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Dawson: I can't take it any more! Do we have to read anymore of those snowgirl stories?

Joey: We have to read all the stories.

Jen: I agree with Dawson. Can we at least take a break?

Pacey:I don't think that would do any harm. I agree let's read something else. Then maybe we will understand the story better.

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DC: A Parody == http://members.theglobe.com/mrwired/ Notes and assorted stuff: This is not serious DC fan fic. It is a long story poking fun of the show which I detest so much. Please take do not take it as a serious story, no matter how serious it seems. In addition, it's my first parody story and I look for feedback. Enjoy. -mrwired@theglobe.com

-- It was yet another beautiful day in picturesque Capeside. Birds were chirping, perched in their nests on the tall, shady trees rooted in the green grass. Dawson was in his room, preparing for another schoolday. He had just finished putting on his makeup and pouting his lips at a mirror.

Pacey: I have a feeling I'm going to like this story!

Dawson: I have a feeling I won't.

He reached through his drawers, blindly rummaging through the mess, looking for something. "Ah, I've got you now!" an elated Dawson exclaimed. He pulled out a large, gold-framed photo of his idol, Steven Spielberg. He then retreated with the picture to the edge of his bed. "How've you been Stevie, my liege? I've had a long night. I broke a nail while filming my newest picture, 'Return of the Evil of the Teddy Bear Monster, Part V' and I'm so distraught."

Pacey: Who wouldn't be!

Dawson whimpered to the picture. "Hm, what's that you say, Stevie?" Dawson inquired of the picture.He pressed his ear against the picture,

Pacey: Is he waiting for an answer?

as if expecting an answer from the inanimate object. "Oh, you want a good morning kiss? Of course, anything you wish, my icon, my master!" Dawson planted a quick one on the photo and smiled. "I have to go to school now. I'll see you later, beautiful."

Jen: So was Dawson the guy who stalked Speilberg and was going to rape and kill him? Cause it sure sounds like it to me.

Dawson then turned around and was startled to his one of his best friends, Joey at the window. "How are you doing Joey?" Dawson asked the brunnette, as he placed the picture on the floor." "Um, I have to go now..." Joey responded with a frightened look on her face.

Joey: Who wouldn't be frightened!

She quickly dived out of the window, landing with a thud onto the ground.

Dawson: It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Joey!

Meanwhile, inside, Dawson tucked his prized possession away and was on his way to school. Pacey was outside the school, sitting on the grass and watching people walk by him. He payed particular attention to girls passing by and thought of what he would like to do with them.

Jen: Pervert.

His eyes looked up and a big grin came upon his face and he laughed a hearty laugh. However, his train of though was derailed by a frantic Joey running up to him. "Pacey, Pacey, I've got to tell you something!" "Eh?" replied Pacey, the grin disappearing from his face. "Dammit, you interrupted my thinking! I was thinking about school stuff!"

Dawson: Sure you were....

"Well, I'm sorry, but this is much more important" Joey reasoned. "Whoa! What happened to your forehead, Joey?" Joey stopped and her eyes rolled upward. She felt her head and pulled out her mirror. She then let out a scream as if she was in the campy horror flick, "Disturbing Behavior". She saw a huge bump on her forehead from the fall she had taken earlier that morning. "Uh, never mind. I have to go now Pacey, I think I'll tell you about it later..." Joey sputtered. She then ran off as a rabbit followed by hounds as people stared at her.

Dawson: Rabbit? I see you more as a chipmunk, Joey.

"Damn." muttered Pacey. He always had a habit of making women run away. "Oh well, back to the show." Pacey spoke to himself, as the big-toothed grin came back to his face. Inside the school, classes were about to start. Dawson saw a face he knew and approached her. "Morning, Jen." "Hey, Dawson. How's it going?" Jen responded, twirling her blond hair. "Couldn't be better. So, what's going on?" "Nothing much. I just broke up with five guys.

Joey: Only 5?

There's just not enough of me to go around... at least not enough for more than ten guys." the blonde sighed. "Whoa. Tough break." Dawson retorted. "I know. Oh well. Five down, four to go." Jen chuckled. Dawson chuckled with her. "Hey, did you hear the news? There's a new girl in the school." Dawson's eyes widened. "Really?" he asked. "What's her name?" he sputtered. "Uh, I think it was Angela or something." "Oh. Maybe I'll see her today. By the way, did you see Joey or Pacey today?" Dawson asked. "No. Why do you ask?" "I'll tell you later." Dawson replied as the first bell rung. It was the start of another day in Capeside High.

