to dial his cell phone when there is a light tapping at my door.

~~~~~

Kitten in a box and a bag of kitten paraphernalia on the floor I knock very lightly on Scully’s door. My heart is pounding so fast it feels like I am picking up my senior prom date again. God help me I am be walking into the biggest mistake of my life!

~~~~~

Oh my god! That is how Mulder knocks when he is nervous, usually when he is waking me in the middle of the night for some strange case.

I fly off the couch and don’t even bother looking through the peep hole. Swinging the door open I come face to face with Mulder.

~~~~~

Oh God she is crying!

I totally forget about my gift, I’ve made Dana Scully cry! "Scully are you ok?"

~~~~~

"Oh God Mulder." I don’t even think I just throw my arms around his neck and hug him. I can’t help but cry harder. I feel so bad. He looks like he just gave himself the mental beating of the century. "I’m so sorry I said that Mulder! I didn’t mean it! I’m sorry." I choke out into his ear.

~~~~~

"Scully don’t. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said either." I tighten my arms around her waist pulling off her feet off the floor as she cries into my leather jacket.

~~~~~

I stay in his grasp for a few minutes. Inhaling his sent and loving the feel of him holding me. Why do we have out most emotional moments in hallways?

I finally open my eyes and looked down over his shoulder through my tears. What the hell?

~~~~~

"Mulder is that a cat?"

Oh Jesus help me! I slowly let her slide from my arms to her feet. Ok lets play up the innocent little boy act, she seems to like that.

~~~~~

Once on my feet again I look up at him and he shrugs shyly.

"Mulder? Why do you have a kitten?"

~~~~~

Moment of truth ladies and gentlemen!

"I was out jogging and went by this pet store about a hundred and eighty three times. Every time I saw him I kept thinking how innocent and happy he looked…. I want you to be happy."

Oh shit where the hell am I going with this?

~~~~~

Whoa….

"Mulder…. Did you buy him for me?" I practically whisper.

He smiles softly then nods.

Once again I cry…Where the HELL is that IV? Forget the IV just give me some Midol!

~~~~~

Umm…are those tears of happiness or hatred? Someone give me a hand here.

She leans down and grabs the edge of the box with one hand and my hand with the other.

"Mulder get in here!"

Hallelujah! I am not a dead man! Mental note: Send thank you note too nice pet store clerk who just saved my ass.

~~~~~

Once I have Mulder part way into the apartment I let him go and he grabs a brown paper bag from the floor and I carry my box ‘o kitten into the living room and set it on the coffee table.

Mulder sits down next to me as I pull out the fuzzy little thing.

"So you like him?" He asks softly.

"Mulder! I can’t believe you did this! This…this is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me!"

The little cat starts to climb all over my lab and up my shoulder. I can’t help but giggle at the feeling of his little whiskers on my neck.

~~~~~

Wow Scully is giggling. I don’t think I have ever heard her giggle like that, at least not for this long.

~~~~~
"Mulder…. I’m gonna cry again damn it!" I say laughing.

"Don’t do that…. So are we ok then?" He sounds like he is waiting for me to shoot him in the gut.

"Mulder of course we are! Even without the kitten that was just a stupid fight!" I’m trying to be serious but my little friend has started to try climb under my sweater and is tickling me like crazy. "I’m sorry I yelled at you. It was stupid. Just don’t be mad at me please." Oh man I’m begging him. Screw my damn pride!!!

~~~~~

What?! ME mad at HER.

"Scully I’m not mad at you! I thought you were mad at me for calling you a bitch and walking out!"

~~~~~

What?! This man is crazy.

"Mulder! I said the most horrible thing possible! I was expecting you to never want to talk to me again!"

He just stares at me for a moment or two then looks amused.

~~~~~

"You know Scully… We fight like we are married." I start to laugh as the kitten looks like he is trying to get to first base.

"I know we do. Sad isn’t it? We’ve never even kissed and we act like that." She all of a sudden she got very serious despite the smile on her face.

Lord help me I’m about to step into the jaw of death itself.

"What do you say we fix that Scully?" She looks over at me with a little smile and a nod. I lean forward just a bit and press my lips against hers. I have to fight the urge to look around the room for bees.

