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What You Say is What You Get by Sheri Olson Zampelli Your self-talk determines your behavior and if your self-talk is negative and self-defeating, your behavior will also be self-defeating. We all like to be comfortable and part of being comfortable is being "right." If we have a belief such as, "I'm no good, I'll never amount to anything." We will have a tendency to a)focus on all of the reasons this is true (rehearse past failures, remember all mistakes,etc.) b) act in ways that reinforce this belief so we can say, "See, I told you!" Conversely, if we begin to focus on our strenths and begin to tell ourselves something like: "I am a worthwhile person, I have much to share with this world" we will begin to think and act in a different way. But don't just take my word for it, give it a try. First, identify some of the negative thoughts that you repeat to yourself about failure and success. (The Awareness is the First Step Towards Change article will give you some clues). Second, take those thoughts and turn them around to the positive. For example, "I am worthless" becomes "I am worthwhile." "I am afraid" becomes "I am confident" and so on. Before you get too excited, remember this: Repetition is the key to success. Positive self-talk is not a quick cure for all that ails you, it is a method of reprogramming your thoughts and thereby changing your life. If you have spent 30, 40 or 50 years of your life saying things like, "I don't deserve good things, He will never like me, I'm too plain, or How could I be so stupid?" a few affirmations about being likeable won't transform your life. When it comes to self-talk, you are thinking all day and all night long. If you don't put in new information you are probably rehearsing the same negative self-talk over and over again. We think thousands of thoughts each day. A few affirmations in the morning aren't going to wipe out a couple of decades of low self-worth. I say this not to depress you but to give you permission to lighten up and get back to business. If you have been feeling like "what's the use" or "I'll never change" remember what you are dealing with and realize it is not impossible to change. The reason you believe your current self-talk is because you've heard it over and over for many years. It is not the truth, you just think it is because you are so familiar with it. Familiarity breeds comfort. In some ways it feels easier to stick with the negativity because you are used to it. Points to Consider When you try to change your self-talk you will likely encounter resistance but it won't last. Keep the following points in mind as you work with affirmations:
For more articles about overcoming self-sabotage
For articles including interviews with Sheri Olson Zampelli |
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