Title: Nova

Author: Angel

Feedback: Please! I love every but of it!

Classification: MSR, Colonization fic. (If I say anymore I’ve give it all away!)

Spoilers: All the way up to 7^th season finale but NOT including even though nothing much is really mentioned.

Rating: NC-17 (for some parts-very mild consensual sex- but to be safe!) Others are probably PG-13 or so for naughty words and implied naughty stuff =).

Summery: The inevitable happens. Mulder has planned ahead and now does everything in his power to keep Scully safe.

You MUST read all parts to understand! Available at Ephemeral and my home page.

Disclaimer: You know the drill. Characters are property of Fox, 1013, ect. No money is being made. No infringement is intended. A few poems and songs are used without permission, names of authors are given. Prayers which I did not write, and I don’t know who wrote are included in some areas.

Homepage: (to find missing parts and sooner or later the completed version, also posted at Ephemeral)

A HUGE thanks to Evie my beta reader! Nova would never be doing this well, or going as fast, without her help! Thank you thank you thank you thank you! Umm… one more! Thank you!

Note: Want Nova updates in the mail? Just let me know!

"Baby don’t look up, the sky is falling." Tori Amos

(41/?)

Day 236 (still continued)

Mulder reached out and grabbed Scully’s arm. "What are you talking about?"

Scully looked at him soberly. "I’m taking it out Mulder, I have to."

"No." He said firmly.

"Yes." She matched his tone when as betraying tears fell silently down her cheeks.

"Scully you take the chip out and your cancer will come back." Mulder hissed at her.

Scully’s eyes wavered, focusing on the hollow of this throat to avoid his eyes. The thought of dealing with her cancer again terrified her. But the things that could, most likely would happen if she left the chip in were too horrifying to think about.

"I’ve thought about it Mulder, while you were gone. And what you just told me… confirms the fact that I have to do this. I can’t risk what could happen."

His hands came up to frame her face, forcing her eyes on his. "Scully if you take the chip out-You. Will. Die."

Nodding in his strong grasp she swallowed thickly. "I’ll live long enough to deliver the baby."

Her soft word sent a surge of nausea through his body, causing him to double over and break his hold on her. "No." He said in a soft whisper. "This isn’t happening. You aren’t saying this."

"Mulder listen to me." Scully placed her hand on the back of his neck, causing a shiver to run through him. How could he live without her touch? It was what kept him alive during their walk to Nova.

She was his reason for being alive. Without Scully he would have had no desire to go on. He finally had her, really had her. As his wife. The thought was still almost unthinkable. It didn’t seem real. But the fact that she was with him at the moment, in their room, in their bed, with her carrying his child made him remember. He refused to be a widower already. He would die with her. "Mulder, please." She whispered.

"What?" His broken voice answered.

She was almost glad he wouldn’t raise his head from the cradle of his hands to look at her. It would hurt more then it already did. Taking out the chip seemed just as terrifying as the moment she found it in there. She was signing her own death warrant. She didn’t want to die. Not now. Not when she was finally with Mulder. With child. Her hand rubbed her belly, praying silently for the movement that she hadn’t felt in hours. "It will be ok." She breathed out, although she didn’t know what exactly would be ok. "Mulder, I will live for the rest the pregnancy. I can almost guarantee it."

"Almost." He said with a bitter laugh.

"Mulder, listen. This will work. I will take the chip out now, and I will be strong enough for at least a month to carry the baby."

With each word from her mouth a part of Mulder’s heart shut down within him.

"If things start to get bad we can induce labor with herbs and deliver the baby early. A month early will be ok. The baby will be ok." She added another silent prayer for her child with a rub of her stomach. How?

‘How could she be doing this to herself?’ She found herself wondering.

