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When
God Created Mothers
by Erma Bombeck
When the good Lord was creating
mothers He was into His sixth day of
"overtime" when the angel appeared and said,
"You're doing a lot of fiddling
around this one."
And the Lord said, "Have you read the specs on this
order? She has to be
completely washable, but not plastic; Have 180 moveable
parts... all
replaceable; Run on black coffee and leftovers; Have a
lap that disappears
when she stands up; A kiss that can cure anything from a
broken leg to a
disappointed love affair; And six pairs of hands."
The angel shook her head slowly and said, "Six pairs
of hands... no way."
"It's not the hands that are causing me
problems," said the Lord. "It's the
three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have."
"That's on the standard model?" asked the
angel.
The Lord nodded. "One pair that sees through closed
doors when she asks,
"What are you kids doing in there?" when she
already knows. Another here in
the back of her head that sees what she shouldn't but
what she has to know,
and of course the ones here in front that can look at a
child when he goofs
up and say, "I understand and I Love You"
without so much as uttering a
word."
"Lord", said the angel, toughing His sleeve
gently, "Come to bed.
Tomorrow..."
"I can't," said the Lord, "I'm so close to
creating something so close to
myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is
sick... can feed a
family of six on one pound of hamburger... and can get a
nine-year-old to
stand under a shower."
The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly.
"It's too soft," she
sighed.
"But tough!" said the Lord excitedly. "You
cannot imagine what this mother
can do or endure."
"Can it think?"
"Not only think, but it can reason and
compromise," said the Creator.
Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across
the cheek. "There's a
leak," she pronounced. "I told You. You were
trying to put too much into
this model."
"It's not a leak," said the Lord, "it's a
tear."
"What's it for?"
"It's for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain,
loneliness and pride."
"You are a genius," said the angel.
The Lord looked somber. "I didn't put it
there."
(Happy Mother's Day)
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Last updated: 08/08/98