Title: Nova

Author: Angel

Feedback: Please! I love every but of it!

Classification: MSR, Colonization fic. (If I say anymore I’ve give it all away!)

Spoilers: All the way up to 7^th season finale but NOT including even though nothing much is really mentioned.

Rating: NC-17 (for some parts-very mild consensual sex- but to be safe!) Others are probably PG-13 or so for naughty words and implied naughty stuff =).

Summery: The inevitable happens. Mulder has planned ahead and now does everything in his power to keep Scully safe.

You MUST read all parts to understand! Available at Ephemeral and my home page.

Disclaimer: You know the drill. Characters are property of Fox, 1013, ect. No money is being made. No infringement is intended. A few poems and songs are used without permission, names of authors are given. Prayers which I did not write, and I don’t know who wrote are included in some areas.

Homepage: (to find missing parts and sooner or later the completed version, also posted at Ephemeral)

A HUGE thanks to Evie my beta reader! Nova would never be doing this well, or going as fast, without her help! Thank you thank you thank you thank you! Umm… one more! Thank you!

Note: Want Nova updates in the mail? Just let me know!

"Baby don’t look up, the sky is falling." Tori Amos

(42/?)

Day 237(continued)

"May
all I do today
begin with you, O Lord.
Plant dreams and hopes
within my soul,
revive my tired spirit:
be with me today.

May
all I do today
continue with your help, O Lord.
Be at my side
and walk with me:
Be my support today.

She tried calming her pounding heart with deep breaths but it hadn’t helped. Scully was panicking. She had to do this. She had to take the chip out before she hurt someone seriously. She couldn’t let that happen. The thought of harming Mulder again made her stomach twist. The concept that she could hurt her child made her almost physically ill, her mind couldn’t even fathom the pain she would go through. She wouldn’t be able to live with herself if either happened.

But what she was doing? This went against everything she was taught as a child. Everything Mulder had said to her back in their room she already knew. She knew she was killing herself by taking out the chip. She was risking the health of her child. But it seemed the only option with hope.

Ever since Scully thought she was pregnant her mind toyed with the idea that somehow she was healed. Her pregnancy was a mystery to her. Maybe something had happened to the altar the chip when the aliens had colonized. The chip obviously still worked, it had more effect over her now then ever before. But for some reason she had been able to conceive a child. Maybe somehow her cancer was healed too.

Scully laughed softly at herself. She felt so pathetic. Sitting in the Church, a scalpel in her hand ready to cut out the only thing that had been keeping her alive for years. Yet her mind was still desperately trying to convince her that she would live.

At the moment her life almost seemed like a fairytale, at least the closest thing to a fairytale that she would ever have. She was married to Mulder, something she never even allowed herself to dream of. And she was pregnant. That alone made her head spin. Every time she had thought of Emily over the past few years the wound in her heart would open. That beautiful child that she was only allowed to have in her life for such a short time had effected her more then anything else. This seemed to be her second chance. A miracle.

Scully ran her hand over her tummy. She hadn’t felt this little miracle move inside her womb in so long.

She continued to tell herself that she had just missed the movement. When she was asleep the baby must have shifted, but she was too tired to notice.

Choking on a panicked sob she sent a silent prayer for her baby.

She was terrified that something had already happened. That her uncontrollable violence had hurt her baby. The very chip that was supposably keeping her alive had killed her child. Or worse, that Mulder’s struggle to keep her safe had done it. How would he live with himself? Scully knew he couldn’t. He would let his guilt tear him apart until nothing was left. Scully wouldn’t be able to watch that happen. She would rather take the blame. The guilt of what she was doing to herself was enough to break her heart, a little more wouldn’t matter.

Part of her still couldn’t believe she was doing this. Killing herself. Might as well be suicide. She was deathly afraid that is what her God would see it as. This was something she was taught never to even think about. Life was too precious to do such a thing.

But she was saving a life by doing this. The life of her child. Wasn’t she?

Scully pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes.

Her mind was racing around itself so fast she could barely think straight.

Shaking her head to focus, Scully held the scalpel up, the metal gleaming the candle lit room. Her heart pounded in her ears at the sight.

She was putting this off. She needed to stop that, she needed to hurry. Scully knew that Mulder would wake soon when he sensed she wasn’t in the room. It wouldn’t take him very long to find her. And he would stop her. She knew that. Maybe part of her wanted him to came barging in here to save her from herself. But then a vicious cycle would start. She would just sneak off the next chance she worked up the courage to take out the chip.

Scully nodded to herself. This needed to be done, and it needed to be done tonight. Before Mulder woke and found her, before he would make someone stay with her at all times to keep her from doing this. She knew he would do all these things. To save her and to save his child.

Taking a deep breath, Scully reached a hand around to find her chip in her neck. It was barely noticeable. She doubted anyone other then herself and Mulder would even know it was there through touch. But it was there, just above the clasps of the two chains she wore around her neck. Grasping the oldest of the chains she followed it down the front of her neck, closing the small cross in her hand. "I’m sorry." She whispered to God. "I’m so sorry." Tears fell unbidden down her cheeks at the thought of her mother. How disappointed she would be. Maybe she would understand, Scully hoped, being a mother herself. She couldn’t even get the words out as she thought of Mulder. How would he go on? She knew he would, for their child. But she knew that he would rather die along side her when the time came. Part of her wished he would too. Being without him, even in the after life, seemed unbearable. "I’m doing this for you." She whispered to her silent child.

Scully wiped the tear streaks from her cheeks with her fingers before placing the small tweezers she would use to pull out the small chip on her thigh. With a deep breath she brought the scalpel up her flesh.

To be continued...

Notes: Wait… let me guess…. You want me to write faster, longer, and post more often…. Gesh people! What do you think I am doing?! LOL