Jen: What is this big secret?

Joey's went to her first class for the day, English. She had a bandage on her forehead covering the unsightly blemish on it. The teacher spoke: "I'd like you all to welcome the newest addition to Capeside High, Angela Darius." He proceeded to point at a red-haired girl sitting in the third row. "I hope that you will treat her like you treat your other good friends here. Now, onto today's lesson." Joey stopped listening after that and began to eye the new girl, who was quietly hunched over the desk. She didn't know the new arrival, but she disliked her anyway.

Pacey: Good to know she gave he a chance.....

After the class was over, she approached the girl. Joey struck up a converation. "Hey, uh... Angela." The girl turned her head to Joey. She was fairly pale and fair-skinned. She spoke. "Yeah?" she responded. "I'm Joey. Uh, so you're new here?" Joey sheepishly asked.

Dawson: Wow, Joey's observant.

"Yes. Uh, Joey, what's that bandage on your head for, if you don't mind me asking?" the new student inquired, smiling. "STOP INSULTING ME! YOU DUMB TRAMP!!!"

Pacey: How hospitible.

Joey yelped and then ran away. Angela shook her head and wondered what she had done. She looked over her program card and looked for her next class. "Science, room 235." she muttered to herself as she walked to her next class. Most of the students in the class had already arrived when she went through the door. They immediately looked at her in curiosity. One student looked with particularly interest to her. Pacey. He immediately moved to the seat next to the new student. The teacher explained that they were doing earthworm dissections today and asked if anyone had any questions. No hands raised. "Good then." he said. He ran out the door and a few minutes later, tire screeching could be heard as a car sped out of the school grounds.

Dawson: Just an example of the fine faculty at Capeside High.

Pacey quickly licked his fingers and ran them through his mushroom-shaped hair. He then started his approach to his goal. He turned his head to his new classmate, whose head was faced to the specimen on her tray. "Hey, BEH-BEH. You need some expert help with that?" Pacey brashly asked the newbie. Angela picked up her head and laid her eyes on her would-be suitor. "He doesn't look that bad." she thought. "Kinda creepy though." She responded: "That's an enticing offer you have there. I take that you have good experiencing in playing with worms?"

Joey: She sure shut you down!

Pacey gulped and the confident smile that he had on his face gave way to a nervous frown. He began shaking uncontrollably, struggling to smile while sweat ran down his face.

Dawson: Is he having seziures?

Angela had a look of concern on her face. "Are you okay?" she asked of Pacey. "F-F-F-innne..." replied Pacey, grinning like a little boy while still sweating and quivering all the time. A tattering sound suddenly resounded the air as liquid hit the floor.

Dawson: Uh oh. That can't be good.

Everyone looked on the ground near Pacey and saw a distinct yellow liquid on the floor as a familiar offensive smell filled the air. Distinctive cries of "Eww...." and "Gross...." interspersed with laughter. People continued to stare at the pitiable Pacey. Pacey then responded to them: "Hey, what are you all looking at? Guys? Hey, what's this stuff on the floor? It.... it... looks like apple juice. Yeah, that's what it is. Apple juice?

Joey: Apple Juice! That's a lame excuse!

Come on! You bastards!" The bell rung and students exited, making dirty jokes and laughing at "the wetter". An irate Pacey then marched out of the room. Angela was the first out of science class as she trudged through the halls to her next class: 'Motion Picture appreciation.' "Geez. This small town people must have a lot of time on their hands to hold a class dedicated to movies."

Jen: More than you know......

she thought. She stepped through the doors of the class, a projection room and was greeted by more stares. She sat down on the first seat she saw, in front of Dawson. She looked around as the class continued to stare at her. Boys stared the hardest at the new girl, including a smitten Dawson. "She's no Steven..."

Joey: Is anyone?

Jen: I'm telling you, he's the psychopath.

he thought. "But she'll do." he continued. Meanwhile, Jen also stared at the red-head, twirling her blonde hair.