~~~~~

Oh my Lord! He is finally going to kiss me! My God if I see one damn bee so help me….

Oh wow his lips are soft…and warm….

~~~~~

She tastes so sweet and soft. I better stop this before I get myself into some trouble, I can feel her start to pull away and if I grab her and throw her to the floor like I want to I don’t think I will go home a whole man tonight.

This is the most innocent kiss in the world…. And it means just that to me.

~~~~~

I pull back from his lips slowly. I don’t want to but I have a cat about to climb into my bra. I smile and start to laugh trying to abstract the kitten from my cleavage. Mulder sees the problem and laughs until I pull him out.

"So what are we going to name him Mulder?" I ask lifting the little thing into the air so that I can look at his face. For the first time I get a good look at him. He is a basic cat, white and gray spotted. Solid white face with bright green eyes.

"Don’t look at me he is your cat." Mulder says raising his hands in defense.

"No way Mulder." I smile sweetly at him. "He’s OURS. WE are going to name him. Now help me think." I command gently while letting the kitten down into the little space between us. In thought Mulder reaches out and pets him back gently. The kitten immediately rolls over belly up and starts to chew on his long fingers.

~~~~~

I think my heart just leapt out my throat at that last comment.

I look down at the kitten biting me to try and compose myself.

"Jaws?" I say meeting her eyes laughing.

~~~~~

I laugh with him. "Cute but I don’t think so."

"Ralph?"

~~~~~

I make a disgusted face. "Skinner?"

~~~~~

"Frohike?"

~~~~~

"Little gray man?"

~~~~~

"Oh yeah sure Mulder." I laugh and look at the cat again, who has now settled himself against Mulder’s thigh and looks very sleepy. "Woody?"

~~~~~

"Shouldn’t name a male animal that Scully…sends a bad message about them." I try to dodge her hand as she slaps me in the arm. I just laugh it off. "UFO."

~~~~~

I can’t help but role my eyes at that last one. "Peanut?"

~~~~~

"Oh please Scully! The poor thing will have issues!"

"Mulder he’s a cat! He doesn’t know what a peanut is!" She gives me an annoyed look but it only lasts a second, her smile is too big to hold it.

"How about…." I look around the room for an idea and see Scully’s keys lying on the table. "Apollo?"

~~~~~

"Hmmm…I don’t know. I like it but it just isn’t right…."

"Ok what’s your idea? And if you say Jelly I’m taking him home with me." Mulder jokes.

"Don’t be ridiculous Mulder! He’s a boy…cant name a boy something like Jelly. But if he was a she that wouldn’t be so bad…." I trail off trying to keep my laughter is check.

"Oh god Scully! That is almost as bad as Muffin or Fluffy!"

I laugh in response because he is right. "Ok…. Butch?"

~~~~~

"He's not a Pit Bull Scully he’s a cat!" I can’t help but keep on laughing. "How about…Roswell?"

~~~~~

"Roswell?…..Ross…." I pick the kitten back up and look at him. "I like that Mulder. Roswell." I turn and smile at him.

"Well that’s it then. Roswell…" He tries the name out again and takes the kitten form my hands. I lean my head on his shoulder and we look at him together.

"Thank you again Mulder. This…. is…I don’t know, just thank you." I can’t find the words I want to use.

~~~~~

I think I am the happiest man alive right now.

"Thank you Scully." She gives me a confused look. "For letting me make you happy." I gesture towards Roswell. "That means more to me then anything else." I look back to the cat and lean my cheek against her head.

~~~~~

I wrap my arms around the one of his I am leaning on.

"You’ve made me happy Mulder. You always do…"

THE END?

What do you think? I had fun writing it. Did you get confused jumping back and forth? I thought it was kind of fun. I could easily continue this one. Even though I was just writing this little piece of fluff because my last few works have been case files and it was getting depressing. So if I get some feedback (please send feedback either way!) saying I should continue I will. Should this be…. Smut? Innocent little evening of sharing feels? Rosswell turns into alien and abducts Scully? You decide and let me know! I am at your service. By the way email me if you want links to the rest of my works! You know what…just email me for anything. I need feedback! Please please please please….