On a cold winters day in 1990 I was working my usual hectic day in dialysis. A friend and co-worker was in the critical care unit dialyzing a patient who had come in the night before after drinking a little too much fluid the night before which was New Years Eve. She called me and asked me to come and relieve her so she could go "puff one" (this was before cigarettes became so politically incorrect;-)



So I went over and she left for a short break. The next day, this patient (Tommy), had been transferred to a regular room and came to our unit to be dialyzed. I took care of him and chatted with him, noticing that he had a remarkable resemblance to Huey Lewis (a favorite singer of mine). So I suppose this is to say I had an immediate attraction to him. I was in the process of getting a divorce, I hated men at that time, and nurses should not get involved with patients. End of case..........



But in this case, it was only the beginning. I came to know him, and felt an emotional connection like I had never felt in my life. He invited me to dinner, and I accepted. I was smitten. One evening after much thought, I told Tommy I did not want to get involved with a 'dialysis patient'. He made a statement then that I have remembered many times. "I am not just a patient, I am a person too"!! And he was persistent, even going so far as to miss his medicine so he would have to come back in the hospital! That was dangerous for him, but flattering to me.



I took quite a bit of heat from my co-workers and my head nurse because of this involvement, and while I had a strong commitment to my job, and the ethical issue of nurses getting involved with patients was not lost on me...but I could not deny that my feelings for Tommy were more compelling. The story of our courtship is too long and involved to go into depth, but it was wonderful, exciting, and frightening....all at the same time. We were married 6 months after we met.



I want to tell you about Tommy. He had an impoverished childhood, and was removed from his mother and put into an orphanage on one occasion, because of neglect. His father died when he was four. His mother was unable to cope and she and her common law husband became itinerant farm workers. Tommy had rickets, and a bleeding ulcer by the time he was 12 years old.



He married when he was 16. He desperately wanted some stability in his life. This marriage lasted 14 years. Renal disease and dialysis was the ultimate cause of the end of this relationship. Tommy is a person of much passion. Whether he is angry or happy, he feels it 100%. And if you are close by, you feel it too! He can be ugly when he is angry, but when he is happy, he has a glow that would rival the sun!



He is so generous that he often gives to others at his own expense, (and my chagrin). There are two things I think of when I think of Tommy. The first is intense love. Never, ever have I felt such emotion for any person (except my children). He is the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I think of at night. He is a part of me. I will love him until the day I leave this earth. There is no question in my heart about that. His illness has put a tremendous strain on us. But it has made me appreciate intensely every moment we have together. He is sometimes afraid of what the future holds, but I am even more afraid. Medical knowledge is not always a good thing.



He received a kidney transplant in 1992, but had to have a heart bypass in 1997 with so many complications which culminated in a cardiac arrest. He survived, but it takes its toll, emotionally as well as physically. Stress can be the fire that forges the steel. Tommy, with his emotional strength, has been an integretal part of being able to overcome his illness thus far.



This brings me to the second word I think of when Tommy comes to mind. That word is grace. His grace under the pressure of his illness has inspired me. He is not a complainer, and to talk to him, you would never know of his ill health. He has a ready, hearty laugh, and laughs frequently. I like that in a person. I admire his tenacity, I adore his heart and his generous spirit. But most of all, I love Tommy.... the person, the man, the husband, the child, the suvivor.



Tommy, "You are my Special Angel sent from up above. The Lord smiled down on me, and sent an angel to love."

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