She didn’t even know. But she was. She was saying, out loud that it would ok if she would not live to see this child living inside her these past several months. To never look at the face of her baby and see whether it had Mulder’s eyes and her mouth. To never tickle the little feet that have been kicking her tender womb. To never tell her child how much she loved it, tell how much a miracle its actual life is, to never be able to teach or love the child as it grew. To never see her grandchildren. She choked on a sob at the thought. Quickly she tried to swallow her fears and regrets to convince Mulder this was right. This had to be done.

"You can’t do this, Scully." Mulder finally looked up at her. Emotion was raw on his face. His eyes wide and red with tears. Fear. That was the message he sent to her. He was afraid. So was she.

"I have to. Listen to me Mulder. Really listen to what I am saying." She paused to take a deep breath before signing her fate. "If the cancer takes the same course it did last time I will make through the rest of the pregnancy. I should even be able to nurse the baby as a newborn." Her voice broke clearly at the thought of not being able to do such an amazing, yet simple thing. She always felt, especially while in medical school, that nursing her child was her responsibility as a woman. Her God given right.

"What if you can’t?" Mulder hissed at her. "What if you die and can’t nurse the baby?" He took her face back in his hands, locking her eyes on his with a deathly serious stare. "What if you die and the baby can’t make it because you are here to nourish it?"

Sobs over took her body at the thought. "No." She said shaking her head firmly. "No, that won’t happen. The baby will be fine without me."

"God damn it!" Mulder yelled pushing himself off the bed.

The pain his body shot through him at the movement was easily ignored. The pain in his heart wasn’t. It was unbearable.

Standing at the side of the bed he pointed an accusatory finger at her. "Don’t say that just so that you can feel right about what you are doing." He paused, staring at her icily. "Do you even realize what you are doing? You are killing yourself. You are." He dropped his knees in front of her, dropping his head to her lap where she sat on the edge of the bed. "You’re killing me." He whispered through sobs, his arms coming to wrap around her body. He shook and trembled in her arms as he raised his head to kiss her stomach. "I am begging you Scully. Don’t do this. Don’t leave me." Resting his chin on her belly he looked up at her. "Don’t do this to our baby."

Violently Scully pushed him off of her. "Don’t YOU do this to me Mulder! I am doing this for you and for our child." Mulder looked up at her from his crouched position on the floor shaking his head slowly.

"You are going to die!" He screamed at her. Getting up onto his knees he moved close to her, almost face level. In a soft whisper he spoke words that torn at his heart. "You will never here the words ‘I love you Mommy.’"

Scully gasp a shocked sob as the palm of her hand slapped Mulder’s cheek, hard. "You bastard!" She slapped him again, Mulder made no move to stop her-the pain reminding him just for horribly true this moment was. Only when she balled her hand into a fist did he reached up and caught it in mid-strike. He stood, dropping her hand, and walked to the opposite side of the room and leaned his forehead against the cool stone.

Rolling onto her side, Scully curled around herself and cried until she fell asleep, hours later. Mulder never moved.

Day 237

Her eyes burned before she even opened them. Pressing the heels of her hands into the sockets she rubbed for a moment. As she rolled onto her back she opened her eyes. The room was dark, only the dim fire lighting the area close to the bed. Scully didn’t even have to look over to know that Mulder was asleep with his head on the table, she just knew. An unstoppable sob grew in her throat. But she cast it aside as she slowly sat up, her body fighting her the whole time. Standing slowly, and a little unsteadily, Scully walked silently over to Mulder’s side. A small smile spread across her face. He always looked to innocent when he slept. Bringing the back on her hand to her mouth she bit down to conceal the sobs that came out without her control. After a few deep breaths to regain herself she whispered softly to Mulder "I do love you. More then I can even say." Her hands settled on her tummy. "And I love our baby with everything I am. I know you do also." She kissed her first two fingers before running her hand through his hair. Mulder only stirred slightly, his sleep brought on by such exhaustion that he did not respond any more then that. "But I have to do this." Scully, as silently as possible, left the room.

To be continued…

Notes: Thank you for reading.