"Spiritual abuse is the misuse of a position of power, leadership, or influence to further the selfish interests of someone other than the individual who needs help. Sometimes abuse arises out of a doctrinal position. At other times it occurs because of legitimate personal needs of a leader that are being met by illegitimate means. Spiritually abusive religious systems are sometimes described as legalistic, mind controlling, religiously addictive, and authoritarian."   Spiritual Abuse by David Henke

I am NO authority to speak professionally about this.  This page will tell a little of my experience and of some other (unnamed) folks and point you to some great links of people who can help you much better than I... because it has been them who helped me!!  Falling on my knees has helped also.

Some people would say "You don't look abused."  OR the abusers whether unknowingly or knowingly might say, "I didn't abuse you, it was YOU all long."  What ever!! Abuse is relevant, it's the person's perception.  If I feel abused, then guess what?  I was.  If I feel like I've been abused me, then that is what my perception is.  Whether anyone knowingly did it or not.  That is why there has got to be communication from the pulpit to the sheep.   Here's a quote from Steve, "Abuse is in the eye of the beholder surely. If you feel you have been abused, then you have been abused. The fact of whether anyone actually did anything is irrelevant because if you "feel" abused, then something attacked you within the depths of your heart and caused trauma, thus abuse."

I thought "I" knew the Lord, I wouldn't ever let myself get into that position.  But guess what, satan is subtle and so is abuse.  If someone just started pounding on you... would you stand there and take it??  I don't think so!!  But if they start with the  manipulation thing, making you question your own salvation and walk with the Lord slowly, then that is abuse.  But guess what??  They will say, "I didn't question your salvation or your walk with the Lord.   If that's what you got out of it, then maybe that was the Lord trying to tell you something."   I've always heard that if you talk about someone, they will know it... because of your attitude toward them.  Boy, is that the truth!  I'd go to church and instead of people coming up hugging me (that hugged me anyway), they'd just nod at me from their seats.  Big clue!!

I'm going to weave a little of my story in here and some of other peoples stories, but the amazing thing is... they all sound alike!  If you knew me or know me and read stuff you think might have transpired somewhere in my life, you could be wrong, it very well could be someone else's story!!  I will use only use people's first names to protect the innocent!!  Ad the point is NOT to lambaste and blame the offending church, they point is to get out of the rut you are in from the abuse.  From reading this, you might find that you are not alone, there are others struggling with the same things you are.  Let pray for one another and the ones who unknowingly threw us together!!

Here's my story, I came to this church on the rebound from another church.   From the first Sunday I felt loved beyond belief.  I felt totally accepted.  But as the summer wore on, something wasn't right, I couldn't put my finger on it, but it wasn't right.  I told my husband,   "There are unwritten rules here that no one is telling me about and I feel like I'm breaking them left and right."  Of course, he thought I was crazy.  And besides, I had ALL these women telling how much they loved me, like from the second week.  I wouldn't tell anyone I loved them for a long time, because I didn't know them and they didn't know me either but I was their best friend and they sure loved me like a sister!!  [That should've been my first clue]

"I feel like they are tearing down my foundation and wanting to build me up they way 'they' think I should be."

At the church I used to attend, I told someone that I thought the pastor should take a secret questionnaire from the sheep about what "they" thought and felt  about the leadership and she just laughed hysterically and said, "Oh he would never do that!!"  My question is why wouldn't a leader want to know how the sheep about how they were being led?

Chip Brogden said so aptly, "The whole problem with the fringe apostolic / prophetic movement is the covering / authority / submission thing.  It's gone crazy.  I have warned people time and again: BEWARE of anyone who tries to gain access into your life in order to mentor you if they want to TAKE more than they GIVE."

Amen and hallelujah to that!!   

One place I was at, the pastor had absolutely no time for anyone.  And he told others that was one of the reasons we were leaving.  I knew what he was telling others, so I tried to word it nicely to him, I said, "You know, don't let anyone try to tell you that were leaving because we didn't get to spend any time with you.  It's not true.  Really, ----, have Jeff and I invited you and ----- anywhere?  No we haven't, so that argument won't hold water."  Instead of saying, "I haven't heard that," he tried to put the blame on my husband.  It's never ending with people who want to play "the-blame-game."

Here are some links:

Twisted Scriptures Book Excerpts by Mary Alice Chrnalogar

Abusive Churches

The Tools and Mechanics of Discernment

Spiritual Abuse by David Henke

Spiritual Abuse Links LOTS of information