Joey: Since when is Jen in film class?

She looked her over and thought: "Hm. Look how all those boys are looking her. I guess I have competition now. What's she got that I don't?" The teacher, a young fellow with a goatee explained that they were watching "Love Story" and then said that they had to write a 250 word essay on the movie later. He then ran out of the door and a few minutes later a motorcyle could be heard leaving the school grounds. Dawson, as usual, ran a scene-by-scene commentary of the movie. He whispered stupid bits of movie trivia in Angela's ear as the movie went on and somehow fit in an "Oh by the way, I'm Dawson Leary" line in his babbling. As the classic scene where the two lovers first meet came into view, Dawson's busy hands slowly made a little trip. They reached down and toward Angela's backside.

Jen: Another pervert.

Dawson's hands had a mind of their own. However, so did Jen's,

Joey: Is she going to grab her too?! Well, this is a new side of our little Jennie.

as the envious girl slapped Dawson's testosterone-powered hands. "OW!" Dawson screamed in pain under his breath. As the bell rung. Everyone left and left the projector running. Angela headed to her next class: lunch.

Dawson: She has three classes then lunch?

Angela had brought her lunch and sat down at an empty table. Soon she was surrounded by a fearsome four: Dawson, Joey, Pacey and Jen had met up and descended upon the table. "Hey. I'm sorry about before." Angela apologized to Joey. "It's okay." Joey spoke. Dawson then spoke: "Hey, Joey. What's with that thingy on your forehead?" He referred to the knot on Joey's forehead, on which there was no bandage. Joey proceeded to scream: "ARGHH!!! SHE SAID THAT NO ONE WOULD NOTICE! THAT BITCH!!!".

Dawson: Gee, Jo. I'm sensing something is wrong.

She then ran from the cafeteria, yelling through the halls. "What's wrong with her today?" asked Jen, twirling her hair. "What I want to know is what's with Pacey." Dawson retorted. Everyone at the table stared at Pacey, who wore on his legs only boxer shorts with hearts printed on them.

Jen: And they're dirty boxers, too.

"Shutup. You're all against me!" Pacey complained to his friends. "Anyway, Angela did you enjoy the movie in film class today?"

Joey: Probably, until Dawson's hands started wandering.

Dawson queried the new student. Jen meanwhile, scowled at her "competition" while twirling her hair. Before Angela could say one word, Dawson continued: "I thought that Smith's intricate use pseudo-quasi plot twist was an integral apportion of the entire motion picture also, the two leads exquisitely portrayed the title characters with an inordinate proficiency unrivaled by present-day thesbians attempting to mirror that majesty of this picture, Warren Beaty and Annette Bening who starred in "Love Story", a modern day adaptation of the picture which lacked a certain luster and elaborate epic proportions of the golden era version of the screenplay I can't fathom how such a cheap take off of one of the most classic movies to all of the modern film world could not covet the original with a modicum of ornate reverence.

Jen: Did he say that all in one breath?

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Angela snapped.

Joey: Can she say that in a fan fiction?

Pacey: I don't have a problem with it.

"I hate you." said Jen to Angela. "I hate you too." said Dawson to Jen. "I hate you all." said Angela to all three of them. "I hate the world." said Pacey.

Dawson: I hate this story.

No one looked his way. "You people are so shallow, stupid and self-centered." yelled Angela. "I'm out of this dumb school and this sucky town.

Joey: Glad she gave it a full day before deciding.

"You're all idiots!" she exploded. She stomped out the cafeteria with her uneaten lunch. The three looked at each other. "I'm sorry for saying all that Dawson." claimed Jen, twirling her hair. "Me too." agreed Dawson. "I'm sorry too." a standing Joey murmured. Her entire head was wrapped in duct tape.

Jen: That ought to cover the bump.

"I love you guys." Pacey blurted out as Dawson and Jen began kissing. Joey then pulled Dawson's head to her and Dawson began giving her lip through the tape. The four bestest friends then began singing: "I don't want to wait... for our lives to be over..."

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Dawson: That one was funny. Yet unrealiistic and stupid.

Joey: I agree.

Jen: Me too.

Pacey: I didn't like it.

Jen: That's just because they made you look like an idiot.

Joey: Don't worry, Pacey. They made everybody look like idiots.

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