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Label's Are For Cans -- Not For Kids  
This is a story of a young boy 
Who was born 8 weeks early. 
He had so much hair 
His parents named him Curly.
  
He was very cute 
Blue shirt and white socks. 
I should also mention 
He was "positive tox."
  
But born premature 
He was in a difficult position 
The pediatrician warned his parents 
Curley's got a "genetic predisposition."
  
But not to worry, said the doctor, 
It's come to my attention 
There's a new program around 
Called "early intervention."
  
His behavior was strange 
To say the very best 
So his parents did the usual. 
They took him for some tests.
  
The doctors were dismayed 
That his milestones were delayed, 
EEG, blood tests, x-rays, 
The first of many diagnosis were made.
  
The entire staff got together 
And said I'll bet you a quarter 
This little child has a "seizure disorder."
  
Relieved with a clear answer 
The diagnosticians walked tall. 
The parents left the hospital 
With a bucket of phenobarbital.
  
Two pills a day 
Both morning and night. 
But when Curley went to school 
Nothing seemed right.
  
Eye contact was poor. 
Attention span short. 
Now it was the teachers who held their own court.
  
This child is different, 
His language has not started. 
Perhaps this child is "mentally retarded."
  
But mental retardation 
He didn't seem to the eye. 
possibly not global 
Just minimally "B.I."
  
Seizure disorder, retardation, brain injury 
Not exactly topics for a luncheon. 
Maybe make this label more palatable 
And call it a "perceptual dysfunction"
  
The parents were scared 
The child lost too. 
Now they really had 
Some testing to do.
  
But who would they see 
Pediatrician, teacher, neurologist? 
No- they chose the local speech pathologist.
  
More testing, more games 
An attempt to be realistic. 
The speech pathologist said 
He's not brain injured-he's "autistic!"
  
But he did well in therapy 
Too well for his label 
So more diagnosis were put on the table.
  
Should the child leave home 
To keep the family in order? 
No-specialists said-it's not autism, 
It's a "pervasive developmental disorder."
  
Many therapists continued 
And his affect progressed. 
Maybe the wrong label 
Had once again been addressed.
  
The mom was upset. 
The therapist tried to support her, 
And as Curly improved, they thought 
It's a "phonological disorder."
  
A phonological disorder 
Well, that can relax ya. 
Years ago, wasn't it called 
"Developmental Apraxia?" 
 
But as he did better in school 
Despite his previous label. 
It became clear to all 
He was simply "learning disabled!"
  
Well, that's pretty vague 
A need to be more specific 
Dysgraphia, dyslexia, dyscalculia 
All seemed less horrific.
  
While academics improved 
His behavior seemed worse 
It was more than LD 
A new unknown curse. 
 
We moved to the 80's 
And LD seemed rather old 
We must find a new label 
Before the clues get cold!
  
More testing, more opinions 
A neuropsychological to put it in order 
This is the 90's 
He's got "attention deficit disorder."
  
But it was more than academics. 
His behavior was too bad. 
Continued medication 
Only made him feel sad. 
 
The specialists got together 
At conferences like these. 
An attempt to label further. 
The audience seemed pleased.
  
Research and data 
The basis of our creativity 
The labels had been all wrong 
It's "ADD with hyperactivity!" 
 
My question is tongue and cheek 
How important is the label? 
Shouldn't we just describe the symptoms 
And put each one on the table?
  
Well, Curly's doing well 
He's a therapist today. 
He avoids using labels 
In every possible way. 
 
He provides for his patients 
A daily dose of reality. 
The only problem is- he's a analyst 
With a "borderline personality."
  
         By Arnold Shapiro
 
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