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You'll find that we really don't have a lot of rules and basically no way of enforcing any if we had them, but there are some things that you should watch out for as you read the newsgroup and participate in discussions. Although our group is gentle compared with the majority of newsgroups, failing these common-sense rules can get you an awful lot of nasty email and/or start heavy arguments in the newsgroup.

irst and foremost, everyone is welcome at ASC-C; every voice is important to the group as a whole. We have an interesting mix of people from all over the world here. Some of us have IBD while others are here to learn more about the diseases with which their friends, family members or significant others must live. We get visits from friendly health care providers answering medical questions, just checking on patients or looking for information on treatment alternatives for their patients. And I have it on the very best authority that, as new drugs and treatments are developed, various representatives of drug companies check out the group to see how their products are being reported. Even within those groups we are diverse: I have lived with a pretty severe case of Crohn's Disease for about 18 years and generally stick to modern medical practice; others may be newly diagnosed or prefer alternative medical practices or have mild cases of IBD. With such a variety of people, we are bound to have differing opinions and lifestyles -- get over it! We don't have to agree to get along; in fact, our disagreements keep the discussion fresh and can lead us to try methods we would not have otherwise considered. We're here to support each other in our attempts to deal with these horrible debilitating diseases, anything else is irrelevant.

ometimes, we get into disagreements about whether something is appropriate to discuss on the newsgroup. IBD affects every part of our lives, including our jobs and our relationships with others. Although this newsgroup is not a job search or a match-making service, we do talk about these issues. Again, you don't have to approve of or agree with others here, but you should respect their opinions and decisions and support them the best that you can.

lease remember some basic information about communication. The purpose of communication is to exchange ideas, not just words. When we speak we use body language and pitch to help this process. So if I say words that actually have a cruel meaning, but I say them with a grin on my face or with the wink of an eye or in a certain pitch, you get the idea that I am trying to be funny or facetious, that I do not actually mean the words the way they are technically defined. When we are just posting words, though, these other clues to meaning disappear, and we are only left with the words and their actual meanings. To soften such messages, people will often add an emoticon or some kind of statement to let you know what they are actually trying to communicate. An emoticon might be a smiley face such as : ), or the smiley face with a wink ; ), or the smiley face with a tongue stuck out : p, or any of the variations on this theme. Or they might add abbreviations such as lol (laughing out loud) or rotl (rolling on the floor laughing). My personal favorite is to ask everyone to turn on their sarcasm detectors. Someone pointed out that you can add any of these "softeners" and still be trying to be snide or cruel. Okay, one can also smile while being the cruelest person in the world. Here, we have to give each other the benefit of the doubt that we are not being snide or cruel to each other. If you have doubts, perhaps you should email the person privately and ask them about their remarks. Also, some people have a personality that may seem gruff or rude to others when, in fact, the person may actually be kind and caring. If you don't know someone, you should always give them the benefit of the doubt that their statements are not meant to be taken at face value. Time may teach you differently, but err on the side of caution here. In general, people who frequent this newsgroup are kind and caring -- but they love to joke and tease!

busive or Obscene Language: Some people curse a lot when they talk, especially when they are trying to be funny. Others may choose to use coarse language to describe common symptoms, such as calling diarrhea "the raging shits," as a way of making themselves and others feel more comfortable about discussing embarrassing problems. And frequently we use this group to vent our feelings of frustration and anger, and may do so with many a colorful euphemism. Somehow we need to balance out this freedom of expression with the fact that the group is freely accessible to children and others who may not appreciate such colorful language. Again, we have no hard and fast rules here and no one to enforce them if we did. But we generally don't care what language you use to describe your symptoms. We do ask that you use restraint in your posts or clearly mark the post as containing potty language. We do draw a stiff line when it comes to abusive language directed at other members of the group. Don't get me wrong, saying that you think someone is an "asshole" or an "officious prick" is a statement of opinion and is not the same thing as becoming abusive. It's all a matter of moderation, but vicious, on-going abuse of others WILL NOT BE TOLERATED! Disagree, but do so politely!

he group is non-profit -- do not ask for hand-outs. Most of us are struggling with our own financial situations. If you speaking about a product which you are selling -- even if you do not make profit from the item -- you should clearly add the words "AD" or "ADVERTISEMENT" in all capital letters to your subject heading. Please add these words if you are posting similar information on behalf of someone else.

rammar and Spelling: I shan't go so far as to say that grammar and spelling are unimportant -- my 11th grade English teacher would, no doubt, go into spasms! And to be honest, some grammatical and spelling errors really irritate me, too! But I would have to give up writing if not for spell checkers, and none of them are 100% fool-proof, so we try not to harp on grammar and spelling errors that people may make in their posts. After all, English is not everyone's first language, and everyone makes mistakes. However, you should remember that good grammar and spelling improve the chances that your ideas are communicated clearly. The first exceptions to this rule is DO NOT WRITE MESSAGES IN ALL CAPS; it is considered the written equivalent of shouting and should only be used when you mean to shout something! People will get angry! The other exception is when a typo is quite accidentally funny, in which case, you may have fun with it! Someone is going to, so it may as well be you! But, please, do so politely!

hould I read the newsgroup for a while before I start responding to messages or should I just jump right in?" Good question, a shame there isn't a good answer! Personally, I just jumped right in and began answering questions that I found, asking a few of my own and trying to provide support to the people I met here. Others prefer to wait and read a while before they start posting. If you've read these unofficial rules and the group FAQ, you will be fine whenever you decide to start posting messages.

emember, this really is a support group. We listen to each other, help find answers for each other, and provide love and support for each other. To do so, we have to assume that everyone else is here for the same purpose. We have to assume that our differences do not really matter all that much. We have to be willing to give each other the benefit of the doubt that statements which might appear rude were not intended that way. We have to be willing to care about each other.

f course, we do get the occasional troll whose only purpose on the newsgroup is to irritate people and create chaos. They will criticize any and every statement, question the way that everything is expressed -- anything to cause a fight, create ill-will and animosity, spread chaos. These poor people are the exception, not the rule. When they show up and show their true colors, most of us just add them to our kill-files so that we don't have to read their dribble. And without being able to get a reaction, they quickly go their own way and leave us in peace.

he majority of the people are very caring. For example, when I was admitted to the hospital following a visit to the emergency room. I ended up staying 2 weeks for major surgery, and was unable to contact the group during that time. Within 10 days, someone had looked up my home phone number and called to see if I was okay. During that period, I received countless email messages either inquiring if I were okay or wishing me a speedy recovery once it was announced that I was in the hospital. That's the kind of care and support that this group gives. It's a special place, and I hope you will enjoy it as much as I do!