Abuse Prevention Worksheet

Purpose: To stop sexually acting out, to prevent myself from offending against a girl in real life, to stop sexualizing children, and to find peace for myself.



Definition of sexually acting out: Entertaining sexual thoughts, desires, or fantasies about prepubescent girls, with or without pictures, with or without masturbating. Passing thoughts or feelings are not to be considered acting out; only if such thoughts or feelings are entertained are they to be considered acting out.



Situations in which I may be vulnerable:





Triggers:
  • Seeing pretty girls in real life.
  • Talking or reading about child sexual abuse or child sexuality.
  • Seeing pictures of pretty girls.
  • Talking or reading about “boylove” (it reminds me of pedophilia in general, and then “girllove”).



    Cycle of Offense and Exits Therefrom:
    1. Difficult situation, experience, memory.

      EXIT: Calm down. Relax. Have faith in God, and that everything will be ok. Do your best (works)—God will take up the slack (grace). Talk with someone.

    2. Strong feelings.

      EXIT: Talk with someone about how you feel. Write about your feelings.

    3. Try to avoid the feelings.

      EXIT: Feel the feelings. Express yourself—if you’re happy, smile; if you’re sad, frown and talk to someone about it! Let the feelings out (i.e. scream, punch a pillow, go for a walk or run, write about your feelings). Talk with someone about it, and ask for support (be specific, if possible).

    4. Push people away or attempt to regain power and control.

      EXIT: Talk with somebody. Spend time with them, or do something with or for them. Go with the flow—you don’t have to control everything. God is in charge and will see to it that things work out for the best. Let it go. Heck, write down reasons you’re glad you’re not in charge! 

      **Sexual thoughts or desire for sex and power.

      EXIT: Pray. Stand back (disengage), and see that God is God. Read exits from step #4. Distract yourself. Do something healthy, fun, useful, appropriate, helpful, satisfying.


    5. Choose to dwell on the deviant thoughts and/or sexual feelings.

      EXIT: Read list of reasons not to act out. Substitute activities. Get out of situation.

    6. Convince myself it is ok to offend, begin to plan the offense (groom myself).

      EXIT: Read a survivor’s story. Imagine how offending would hurt the girl and negatively affect her future. Think of how much you would hurt. Think of how much Kerstin would hurt. Read list of reasons not to act out.

    7. Convince myself that I will get away with the sexual offense, break down barriers.

      EXIT: Girls do talk! Police do patrol the Internet. People may be monitoring computer use at work. You cannot hide it from God. You cannot escape your conscience.

    8. Set the stage (select and/or groom the victim).

      EXIT:

      Get out!!

      Cut off contact with intended victim. Never be alone with her. Tell someone about my temptation and plans. Avoid physical contact with girl. Remember how much pain you will cause the girl. Remember how you will hurt yourself, and Kerstin. Tell girl’s parents you are uncomfortable being alone with her, explain your attraction to her, or make up any excuse to not spend time with her.

    9. Sexual offense (pleasure, relief from tension and emotional pain).

      EXIT:

      RUN

      (before offending)! Get out of situation. Tell someone. If you offend, feel bad about it! You did something selfish and evil! Make it an unpleasant situation.

    10. Self-hatred, fear, or guilt (pain returns).

      EXIT: Talk with someone. Do the work to change. Don’t lose all hope—you made a mistake—work to change. Address the underlying issues, such as low self-esteem, stress, hurt, high sensitivity, etc.

    11. Cover-up to self and others (denial and secrecy)

      EXIT: Admit to yourself what exactly you did, and how bad it was. Confess to God and church leader. Tell Kerstin. Turn yourself in to the police.

      **Pretend Normal

      EXIT: Remember that you have a potential for evil, but don’t dwell on it. Be watchful for triggers and situations in which you might be vulnerable. Take care of yourself. Don’t let down your guard, but also don’t stress out. You have potential for good, and it’s worth it!





    Reasons not to act out:



    Substitute activities:



    Email: DaveT678@yahoo.com